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specTaTor · Sep 22nd, 2009, 10:01 PM

I just started a new job out of this recession, and I'm grateful to have a job and pretty happy about it.

But I'm having a dilemma with my boss. He's overtly flirtatious and while I respect him and admire him it sometimes makes me feel uncomfortable. He's actually my boss's boss's boss but it's just that we're around each other enough that I feel like I report directly to him. I feel that it may cause animosity from my colleages because of his fondness of me. Advise please!!

Vegas Long Legs · Sep 22nd, 2009, 10:29 PM

Does he do this in front of others? Do you think he senses your being uncomfortable? Is there some way you can limit your contact with him? He's at least 3 levels higher than you & he's in the same working area?

juneping · Sep 22nd, 2009, 10:46 PM

at situation like this, play dump is the best strategy. be polite & professional and try not to reciprocate. if it's out in front of everyone, i wouldn't worry too much.
GL!!

talexs · Sep 22nd, 2009, 10:48 PM

If I were you I wouldn't worry too much about my coworkers as much as the way you feel about this. (Not to sound insensitive or anything.) I had this happen to me at my very first job, a guy who was friends with my boss would come and chat with me about everyday, but it always had a flirtatious tone and eventually worked it's way up to his little chats being full of sexual innuendos. After these little encounters became regular occurences I just looked him right in the eye and told him firmly but politely that this wasn't professional at all and I was uncomfortable with it. I was really scared before I did it, or maybe nervous is a better word, but I thought that would get him away. It didn't work so I ended up going to HR. I am no specialist in this but from the way I have always understood things the HR coordinator keeps everything private and "investigates" situations as he/ she sees fit, but alwyas respects your privacy. Even though he is your superior he is clearly in the wrong and you should in no way feel awkward at work bc of his actions. Good luck, these seem to always be sticky situations.

Rockysmom · Sep 24th, 2009, 01:40 PM

i would write down all of the incidences in a journal where you feel he is being inappropirate with dates, who was in the room, times and what was said. if it gets to the point where you need to talk to HR you will have a well documented file.

i have dealt with this many times. i just try to ignore it and limit contact. sometimes it's just their personality(i had a boss that told inappropirate jokes but was harmless) and sometimes there is motive (want to date you).

Charles · Sep 24th, 2009, 01:56 PM

What do you consider flirting? Does he treat you the same way he treats others?

amymaria · Sep 24th, 2009, 02:43 PM

Is it flirting or is he actually trying to come onto you?

I think if you don't reciprocate he will get the point. If he continues, just say that you're not use to that sense of humour and that it actually makes you feel awkward.

How often do you work with him?

I work in a male-dominated industry. I have my fair share of come-ons and borderline harassment flirtation. If it makes you feel uncomfortable even after you give him a fair warning, I would report ot HR. I've never reported anyone to HR, I've managed to stand my ground and eventually they realize I don't laugh at their "jokes"

ahertz · Sep 24th, 2009, 04:26 PM

If he really is singling you out and making you feel uncomfortable you should report it to your HR office so that it's on record.

turboflgrl · Sep 24th, 2009, 06:49 PM

What exactly is he doing that you find inappropriate? We may be able to better gauge what to do in this type of situation if you elaborate a bit.

petitechouchou · Sep 25th, 2009, 12:59 AM

As long as your comfortable, I don't see any harm. But if he starts being overly flirtatious, try to steer clear and avoid him as much as possible. Good luck

Cindi · Sep 25th, 2009, 12:37 PM

I would probably tell him the truth just the way you said it here. You respect and admire him and you are very happy with your job but some of the things he does could be misconstrued by your coworkers as favoritism and you would rather not cause any undue animosity with the people you work with every day. Maybe he will see that his behavior is out of line. Hopefully.

Sep 22nd, 2009, 10:01 PM	#1
specTaTor OP Member Joined: May 2009 Posts: 1	IM new here but I need your help! I just started a new job out of this recession, and I'm grateful to have a job and pretty happy about it. But I'm having a dilemma with my boss. He's overtly flirtatious and while I respect him and admire him it sometimes makes me feel uncomfortable. He's actually my boss's boss's boss but it's just that we're around each other enough that I feel like I report directly to him. I feel that it may cause animosity from my colleages because of his fondness of me. Advise please!!
specTaTor OP Member Joined: May 2009 Posts: 1

Sep 22nd, 2009, 10:29 PM	#2
Vegas Long Legs In an Italian Villa Joined: Nov 2006 Location: Las Vegas Posts: 6,087	Does he do this in front of others? Do you think he senses your being uncomfortable? Is there some way you can limit your contact with him? He's at least 3 levels higher than you & he's in the same working area?
	__________________ If we weren't meant to eat animals, why are they made out of meat? Tom Snyder 1936 -2007 Jane is an oil painting. Her & friends can be found at www.donaldrollerwilson.com

Sep 22nd, 2009, 10:46 PM	#3
juneping couch potato-ing Joined: Jun 2007 Location: NYC Posts: 4,311	at situation like this, play dump is the best strategy. be polite & professional and try not to reciprocate. if it's out in front of everyone, i wouldn't worry too much. GL!!
	__________________ wish list: purse ban until the cc is paid off $10200 paid off...$3300 to go .....oh..i can't wait...

Sep 24th, 2009, 01:40 PM	#5
Rockysmom Member Joined: May 2008 Posts: 941	i would write down all of the incidences in a journal where you feel he is being inappropirate with dates, who was in the room, times and what was said. if it gets to the point where you need to talk to HR you will have a well documented file. i have dealt with this many times. i just try to ignore it and limit contact. sometimes it's just their personality(i had a boss that told inappropirate jokes but was harmless) and sometimes there is motive (want to date you).
Rockysmom Member Joined: May 2008 Posts: 941

Sep 24th, 2009, 01:56 PM	#6
Charles Sucks at budgeting Joined: Jan 2007 Location: Jacksonville, Fl Posts: 6,182	What do you consider flirting? Does he treat you the same way he treats others?
	__________________

Sep 22nd, 2009, 10:48 PM	#4
talexs I Love It!!!!! Joined: Jun 2008 Location: always in the office :( Posts: 1,488	If I were you I wouldn't worry too much about my coworkers as much as the way you feel about this. (Not to sound insensitive or anything.) I had this happen to me at my very first job, a guy who was friends with my boss would come and chat with me about everyday, but it always had a flirtatious tone and eventually worked it's way up to his little chats being full of sexual innuendos. After these little encounters became regular occurences I just looked him right in the eye and told him firmly but politely that this wasn't professional at all and I was uncomfortable with it. I was really scared before I did it, or maybe nervous is a better word, but I thought that would get him away. It didn't work so I ended up going to HR. I am no specialist in this but from the way I have always understood things the HR coordinator keeps everything private and "investigates" situations as he/ she sees fit, but alwyas respects your privacy. Even though he is your superior he is clearly in the wrong and you should in no way feel awkward at work bc of his actions. Good luck, these seem to always be sticky situations.

Sep 24th, 2009, 02:43 PM	#7
amymaria I is Hello Kitty? Joined: Jan 2009 Location: Toronto Posts: 1,126	Is it flirting or is he actually trying to come onto you? I think if you don't reciprocate he will get the point. If he continues, just say that you're not use to that sense of humour and that it actually makes you feel awkward. How often do you work with him? I work in a male-dominated industry. I have my fair share of come-ons and borderline harassment flirtation. If it makes you feel uncomfortable even after you give him a fair warning, I would report ot HR. I've never reported anyone to HR, I've managed to stand my ground and eventually they realize I don't laugh at their "jokes"
	__________________ Blog + Twitter www.kittypinkpaisley.com Sarcasm, Love to Hate and Hello Kitty http://twitter.com/amc_kpp

Sep 24th, 2009, 04:26 PM	#8
ahertz Member Joined: Jul 2007 Location: Los Angeles Posts: 4,251	If he really is singling you out and making you feel uncomfortable you should report it to your HR office so that it's on record.
	__________________

Sep 24th, 2009, 06:49 PM	#9
turboflgrl Sofa King Addicted Joined: Jun 2008 Location: The Beach! Posts: 448	What exactly is he doing that you find inappropriate? We may be able to better gauge what to do in this type of situation if you elaborate a bit.
	__________________ ~Ashley~ "Unbanned and ready..." Wish List: Christian Louboutin Black Pigalle LV Ebony Damier Speedy 30 Hermes Cartouche Bracelet Love Quotes Scarves

Sep 25th, 2009, 12:59 AM	#10
petitechouchou "H" is for Hamster Joined: Jun 2009 Posts: 1,232	As long as your comfortable, I don't see any harm. But if he starts being overly flirtatious, try to steer clear and avoid him as much as possible. Good luck

Sep 25th, 2009, 12:37 PM	#11
Cindi Happy Thanksgiving Joined: Aug 2006 Location: PA Posts: 3,039	I would probably tell him the truth just the way you said it here. You respect and admire him and you are very happy with your job but some of the things he does could be misconstrued by your coworkers as favoritism and you would rather not cause any undue animosity with the people you work with every day. Maybe he will see that his behavior is out of line. Hopefully.
	__________________ Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.

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