I'm not sure how to react... stupid BF

apple_28 · Jan 3rd, 2008, 12:24 AM

It's really as simple as this: my bf called my best friend "honey" (a name he reserves for me). I was also in the room btw in between them. He said it just slipped out as he was talking to her and I fail to understand how a word that's considered an endearment can slip out like that. He's never called any of my other friends or other girls "honey" or anything similar. I'm just speechless and I don't know what to do or say. There's been thoughts flooding my head as to whether he sees her as something other than a friend, or whether it was really a mistake. Btw, I'm the kind of girl that wouldn't think twice about kicking him to the curb if he had feelings for another girl.

I guess the question is, do I trust him when he says it's a mistake? The answer is no. This is the 3rd time we've fought over a girl. The first time was when a girl kept asking him to hang out with her (aka canceling his plans with me to hang out with her) and he would say yes. BF said he never knew she had feelings for him. So I gave him the benefit of the doubt and accepted his apology. He stopped hanging out with her after that conversation. Second time was another girl making the moves on him. I told him to avoid her, and he did. However when we had a fight and he broke up with me, he spent the day with her even when I was begging him to come back.

Could it just be that I have jealousy issues? Or could it be that he's completely dense and these are all mistakes?

LV Luvr · Jan 3rd, 2008, 12:29 AM

If this is the 3rd instance and you all are only dating I'd say cut your losses. I personally think honey shouldn't "slip".

RWolfeOH · Jan 3rd, 2008, 12:32 AM

IMO...3 strikes and he's out!!!

missisa07 · Jan 3rd, 2008, 01:03 AM

Trust is a huge issue. It does seem you're a bit jealous (I would know-- I'm the exact same way), and if it's something that truly bothers you, you should dump him.

I can't stand those who are unfaithful.

Syntagma · Jan 3rd, 2008, 01:12 AM

IMO It's very possible it just slipped out on accident.

However, with the other issues I suggest you might cut your loses as you don't seem to be on the same page about relationships and it appears you don't trust him.

The only thing you described that bothers me is him breaking plans with YOU to be with another woman. Most men don't do that to their SO's! At least he wised up! LOL

elizat · Jan 3rd, 2008, 01:20 AM

I think you seem to know the answer already. You said you don't trust that it is a mistake. If your gut says something is not right, I would trust it, esp. being that this is the third time in a similar situation w/ this guy.

Speedy · Jan 3rd, 2008, 02:03 AM

Well, I call everyone "honey" and "baby" and "sweetie". That way I don't have to remember names.

I agree with a previous poster... looks like you are a tad jealous. I suggest you dump him for someone who'll worship the ground you walk on.

gr8heart · Jan 3rd, 2008, 02:22 AM

I cannot say if you have jealousy issues or not, but HE has major commitment issues! His actions remind me of high school...and even then, I would not accept a guy breaking plans with me to go hang out with another girl.

You deserve better! You should find a guy who wants to be with YOU ALWAYS! You should NOT be with a guy you have to remind that you exist. Apple, don't beg him or any guy to come back...ever...it hurts a lot, but it is worth waiting and searching for the right guy.

shasha17a · Jan 3rd, 2008, 02:26 AM

If you didn't have these other 2 issues with him in the past, then I think I would let the honey comment slide. But it seems like he has a history of doing shady things. I say let him go esp if you say you don't have a problem with it.

apple_28 · Jan 3rd, 2008, 02:28 AM

^It was actually high school..

We were both 17 I think. We've been together 9 years and we're both almost in our mid 20s. While he does usually worship the ground I walk on, I do know him to be pretty dense at times. Honestly though, how does the word "honey" just slip out?

helium · Jan 3rd, 2008, 02:42 AM

I don't have any advice for the first two instances... I hate being lenient on high school kids because high school kids can be mature if they tried! But personally, I think three fights over the span of nine years is really quite... well... insignificant.

As for the 'honey' comment... it can slip out. I've accidentally called my boyfriend 'Roger', not that his name is Roger, but he was standing next to Roger, and I was thinking about what he was saying before so I said 'Roger'. He was shocked at first but he understood. Considering you were in the room, I definitely don't think this is a hard mistake to make at all. I've also accidentally called him Amy, i've accidentally called other male friends by my boyfriend's pet name (which is very, very personal) which to me, just means I'm thinking about him all the time.

That's just my take on it anyway, if it were just down to what my I called my boyfriend accidentally, we would have broken up a million times by now.

Junkenpo · Jan 3rd, 2008, 02:53 AM

Since you were in the room with them, and I assume, part of the conversation...I will say I think it's possible it just slipped out. You're there, he's comfortable(?) and I would think that he's comfortable/friendly with your friend?

How did they react after the slip up? Guilty? Embarrassed?

My BF used to use terms of endearment with an older female coworker (as in old enough to be his mom!) that I knew knew knew he had no interest in, but I put my foot down & NIXED & made it clear he was NOT allowed to say those things to any female other than me (bc how is it supposed to mean anything if he uses it with everyone??).

