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luckygirl83 · Jul 1st, 2009, 05:38 PM

OP, I get the same sort of thing. My little sister takes it to heart, in particular. She's 5'8 and 145lbs and she's considered obese in the family. Since we are both taller, I feel that our weight should be more proportional to our height. However, Asian family members focus only on the weight portion only ("huh, you weigh more than 100lbs????") even though I am completely underweight according to my BMI and by other non-Asian friends/family. I also get made fun of because I don't fill out the front of all my dresses (really, is that any of your business??).

Whenever I go to HK or meet up with my family, I am told that I've gained weight ("too fat, honey, watch what you eat, no guy wants a chubby girl") or I am too skinny ("you look so bony, have some food, take some food home, you look hideous looking so skinny, you won't find a guy so skinny like that!"). There has never been a time where my family will say, "you look great"! I think this is a very commonplace Asian thing. It's like them asking if I've eaten dinner yet...

xlana · Jul 1st, 2009, 05:39 PM

Originally Posted by rainedrop1019

Ahh yes, I've also gotten the fat comments. All my life, I've been very underweight and it concerned my family. When I went to college, I gained the infamous freshman 15 and went home to lots of fat jokes (I barely weighed over 100 lbs by then). I remember becoming a major gym rat and losing about 15-20 lbs to please my family but when I got home, what happened? It became the "you're too unhealthy and skinny" talks again. *sigh* Could never please them. I stopped trying after that but it was a huge lesson for me to be comfortable with my body.

Omg I got that too. When I went to college, yes I gained the freshman 10, and I think I was about 115-120 at the time, which is fairly heavy for me since my normal weight is around 100-105. Came back home, and my parents wouldn't let me hear the end of it. When to visit my grandma all the aunts (I have 5) were on my back. Fast forward 3 months, I was back to around 98lbs or so after strenous exercise, and then my aunts started calling me "too skinny." Then I came back from Taiwan last summer, gained weight of course, and that's when one aunt told me bluntly at my Grandma's birthday dinner "You are way too fat, this is like the fattest you should ever be. If you get fatter than this, you'll be too fat and ugly." Yeah...I was like 115 pounds max. I wanted to slap her face right there and then, I was so mad that she would say that to me. My mom got upset too, but ultimately told me that that particular Aunt thinks being "super skinny" is attractive and that she's struggled with keeping herself skinny all her life.

I'm going back to visit my grandma in so cal in about 2 weeks, and I'm sure at least one aunt will ask me "Did you gain weight? You look fatter." when I have been 105 for the past year.

blessed247 · Jul 1st, 2009, 05:54 PM

Originally Posted by Sternchen

Since when has 105 become CHUBBY??

Sorry...this might sound really insensitive, but if you girls think that 105 lbs is chubby, you're nuts and need help.

same think I was thinking...

una · Jul 1st, 2009, 06:19 PM

This thread is interesting. My aunts don't say "you're fat" but they say it in other ways, like talking about how much they're dieting and then asking me how much I weigh and glaring at me. They also say stuff like "but don't lose any more weight or you'll be unattractive"; I'm not sure how many lbs this "perfect" weight is for them but I swear they change it depending on their mood.

It annoys me more when they make comments about other stuff like how pale I am, because I do plenty of exercise and I can't tan; I just get burnt. I guess some people will always be able to find fault in the way you look and try to make you feel bad for no good reason.

iamsmilin · Jul 1st, 2009, 06:29 PM

Originally Posted by rainedrop1019

Ahh yes, I've also gotten the fat comments. All my life, I've been very underweight and it concerned my family. When I went to college, I gained the infamous freshman 15 and went home to lots of fat jokes (I barely weighed over 100 lbs by then). I remember becoming a major gym rat and losing about 15-20 lbs to please my family but when I got home, what happened? It became the "you're too unhealthy and skinny" talks again. *sigh* Could never please them. I stopped trying after that but it was a huge lesson for me to be comfortable with my body.

