[Glamorous_girl]

Okay I really hope I don't sound too psycho-crazy.

So I have been seeing this guy for over 2 months. I know that's not very long and everything but I fell for him HARD and am totally into him, first guy I have really clicked with in a LONG time and it was one of those "i knew right away we would hit it off" kind of things. Things have been going in a pretty much constant positive direction and this past week the pace has really picked up.

Well...I noticed he had alot of girls on his my space (out of 38 people ONLY 4 are boys) and alot of the girls are Australian (this may be important for what I will tell you in a few minutes). Because of past experiences I really don't trust people, girls or guys, but ESPECIALLY guys. People are constantly using me and lying to me and taking advantage of my kindness and generosity. But I'm a firm believer of treating people how I want to be treated and refuse to stoop to their level so I continue to be nice and generous. (okay, I did stoop pretty low with what I did)
Anyway like I said I don't trust people...so I'm always paranoid and go around peoples backs sometimes to get kind of a "reassurance". Well call it karma or whatever you want, but IT BACKFIRED ON MY ASS. And I found out a major bomb drop and probably and getting what I deserve.

I was basically worried he might be seeing someone else and even if not in japan, possibly a long distance relationship. Nothing led me to this conclusion except alot of girls on his myspace, and I dont see him alot (he works alot and lives an hour and a half away) so for all I know he could even be married. I doubt it, It's just my lack of trust. He told me he was quitting his job at the end of the month and was going back to school. I should have asked him what school but I didn't, and had a feeling I should because my friends ex (her boyfriend at the time) told her ONE WEEK BEFORE that he was moving to Korea.

Anyway back to the POINT. I started doing a little um...profile stalking and following his conversations in the comments, and i started going back until september when I saw that he was talking to this girl about how he is LOOKING FOR A HOUSE IN MELBOURNE. Yes, Australia, and he also mentioned it was for school. When I read that I felt like a ton of bricks just fell onto my chest. Suddenly certain pieces have started to fit together. This was back in september so it is possible it didn't work out or he changed his mind. I am freaking out and I cant ask him for about another 12 hours atleast (guess I'll be not sleeping now). I could always text him now but It would be strange to suddenly text him at work and ask what school he was going to and on msn I can kind of "build it into the convo" so I need to wait...

So basically, i am INFURIATED right now. I know I shouldnt just jump to the conclusion but the puzzle just kind of fell together... So if he is indeed moving to frickin AUSTRALIA he totally lied about how he "plans to stay in japan", and WHEN THE FG HL was he planning on telling me this! I guess I'm just the girl he's fg around with while he's still in Japan and when the time comes he will just leave and get out of it that. AND he knows I DO NOT do long distance. This explains why a guy that far out of my league is suddenly interested in me. It feels like all of the hope that has gotten me threw the past few months just got ripped out of my chest and thrown out the window. (I'm one of the people who gets depressed over being single and lonely)

If this does indeed turn out to be true, my little trust in men that I had left is going to be TOTALLY GONE. And my lack of trust and self esteem issues are constantly hurting my relationships. I'm not really so scared to find out he was lying to me/playing me/etc...I'm scared to death the last grain of trust I had left in people is going to be sweeped out the door.

I'm sorry if this was hard and confusing to read. I am crying and have been having panic attacks because I am so scared, and angry. I'm not really looking for answers, I know only HE has the answer. And I know it's my fault for sneaking around in other people's business. I just really need some support right now, and because it's 6am all of my friends are asleep.