But I also knew it was just a clueless male thing, and honestly... i mix people's names up all the time... i get it from my mom, who will occasionally call me by one of my brothers' names (yeah, i'm the only girl, too).... so if he thinks of you as "honey" and accidenlty slipped the name up... i'd go with their reactions as a measure of what to worry about.

kpanda21 · Jan 3rd, 2008, 02:55 AM

ummm...my brother called me 'hon' once b/c he's so used to saying it to his gf. grossed me out, but it happens....

fiatflux · Jan 3rd, 2008, 02:58 AM

If you could give more context about what he was saying to her and what the circumstances were it might shed some light (or not). Also, have there been any other interactions between the two of them that might cause you to suspect something is going on?

Sternchen · Jan 3rd, 2008, 05:09 AM

Honestly, I think it probably just slipped out. Sure, you had two issues in the past but based on what you wrote, he corrected his behavior when you said something.

I was once talking on the phone to a good male friend of mine once when my husband was in the room. We were just talking about normal stuff, I went to end the conversation and I said "Okay, I'll talk to you later. I love you, bye!!!"

ROFL.

I have no clue why I said what I said, but I was so embarassed and my husband had this look on his face

lol!!

Jan 3rd, 2008, 12:24 AM	#1
apple_28 head in the sky Location: Earth	I'm not sure how to react... stupid BF It's really as simple as this: my bf called my best friend "honey" (a name he reserves for me). I was also in the room btw in between them. He said it just slipped out as he was talking to her and I fail to understand how a word that's considered an endearment can slip out like that. He's never called any of my other friends or other girls "honey" or anything similar. I'm just speechless and I don't know what to do or say. There's been thoughts flooding my head as to whether he sees her as something other than a friend, or whether it was really a mistake. Btw, I'm the kind of girl that wouldn't think twice about kicking him to the curb if he had feelings for another girl. I guess the question is, do I trust him when he says it's a mistake? The answer is no. This is the 3rd time we've fought over a girl. The first time was when a girl kept asking him to hang out with her (aka canceling his plans with me to hang out with her) and he would say yes. BF said he never knew she had feelings for him. So I gave him the benefit of the doubt and accepted his apology. He stopped hanging out with her after that conversation. Second time was another girl making the moves on him. I told him to avoid her, and he did. However when we had a fight and he broke up with me, he spent the day with her even when I was begging him to come back. Could it just be that I have jealousy issues? Or could it be that he's completely dense and these are all mistakes? __________________ --------------------------------------------------- "That's the thing about needs. Sometimes when you get them met, you don't need them anymore." Carrie, Sex & the City Added this year: LV Tivoli GM LV WC Speedy 35 Wishlist: Miu Miu Bow Satchel in Mughetto Balenciaga City in Pistachio

Jan 3rd, 2008, 12:29 AM	#2
LV Luvr Member	Re: I'm not sure how to react... stupid BF If this is the 3rd instance and you all are only dating I'd say cut your losses. I personally think honey shouldn't "slip". __________________ WISH LIST!!!! Azur Speedy 30 - Got it! LV Black Lurex Scarf - Got it! Vernis Sunset Boulevarde in Pomme - Got it! Gucci Diaper Bag - Got it! Juicy Earrings - Got it! Chanel Lambskin Flap w/sh Monogram Pink Denim Shawl Monogram Eva Red Epi Lockit Keepall 55 Monogram Toilette Manhattan GM Diamond Accent Ring Chanel Sunnies Dream Bag(s): Chanel Jumbo White Flap w/GH or Black GST w/GH!

Jan 3rd, 2008, 12:32 AM	#3
RWolfeOH Member Location: Ohio	Re: I'm not sure how to react... stupid BF IMO...3 strikes and he's out!!!

Jan 3rd, 2008, 01:03 AM	#4
missisa07 (Isabel) Location: Hawaii	Re: I'm not sure how to react... stupid BF Trust is a huge issue. It does seem you're a bit jealous (I would know-- I'm the exact same way), and if it's something that truly bothers you, you should dump him. I can't stand those who are unfaithful. __________________ ^link to my blog!

Jan 3rd, 2008, 01:12 AM	#5
Syntagma Member	Re: I'm not sure how to react... stupid BF IMO It's very possible it just slipped out on accident. However, with the other issues I suggest you might cut your loses as you don't seem to be on the same page about relationships and it appears you don't trust him. The only thing you described that bothers me is him breaking plans with YOU to be with another woman. Most men don't do that to their SO's! At least he wised up! LOL __________________

Jan 3rd, 2008, 01:20 AM	#6
elizat Member	Re: I'm not sure how to react... stupid BF I think you seem to know the answer already. You said you don't trust that it is a mistake. If your gut says something is not right, I would trust it, esp. being that this is the third time in a similar situation w/ this guy.

Jan 3rd, 2008, 02:03 AM	#7
Speedy Sofa King Banned Location: N. California	Re: I'm not sure how to react... stupid BF Well, I call everyone "honey" and "baby" and "sweetie". That way I don't have to remember names. I agree with a previous poster... looks like you are a tad jealous. I suggest you dump him for someone who'll worship the ground you walk on.

