IMPORTANT about Relationships & Family Forum

[nathansgirl1908]

Originally Posted by BagLadie

Oh and another thing - I think pm'ing people about sex is downright creepy. It's "safe" in a forum setting - but if someone pm'd me asking me sexual type questions I would be like.....umm...hello!?

I think you are missing the point about how it could be handled. I don't think anyone should just pm another person a sex question with no warning. As I said earlier, you could pm someone you feel comfrotable with first and ASK them if you could discuss a sexual matter with them through pm because of what Megas has said. Then if that person is okay with it, you could proceed. Candace may be right. Maybe a list should be generated of people who are open to it.


I'm not trying to be combative, but I guess I dont understand why some people are making such a big deal out of Megs' request and acting as though it is unreasonable. The whole point of the forum in the first place was to discuss our love of bags. I think we all can live without bringing up explicit topics here. We also can't discuss religion or politics and those are a part of life as well, but we survive just fine. I have joined another forum where nothing is off limits (especially politics and religion) and so I visit both forums to satisfy my needs.

[Megs]

I NEVER said that no sex related threads are allowed!!!! What I said is that some sex topics are far too graphic for this forum and the way we see it. The topic of sex can and will come up in this forum. What I did ask is that the more sexually explicit topics do not go in the forum. If someone wants to ask about an STD, that is TOTALLY fine. If someone wants to ask which form of birth control to use, again fine. This is PG-13, not rated G. But asking about the more sexually explicit topics just does not belong here.

tPF has grown massively and we have expanded it as it grows, adding many new sub forums. I am open to adding many sub forums, but there are a few that I will never add, no matter what. Politics is one. Am I completely and totally opposed to *thinking* about the possibility of a more 'grown-up' sex forum for the future, no. But right now, it is not something that we are considering.

[sammydoll]

I am not going to say much here other than i think an age verified sex sub-forum for those with a post count over 500 or so is something i would totally approve and participate in.

And also, the main difference between the people on this forum and others are manners, class, and tact. It's nice to be able to discuss things like sex without it going into something totally sexist/racist/ignorant/offensive. I look at the people here as very educated and smart people who are not just trolling to add snide comments.. it's a HUGE difference to other forums.. there is respect here. But people actually have a personality! A mix that's hard to find.

Please consider it for the future.

[berryblondeboys]

Originally Posted by nathansgirl1908

I'm not trying to be combative, but I guess I dont understand why some people are making such a big deal out of Megs' request and acting as though it is unreasonable. The whole point of the forum in the first place was to discuss our love of bags. I think we all can live without bringing up explicit topics here. We also can't discuss religion or politics and those are a part of life as well, but we survive just fine. I have joined another forum where nothing is off limits (especially politics and religion) and so I visit both forums to satisfy my needs.

I don't think anyone has even vaguely implied that what Megs and Vlad are requesting is unreasonable. We're having a discussion, no one is saying anything other than "how can we respect the forum, Megs and Vlad and the moderators? I haven't seen anyone say, "this stinks".

And as Megs just said, it's not like sex is not able to be discussed as it is a part of life, but there are ways to say it without a censorbot needing to intervene.

[ChristyR143]

This is just exactly like the whole post count and join date thing. This forum belongs to Megs and Vlad, and neither of them asked our opinions on whether or not sex topics should be allowed. I don't understand why this thread has turned into a debate about it. I think the thing for everyone to say would be "ok no problem" and go on about it.

This, of course, is just my opinion.

[Jahpson]

ok. got it.

[nathansgirl1908]

Originally Posted by berryblondeboys

I don't think anyone has even vaguely implied that what Megs and Vlad are requesting is unreasonable. We're having a discussion, no one is saying anything other than "how can we respect the forum, Megs and Vlad and the moderators? I haven't seen anyone say, "this stinks". And as Megs just said, it's not like sex is not able to be discussed as it is a part of life, but there are ways to say it without a censorbot needing to intervene.

