I'm fat??? what???

[luckygirl83]

Originally Posted by lurkingsmirk

I'm Asian American. What always bothers me is it doesn't matter how successful and smart you are as a woman, when you hang out with the older generation their primary concern is attractiveness and your perceived ability to find a good man. I don't think anyone worries how chubby the Asian guys get!

I think the male equivalent is height. What do you think? My ex used to get that a lot growing up - drove him bonkers.

[amymaria]

Coming from an Asian family and being Asian myself, I can tell you that the older generation tend to have a very warped sense of body image.

I was once called fat too by my dad (who has called me skinny and frail my ENTIRE LIFE until I put on 6 lbs) I was 103lbs. I was hurt obviously, I actually lost the "weight" and I teeter at 98-100lbs now. I'm 5'3 btw so in no universe should that ever be FAT.

[ilove6kies]

Originally Posted by claireZk

I agree. The first thing I was thinking when I started reading the OP's post was "is she Asian?" because that's just how it is... I don't think anyone who's 105 is fat btw. But for people who don't understand the culture, older Asian women tend to be VERY blunt. It's not meant to be hurtful or rude.

First of all, I just want to sayto OP that 105lb is not fat at all!!! You sound pretty skinny to me!!! :)

ITA...I am Asian too and one thing about traditioanl Asians is that they are really blunt about weight issues. I stayed in Taiwan for 1.5 years with my family and people are NOT afraid to tell me if I have put on some weight or to share dieting tips with me. At first I was quite unhappy about it, but oh well...it is just cultural difference.

In western culture most people would NEVER tell you if you put on weight...sometimes I wish someone would, so it would keep me on my toes!!!

[ilove6kies]

Originally Posted by ilove6kies

First of all, I just want to sayto OP that 105lb is not fat at all!!! You sound pretty skinny to me!!! :) ITA...I am Asian too and one thing about traditioanl Asians is that they are really blunt about weight issues. I stayed in Taiwan for 1.5 years with my family and people are NOT afraid to tell me if I have put on some weight or to share dieting tips with me. At first I was quite unhappy about it, but oh well...it is just cultural difference. In western culture most people would NEVER tell you if you put on weight...sometimes I wish someone would, so it would keep me on my toes!!!

Oh yeah, funny story to share....

When I was in Taiwan, I went to the doctor for a check up. The doctor was a skinny 70 year-old woman who apparently wasn't very pleased with my weight. How did I know? She kept telling me I should lose weight (I was 125lb). Ok fine, I understand that 125lb is a lot for my tiny frame (I am only 5 ft tall).

And THEN...she diagnosed me with phase I obesity!!!!! I was like...are you serious? I thought being "obese" are for people who are seriously overweight!!!

[MidNiteSun]

Originally Posted by mirdc

Are these people you would feel comfortable giving a snappy comeback to? If so, I have a few nefarious suggestions...

hehe thanks. i'm planning on saying something back next time. that was not the first time & im sure it won't be the last time either. im glad i don't run into them often. if they tell me that again, im gonna ask them to define fat.

[MidNiteSun]

im so sorry to hear that. your dad called you fat?? wow...my grandma & aunts tell me to lose weight every single time i see them. when we have family reunion, which is once or twice a year, they would give me 1/2 portion of the food cuz i was too fat & needed help to lose some lbs. or they would give everyone dessert except me. they compare me to my cousin (78lbs) all the time. now, i don't go to family reunions any more. i hate taking pictures with them too. they always say something like you're too round, take a deep breath & hold it...etc

[QUOTE=xlana;11557719]*sigh* "is she Asian?" also went through my mind when I read this.

I am also 105, wear a size XS, and 25 waist in jeans, and I get called fat by my Dad sometimes. I get called fat ALL THE TIME from my Aunts, they just straight up tell me that I've gained weight and that I need to lose weight before I become a heffer. They're just huge jealous bitches IMO.

OP, don't listen to them. You're NOT fat and they're just delusional and jealous

[MidNiteSun]

Originally Posted by oscarcat729

You sure you didn't misunderstand/ mis-hear her? Maybe she said "You're sad" or something?

oh no. i wish. after she said that, i thought i heard it wrong so i said "im sorry??" & she said it again. i just looked at her & said "life is very kind to me these days." then i started to walk away, she called me back & ask if i could talk my mom into getting her a job. she & her daughter both lost their jobs a few months ago. she then gave me her phone # & the time that my mom should or shouldn't call her. after a while, i thought my mom was the 1 looking for a job. i told her my mom would call her whenever my mom has time. she doesn't work so i don't know why my mom "has" to call her at certain hrs. well you might know yhis already but my mom is NOT going to call her.

