[Laurie8504]

I have a friend (we'll call her Shanon) whom I was very close to in high school, she was definitely one of my best friends. We moved to different states for college and sort of grew apart, but I still consider her a great friend and we see each other on holidays and call occasionally.

Well, Shanon got engaged. And like the title of this thread suggests, I had to find out through facebook...just now, two 1/2 weeks after the fact, when I randomly wandered onto her page. I'm a little hurt because, well, I thought we were better friends than this. She never even told me she was dating the guy (found that out through facebook too), though admittedly I haven't seen her since they've been together. I did ask her about it, but never received a reply.

I'm going to call her to say congratulations and kind of catch up a little, and I guess this is just an issue I need to keep my tongue tied on. But I'll have to explain how I did find out about the engagement and I'm thinking that a little disappointment might come across anyway.

Has anyone had this happen to them? How did you deal with it?

Has anyone done this? If so, what was your reason? I realize it's infinitely easier to just slap something on facebook than to call absolutely everyone, but I've always told myself I would at least call my really good friends first....maybe she did and just doesn't consider me one of them ? For a bit of comparison, I got a text message from a girl I wouldn't have considered as good of a friend as Shanon, immediately after she got engaged. Which, while informal, was great because I really felt included.

[IntlSet]

^^^
I'm more likely to be your friend Sharon. I'm not great at keeping in touch with friends... unfortunately, it's mostly my friends who make the effort to reach out to me. I feel terrible about this, but I'm just not the kind of person who calls with any kind of news -- especially if I haven't spoken to someone in a while. I am indeed more likely to update my facebook than to call any friends. I often field calls that begin with "I saw on facebook that..."

I bet your friend would really appreciate a telephone call. There's nothing weird or creepy about how you found out she was engaged. I have found out many a random thing through Facebook!

Please do give her a buzz. I bet she'll appreciate it.

[Laurie8504]

I know it's not weird or creepy, I'm just kind of hurt...it feels like I'm sitting here thinking we're great friends, and then I find out that she feels differently, you know?

I'm definitely going to call her! I still want to keep in touch and I'm not going to hold a grudge or anything about this. Maybe she is like you though, just not as great at contacting people...she can be bad about returning phone calls

[wordbox]

How long have they been dating?

I'm sorry that you had to find out that way, but honestly I can't say that other people wouldn't find out about my own engagement in a similar fashion (I'm like you, IntlSet!). Unless it was one of my few closest friends, I probably wouldn't call them or contact them directly. It sounds like the two of you don't talk very much? Maybe she doesn't realize that you consider her a close friend anymore? Just a thought.

I think you should definitely contact her and tell her congratulations. You can't change the way you found out, or the fact that she didn't contact you, but you can change the way things proceed from this point on. If she means a lot to you, let her know! Make some effort to hang out and rekindle things.

[amanda]

Unless you guys talk very regularly, I wouldn't be hurt at all. Even great friends lose touch a bit, and if you haven't even met the guy, you probably weren't on the top of her list of people to call about him. Getting engaged and starting to plan a wedding can be such a whirlwind. I think giving her a call to say congrats and catch up would be a great idea.

Also, in tangentially related news, I got invited to a wedding ON FACEBOOK this weekend. I'm really hoping that a paper invite is to follow...

[IntlSet]

Originally Posted by amanda

Also, in tangentially related news, I got invited to a wedding ON FACEBOOK this weekend. I'm really hoping that a paper invite is to follow...

OMG, hilarious. Undoubtedly this is also a couple who maintains a "wedding blog."

[ricky11]

i actually had a conversation about telling people about an engagement saturday night. a friend of a friend of mine called her two best best friends and let the word spread from there. another friend of hers was a little hurt. she hadn't even thought about it. so call your friend and try not to be too disappointed, you don't know how she went about telling people the news.

[restricter]

More pain and suffering have come from Facebook, MySpace and sites like them than anything good.

Laurie, don't call your friend. Post a congrats on Facebook and see if she responds. You'll know by her response where you stand.

It sounds like your friend doesn't think of you the same way you think of her. Do you really want to have to buy an engagement present for someone like that?

Give her space. If she comes back to you, then there's a relationship there. But since she never discussed her boyfriend with you without being prodded and didn't bother to tell you she was engaged, I would say she's cutting you out of that part of her life.

Move on.

[IntlSet]

Originally Posted by restricter

More pain and suffering have come from Facebook, MySpace and sites like them than anything good.

Really?? I have never had a single ounce of "pain or suffering" from Facebook or Myspace.

The drama that people often experience through social networking sites speaks more to that individual than to the site itself.

[Kimm992]

I recently got engaged and I too only called family and a couple of friends who I am *really* close with (I see them at least weekly and talk to them almost daily).

Everyone else found out either through word of mouth or facebook.

That said, I did have one friend who felt a little upset I hadn't called her personally - and of course had I known she was going to be hurt about it I would have made the call.

Keep in mind that right now your friend is probably being bombarded with LOTS of family stuff, wedding excitement, etc. and don't take it personally - this moment is about her, not you....and I'm sure it was nothing personal!!

[Laurie8504]

Originally Posted by wordbox

How long have they been dating?

I'm sorry that you had to find out that way, but honestly I can't say that other people wouldn't find out about my own engagement in a similar fashion (I'm like you, IntlSet!). Unless it was one of my few closest friends, I probably wouldn't call them or contact them directly. It sounds like the two of you don't talk very much? Maybe she doesn't realize that you consider her a close friend anymore? Just a thought.

I think you should definitely contact her and tell her congratulations. You can't change the way you found out, or the fact that she didn't contact you, but you can change the way things proceed from this point on. If she means a lot to you, let her know! Make some effort to hang out and rekindle things.

They've been dating about two months. I saw her over Christmas break and very soon after I went back to school they became an item. So it's not like it had been a year or anything.

I think you may be right about her just not realizing how much she means to me. I have already called and left her a message!

Unfortunatly, hanging out just isn't that easy, it requires a plane ticket and a pretty big chunk of time . I know if she lived closer or went to the same school, we would hang out all the time.

[Laurie8504]

Originally Posted by amanda

Unless you guys talk very regularly, I wouldn't be hurt at all. Even great friends lose touch a bit, and if you haven't even met the guy, you probably weren't on the top of her list of people to call about him. Getting engaged and starting to plan a wedding can be such a whirlwind. I think giving her a call to say congrats and catch up would be a great idea.

Also, in tangentially related news, I got invited to a wedding ON FACEBOOK this weekend. I'm really hoping that a paper invite is to follow...

Ok, thanks for being so kind and rational with your reply. Maybe I am just being a little over-sensitive. The guy does live in Utah though, so none of her friends here have met him.

I just got a baby shower invite on facebook

[Sternchen]

Originally Posted by IntlSet

Really?? I have never had a single ounce of "pain or suffering" from Facebook or Myspace.

The drama that people often experience through social networking sites speaks more to that individual than to the site itself.

Me neither...But I was secretly VERY HAPPY when I saw that for some reason, DHs exgirlfriend (they are still friends) disappeared from his myspace friends list! ...I didn't ask why though, lol

[Laurie8504]

Originally Posted by restricter

More pain and suffering have come from Facebook, MySpace and sites like them than anything good.

Laurie, don't call your friend. Post a congrats on Facebook and see if she responds. You'll know by her response where you stand.

It sounds like your friend doesn't think of you the same way you think of her. