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BagLadie · Nov 2nd, 2009, 10:48 PM

Originally Posted by DesigningStyle

I am sorry that you are going through this. I know your pain and how much it hurts. I wish your marriage had been the forever kind. I know how hard it is to talk to family about this, but no one knows your relationship--being on the inside is very different. It sounds like you need to kind and gentle with yourself...forgive yourself and move on.

Thank you - I'm trying. I call myself a walking "work in progress" (and sometimes "the poster child for therapy") I am trying to forgive myself for so many things I've done - and starting to like myself a whole lot more.

Your words help. xo

tiffthegreat · Nov 2nd, 2009, 11:12 PM

i am so sorry that you have to go through this, but i am happy for you that you didn't stay in a situation that you weren't fully satisfied with. I wish you and your husband the absolute in the next chapter of your lives.

olialm1 · Nov 3rd, 2009, 01:08 AM

Good luck. I hope you're able to sort out your feelings and be happy again. You probably don't want to hear this, but your husband seems like a great person. The fact that he is willing to put so much effort into fixing things shows he deserves a lot of respect and answers. I think you should continue being honest with him.

DesigningStyle · Nov 3rd, 2009, 08:57 AM

Originally Posted by BagLadie

Thank you - I'm trying. I call myself a walking "work in progress" (and sometimes "the poster child for therapy") I am trying to forgive myself for so many things I've done - and starting to like myself a whole lot more.

Your words help. xo

You are in my thoughts and prayers my dear. Hang in there. It gets better. I promise.

BagLadie · Nov 3rd, 2009, 11:13 AM

Originally Posted by tiffthegreat

i am so sorry that you have to go through this, but i am happy for you that you didn't stay in a situation that you weren't fully satisfied with. I wish you and your husband the absolute in the next chapter of your lives.

A million thanks.

BagLadie · Nov 3rd, 2009, 11:15 AM

Originally Posted by olialm1

Good luck. I hope you're able to sort out your feelings and be happy again. You probably don't want to hear this, but your husband seems like a great person. The fact that he is willing to put so much effort into fixing things shows he deserves a lot of respect and answers. I think you should continue being honest with him.

Thank you. I agree - he is a decent person and is in fact thinking of ME throughout most of this. He is done with his denial of this whole situation and sees my unhappiness and has said he wants me to be happy - even if it means letting me go. Takes a big person to be like that and I have the utmost respect for him for that. I am being painfully honest with him these days and trying my best to help him get through this as well. It isn't easy.

Odette · Nov 3rd, 2009, 07:50 PM

Just wanted to reach out and say hello. I too am going through a divorce, no kids, but I know how hard it is to lose that part of your life. Let yourself grieve, go through the emotions, eventually you will feel better, and your life will get bright again.

jellybebe · Nov 3rd, 2009, 08:22 PM

Of course it's normal to feel sad. Even if you haven't been happy, you have lived with this unhappiness for so many years - it's become familiar, even comfortable. A change is going to be tough and scary, but so good for you in so many ways. I'm happy for you and am sending you strength through this transition period!

Decophile · Nov 3rd, 2009, 10:06 PM

I completely understand and sympathize. My 15 year relationship with my boyfriend also ended recently. Although I am 100% certain that we need to split and it is all for the better, and even though I actually feel real optimism about my future and welcome change, the sense of loss, the "death", was neverthless overwhelming, even crushing.

The loss is on many levels, many of which others have referred to. One of the biggest losses I sensed was the loss of that deep burning, yearning love I had for him for so long, it became a part of me. My love for him partly defined me. Now that core of my love for him is gone, and I sense a loss, the void left tere, the loss of a part of me, my history, my youth. All of that is gone with the end of this relationship, and only the memory remains. Even if greater happiness is still ahead of you (which I have no doubt it is!), there is still the loss of what once was, something that was once so wonderful and powerful, but no longer has that same power. That too is a loss worthy of mourning.

Hang in there. It definitely passes. I can freshly attest.

jenniferelaine · Nov 3rd, 2009, 10:22 PM

I've been thinking about you lately BagLadie & wondered how you were doing. I was going to PM you so I'm glad you posted this.

I can't imagine how difficult this must be, even though you are the one who wanted it. But you will be happier in the end. But like others have said, it is a loss, a loss of the life you once had (happy or not) & it will never be the same again. So you must grieve & heal & then you will be able to move on. From what I've heard, the transition period is the worst & you have kids. Finding your place is often a challenge, but you will be fine & so will your children. They have 2 great parents who are looking out for their best interests. Best of luck to you & take care!

phathoe · Nov 3rd, 2009, 10:48 PM

Hi BagLadie!

I'm actually going through the exact same thing as you right now. I've been married for 2.5 years, and I initiated the separation 2 weeks ago. Even though I wanted this, I have been bawling my eyes out. We have a son together, and he's 26 months only. I just believe that in the long run, we'll all emerge as stronger individual, and also as an independent woman. It's really hard. Trust me, I totally understand how it feels. We've been together for almost 6, married for 2.5, it's hard just to "walk away" per se. I'm still struggling, but each day I'm getting better. The only thing that's different is that my other half is being incredibly rude to me, and it just dampens my spirits.

Be able to look within yourself, and know you're doing the right thing and move forward from now on.

BagLadie · Nov 4th, 2009, 07:20 AM

Originally Posted by Odette

Just wanted to reach out and say hello. I too am going through a divorce, no kids, but I know how hard it is to lose that part of your life. Let yourself grieve, go through the emotions, eventually you will feel better, and your life will get bright again.

Thank you. My best to you also.

BagLadie · Nov 4th, 2009, 07:21 AM

Originally Posted by phathoe

Hi BagLadie!

I'm actually going through the exact same thing as you right now. I've been married for 2.5 years, and I initiated the separation 2 weeks ago. Even though I wanted this, I have been bawling my eyes out. We have a son together, and he's 26 months only. I just believe that in the long run, we'll all emerge as stronger individual, and also as an independent woman. It's really hard. Trust me, I totally understand how it feels. We've been together for almost 6, married for 2.5, it's hard just to "walk away" per se. I'm still struggling, but each day I'm getting better. The only thing that's different is that my other half is being incredibly rude to me, and it just dampens my spirits.

Be able to look within yourself, and know you're doing the right thing and move forward from now on.

It's nice to hear that each day is getting better for you.

The hard part for me is that he is still living here. I haven't forced him to immediately leave because of the kids. But that's coming soon.

BagLadie · Nov 4th, 2009, 07:22 AM

Originally Posted by jenniferelaine

I've been thinking about you lately BagLadie & wondered how you were doing. I was going to PM you so I'm glad you posted this.

I can't imagine how difficult this must be, even though you are the one who wanted it. But you will be happier in the end. But like others have said, it is a loss, a loss of the life you once had (happy or not) & it will never be the same again. So you must grieve & heal & then you will be able to move on. From what I've heard, the transition period is the worst & you have kids. Finding your place is often a challenge, but you will be fine & so will your children. They have 2 great parents who are looking out for their best interests. Best of luck to you & take care!

Thank you - and pm me anytime.

BagLadie · Nov 4th, 2009, 07:23 AM

Originally Posted by Decophile

I completely understand and sympathize. My 15 year relationship with my boyfriend also ended recently. Although I am 100% certain that we need to split and it is all for the better, and even though I actually feel real optimism about my future and welcome change, the sense of loss, the "death", was neverthless overwhelming, even crushing.

The loss is on many levels, many of which others have referred to. One of the biggest losses I sensed was the loss of that deep burning, yearning love I had for him for so long, it became a part of me. My love for him partly defined me. Now that core of my love for him is gone, and I sense a loss, the void left tere, the loss of a part of me, my history, my youth. All of that is gone with the end of this relationship, and only the memory remains. Even if greater happiness is still ahead of you (which I have no doubt it is!), there is still the loss of what once was, something that was once so wonderful and powerful, but no longer has that same power. That too is a loss worthy of mourning.

Hang in there. It definitely passes. I can freshly attest.

I'm sorry for you also.....glad you're ok. Thank you for sharing.

Nov 2nd, 2009, 11:12 PM	#32
tiffthegreat Member Joined: Jan 2009 Location: Florida Posts: 367	i am so sorry that you have to go through this, but i am happy for you that you didn't stay in a situation that you weren't fully satisfied with. I wish you and your husband the absolute in the next chapter of your lives.
	__________________ "the most important thing we can do at this stage of our lives is to ensure we enjoy it, let whatever comes, come, don't get too committed, but at the same time if you find something good don't throw it away, you have to be smart."

Nov 3rd, 2009, 01:08 AM	#33
olialm1 windy city Joined: Dec 2008 Location: Chicago Posts: 1,550	Good luck. I hope you're able to sort out your feelings and be happy again. You probably don't want to hear this, but your husband seems like a great person. The fact that he is willing to put so much effort into fixing things shows he deserves a lot of respect and answers. I think you should continue being honest with him.
	__________________ make a difference! free rice

Nov 3rd, 2009, 07:50 PM	#37
Odette Member Joined: Aug 2007 Posts: 4,996	Just wanted to reach out and say hello. I too am going through a divorce, no kids, but I know how hard it is to lose that part of your life. Let yourself grieve, go through the emotions, eventually you will feel better, and your life will get bright again.
Odette Member Joined: Aug 2007 Posts: 4,996	__________________

Nov 3rd, 2009, 08:22 PM	#38
jellybebe loves pink!!! Joined: Jan 2007 Location: Canada Posts: 8,024	Of course it's normal to feel sad. Even if you haven't been happy, you have lived with this unhappiness for so many years - it's become familiar, even comfortable. A change is going to be tough and scary, but so good for you in so many ways. I'm happy for you and am sending you strength through this transition period!
	__________________ Looking for an astro Prada Fairy bowler. Please PM if you see an authentic one! <3

Nov 3rd, 2009, 10:22 PM	#40
jenniferelaine Member Joined: May 2006 Posts: 1,378	I've been thinking about you lately BagLadie & wondered how you were doing. I was going to PM you so I'm glad you posted this. I can't imagine how difficult this must be, even though you are the one who wanted it. But you will be happier in the end. But like others have said, it is a loss, a loss of the life you once had (happy or not) & it will never be the same again. So you must grieve & heal & then you will be able to move on. From what I've heard, the transition period is the worst & you have kids. Finding your place is often a challenge, but you will be fine & so will your children. They have 2 great parents who are looking out for their best interests. Best of luck to you & take care!
jenniferelaine Member Joined: May 2006 Posts: 1,378

Nov 3rd, 2009, 10:06 PM	#39
Decophile Member Joined: Aug 2006 Location: Denver, Colorado Posts: 4,534	I completely understand and sympathize. My 15 year relationship with my boyfriend also ended recently. Although I am 100% certain that we need to split and it is all for the better, and even though I actually feel real optimism about my future and welcome change, the sense of loss, the "death", was neverthless overwhelming, even crushing. The loss is on many levels, many of which others have referred to. One of the biggest losses I sensed was the loss of that deep burning, yearning love I had for him for so long, it became a part of me. My love for him partly defined me. Now that core of my love for him is gone, and I sense a loss, the void left tere, the loss of a part of me, my history, my youth. All of that is gone with the end of this relationship, and only the memory remains. Even if greater happiness is still ahead of you (which I have no doubt it is!), there is still the loss of what once was, something that was once so wonderful and powerful, but no longer has that same power. That too is a loss worthy of mourning. Hang in there. It definitely passes. I can freshly attest.

Nov 3rd, 2009, 10:48 PM	#41
phathoe Over the Rainbow Joined: Nov 2007 Posts: 230	Hi BagLadie! I'm actually going through the exact same thing as you right now. I've been married for 2.5 years, and I initiated the separation 2 weeks ago. Even though I wanted this, I have been bawling my eyes out. We have a son together, and he's 26 months only. I just believe that in the long run, we'll all emerge as stronger individual, and also as an independent woman. It's really hard. Trust me, I totally understand how it feels. We've been together for almost 6, married for 2.5, it's hard just to "walk away" per se. I'm still struggling, but each day I'm getting better. The only thing that's different is that my other half is being incredibly rude to me, and it just dampens my spirits. Be able to look within yourself, and know you're doing the right thing and move forward from now on.
phathoe Over the Rainbow Joined: Nov 2007 Posts: 230	__________________

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