Jan 3rd, 2008, 02:22 AM	#8
gr8heart -for YSL!	Re: I'm not sure how to react... stupid BF I cannot say if you have jealousy issues or not, but HE has major commitment issues! His actions remind me of high school...and even then, I would not accept a guy breaking plans with me to go hang out with another girl. You deserve better! You should find a guy who wants to be with YOU ALWAYS! You should NOT be with a guy you have to remind that you exist. Apple, don't beg him or any guy to come back...ever...it hurts a lot, but it is worth waiting and searching for the right guy. __________________ ~ Liz

Jan 3rd, 2008, 02:26 AM	#9
shasha17a Now its a necklace.. Location: Hermosa Beach	Re: I'm not sure how to react... stupid BF If you didn't have these other 2 issues with him in the past, then I think I would let the honey comment slide. But it seems like he has a history of doing shady things. I say let him go esp if you say you don't have a problem with it.

Jan 3rd, 2008, 02:28 AM	#10
apple_28 head in the sky Location: Earth	Re: I'm not sure how to react... stupid BF ^It was actually high school.. We were both 17 I think. We've been together 9 years and we're both almost in our mid 20s. While he does usually worship the ground I walk on, I do know him to be pretty dense at times. Honestly though, how does the word "honey" just slip out? __________________ --------------------------------------------------- "That's the thing about needs. Sometimes when you get them met, you don't need them anymore." Carrie, Sex & the City Added this year: LV Tivoli GM LV WC Speedy 35 Wishlist: Miu Miu Bow Satchel in Mughetto Balenciaga City in Pistachio

Jan 3rd, 2008, 02:42 AM	#11
helium Member	Re: I'm not sure how to react... stupid BF I don't have any advice for the first two instances... I hate being lenient on high school kids because high school kids can be mature if they tried! But personally, I think three fights over the span of nine years is really quite... well... insignificant. As for the 'honey' comment... it can slip out. I've accidentally called my boyfriend 'Roger', not that his name is Roger, but he was standing next to Roger, and I was thinking about what he was saying before so I said 'Roger'. He was shocked at first but he understood. Considering you were in the room, I definitely don't think this is a hard mistake to make at all. I've also accidentally called him Amy, i've accidentally called other male friends by my boyfriend's pet name (which is very, very personal) which to me, just means I'm thinking about him all the time. That's just my take on it anyway, if it were just down to what my I called my boyfriend accidentally, we would have broken up a million times by now.

Jan 3rd, 2008, 02:53 AM	#12
Junkenpo Boom, baby! Location: 2500 miles from any continental landmass	Re: I'm not sure how to react... stupid BF Since you were in the room with them, and I assume, part of the conversation...I will say I think it's possible it just slipped out. You're there, he's comfortable(?) and I would think that he's comfortable/friendly with your friend? How did they react after the slip up? Guilty? Embarrassed? My BF used to use terms of endearment with an older female coworker (as in old enough to be his mom!) that I knew knew knew he had no interest in, but I put my foot down & NIXED & made it clear he was NOT allowed to say those things to any female other than me (bc how is it supposed to mean anything if he uses it with everyone??). But I also knew it was just a clueless male thing, and honestly... i mix people's names up all the time... i get it from my mom, who will occasionally call me by one of my brothers' names (yeah, i'm the only girl, too).... so if he thinks of you as "honey" and accidenlty slipped the name up... i'd go with their reactions as a measure of what to worry about. __________________ Love the animals: God has given them the rudiments of thought and joy untroubled-- Fyodor Dostoyevsky] PONDERING: Damier Pochette Melville, mini pochette, Naviglio; Ivoire Epi Alma; Amarante cles or keyholder...

Jan 3rd, 2008, 02:55 AM	#13
kpanda21 Member	Re: I'm not sure how to react... stupid BF ummm...my brother called me 'hon' once b/c he's so used to saying it to his gf. grossed me out, but it happens....

Jan 3rd, 2008, 02:58 AM	#14
fiatflux Member	Re: I'm not sure how to react... stupid BF If you could give more context about what he was saying to her and what the circumstances were it might shed some light (or not). Also, have there been any other interactions between the two of them that might cause you to suspect something is going on?

Jan 3rd, 2008, 05:09 AM	#15
Sternchen We're having a boy!! Location: Beauty RAOK	Re: I'm not sure how to react... stupid BF Honestly, I think it probably just slipped out. Sure, you had two issues in the past but based on what you wrote, he corrected his behavior when you said something. I was once talking on the phone to a good male friend of mine once when my husband was in the room. We were just talking about normal stuff, I went to end the conversation and I said "Okay, I'll talk to you later. I love you, bye!!!" ROFL. I have no clue why I said what I said, but I was so embarassed and my husband had this look on his face lol!! __________________ My 2 wonderful girls, Nicole (5) and Julia (1) will be big sisters soon! My pregnancy blog