It seems as if some people ARE implying that what they have said is unreasonable. Maybe that's not how they intended it of course. Sometimes it is difficult to know how something is meant to be taken when it is only written in black and white, KWIM? And of course no one would outright say "this stinks."
Also, notice I used the word explicit. I don't know if your last statement was directed at me, but I never said that anyone said sex can't be discussed. Clearly some topics don't raise eyebrows..like the one about the member who said her husband no longer wanted to have sex. That one definitely isn't explicit and I get the impression that topics like that which are more generic would be okay. I may be wrong though.

[nathansgirl1908]

Originally Posted by ChristyR143

This is just exactly like the whole post count and join date thing. This forum belongs to Megs and Vlad, and neither of them asked our opinions on whether or not sex topics should be allowed. I don't understand why this thread has turned into a debate about it. I think the thing for everyone to say would be "ok no problem" and go on about it. This, of course, is just my opinion.

Slight hijack: was there an issue about the post count and join date thing too?

[BagLadie]

What it comes down to is Megs is asking us all to be discreet and considerate on HER forum...and that is very fair. I love coming here and I love the opinions of others on here. I think it's a fair request to tone it down somewhat. Whether some of us may want a sub-forum for topics that may not be suitable or not is not the point here.

[Charles]

Originally Posted by ChristyR143

This is just exactly like the whole post count and join date thing. This forum belongs to Megs and Vlad, and neither of them asked our opinions on whether or not sex topics should be allowed. I don't understand why this thread has turned into a debate about it. I think the thing for everyone to say would be "ok no problem" and go on about it. This, of course, is just my opinion.

FYI, I totally understand where Megs and Vlad are coming from and I have no problems at all with their requests. All I was doing was offering an option that might satisfy all parties in the future. People were getting a bit offended by some sexual posts, ok, fine, we'd have a private sub forum for that where the people who got offended wouldn't have to join....problem solved. There are young people who might get exposed to sex talk. We'd have a private sub forum for sex talk...problem solved. Some people here still would like a place where they could discuss sex. We'd have a private sub forum....problem solved.
That's all my posts were about...making everyone happy.

Sure, this is a forum run by Megs and Vlad, but without its participants, it wouldn't be anything, and I feel those participants do have a voice when it comes to what goes on in here. Does M&V have to do what we say, of course not, but any great leader will realize that they're not perfect and that other people might have valid and helpful opinions. I don't think there's a problem with us offering that to them. However, in the end, we all know that what they say goes. In addition to that, this was a thread left open, it wasn't closed, so if they really didn't want discussion about it, they would have closed and stickied it (or maybe not...but that's how I took it)

Megs and Vlad, I hope you didn't take what I said as me trying to go against you. I definitely was not. I guess I should have made that clearer. I love this place!

[Leah411]

I still don't get it.

If explicit sexual talk online is so very important for some members, instead of asking the owner of another forum to make a change to THEIR forum, why not simply start your own sex forum instead of continuing to complain here? Anyone can start a forum and you can even do it for free. Some friends of mine did it when they wanted to expand to an area that was not going to happen on the original forum. They invited like-minded and interested members from the original forum, and it worked out great for everyone involved. It's a simple way to get what you want and the ones who want this need met would get to be in charge and make the rules. Of course, you would also have to do the work and take the responsibility. I know the protest of some to this idea would be that they wouldn't get the traffic that tPF does. Well, Megs and Vlad earned that traffic through years of hard work. Anyone else can do the same if they put the effort into it.

Megs made her decision clear. Why not respect her and all the hard work she does and find a different solution to your "problem" by those members who 'need' a sex forum setting up their own forum?

Nathansgirl made an excellent point about the fact that certain discussions are not allowed on the forum....religion and politics, for example....so the decision about not allowing explicit sexual discussions should be respected as well.

[ChristyR143]

Originally Posted by nathansgirl1908

Slight hijack: was there an issue about the post count and join date thing too?

Yeah, in the feedback forum, there was a very lengthy thread about it.

