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BacardiGirl · Oct 16th, 2009, 04:00 PM

I have been dating my BF for 5 years now and living with him for 3. He has one real sister whose my age in her early 30's (and lives in CA with her husband, 2 year old and one on the way), and two half-siblings who are in their early 20's. This means he also has 2 sets of parents, mom + stepdad who lives near us and dad + stepmom who are out of state.

Ok, so I get along ok with the whole family, but as the years go by, I find that more and more things about his fam are REALLY starting to annoy me.
For one, his younger siblings are adults, but have been living off his mom/Stepdad their whole life! His brother, 'Jake,' just now moved out of state with a buddy and is jobless. He also has no college education and has never held a real job and is 22. His younger sister, 'Allison,' is almost 24 and a college graduate and just started her first job that she is already contemplating quitting because she'd rather travel the world. His sister, 'Liz,' who is my age, is a college dropout, a semi-hippie, and basically convinved her mom/stepdad to move to CA to be 'closer to her and the kids.' (They sold their house and are moving to CA next month) All their lives, my BFs mom/stepdad have given Jake, Allison and Lizzie EVERYTHING they ask for...money, cars...they bought Lizzie's house for her (200k in cash!) when she and her husband couldnt qualify for a loan last year. They have helped my BF out in the past, but not as much as the other kids.
And now, get this, they are trying to convince my BF to move to CA as well (he says he won't..but who knows what will happen.) This is sooo selfish of his parents...what about me? What about the fact that I am an only child of aging parents? I can't pick up and leave them just because HIS parents are selfishly wanting all of their kids to stay within their radar.
So, tonight, since Lizzie is on town, I asked my BF if we could get pizzas and bring them to his parents' house (to be nice), and he said that 'Papa Murphys brand pizza was probably BELOW THEM.'
WTF?!! Its Pizza!!
Sorry, I just had to vent...the in-laws are driving me nuts!!!!

dallas · Oct 16th, 2009, 05:54 PM

I know you're venting and didn't ask for advice but: Why on earth are you concerning yourself with what his parents do and don't do for their children? If you focus on this it will come between you and your bf, you will make yourself crazy, and all over something that you cannot change ... and really, is none of your business.
Let it go hon, life's too short to worry about stuff like this.

boxermom · Oct 16th, 2009, 09:40 PM

Originally Posted by dallas

I know you're venting and didn't ask for advice but: Why on earth are you concerning yourself with what his parents do and don't do for their children? If you focus on this it will come between you and your bf, you will make yourself crazy, and all over something that you cannot change ... and really, is none of your business.
Let it go hon, life's too short to worry about stuff like this.

I couldn't have said it better. They can do whatever they want, whether you or anyone else think it's wise or not. Getting upset about it takes too much energy.

Best wishes.

MichaelJr1186 · Oct 16th, 2009, 09:48 PM

why are you not married yet!?!?! i'm sorry but after dating someone for five years and living with them for 3 and you're not ready is just plain ridiculous . anyways if your husband does move with his parents, would you move with them ? the world doesn't evolve around you, make a decision (you're 32 now, so time is running out). either find a new bf or just deal with the one you have right now.

SPOILEDkiwi · Oct 16th, 2009, 10:21 PM

Originally Posted by MichaelJr1186

why are you not married yet!?!?! i'm sorry but after dating someone for five years and living with them for 3 and you're not ready is just plain ridiculous . anyways if your husband does move with his parents, would you move with them ? the world doesn't evolve around you, make a decision (you're 32 now, so time is running out). either find a new bf or just deal with the one you have right now.

Gee, someone's in a judgmental mood. The OP never asked for anyone's opinion on her marital status.

Roo · Oct 16th, 2009, 10:30 PM

Originally Posted by MichaelJr1186

why are you not married yet!?!?! i'm sorry but after dating someone for five years and living with them for 3 and you're not ready is just plain ridiculous . anyways if your husband does move with his parents, would you move with them ? the world doesn't evolve around you, make a decision (you're 32 now, so time is running out). either find a new bf or just deal with the one you have right now.