Lol. I had the opposite. I was always chubbier for my size when I was in high-school. I've been hearing I was "fat" since as far back as I can remember. The first quarter I was away I lost like 10 or 15 lbs and when I got home the first thing my uncle said to me was "You're too skinny". It was then that I knew that I would never please them.

juneping · Jul 1st, 2009, 08:19 PM

I have been skinny all my life until two years ago. When my dad saw me last year...he actually told me I finally had good body. But he also warned me I shouldn't gain more weight. I just think may be Asian parents are just more honest.
My Mon always talk about mine and my sisters weight in a private manner. So I guess I am trying to say not all Asians are that rude and think only thin is beauty.

fieryfashionist · Jul 1st, 2009, 09:59 PM

They are projecting their own insecurities onto you. They aren't happy with their bodies/lives/whatever the hell else, so in order to make themselves feel better (either consciously or subconsciously), they put others down. I'm so sorry you are in that position and on the receiving end of their insecurities. At 105lbs, you are NOT fat. If you think so, well, that's another issue all together, but believe me, you are not. Regardless of whether or not your cousins are a size -0, 00, 12, 20, whatever, rude comments and behavior is immature, pathetic and inexcusable.

I know certain cultures have different ideas of what is and isn't acceptable weight wise, but that doesn't excuse being rude about voicing your opinions. Try not to let it bother you by realizing that the problem is 1000000% theirs, not yours. Family members sometimes think they are being honest/sincere, but a lot of times, they forget sensitivity, tact and grace when making comments. Just because the person is your mother/cousin/aunt/uncle, etc. etc. doesn't give them the license to say whatever they please. I've had this happen to me many times (one time my grandmother told me I was fat in front of lots of people haha), and you need to develop a thicker skin (took me a while) and take what they say with a grain of salt... or, like I do oftentimes, let it go in one ear and out the other haha.

guccikat · Jul 1st, 2009, 10:22 PM

haha!
105lb is not chubby.. unless you're 4' tall...
I'm asian, so I consider myself chubby at 110lb (i'm 5'3..) I was in HK last week and my cousins asked me.. "I thought you were on a diet.. hahaha I said I was.."

But 100-105 I think is the ideal weight for asians.. so don't listen to what she's saying.. you're at ideal weight! I need to lose about 8lbs myself!!

vhdos · Jul 1st, 2009, 10:25 PM

As other posters have mentioned, there are cultural issues at play here. I'm not saying that the fat comment wasn't rude, but different cultures may have different standards of rudeness/politeness or at least in how they are conveyed. Also, yes, 105 certainly doesn't sound fat, but height and weight combined determine whether or not a person is technically considered to be overweight - and I say that with all due respect. I'm certainly not saying that you are overweight. The same thing could be true for someone who is underweight - 105 pounds sounds fine, but what if you are very tall and 105 pounds?
Anyway, OP, try not to let it get the best of you. If you are unhappy with the way you look, use your feelings about the comment to motivate you to make some positive changes in your life in regards to your weight. If you are happy with the way you look, then brush it off.

ZippyWho · Jul 1st, 2009, 10:28 PM

Me too, I was called fat in high school by some high schoolers. I was the "bigger one" of my friends and in my family. Asian, 115 lbs, 5'3". Yet, I was the skinny one at work. In college, i had a best friend who was really "fatter" than me overheard my high school friend called me fat and she bust out laughing real hard because she said there wasn't an inch of fat on me. Each piece of my thigh didn't even fill out to touch the other thigh. *sigh*

goodmornin · Jul 1st, 2009, 10:53 PM

Seriously

If you're Asian - you're either going to be "too fat" or "too skinny". Its never - "you look great"

They just need something to complain about. Luckily, my parents weren't this type. Only my "Aunties"

irish_clover · Jul 1st, 2009, 11:06 PM

unless you are 4 foot 0 you aren't fat
I can't stand other people who are so insecure with themselves that they have to bring others down.

I would distance myself from that woman from now on. Actually if it were me and she said that I would have laughed in her face and been like " thanks for that I'll totally go sign up for weight watchers or something wanna come with me?"

lurkingsmirk · Jul 2nd, 2009, 12:13 AM

I'm Asian American. What always bothers me is it doesn't matter how successful and smart you are as a woman, when you hang out with the older generation their primary concern is attractiveness and your perceived ability to find a good man. I don't think anyone worries how chubby the Asian guys get!

Bella · Jul 2nd, 2009, 01:03 AM

Originally Posted by iamsmilin

After reading this thread I think we should start a support group for all the Asian girls who are called fat by their parents/aunts/uncles/sibling/random asian people.