[gillianna]

He is just a guy you are dating. You have only been seeing him for a few months. You seem to make this out as some really serious relationship when there is not enough time to reach that level. He seems to be moving on with his life and that does not include a serious girlfriend. Why do you feel so needy that you feel like your life will fall apart without him? He did not make you any promises. He seemed to be planning his life in another country/school or who knows what????? Yes his my space with all the girls shows that he is not serious about anyone. You don't need to be angry at him and make a major drama with this. Take a step back and realize that just because you feel one way about him does not mean he feels the same way. Yes it hurts and yes you can feel horrible.....but no man is worth having low self esteem because of their actions. You say you will lhave no trust in the future, that just seems to be a way to punish yourself for this guy not meeting your expectations......it is not your fault he can't give you what you want.
I think you should talk with him and let him know how you feel, but it seems like he is already planning his move and some guys are the type that can move on with no regrets. I am sorry you are hurt---but remember that it is not worth freaking out and going into a depression. There are other guys out there. Do not limit yourself to one person and the actions they do. You can't live your life waiting for another person to meet your needs, you must learn to love yourself first.
HUGS.

[Glamorous_girl]

^yeah...I do sound really greedy/needy..
But he told me he was looking for a serious girlfriend, and he has told me he is interested in me. I also told him I liked him and that I was looking for a serious relationship. I even told him "if you're not looking for the same thing let me know now"
So what I'm angry about is that if this is true, he didn't tell me that he was leaving and lied to me about so much. If he would just have told me I would have been more than happy to be friends, and maybe even with benefits. But he lead me blindly down a false path. Knowing how I was starting to feel about him.

Maybe it's just me? But when I was leaving my home country to move to Japan, as soon as I found out I was going, I stopped looking for guys and if they showed interest in me I told them I would be leaving soon.

[devoted]

well, you don't know anything for sure yet. but he was never your boyfriend, you two just went through normal dating, flirting, and talking about being interested in each other. sorry, that doesn't really mean anything. I don't know what will make you feel better, he's not your bf so...

[Glamorous_girl]

*deep breath*
Okay...now that I have gotten it off my chest I have calmed down quite a bit. I think I can finally think rationally and have a calm mature non-psychotic bitch discussion with him.

I have also decided that if he is staying here, I'm going to ask him what's going on with us and clear up any confusion we have about each other once and for all.

[HubbaWubba]

Dejavu Should this be renamed "How long until "it" happens?" I kid I kid.

[Laurie8504]

I'm surprised that you could have been dating someone for 2 months and not know what school they're going to. It sounds like this relationship has a lot of communication problems, with your constant suspicions about what he's doing, and not just being open and asking him about stuff. Have you met any of his friends? If he's keeping his 'real life' seperate from his myspace site, that's a big red flag. Anyway, I think you definitely need to slow down and ease up on this guy for a bit.

[surferchick2]

Originally Posted by Glamorous_girl

I was basically worried he might be seeing someone else and even if not in japan, possibly a long distance relationship. Nothing led me to this conclusion except alot of girls on his myspace, and I dont see him alot (he works alot and lives an hour and a half away) so for all I know he could even be married. I doubt it, It's just my lack of trust. He told me he was quitting his job at the end of the month and was going back to school. I should have asked him what school but I didn't, and had a feeling I should because my friends ex (her boyfriend at the time) told her ONE WEEK BEFORE that he was moving to Korea.

You don't see him much, to the point where he could be married, so you've never been to his place? Asking where he's planning on going to school is such a common question, even with someone brand new. It doesn't sound like a relationship that's even on the road to a commitment if you have to beat around the bush to ask simple, non invasive questions. I'd just call him and ask him where he's going to school and how far. If you're beyond casual dating, it shouldn't be that hard. If it is, then I wouldn't get mad at him either. I just sounds like he leads the life of a single guy wanting his freedom who tells women what they want to hear, especially with one who's on the verge of freaking out if it's something she doesn't want to hear. Not a nice thing to do, but it happens.

Oh and you're saying would have been happy to just be friends with benefits if he didn't want to be serious? Maybe throw out that suggestion and see how quickly he jumps. lol

[boxermom]

It appears you are much more serious about things than he is. And he's secretive--not the kind of person you'd want a long-term relationship with.
If I may ask, how old are you? It may seem you only meet untrustworthy guys, but if you are young don't give up and don't get serious so fast.

Whether he stays or moves, he doesn't sound like serious relationship material.