I am not sure what your point is, but it might be a good idea to think about the tone of your posts before hitting enter.

karmenzsofia · Oct 16th, 2009, 11:44 PM

Originally Posted by dallas

I know you're venting and didn't ask for advice but: Why on earth are you concerning yourself with what his parents do and don't do for their children? If you focus on this it will come between you and your bf, you will make yourself crazy, and all over something that you cannot change ... and really, is none of your business.
Let it go hon, life's too short to worry about stuff like this.

turboflgrl · Oct 17th, 2009, 12:43 AM

Originally Posted by MichaelJr1186

why are you not married yet!?!?! i'm sorry but after dating someone for five years and living with them for 3 and you're not ready is just plain ridiculous . anyways if your husband does move with his parents, would you move with them ? the world doesn't evolve around you, make a decision (you're 32 now, so time is running out). either find a new bf or just deal with the one you have right now.

Because she/he isn't rushing into things like most of America that ends up getting divorced within 5 years. Sheesh. Get a life!

To the OP, I definitely think you should just let it go. It truly doesn't concern you and I honestly don't understand why you're getting worked up over it. Every parent has their own "style" of parenting and unless it's hurting the children (or adults in this case), who are we to judge? KWIM?

twinkle.tink · Oct 17th, 2009, 01:25 AM

Originally Posted by dallas

I know you're venting and didn't ask for advice but: Why on earth are you concerning yourself with what his parents do and don't do for their children? If you focus on this it will come between you and your bf, you will make yourself crazy, and all over something that you cannot change ... and really, is none of your business.
Let it go hon, life's too short to worry about stuff like this.

Well said, this is something you have no control...nor obviously have in say in.

You can choose to be miserable, grumpy and judgmental about it...or you can shake your head, move on and choose to be happy with yourself.

LOREBUNDE · Oct 17th, 2009, 07:57 AM

I know you are just venting and that's what we are here for...anyways, I tend to agree with the others in that I wouldn't let it get to you. All families are different. Sounds like they have the money to give and that's how they are with their kids. As long as you and your bf are on the same page I would just try to let it go.

vuittonamour · Oct 17th, 2009, 05:54 PM

ok, this is just my opinion, but honestly i don't think you should care too much about what his parents do and don't do for their other children...so i kinda agree with the other posters here. and his siblings have the ability to choose what they wanna do with their lives as well. i agree that it's a little selfish for them to try and convince your BF to move to CA to be closer to them without any regard for you and your plans together, but honestly it sounds like something my BF's family might do. so i am used to them having no regard for me, and i just have to hope my boyfriend has a good head on his shoulders and won't let them influence what HE wants rather than trying to make him think that he wants what they want.

his family may think of me and my family the way that you think of your BF's. they may think we are snobs, when we haven't ever tried to do anything but be extremely hospitible to them the ONE time they came to visit for my graduation party last year. but guess what, the moment they stepped foot in my home, i was judged, just because i have grown up with nice things. it's not fair, but that's life. i'm 24, had problems finding steady work because of the economy, and still live at home mainly because of that. my brother is 28. because of learning disabilities, anxiety problems and a bunch of other problems, he's living home and probably always will. i pay for my expenses now, car, gas, cell phone, insurance, etc...but they don't make me pay rent. they may view me in a negative light simply because i live at home, i don't know. i've heard some not so nice things that have been said and reported back to me. but don't be so concerned with what his parents do and don't do for their children, unless it directly affects you like trying to get your BF to move away from you. that's the only thing you should have an issue with. i've been judged all my life because of how generous and helpful my parents have been to me, and it's not fair. i don't expect them to do these things so i am not spoiled, but i hate when people automatically don't like me just because of the things i have.

and the pizza thing...that's dumb, but after a comment like that say, "okay then...then what brand of pizza IS up to their standards?"

gina2328 · Oct 17th, 2009, 07:51 PM

If you find them so selfish and annoying, I don't understand why you are paying for Lizzie's pizza? Aren't you treating her the same way her parents treat her?

Isn't she spoiled enough with her parents paying for her $ 200k house? LOL.

If his family is trying to persuade him to move to CA, which is annoying, and he is considering it. You have to hope he will ask you to move along with him. If he doesn't, then you would really have something to be upset about.

kate83675 · Oct 18th, 2009, 04:04 PM

I think she implied she couldn't/wouldn't be able to move because of her own parents who presumably live near her and she needs to be available to care for them.

