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BagLadie · Jul 2nd, 2009, 07:20 PM

...and I am just going to spill it.

I have grown to love all the advice in here and feel a peculiar friendship with you guys. But...as much as I love to give advice in here - I probably should have been posting my own issues.

So here goes....

I am married. And I have 3 beautiful kids. And I am very unhappy. Have been for most of my marriage.

I am on the verge of ending my marriage. It's not that it's been the worst marriage in the world - just a loveless one - on my part. I feel nothing for the man I married and am not sure I ever really did. I look back to when I got married - I was only 25 - and I married because...well...everyone was getting married. My parents loved him (hated all previous bf's) and he was a great security for me.

It was never what I wanted it to be. I did try very hard to make it work. He never did anything wrong - but have any of you ever looked at your spouses and felt.....nothing? It's not like I can even try to get those feelings back...they were never really there.

I have been in therapy for the past few months and it's helped - helped me realize I need to let go and move on.

Now for the hard part. I have a man in my life whom I love more than I can even express to any of you. Please don't judge me - trust me - I do that enough to myself. He has been my best friend and - not the reason I am leaving my marriage - but a good motivation. He has simply waited for me in the sidelines and been there when I needed him.

I have walked away from him too because I need this to be about me and my husband. I have posted a lot about him in here - calling him my SO and so on and so forth. But that's been a lie and I have to come clean about it. I have been coming clean to a lot of people in my life so I figured I would do it here too.

I know most of you will be horrified with me and my situation - years ago - I would have been too. I have grown to realize we can't judge people because we really don't know the situation. But I confided to my best friend a while back and she has helped me move in the right direction. I owe her so much for that.

So there you have it. It feels good to be honest with all of you. Wish me luck because I am going through a LOT and will be going through a lot in the coming months. I am excited to fix my life and be a happier person in the future.

I am not sure who I am to have been giving relationship advice - I do feel like a failure - but reading about others problems has actually been a great distraction.

So there ya have it everyone. BagLadie doesn't have it so good. But one day I will - either on my own or with the man I know I should have married 14 years ago.

Can't believe I am posting this but it's the only right thing to do. I like all of you too much to not be honest with you guys.

PurseAddict79 · Jul 2nd, 2009, 07:24 PM

You're not a failure!!! Failing, IMO, is not trying at all. My gawd, you've spent the better part of your adult life trying.

I'm sorry you're going through this... I truly hope you find the strength within to make yourself happy... to discover what that is.

Good luck *hugs*

BagLadie · Jul 2nd, 2009, 07:26 PM

^^ thank you!!! Ok already I feel better. I have been on the fence about whether or not to post about this. But this is a special place to me - been coming here for years and I love this part of the forum. It's been killing me not to tell all of you. And I didn't want to post it in the secret section - I need you all to know for some reason.

dallas · Jul 2nd, 2009, 07:26 PM

I wish you well. Hugs.

BagLadie · Jul 2nd, 2009, 07:28 PM

thanks Dallas.

twin53 · Jul 2nd, 2009, 07:28 PM

you will be okay - i wish you strength and hope in your life. good luck.

BagLadie · Jul 2nd, 2009, 07:29 PM

^^ thank you. Wow words do help.

queenvictoria2 · Jul 2nd, 2009, 07:29 PM

Wow, that took a lot of courage. I would never call you a failure and I wish you all of the happiness your heart can hold.

BagLadie · Jul 2nd, 2009, 07:32 PM

It took more courage than I can even tell you. Thank you.

LOREBUNDE · Jul 2nd, 2009, 07:33 PM

No need to apologize.....I'm sure there are more of us that have things going on in our life that we don't need to let anyone on here know. We don't want to be judged.
I wish you the best in your future. I think it is very brave of you to move ahead. You could of stayed and been mostly unhappy in your life. I hope it all works out for you.

PurseAddict79 · Jul 2nd, 2009, 07:36 PM

A few quotes for you...

“Letting go doesn’t mean giving up, but rather accepting that there are things that cannot be.”

“There are things that we never want to let go of, people we never want to leave behind. But keep in mind that letting go isn’t the end of the world, it’s the beginning of a new life.”

“Some people think it's holding on that makes one strong- sometimes it takes more strength to just let go.”

