Is anyone bi-polar?

[SunnyFreckles]

I am.

And reading all these posts about people who know people with this and how hard it is to maintain relationships makes me wonder if that is me??? (Like...am I hard to have a relationship with???)

Oh wow. Wake up call.

I did the medicine thing and that turned me MORE psycho than I already was. I don't like feeling like a zombie.

On the flipside, I know when I am having my super highs and lows. So now that I can identify that I try real hard to make sure I don't spin out of control. Now I don't think that is probably what people see of me.

[TheWinglessBird]

Little Tiger, you are lovely for wanted to understand your friends condition. I wish I really had people around me like you.

[boxermom]

Originally Posted by Jill

I have someone close to me ......who is bipolar but never stays on meds..so its VERY difficult to tolerate her SWINGS when she wont control them.Its a VERY diificult thing to have,Ive seen some VERY scary behavior from her but I still back her up when she falls,..again and again.u need alot of patience when they r having issues.

This is a major issue in treating bi-polar patients. Often, when they start feeling better, their disease tells them they are well and don't need to take the meds. Of the several people I've known with this condition, only one has managed to find her balance with meds and the other issues in her life. As long as she takes her meds as required and doesn't drink she is supremely functional and wonderful to be around (and it's been many years, so it can be done).

In the end, be informed, patient, love them, but you don't have to accept bad behavior.

[uyen114317]

Everyone has really good advice.

I was diagonosed with Bi-Polar II & ADD two years ago. I struggled with it for years before I was properly diagnosed. My family still doesn't understand till this day how the illness has affected me. I have led a fairly healthy life in the outside but inside I was dying with all of the turmoil going on. I still have not yet to find the right combination of drugs.

Please be patient with her, I am sure like others say she does not mean it. I wish my sister would be as understanding as everyone on the forum. My sister thinks and many people I have met as well, who don't really know about the disease assume it is easily treatable. It isn't, it is one of the hardest illnesses to diagnose.


It's one of the worst illnesses anyone can suffer from and I would not wish it upon anyone. Because of my illnesses and manic phases I have pushed my SO away, so far this time he is never coming back.

[Little Tiger]

Originally Posted by TheWinglessBird

Little Tiger, you are lovely for wanted to understand your friends condition. I wish I really had people around me like you.

Awww, I would give you a huuuge hug if I saw you! :-) I'm sure if you talk to the people around you and explain how you feel, and give something back by being interested in their lives, you will be able to maintain your friendships and make new ones.

My bipolar friend is one of the most charismatic friends I have, she's bubbly, intelligent, rational, beautiful, friendly, really caring and then....just disappears without warning sometimes! xxx

[lmkhlh2006]

Originally Posted by TheWinglessBird

Little Tiger, you are lovely for wanted to understand your friends condition. I wish I really had people around me like you.

If it helps, you always have your TPF family to support you!

[lmkhlh2006]

Originally Posted by SunnyFreckles

I am. And reading all these posts about people who know people with this and how hard it is to maintain relationships makes me wonder if that is me??? (Like...am I hard to have a relationship with???) Oh wow. Wake up call. I did the medicine thing and that turned me MORE psycho than I already was. I don't like feeling like a zombie. On the flipside, I know when I am having my super highs and lows. So now that I can identify that I try real hard to make sure I don't spin out of control. Now I don't think that is probably what people see of me.

I really hope that I didn't say anything to make you feel bad about yourself, if I did I am very sorry as it wasn't my intention. I was just trying to let the OP know my personal experience with this.

[materialgurl]

I work in psychiatry so I see a lot of bipolars. The main thing is to make sure she keeps taking her meds so she doesn't decompensate and end up in the hospital.

[SunnyFreckles]

Originally Posted by lmkhlh2006

I really hope that I didn't say anything to make you feel bad about yourself, if I did I am very sorry as it wasn't my intention. I was just trying to let the OP know my personal experience with this.

Oh not at all dear, it is just different being the one that has the issue rather than the people who are dealing with others that have the issue! (Does that make any sense?!)

I immediately thought after reading everyones posts what DH really thinks of me.

I am too chicken to ask!

[Rhose]

^ I don't think you can lump all bi-polar people in together. Sorry if my post seemed to do that, I didn't mean to. Everyone's different. I was just trying to impress the importance of being there yet recognising that there are different levels of difficult behaviour. Some of these things are relatively minor things and should be let go. Kind of picking your battles. To me, dealing with mildly erratic behaviour like not showing up for a meet is so minor when you love the person that you just let it go.

The first part of my original post addressed the behaviour that the OP is dealing with, and the second part alluded to more extreme behaviours that hopefully aren't presently an issue for her friend.

[TheWinglessBird]

Thank you, lmkhlh2006

I myself do not suffer from bipolar, but other issues... definetly depression. I juggle anorexia & depression & am one of those people who disappears! lol although I'm sure my reasons are very different...

I'm only 19, but I'm frail. I have my highs & lows, but I just don't have the energy to keep up with my friends all the time.