[ChristyR143]

Originally Posted by Charles

FYI, I totally understand where Megs and Vlad are coming from and I have no problems at all with their requests. All I was doing was offering an option that might satisfy all parties in the future. People were getting a bit offended by some sexual posts, ok, fine, we'd have a private sub forum for that where the people who got offended wouldn't have to join....problem solved. There are young people who might get exposed to sex talk. We'd have a private sub forum for sex talk...problem solved. Some people here still would like a place where they could discuss sex. We'd have a private sub forum....problem solved. That's all my posts were about...making everyone happy. Sure, this is a forum run by Megs and Vlad, but without its participants, it wouldn't be anything, and I feel those participants do have a voice when it comes to what goes on in here. Does M&V have to do what we say, of course not, but any great leader will realize that they're not perfect and that other people might have valid and helpful opinions. I don't think there's a problem with us offering that to them. However, in the end, we all know that what they say goes. In addition to that, this was a thread left open, it wasn't closed, so if they really didn't want discussion about it, they would have closed and stickied it (or maybe not...but that's how I took it) Megs and Vlad, I hope you didn't take what I said as me trying to go against you. I definitely was not. I guess I should have made that clearer. I love this place!

I totally get what you are saying, and if they had ASKED for our input I would totally agree, but they didn't, so that was why I took the position I did.

[BagLadie]

Originally Posted by Leah411

I still don't get it. If explicit sexual talk online is so very important for some members, instead of asking the owner of another forum to make a change to THEIR forum, why not simply start your own sex forum instead of continuing to complain here? Anyone can start a forum and you can even do it for free. Some friends of mine did it when they wanted to expand to an area that was not going to happen on the original forum. They invited like-minded and interested members from the original forum, and it worked out great for everyone involved. It's a simple way to get what you want and the ones who want this need met would get to be in charge and make the rules. Of course, you would also have to do the work and take the responsibility. I know the protest of some to this idea would be that they wouldn't get the traffic that tPF does. Well, Megs and Vlad earned that traffic through years of hard work. Anyone else can do the same if they put the effort into it. Megs made her decision clear. Why not respect her and all the hard work she does and find a different solution to your "problem" by those members who 'need' a sex forum setting up their own forum? Nathansgirl made an excellent point about the fact that certain discussions are not allowed on the forum....religion and politics, for example....so the decision about not allowing explicit sexual discussions should be respected as well.

I don't think anyone here is that hurting for sex talk that we need or want to open "our own sex forum" (just the thought of that is cracking me up). I think what has been merely implied is that sometimes there is a (mature) sexual oriented conversation that someone wants to discuss HERE where they know and trust the participants....and that maybe a "special" sub-forum may be more appropriate. I don't think that anyone here is that confused about sex that they are thinking about opening a "sex forum". Oy vey.

[candace117]

I don't see why Charles suggesting the private sub-forum is any different than the people who were clamoring for a crafts sub-forum, a travel sub-forum, or anything else we have asked M&V to add over the years. To imply that people should just make their own forums for other interests is a bit silly, since a lot of people use all the non-designer related forums and therefore aren't just here for purses. And real life is about a lot more than just purses, non? I think that Charles' suggestion is a decent one, having an application process -which he volunteered to be a reviewer, and I'm sure he would be a mod for it if this ever came to reality. It seems to me, that it was a respectful suggestion and not meant to put anybody at odds with what M&V have created. Rather, it seemed to be in the spirit of what they have made for us.

I think Megs and Vlad have a lot to be proud of, and I know one of the compelling reasons I stay on tpf is that their forum comprises much more than just Coach, or Hermes, or Louis Vuitton. I would have been interested had I known about tpf when it first started, and only had the LV sub-forum... but to see what it has grown into now is so impressive, and all-encompassing. I'd never leave to start my own forum. I'd also never leave to join another forum to ask something about one specific topic. I am not shy, so I would send (certain) people a PM to ask their opinion. But that's me. Others may find it easier to post topics. And that is their prerogative.


I don't think that we will have a problem with people violating things (well unless they are new and haven't learned the rules yet, or trolls) because I think majority of us really respect what Megs and Vlad want.