BagLadie · Jul 2nd, 2009, 07:36 PM

^^ thank you. I don't want any regrets later on in my life. I have stayed because of my kids. So afraid to screw them up - but I have realized I am doing them more harm by staying than if I leave. An unhappy mom isn't a very good mom.

BagLadie · Jul 2nd, 2009, 07:37 PM

Originally Posted by PurseAddict79

A few quotes for you...

“Letting go doesn’t mean giving up, but rather accepting that there are things that cannot be.”

“There are things that we never want to let go of, people we never want to leave behind. But keep in mind that letting go isn’t the end of the world, it’s the beginning of a new life.”

“Some people think it's holding on that makes one strong- sometimes it takes more strength to just let go.”

Wow. Thank you for posting these. I mean THANK YOU.

Miss 2 A · Jul 2nd, 2009, 07:44 PM

Wow, I applaud you for taking the step and opening up to us in your post.

I don't know you but you seem like a wonderful person. I think you need to put yourself first from now on, make that a priority and don't let any guilt get in the way.

Sometimes time goes so fast that it's like we wake up one day and wonder what happened to the last year, two, or YEARS. It's crazy, and that's why I always try to keep reminding myself to work on the moment, to double check if this is really what I want now.

Don't ever regret opening up and posting, feel free to write anything that's on your mind, we're here for you.

juneping · Jul 2nd, 2009, 07:49 PM

that's very honest of you.
it's a good thing that you know what you want in life. i think what you need to do now is to let your husband know what you feel about the marriage and move on. it must be very hard for your husband and kids and yourself.
it really takes a lot of courage to admit and do what your feel right in life.
i wish you the best!!

Jul 2nd, 2009, 07:20 PM	#1
BagLadie OP Got a handle on it Joined: Nov 2006 Location: Red Sox Nation Posts: 6,986	I have a secret..... ...and I am just going to spill it. I have grown to love all the advice in here and feel a peculiar friendship with you guys. But...as much as I love to give advice in here - I probably should have been posting my own issues. So here goes.... I am married. And I have 3 beautiful kids. And I am very unhappy. Have been for most of my marriage. I am on the verge of ending my marriage. It's not that it's been the worst marriage in the world - just a loveless one - on my part. I feel nothing for the man I married and am not sure I ever really did. I look back to when I got married - I was only 25 - and I married because...well...everyone was getting married. My parents loved him (hated all previous bf's) and he was a great security for me. It was never what I wanted it to be. I did try very hard to make it work. He never did anything wrong - but have any of you ever looked at your spouses and felt.....nothing? It's not like I can even try to get those feelings back...they were never really there. I have been in therapy for the past few months and it's helped - helped me realize I need to let go and move on. Now for the hard part. I have a man in my life whom I love more than I can even express to any of you. Please don't judge me - trust me - I do that enough to myself. He has been my best friend and - not the reason I am leaving my marriage - but a good motivation. He has simply waited for me in the sidelines and been there when I needed him. I have walked away from him too because I need this to be about me and my husband. I have posted a lot about him in here - calling him my SO and so on and so forth. But that's been a lie and I have to come clean about it. I have been coming clean to a lot of people in my life so I figured I would do it here too. I know most of you will be horrified with me and my situation - years ago - I would have been too. I have grown to realize we can't judge people because we really don't know the situation. But I confided to my best friend a while back and she has helped me move in the right direction. I owe her so much for that. So there you have it. It feels good to be honest with all of you. Wish me luck because I am going through a LOT and will be going through a lot in the coming months. I am excited to fix my life and be a happier person in the future. I am not sure who I am to have been giving relationship advice - I do feel like a failure - but reading about others problems has actually been a great distraction. So there ya have it everyone. BagLadie doesn't have it so good. But one day I will - either on my own or with the man I know I should have married 14 years ago. Can't believe I am posting this but it's the only right thing to do. I like all of you too much to not be honest with you guys.
	__________________ If life hands you lemons, make a vodka and lemonade. Then use the rest on your elbows.

Jul 2nd, 2009, 07:26 PM	#3
BagLadie OP Got a handle on it Joined: Nov 2006 Location: Red Sox Nation Posts: 6,986	^^ thank you!!! Ok already I feel better. I have been on the fence about whether or not to post about this. But this is a special place to me - been coming here for years and I love this part of the forum. It's been killing me not to tell all of you. And I didn't want to post it in the secret section - I need you all to know for some reason.
	__________________ If life hands you lemons, make a vodka and lemonade. Then use the rest on your elbows.