[MidNiteSun]

Originally Posted by lurkingsmirk

I'm Asian American. What always bothers me is it doesn't matter how successful and smart you are as a woman, when you hang out with the older generation their primary concern is attractiveness and your perceived ability to find a good man. I don't think anyone worries how chubby the Asian guys get!

omg!!! you're so right. when i was dating my ex, my family was totally against it. they kept trying to break us up. according to them he was not good enough bcuz he wasn't a doctor or lawyer..etc. he was a stock broker but took time off to finish his PHD. So he was sort of unemployed. anyway, we finally broke up after 3.5 yrs (bcuz of other reasons). they were so happy 'til they found out that he made a few millions a yr. then they kept telling me to call & get back w/ him. that i must have done somethin really bad for him to leave.

of course they didn't (still don't) like my now dh. he is not a doctor or lawyer, just a poor old engineer. lol i just can't win

[KristyDarling]

Originally Posted by claireZk

I agree. The first thing I was thinking when I started reading the OP's post was "is she Asian?" because that's just how it is... I don't think anyone who's 105 is fat btw. But for people who don't understand the culture, older Asian women tend to be VERY blunt. It's not meant to be hurtful or rude.

This is the very first thing I thought, too. Soooo Asian to think that anything over 90 lbs is "fat." I remember being 92 lbs and 5'2" in high school, and my grandma and aunts all saying, "You are SO chubby!"

In Asian cultures, it's not considered offensive to tell people they're fat or chubby. In fact, many people would take it as a compliment (maybe as a reference to being "healthy"?) My relatives never understood why I'd feel so hurt at their comments.

[MidNiteSun]

oh yeah, i forgot to include my height. im 5'2

[iamsmilin]

Originally Posted by Bella

What if it's not a relative? lol About 10 years ago I used to get my nails done with a very nice young gal, about my age maybe a little older and we always chatted. Well, I guess I had gained some weight in the course of seeing her and one day I came in sat down and she said to me, " oh you're getting fat ". It was initial shock, but oddly enough I didn't have my feelings hurt. I actually laughed about it afterward. I'm sorry to you gals who have to deal with this in your family.

Welcome to the club!

My mom's business partner is SOO rude! When I would go into the shop, she would ask me if I was pregnant! I was so angry but can't say anything because she is my mom's business partner. I mean yes I gained weight but I don't think being a size 6 qualifies me to be called pregnant.

[winnie83]

Goodness, 5' 2" and 105lbs is NOT fat, Asian or not! They must be really jealous to say that to you! In fact, if you calculate your BMI with those numbers, you're close to being underweight!

[la miss]

I am not Asian but I have had several Asian women tell me point blank you are too skinny... you need to gain weight. One lady told me I would never find a husband unless I put on some weight because men don't like bone

[xlana]

My Asian friends and I, were always joke about how our family member's greet us when we haven't seen them in a long time "Wow, did you gain weight?? You look fatter!." I think that a lot of relatives have this image of me as this super skinny girl so whatever I do I'll always look like I got "fatter."

I have this one cousin (she's Asian) who is obsessed with being skinny. She's literally just a stick right now, she seems to disappear everytime I see her. One time on her facebook she wrote that she meant to eat half the muffin for breakfast but she ended up eating the entire thing and now feels guilty about it. Wow, I thought, she must want to be REALLY skinny if she's resticting herself that much. Her mother puts high emphasis on looks. It just saddens me, because being SUPER SKINNY is NOT attractive IMO.

I bet if I ever get pregnant my Aunts are going to tell me to stay as skinny as possible, and if I gain too much they're going to give me crap for it.

[juneping]

OMG...after reading all those horrific stories about weight & asians....
i recall one time i joined my chinese friend to her family dinner. it was quite casual and everyone enjoyed their food.
this chinese girl was dating a white guy. they both were big. so the convo topic were turned on them. they were told to eat 3 apples a day (as 3 meals a day). and how they should blah blah blah....i was a guest to them and only met them once.:blink: the young couple were gracious enough and didn't say anything...
i really don't understand why they are just so rude and superfacial....

sometimes the odd to me is...ppl never feel they are rude to comment if the person is too skinny....but if the person is too big..they would be little more considerate..??