What if it's not a relative? lol

About 10 years ago I used to get my nails done with a very nice young gal, about my age maybe a little older and we always chatted. Well, I guess I had gained some weight in the course of seeing her and one day I came in sat down and she said to me, " oh you're getting fat ".

It was initial shock, but oddly enough I didn't have my feelings hurt. I actually laughed about it afterward.

I'm sorry to you gals who have to deal with this in your family.

arnott · Jul 2nd, 2009, 03:43 AM

Originally Posted by rainedrop1019

Heck, my own grandmother told me I needed to go get a boob job (and while she is correct LOL) I just let it go into one ear and out the other because you know what? I'm okay with who I am and how my body is. As long as you're happy, that's all that matters because you're the only one who has to deal with you.

Jul 1st, 2009, 06:19 PM	#34
una Member Joined: Mar 2007 Location: UK Posts: 508	This thread is interesting. My aunts don't say "you're fat" but they say it in other ways, like talking about how much they're dieting and then asking me how much I weigh and glaring at me. They also say stuff like "but don't lose any more weight or you'll be unattractive"; I'm not sure how many lbs this "perfect" weight is for them but I swear they change it depending on their mood. It annoys me more when they make comments about other stuff like how pale I am, because I do plenty of exercise and I can't tan; I just get burnt. I guess some people will always be able to find fault in the way you look and try to make you feel bad for no good reason.
una Member Joined: Mar 2007 Location: UK Posts: 508

Jul 1st, 2009, 08:19 PM	#36
juneping couch potato-ing Joined: Jun 2007 Location: NYC Posts: 4,032	I have been skinny all my life until two years ago. When my dad saw me last year...he actually told me I finally had good body. But he also warned me I shouldn't gain more weight. I just think may be Asian parents are just more honest. My Mon always talk about mine and my sisters weight in a private manner. So I guess I am trying to say not all Asians are that rude and think only thin is beauty.
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Jul 1st, 2009, 09:59 PM	#37
fieryfashionist aka Minal :) Joined: Dec 2006 Location: NYC/Poughkeepsie, NY Posts: 9,031	They are projecting their own insecurities onto you. They aren't happy with their bodies/lives/whatever the hell else, so in order to make themselves feel better (either consciously or subconsciously), they put others down. I'm so sorry you are in that position and on the receiving end of their insecurities. At 105lbs, you are NOT fat. If you think so, well, that's another issue all together, but believe me, you are not. Regardless of whether or not your cousins are a size -0, 00, 12, 20, whatever, rude comments and behavior is immature, pathetic and inexcusable. I know certain cultures have different ideas of what is and isn't acceptable weight wise, but that doesn't excuse being rude about voicing your opinions. Try not to let it bother you by realizing that the problem is 1000000% theirs, not yours. Family members sometimes think they are being honest/sincere, but a lot of times, they forget sensitivity, tact and grace when making comments. Just because the person is your mother/cousin/aunt/uncle, etc. etc. doesn't give them the license to say whatever they please. I've had this happen to me many times (one time my grandmother told me I was fat in front of lots of people haha), and you need to develop a thicker skin (took me a while) and take what they say with a grain of salt... or, like I do oftentimes, let it go in one ear and out the other haha.
	__________________ “A girl should be two things: classy and fabulous.” ~Coco Chanel~ Chanel wishlist 1. '10C red caviar Jumbo 2. '10C cobalt blue caviar medium/Jumbo! 3. '06 Violet Fonce caviar Jumbo! 4. '09A Navy caviar Jumbo with gold h/w (it's here)!! 5. Bronze 2.55 tote - got it! CL wishlist 1. Black patent Bourge boots 2. Marron Glace Ron Rons (coming)! Other: Choo Peony boots! YSL black leather Tribtoos Bal 1. Outremer/EB!! 2. Anthra!! 3. Marine!! Last edited by fieryfashionist; Jul 1st, 2009 at 10:05 PM.