[Glamorous_girl]

Originally Posted by Laurie8504

I'm surprised that you could have been dating someone for 2 months and not know what school they're going to. It sounds like this relationship has a lot of communication problems, with your constant suspicions about what he's doing, and not just being open and asking him about stuff. Have you met any of his friends? If he's keeping his 'real life' seperate from his myspace site, that's a big red flag. Anyway, I think you definitely need to slow down and ease up on this guy for a bit.

Well right now he works. I know where he works and that he does indeed work there because one of my best friends is a customer. He mentioned he was quitting his job to go back to school, and he told me what he was going back for. But for some reason it completely flew over my head to ask him what school.
I haven't met any of his friends..but he hasn't met any of mine either.
He really doesn't appear to be hiding stuff, and most of the time stuff I get paranoid about checks out okay. This was was the really big "im not getting the whole truth red flag". The last red flag I got was....too much truth....

[paintednightsky]

I agree with the other girls here. 2 months is way too short of a time to get this attached, especially if you haven't been seeing him much and he didn't make promises of a serious relationship. It does not even seem as if much of a relationship has started from the sounds of it, especially since you do not seem to be talking to him much of his plans, what school he is going to, etc.

You really do not want to sound crazy to him. I had one friend who's girlfriend wanted him to delete me off his friends list when I already HAVE a bf and had known him forever! Went through all of his friends, their profiles, his cell phone, etc. You are going to be scaring him off with this behavior!

I would not be telling him you are going through his my space like this. It is his business and I'd dump someone for making assumptions like this and be a bit scared. I did have a crazy ex like this who seriously stalked me for 2 years after he got his own gf and I have had my bf. Leaves bad memories for me!

However, I would have a SERIOUS talk with him to find out his plans, etc. it seems like you haven't actually been talking with him seriously, thus the doubts in your mind. I really hope you haven't been doing the deed with him, without him even saying he's committing to you in the first place! That causes a lot more emotional attachment and perhaps that is why you are feeling the way you do. What kind of conversations do you have with him? 2 months seems like a long time not to ask about his future plans.

I also wanted to add don't let something like this scare you away from other guys in the future. Experiences are made for you to learn from!

[Glamorous_girl]

Originally Posted by surferchick2

You don't see him much, to the point where he could be married, so you've never been to his place? Asking where he's planning on going to school is such a common question, even with someone brand new. It doesn't sound like a relationship that's even on the road to a commitment if you have to beat around the bush to ask simple, non invasive questions. I'd just call him and ask him where he's going to school and how far. If you're beyond casual dating, it shouldn't be that hard. If it is, then I wouldn't get mad at him either. I just sounds like he leads the life of a single guy wanting his freedom who tells women what they want to hear, especially with one who's on the verge of freaking out if it's something she doesn't want to hear. Not a nice thing to do, but it happens.

Oh and you're saying would have been happy to just be friends with benefits if he didn't want to be serious? Maybe throw out that suggestion and see how quickly he jumps. lol

No we don't see each other much. We meet up on his one day off a week. But we do talk on the computer for hours each night. I haven't been to his place, He claims he lives with his parents. That is pretty common here for singles even at his age so I think its normal unless I start thinking too much of it.

I did tell him, more than once..that I am open to friends with benefits (but preferred long term) if both people are single, and if both mutually agree it's only sex. We haven't slept together yet, for the record. That was the night he told me his number of flings, and number of long term relationships. And that he is now looking for long term relationship, since he is older (30) and the marriage and kids thing is starting to settle in. When I was um...reading his comments like I shouldnt have been, I saw him say to another girl he was looking for a serious relationship. Maybe he was trying to awe her, but she was married, with kids, not his or anything.

that was too long. I just need to talk to him. Time is going so slow today. I'll just wait, I don't want to call him at work especially the sunday before xmas since he works at a restaurant.

[Glamorous_girl]

Originally Posted by paintednightsky

I agree with the other girls here. 2 months is way too short of a time to get this attached, especially if you haven't been seeing him much and he didn't make promises of a serious relationship. It does not even seem as if much of a relationship has started from the sounds of it, especially since you do not seem to be talking to him much of his plans, what school he is going to, etc.