Jul 2nd, 2009, 07:26 PM	#4
dallas Yeah ano Joined: Jan 2007 Posts: 4,214	I wish you well. Hugs.
dallas Yeah ano Joined: Jan 2007 Posts: 4,214	__________________ Use your heart to love somebody and if your heart is big enough, use your heart to love everybody.

Jul 2nd, 2009, 07:28 PM	#5
BagLadie OP Got a handle on it Joined: Nov 2006 Location: Red Sox Nation Posts: 6,986	thanks Dallas.
	__________________ If life hands you lemons, make a vodka and lemonade. Then use the rest on your elbows.

Jul 2nd, 2009, 07:28 PM	#6
twin53 Member Joined: Jan 2007 Posts: 4,146	you will be okay - i wish you strength and hope in your life. good luck.
twin53 Member Joined: Jan 2007 Posts: 4,146

Jul 2nd, 2009, 07:24 PM	#2
PurseAddict79 PerpetuallyPenniless Joined: Sep 2008 Location: The Mall Posts: 1,166	You're not a failure!!! Failing, IMO, is not trying at all. My gawd, you've spent the better part of your adult life trying. I'm sorry you're going through this... I truly hope you find the strength within to make yourself happy... to discover what that is. Good luck hugs

Jul 2nd, 2009, 07:29 PM	#7
BagLadie OP Got a handle on it Joined: Nov 2006 Location: Red Sox Nation Posts: 6,986	^^ thank you. Wow words do help.
	__________________ If life hands you lemons, make a vodka and lemonade. Then use the rest on your elbows.

Jul 2nd, 2009, 07:29 PM	#8
queenvictoria2 psalm 25:4 Joined: Sep 2006 Location: In a Shoe .... Posts: 4,250	Wow, that took a lot of courage. I would never call you a failure and I wish you all of the happiness your heart can hold.
	__________________ Wishlist: A Cure for Cancer

Jul 2nd, 2009, 07:32 PM	#9
BagLadie OP Got a handle on it Joined: Nov 2006 Location: Red Sox Nation Posts: 6,986	It took more courage than I can even tell you. Thank you.
	__________________ If life hands you lemons, make a vodka and lemonade. Then use the rest on your elbows.

Jul 2nd, 2009, 07:33 PM	#10
LOREBUNDE Member Joined: Nov 2006 Location: Rhode Island Posts: 5,045	No need to apologize.....I'm sure there are more of us that have things going on in our life that we don't need to let anyone on here know. We don't want to be judged. I wish you the best in your future. I think it is very brave of you to move ahead. You could of stayed and been mostly unhappy in your life. I hope it all works out for you.

Jul 2nd, 2009, 07:36 PM	#11
PurseAddict79 PerpetuallyPenniless Joined: Sep 2008 Location: The Mall Posts: 1,166	A few quotes for you... “Letting go doesn’t mean giving up, but rather accepting that there are things that cannot be.” “There are things that we never want to let go of, people we never want to leave behind. But keep in mind that letting go isn’t the end of the world, it’s the beginning of a new life.” “Some people think it's holding on that makes one strong- sometimes it takes more strength to just let go.”

Jul 2nd, 2009, 07:44 PM	#14
Miss 2 A Member Joined: Dec 2006 Location: world Posts: 1,301	Wow, I applaud you for taking the step and opening up to us in your post. I don't know you but you seem like a wonderful person. I think you need to put yourself first from now on, make that a priority and don't let any guilt get in the way. Sometimes time goes so fast that it's like we wake up one day and wonder what happened to the last year, two, or YEARS. It's crazy, and that's why I always try to keep reminding myself to work on the moment, to double check if this is really what I want now. Don't ever regret opening up and posting, feel free to write anything that's on your mind, we're here for you.

Jul 2nd, 2009, 07:49 PM	#15
juneping couch potato-ing Joined: Jun 2007 Location: NYC Posts: 3,934	that's very honest of you. it's a good thing that you know what you want in life. i think what you need to do now is to let your husband know what you feel about the marriage and move on. it must be very hard for your husband and kids and yourself. it really takes a lot of courage to admit and do what your feel right in life. i wish you the best!!
	__________________ wish list: purse ban until the cc is paid off $10200 paid off...$3300 to go .....oh..i can't wait...

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