[rella869]

First I wanted to say Merry Christmas to everyone...
Post below is kind of explicit so as a warning..Mods, feel free to let me know or edit the post if i went over the line

Now heres my issue...
I love my fiance and know that he loves me. We've been together for 4 years and living together for 2 in our own place. For the past few months (8?) I've been feeling more that our love is more like...best friend type love. Meaning...i'll do anything for him but theres no romance. I've been hinting at him for this for a long time and finally told him about a year ago...things get better for a day or so..but then thats it until the next time we have the dreaded conversation
We're young (me 23, him 24 turnin 25 in april) but our sex life..well... ugh..is awful
If we get initimate, its maybe once a week... even on vaca in jamacia this past jan we had the same issue
I try EVERYTHING and first he was telling me that he was tired (We used to go to school and work and get home late) but he graduated in May so hes been way more relaxed and happy. He says its because I dont get into it, but I explained to him that its hard to get into it just once a week. Its always the same... one a week, a night, before bed..and its never romantic more like "um..do you want to?" He says when we are intimate he can tell i'm bored.. (which i am!!!!)
We've talked about this to death and we always come to the same conclusion and things always go back to the way it is... We've done the whole candle lighting, going away for the weekend just us...going to the adult store
I once asked him to tell me what kind of lingerie he likes (satin,lace..PVC lol!!) but he told me its a waste of money and he likes me without it just fine...We got into a big fight about it....... I just dont know what to do anymore..
I know that love turns into the more comfortable type- not butterfly in your belly type but i can go a whole day without speaking to him and i'm fine... i feel like I call him more out of habit than anything...
He's the most amazing, wonderful caring person I know and I'm so lucky to have him in my life..and its not that i'm unappreciative I just dont know what to do
No romance, no intimacy and i'm bored to tears
Am I just being bratty? What do I do? I've tried everything
He tells me he loves me and hugs me and kisses me..he does everything to make me happy...and I know he means it....

I know he looks at online xxx websites whenever i'm not around or he doesnt think im looking at what hes doing online...and I catch him staring at other woman (Case in point...we were stopped at a light having a conversation and I see him looking over my head..i turn and see a girl kneeling at her car getting something and you can see her tattoo on her lower back because her jeans shifted..I looked back at him and he pretended not to see it...

He swears he is still attracted to me and I know that hes only human, looking at other women is fine and i'm normally not the jealous type..but when the girl w/the tatt is getting a look more than I've seen in years..I start to get jealous and hate that about myself..which then makes me angry at him

Theres so just much I dont even know what to do anymore..
I'm sitting home now because he is out at the bathhouses with my dad, his dad and his sisters boyfriends dad. I was supposed to cook him this great dinner but his mom decided that we all need to go out as a family (we do this every weekend) and he gave in..even though we had plans (like ALWAYS)

Thank you for letting me vent..I'm just so sad I cant put it into words anymore and dont even know if my post makes any sense

[keya]

It sounds to me like the two of you have stopped being lovers and become just friends instead. It's fully possible to love each other and care about each other without having that romantic love needed for a relationship to last. If the two of you really have tried to get the spark back without succeeding, maybe it's time to re-evaluate your relationship? You're both still young.

[DamierLover]

Sounds like you know that you two have outgrown one another...just because you've been togother for so long doesn't mean your meant to spend a lifetime together. If your bored now it's not going to get any better. Make the break while your still young and unattached. Good luck.

[rella869]

I want to be with him..and he says he wants to be with me and i believe him (we just got engaged in OCT and I have not been pushing him to do it...he did because he wanted to)..i want it to work but i feel like ive exhausted all my options..we've never argued before and now we bicker about the DUMBEST things..all the time..
We talk about the future all the time..kids..homes..etc

I dont know :(
I love him, I want to be happy with him..and I want him to be happy with me.

[mona_danya]

I say take a break from each other, i.e one of you move out for a while and see what happens. Either you'll miss each other like mad or you won't miss much at all.
As for the lack of sex how does he get by with only one night a week? the guys is still young and should need more sex than that?!?!?

[Wentworth-Roth]

I trust you when you say you two want to be together, so advising you to split or take a break won't work for you.
See, life and relationships are complicated and I know of relationships that are great but lack the aspect of sex. How important is sex for both of you? If it is important, but you two are not compatible in bed, but in everything else, why not open that aspect of your relationship to others?

[debsmith]

Honestly, at your young ages, if that spark is already gone then it's time to move on BEFORE the marriage commitment/kids, etc. which can only complicate things. Life is way too short to settle for less than you want or need. Why wake up in thirty years and say "Oh how I wish I had done things differently when I had the chance".....it's too late then. You can always just be friends...and everyone needs those! Good luck to you.

[debsmith]

Quote: He's the most amazing, wonderful caring person I know and I'm so lucky to have him in my life..and its not that i'm unappreciative I just dont know what to do
No romance, no intimacy and i'm bored to tears.
Am I just being bratty?

Forgot....this is not a bratty reaction...clearly your needs are not met or you wouldn't be feeling this way. The best thing you can do is trust your gut feeling. Appreciate his good qualities for what they are, but if you need more than that then you have a right to find and be with the person that can meet those needs. He's out there somewhere.

[rella869]

he once told me tht hes not one of those guys that need it all the time..yet I find x-rate stuff on the computer day in and day out... regardless, i once told him we arent compatible in bed to see what he would say and he got all upset and started coming up with solutions...of course as usually, 2 days later things go back to business as usual
We've had time were we havent had sex for almost 2 months..and not a peep from him...
Sex isnt number one in the relationship but i want it..i want to feel sexy and lusted after and make eachother feel good.. he says my lack of initative doesnt turn him on..we talk in circle about this
I dont want to have sex with anyone else..I want him..an open relationship isnt what i want...and he wouldnt like it either (According to him)

[rella869]

maybe i just want something that only exists in movie? i know there is real life..but sometimes a bit of fantasy is so nice..

[Wentworth-Roth]

^ No no, what you want definitely exists in real life! Not just in the movies!

[chouchou]

i know a lot of people are advising you break up or take a break or whatever but if you got engaged to this man, you obviously have deep feelings for him.

I personally think there is more to a relationship than sex. If everything else is wonderful and you get along and can live together then its a rare thing to find.

I think with age and time, sex (like looks) becomes less important but a mental connection remains.
Often you hear about stories where people are head over heals in lust and have a great sex life but their partner is actually a crap person.

Also people have different sex drives. If he is satisfying his needs elsewhere (eg. online) then you guys should talk about it but if he just has a lower sex drive than you then perhaps you can think about erm... self-fulfilment?

Maybe think of it this way- do you want him in your life as a partner or as a friend? If you'd be happier just being his friend (ie. not living with him, meeting another man who you will spend more time with than him eventually) then maybe think of letting him go.
But if you can't see yourself without him (including with this intimacy issue, because if it doesnt get resolved, you will have to live with it) then perhaps try and think of ways around it or learn to live with it?

this is IMO only. it's what i'd do but I don't know your whole situation.
good luck with everything!

[rella869]

thanks ladies..im asking the mods to close this down..if you want to PM me, please feel free..
thank you for taking time out to help me

[Prada's Meadow]

Closed @ The OP's Request.