You really do not want to sound crazy to him. I had one friend who's girlfriend wanted him to delete me off his friends list when I already HAVE a bf and had known him forever! Went through all of his friends, their profiles, his cell phone, etc. You are going to be scaring him off with this behavior!

I would not be telling him you are going through his my space like this. It is his business and I'd dump someone for making assumptions like this and be a bit scared. I did have a crazy ex like this who seriously stalked me for 2 years after he got his own gf and I have had my bf. Leaves bad memories for me!

However, I would have a SERIOUS talk with him to find out his plans, etc. it seems like you haven't actually been talking with him seriously, thus the doubts in your mind. I really hope you haven't been doing the deed with him, without him even saying he's committing to you in the first place! That causes a lot more emotional attachment and perhaps that is why you are feeling the way you do. What kind of conversations do you have with him? 2 months seems like a long time not to ask about his future plans.

I also wanted to add don't let something like this scare you away from other guys in the future. Experiences are made for you to learn from!

Yeah I know... I'm worried about sounding crazy. If someone did it to me I'd dump them in a heartbeat. And I still can't believe I stooped to that level. I'm normally much more mature than that and I'm really ashamed I did something so petty and crazy. I think this taught me not to do it again...and if everything checks out okay....then I'm going to really feel terrible. I am defiantly NOT going to tell him what I did, or accuse him of anything I found out. I'll just ask him how work was and if he is busy tying things up because he is quitting soon. Then be like "yeah so your going to back to school school right?" "what school? and when do you start?"

[forever21]

Originally Posted by Glamorous_girl

But he told me he was looking for a serious girlfriend, and he has told me he is interested in me. I also told him I liked him and that I was looking for a serious relationship. I even told him "if you're not looking for the same thing let me know now"

Never simply trust his words. Again, two months is such a short time... you're probaby just infatuated with him... not any real attachments (even though you might think otherwise.) You do have a right to be pissed off for misleading you... but don't think it's like a breakup or anything. I've been in the same situation before, but seriously two days later it was no big deal.

It's the holidays... distract yourself a little bit. When you revisit how you feel now a few days later, you'll realize how stupid it all was.

[bagnshoofetish]

It sounds to me like you are a classic self saboteur. forget about this guy for one moment and look at the bigger picture here. you mention over and over again how much you distrust people yet you refuse to stop setting yourself up for disappointment by being "generous" and "kind" right away. Its like you are wearing a huge sign on your forehead that says "take advantage of me! I need to feel like crap again!" you don't have to put yourself completely out there for people to be a nice person. there is nothing wrong with being a little reserved - be kind but don't give so much of yourself right away. its like when a kid lets all the other kids take their toys so they will like them and be friends with them. I believe you actually may have a true fear of intimacy issue with people, especially men. I feel this way because I was like this for a long time when I was younger. Hence, I would surely, subconciously attract guys that were only going to break my heart every time and therefore would avoid having to be close to anyone - putting the blame on these "heartless men". Well I finally took responsibility for being the one who picked these "heartless men" and realized that if I was going to attract a quality man, I had to become a quality woman and that meant facing my fears and dealing with them. My life truly changed after that cause I no longer attracted dishonest men because I became honest with myself with what I knew I deserved and wanted. But I had to work on myself first.
When you become confident and comfortable in your own skin, you will no longer be so suspicious of people and will no longer feel the need to do anything but be yourself. A smile goes a long way with people - you don't have to constantly be saying nice things or be giving things to people for them to like you. Say no when you mean no. Say yes when you mean yes and expect nothing in return. The lower your expectations are of people, the less you will be dissappointed and more surprised and happy you will be when they reciprocate your kindness. If this guy doesn't work out, forget him. It was only 2 months out of lifetime. Just stop repeating the same behavior and attitudes over and over if they don't work! Good luck!