The pizza comment from the bf could have been not what he really meant but maybe it was and they are snobs. It doesn't sound like they're doing their kids any favors but that's to the detriment of the children who aren't learning to take care of themselves.

ZippyWho · Oct 18th, 2009, 04:38 PM

I think we are all snobs somewhat. There will always be something that we eat/like and not eat certain things or not use certain thing because we like certain brand better.

I agree with others. This is their parenting style.

bagnshoofetish · Oct 19th, 2009, 12:09 PM

Originally Posted by dallas

I know you're venting and didn't ask for advice but: Why on earth are you concerning yourself with what his parents do and don't do for their children? If you focus on this it will come between you and your bf, you will make yourself crazy, and all over something that you cannot change ... and really, is none of your business.
Let it go hon, life's too short to worry about stuff like this.

ditto ditto ditto.
chances are, they feel your bf is able to take care of himself. the other kids may be floundering in their eyes and as parents, it is their choice to help them out. as for the pizza, I would have brought some humor into the situation to break the tension and tell your bf "well, until Tiffany's starts delivering pizza, they'll eat what we order!"

Oct 16th, 2009, 04:00 PM	#1
BacardiGirl OP Someone stop me... Joined: Aug 2007 Location: A beautiful 'burb of Minneapolis Posts: 1,557	In-Laws are SNOBS!!! I have been dating my BF for 5 years now and living with him for 3. He has one real sister whose my age in her early 30's (and lives in CA with her husband, 2 year old and one on the way), and two half-siblings who are in their early 20's. This means he also has 2 sets of parents, mom + stepdad who lives near us and dad + stepmom who are out of state. Ok, so I get along ok with the whole family, but as the years go by, I find that more and more things about his fam are REALLY starting to annoy me. For one, his younger siblings are adults, but have been living off his mom/Stepdad their whole life! His brother, 'Jake,' just now moved out of state with a buddy and is jobless. He also has no college education and has never held a real job and is 22. His younger sister, 'Allison,' is almost 24 and a college graduate and just started her first job that she is already contemplating quitting because she'd rather travel the world. His sister, 'Liz,' who is my age, is a college dropout, a semi-hippie, and basically convinved her mom/stepdad to move to CA to be 'closer to her and the kids.' (They sold their house and are moving to CA next month) All their lives, my BFs mom/stepdad have given Jake, Allison and Lizzie EVERYTHING they ask for...money, cars...they bought Lizzie's house for her (200k in cash!) when she and her husband couldnt qualify for a loan last year. They have helped my BF out in the past, but not as much as the other kids. And now, get this, they are trying to convince my BF to move to CA as well (he says he won't..but who knows what will happen.) This is sooo selfish of his parents...what about me? What about the fact that I am an only child of aging parents? I can't pick up and leave them just because HIS parents are selfishly wanting all of their kids to stay within their radar. So, tonight, since Lizzie is on town, I asked my BF if we could get pizzas and bring them to his parents' house (to be nice), and he said that 'Papa Murphys brand pizza was probably BELOW THEM.' WTF?!! Its Pizza!! Sorry, I just had to vent...the in-laws are driving me nuts!!!!
	__________________ Bags I own: Gustto Baca bag (taupe) Louis Vuitton Speedy 25 (monogram) Coach patchwork swingpack (winter 2007) Rebecca Minkoff Nikki (cranberry) Rebecca Minkoff Morning After Mini (black) Rebecca Minkoff Morning After Bag (chocolate BW) Rebecca Minkoff Nikki (brown haze) Coming soon... Rebecca Minkoff Morning After Bag (Black BW with silver HW+purple zipper) Visit my Blogs!! http://bacardig.blogspot.com/ http://bgskitchen.blogspot.com/

Oct 16th, 2009, 05:54 PM	#2
dallas Yeah ano Joined: Jan 2007 Posts: 4,272	I know you're venting and didn't ask for advice but: Why on earth are you concerning yourself with what his parents do and don't do for their children? If you focus on this it will come between you and your bf, you will make yourself crazy, and all over something that you cannot change ... and really, is none of your business. Let it go hon, life's too short to worry about stuff like this.
dallas Yeah ano Joined: Jan 2007 Posts: 4,272	__________________ Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