I think apart of me likes being alone too. It seems that everybody else is leading "normal" lives except me & I feel like I'm just not (good) enough. I constantly feel like people expect more from me & so I have higher expectations to live up to. For me, to live a healthy life & have the strength to go out there & enjoy it is an accomplishment to me.

Perhaps in some way, this is how she feels?

People seem to really like me. People are forever complimenting me & I have a sense of humor... but I find it so hard to believe that I'm enough. I find it hard to believe that I'm accepted because I don't feel like I really do deserve it...

I'm not very articulate, but it's a theory?

[sunseasaltylife]

Originally Posted by lmkhlh2006

I think that one of the problems is that people so often throw the word depressed around that we become desensitized to it and forget that the ones who are diagnosed truly can't help what is going on in their head.

I think this is very true. I'm dealing with major depression, and my close friends know what is going on, but to other people I'm sure I can appear difficult. And I'm in the position of having to say something like 'oh, I'm just a bit tired today' or 'I'm just down right now', when what's really going on is it took everything I had to get myself out of bed, adequately dressed, and somewhere.

One of the most difficult things for me is learning not to overcommit to social things right now; it's sad to realize I can't handle what should be happy, relaxing get togethers, but even those are overwhelming when all your energy is being drained away. I have one really good friend who has been so patient, and doesn't take my cancellations personally; she just texts or emails me when there's a chance we could do something, and if I'm up for it I do. It's harder for me to reach out and try to plan with people because that's even more of an effort than just getting myself together for something. SO I really appreciate her effort and understanding.

Hope I'm not rambling here! I just wanted to offer some perspective on people who 'disappear' or cancel last minute. I don't have experience with bi-polar, but to extrapolate from my depression, mental disorders are so draining; physically, mentally; and it is very difficult to express how this feels to someone who thinks being depressed is a state of mind that you can fix by curling up with some ice cream and a good movie.

[lmkhlh2006]

Originally Posted by TheWinglessBird

Thank you, lmkhlh2006 I myself do not suffer from bipolar, but other issues... definetly depression. I juggle anorexia & depression & am one of those people who disappears! lol although I'm sure my reasons are very different... I'm only 19, but I'm frail. I have my highs & lows, but I just don't have the energy to keep up with my friends all the time. I think apart of me likes being alone too. It seems that everybody else is leading "normal" lives except me & I feel like I'm just not (good) enough. I constantly feel like people expect more from me & so I have higher expectations to live up to. For me, to live a healthy life & have the strength to go out there & enjoy it is an accomplishment to me. Perhaps in some way, this is how she feels? People seem to really like me. People are forever complimenting me & I have a sense of humor... but I find it so hard to believe that I'm enough. I find it hard to believe that I'm accepted because I don't feel like I really do deserve it... I'm not very articulate, but it's a theory?

Oh gosh, my friend used to always talk about wanting to be "normal" and he always felt that he wasn't deserving of the things he had in life. I'm so sorry that you are having to go through this and I hope that you know that you are good enough for everything and everyone that you have in your life.

[helpchow]

I was diagnosed with Bipolar II about 8 years ago and I commend the OP for trying to understand her friend. She is truly lucky to have you as a friend and I think it is really sweet that you are trying to figure out how you can best help her. From my experience, the best thing you can do is to just be patient and let your friend know that you are there if she needs you and that you understand that it may be difficult for her to make certain social commitments. Also, if it gets too much for you, just let her know that you need a breather.

I know it is really hard to be a friend to someone who may disappear at times or is unable to keep her social commitments, but I can tell you from my experience with the disease, that it has nothing to do with her caring for you. I've lost a lot of friends, familial relationships and significant others over the years because they couldn't understand my problems or just thought I didn't care about the relationship. And in all honesty, I don't blame any of them for giving up on our relationship as it takes a lot of patience. Heck, if I didn't suffer from it, I wouldn't want to deal with it myself.

I've battled with depression all my life, have been on many different medications, have seen several psychiatrists and psychologists and have been in and out of hospitals through out my life. It's really difficult - some days I'm fine and can go to work and function, while others are just so difficult, that I end up staying in bed for days wishing I were dead. There were some periods in which I didn't leave my house for months on end. It's strange for others to see this - my friends sometimes don't understand how I went through college, law school and worked in a competitive legal environment with the illness yet can't get out of bed to meet them for lunch. Some just don't understand why I can't just snap out of it since there's nothing objectively wrong with my life. In some ways, I know I am lucky to be where I am or to have accomplished the things that I have, but the knowledge never makes the pain go away. I hope this helps. Maybe it's just late at night and I'm rambling but I truly do appreciate the few people who have stayed by me through the years and I am sure your friend appreciates you as well.

[Little Tiger]

Wow, this is so relevant!
I was supposed to meet my friend yesterday and she cancelled, so we rescheduled for today and she cancelled again - I was feeling ever so slightly cranky (I really look forward to seeing my friends! I didn't complain to her but tried to send supportive messages even though I felt a bit miserable about it) but thanks helpchow for cheering me up a bit and making me see it from her point of view. Understanding is key.

It sounds like you're a really high achiever (like my friend), I hope things go well for you :-)