Jul 1st, 2009, 10:22 PM	#38
guccikat Member Joined: Aug 2007 Posts: 203	haha! 105lb is not chubby.. unless you're 4' tall... I'm asian, so I consider myself chubby at 110lb (i'm 5'3..) I was in HK last week and my cousins asked me.. "I thought you were on a diet.. hahaha I said I was.." But 100-105 I think is the ideal weight for asians.. so don't listen to what she's saying.. you're at ideal weight! I need to lose about 8lbs myself!!
guccikat Member Joined: Aug 2007 Posts: 203

Jul 1st, 2009, 10:25 PM	#39
vhdos Member Joined: May 2007 Location: NC Posts: 2,966	As other posters have mentioned, there are cultural issues at play here. I'm not saying that the fat comment wasn't rude, but different cultures may have different standards of rudeness/politeness or at least in how they are conveyed. Also, yes, 105 certainly doesn't sound fat, but height and weight combined determine whether or not a person is technically considered to be overweight - and I say that with all due respect. I'm certainly not saying that you are overweight. The same thing could be true for someone who is underweight - 105 pounds sounds fine, but what if you are very tall and 105 pounds? Anyway, OP, try not to let it get the best of you. If you are unhappy with the way you look, use your feelings about the comment to motivate you to make some positive changes in your life in regards to your weight. If you are happy with the way you look, then brush it off.
vhdos Member Joined: May 2007 Location: NC Posts: 2,966	__________________ visit Bonanzle.com

Jul 1st, 2009, 05:38 PM	#31
luckygirl83 Member Joined: May 2008 Location: New York City Posts: 686	OP, I get the same sort of thing. My little sister takes it to heart, in particular. She's 5'8 and 145lbs and she's considered obese in the family. Since we are both taller, I feel that our weight should be more proportional to our height. However, Asian family members focus only on the weight portion only ("huh, you weigh more than 100lbs????") even though I am completely underweight according to my BMI and by other non-Asian friends/family. I also get made fun of because I don't fill out the front of all my dresses (really, is that any of your business??). Whenever I go to HK or meet up with my family, I am told that I've gained weight ("too fat, honey, watch what you eat, no guy wants a chubby girl") or I am too skinny ("you look so bony, have some food, take some food home, you look hideous looking so skinny, you won't find a guy so skinny like that!"). There has never been a time where my family will say, "you look great"! I think this is a very commonplace Asian thing. It's like them asking if I've eaten dinner yet...

Jul 1st, 2009, 10:28 PM	#40
ZippyWho Member Joined: Apr 2009 Posts: 322	Me too, I was called fat in high school by some high schoolers. I was the "bigger one" of my friends and in my family. Asian, 115 lbs, 5'3". Yet, I was the skinny one at work. In college, i had a best friend who was really "fatter" than me overheard my high school friend called me fat and she bust out laughing real hard because she said there wasn't an inch of fat on me. Each piece of my thigh didn't even fill out to touch the other thigh. sigh
ZippyWho Member Joined: Apr 2009 Posts: 322

Jul 1st, 2009, 10:53 PM	#41
goodmornin yanko Joined: May 2006 Location: San Francisco! Posts: 2,264	Seriously If you're Asian - you're either going to be "too fat" or "too skinny". Its never - "you look great" They just need something to complain about. Luckily, my parents weren't this type. Only my "Aunties"
	__________________ ~My Dream Lver List...~ 1) YSL Cage Bootie in Black Patent 38 2) Lanvin Flats in Patent Black 37.5 3) YSL Tribute Sandals in Navy 39 4) YSL Teal or Sky Anthracite Besace 5) Spring clothes!

Jul 1st, 2009, 11:06 PM	#42
irish_clover Member Joined: Nov 2007 Location: Vancouver BC Posts: 827	unless you are 4 foot 0 you aren't fat I can't stand other people who are so insecure with themselves that they have to bring others down. I would distance myself from that woman from now on. Actually if it were me and she said that I would have laughed in her face and been like " thanks for that I'll totally go sign up for weight watchers or something wanna come with me?"

Jul 2nd, 2009, 12:13 AM	#43
lurkingsmirk Member Joined: Aug 2008 Posts: 102	I'm Asian American. What always bothers me is it doesn't matter how successful and smart you are as a woman, when you hang out with the older generation their primary concern is attractiveness and your perceived ability to find a good man. I don't think anyone worries how chubby the Asian guys get!
lurkingsmirk Member Joined: Aug 2008 Posts: 102

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