Oct 17th, 2009, 05:54 PM	#11
vuittonamour ooh let me see! Joined: Dec 2006 Location: new jersey Posts: 4,943	ok, this is just my opinion, but honestly i don't think you should care too much about what his parents do and don't do for their other children...so i kinda agree with the other posters here. and his siblings have the ability to choose what they wanna do with their lives as well. i agree that it's a little selfish for them to try and convince your BF to move to CA to be closer to them without any regard for you and your plans together, but honestly it sounds like something my BF's family might do. so i am used to them having no regard for me, and i just have to hope my boyfriend has a good head on his shoulders and won't let them influence what HE wants rather than trying to make him think that he wants what they want. his family may think of me and my family the way that you think of your BF's. they may think we are snobs, when we haven't ever tried to do anything but be extremely hospitible to them the ONE time they came to visit for my graduation party last year. but guess what, the moment they stepped foot in my home, i was judged, just because i have grown up with nice things. it's not fair, but that's life. i'm 24, had problems finding steady work because of the economy, and still live at home mainly because of that. my brother is 28. because of learning disabilities, anxiety problems and a bunch of other problems, he's living home and probably always will. i pay for my expenses now, car, gas, cell phone, insurance, etc...but they don't make me pay rent. they may view me in a negative light simply because i live at home, i don't know. i've heard some not so nice things that have been said and reported back to me. but don't be so concerned with what his parents do and don't do for their children, unless it directly affects you like trying to get your BF to move away from you. that's the only thing you should have an issue with. i've been judged all my life because of how generous and helpful my parents have been to me, and it's not fair. i don't expect them to do these things so i am not spoiled, but i hate when people automatically don't like me just because of the things i have. and the pizza thing...that's dumb, but after a comment like that say, "okay then...then what brand of pizza IS up to their standards?"
	__________________ please help me find my UHG CLs! black satin feticha strass - 36.5 Last edited by vuittonamour; Oct 17th, 2009 at 05:57 PM.

Oct 17th, 2009, 07:51 PM	#12
gina2328 Member Joined: Jul 2007 Location: Michigan Posts: 625	If you find them so selfish and annoying, I don't understand why you are paying for Lizzie's pizza? Aren't you treating her the same way her parents treat her? Isn't she spoiled enough with her parents paying for her $ 200k house? LOL. If his family is trying to persuade him to move to CA, which is annoying, and he is considering it. You have to hope he will ask you to move along with him. If he doesn't, then you would really have something to be upset about.
	__________________ Dress shabbily and they remember the dress; dress impeccably and they remember the woman -- Coco Chanel

Oct 18th, 2009, 04:04 PM	#13
kate83675 Throw It!! Joined: Nov 2008 Location: SW Florida Posts: 2,013	I think she implied she couldn't/wouldn't be able to move because of her own parents who presumably live near her and she needs to be available to care for them. The pizza comment from the bf could have been not what he really meant but maybe it was and they are snobs. It doesn't sound like they're doing their kids any favors but that's to the detriment of the children who aren't learning to take care of themselves.
	__________________ Border Collies Never Quit Just one little Ginger HH Celina is all I want. Please let me know if you find one.

Oct 16th, 2009, 09:48 PM	#4
MichaelJr1186 Sofa King Banned Joined: Mar 2009 Location: Texas Posts: 64	why are you not married yet!?!?! i'm sorry but after dating someone for five years and living with them for 3 and you're not ready is just plain ridiculous . anyways if your husband does move with his parents, would you move with them ? the world doesn't evolve around you, make a decision (you're 32 now, so time is running out). either find a new bf or just deal with the one you have right now.

Oct 17th, 2009, 07:57 AM	#10
LOREBUNDE Member Joined: Nov 2006 Location: Rhode Island Posts: 5,090	I know you are just venting and that's what we are here for...anyways, I tend to agree with the others in that I wouldn't let it get to you. All families are different. Sounds like they have the money to give and that's how they are with their kids. As long as you and your bf are on the same page I would just try to let it go.

Oct 18th, 2009, 04:38 PM	#14
ZippyWho Member Joined: Apr 2009 Posts: 337	I think we are all snobs somewhat. There will always be something that we eat/like and not eat certain things or not use certain thing because we like certain brand better. I agree with others. This is their parenting style.
ZippyWho Member Joined: Apr 2009 Posts: 337

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