i need some advice on how to deal with a mother-in-law situation

kimsg · Jun 4th, 2008, 09:06 PM

my mil and my husband have a terrible realtionship, he is desperately trying to connect with her. she has not seen my oldest child in 7 years and has never met my youngest. we are taking a family trip to where mil lives, there are many other of my husband's extended family which live in that area. i am not sure how to approach mil or even how to deal with seeing her again. truthfully, i have never liked her but after her shunning my children, i can't stand her and am so afraid i won't be able to look at her

Bagluvluv · Jun 4th, 2008, 09:13 PM

Honestly, I dont think that there is much really to do but stand back and let them work it out themselves....

It speaks volumes on your mil, when she ignores your children for so long.....

I wouldnt hold my breath but certainly, you can ease things by being positive and sensitive....family dynamics are such a crazy and different thing to deal with....I speak form personal experience of trouble...

I wish you guys the best!!!!

suretobuy · Jun 4th, 2008, 10:58 PM

How did she shun your children? Do you mean cause she's never seen them?

boxermom · Jun 4th, 2008, 11:01 PM

Has she ever said why? Depression, alcohol abuse, mental illness, just plain selfish?

You can't do much more than be there to protect your children if she does or says anything harmful.

guccimamma · Jun 4th, 2008, 11:30 PM

just stand back and smile, pray it is over soon.

lovinalotofbags · Jun 5th, 2008, 12:01 AM

Wait and see how it goes with your husband and mil. She is the one missing out on seeing her beautiful grandchildren. Even if the relationship is strained between them, has she sent gifts, asked for pictures of the children, etc. If she really wanted to see her grandchildren, she could have. If she and your husband put things aside for a short while, she could have enjoyed her grandchildren. Good luck to both of them.

kimsg · Jun 5th, 2008, 07:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lovinalotofbags

Wait and see how it goes with your husband and mil. She is the one missing out on seeing her beautiful grandchildren. Even if the relationship is strained between them, has she sent gifts, asked for pictures of the children, etc. If she really wanted to see her grandchildren, she could have. If she and your husband put things aside for a short while, she could have enjoyed her grandchildren. Good luck to both of them.

that's the thing, she has never sent a gift, called the house, done anything to make me think she cares the slightest bit about my children and that is what makes me so angry. even though we live far away, it is not a money issue, this woman is a millionare, not that that matters to my kids, they are young enough that "treats" from the dollar stoer excite them.

MissyBaby · Jun 5th, 2008, 10:01 AM

Hmm....my BF's mom and him are not close at all. She walked away from his father several years ago and since then has remarried 4 different times. She lives in the same town as he does so they see each other, but when he sees her car in the parking lot of a business or restaurant, he goes out of his way to go somewhere else. I've seen her 1 time and we've been together 5 months. But I will say this for the woman, she is at least trying to be involved. Their relationship is extremely strained but it's still floating....a little. She hurt their family extremely and BF is the one that's hurting the most (he has 2 older sisters and a young brother.) While the rest of the family goes to Mom's for Sunday Lunch or Easter or whatever, BF goes somewhere else.

As for your situation, hon, all I can say is just smile and be nice to her. Even if you can't stand her. When my parents got married my Dad's oldest sister and oldest niece HATED Mama and tried everything to break them up, but it didn't work and there was always tension between the three of them, but my Mom, bless her heart, gritted her teeth and dealt with it. I can't believe a grandmother would ignore her grandchildren. That's definatly her misfortune.

ShimmaPuff · Jun 5th, 2008, 02:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bagluvluv

...stand back and let them work it out themselves...

I could have said that in only 7000 or so words.

There is really no better advice anyone could give you.

Your only task, and it will be a daunting one, will be to protect your children from the effects of the energy of sadness and frustration that is bound to emanate from your husband, as he attempts to make that connection with his mother, and from you, as you love him and try to comfort him.

Children can sense that emotional energy, no matter how young they are, and no matter what we tell them or do not tell them.

It is a very sad situation, but it is not one of your making, nor one that you contributed to in any way, and one that can only be "fixed" by your mother-in-law herself, thus it falls into that category of "things you cannot control," and all you can do is try to offset the negative "sadness" energy of it by generating as much extra positive "happiness" energy as you can, and smearing it with wild abandon all over your husband and family.

Jun 4th, 2008, 09:06 PM	#1
kimsg Member Location: new jersey	i need some advice on how to deal with a mother-in-law situation my mil and my husband have a terrible realtionship, he is desperately trying to connect with her. she has not seen my oldest child in 7 years and has never met my youngest. we are taking a family trip to where mil lives, there are many other of my husband's extended family which live in that area. i am not sure how to approach mil or even how to deal with seeing her again. truthfully, i have never liked her but after her shunning my children, i can't stand her and am so afraid i won't be able to look at her

Jun 4th, 2008, 09:13 PM	#2
Bagluvluv Think, Think, Think! Location: On my cell	Honestly, I dont think that there is much really to do but stand back and let them work it out themselves.... It speaks volumes on your mil, when she ignores your children for so long..... I wouldnt hold my breath but certainly, you can ease things by being positive and sensitive....family dynamics are such a crazy and different thing to deal with....I speak form personal experience of trouble... I wish you guys the best!!!! __________________ Want for everybody, all that you want for yourself-----Wallace D. Wattles I'm soooo done....

Jun 5th, 2008, 12:01 AM	#6
lovinalotofbags In for the long haul Location: South Carolina	Wait and see how it goes with your husband and mil. She is the one missing out on seeing her beautiful grandchildren. Even if the relationship is strained between them, has she sent gifts, asked for pictures of the children, etc. If she really wanted to see her grandchildren, she could have. If she and your husband put things aside for a short while, she could have enjoyed her grandchildren. Good luck to both of them. __________________ Always forgive your enemies. Nothing annoys them so much.

Jun 5th, 2008, 10:01 AM	#8
MissyBaby Member Location: Kentucky	Hmm....my BF's mom and him are not close at all. She walked away from his father several years ago and since then has remarried 4 different times. She lives in the same town as he does so they see each other, but when he sees her car in the parking lot of a business or restaurant, he goes out of his way to go somewhere else. I've seen her 1 time and we've been together 5 months. But I will say this for the woman, she is at least trying to be involved. Their relationship is extremely strained but it's still floating....a little. She hurt their family extremely and BF is the one that's hurting the most (he has 2 older sisters and a young brother.) While the rest of the family goes to Mom's for Sunday Lunch or Easter or whatever, BF goes somewhere else. As for your situation, hon, all I can say is just smile and be nice to her. Even if you can't stand her. When my parents got married my Dad's oldest sister and oldest niece HATED Mama and tried everything to break them up, but it didn't work and there was always tension between the three of them, but my Mom, bless her heart, gritted her teeth and dealt with it. I can't believe a grandmother would ignore her grandchildren. That's definatly her misfortune. __________________ *Missy* Do you have a pair of High Heels in that bag? No. Not even a small pair of pumps? No. Arh!

Jun 4th, 2008, 10:58 PM	#3
suretobuy Call me Maddie Location: South of Canada	How did she shun your children? Do you mean cause she's never seen them?

Jun 4th, 2008, 11:01 PM	#4
boxermom Member Location: North Carolina	Has she ever said why? Depression, alcohol abuse, mental illness, just plain selfish? You can't do much more than be there to protect your children if she does or says anything harmful.

Jun 4th, 2008, 11:30 PM	#5
guccimamma guccimamma	just stand back and smile, pray it is over soon.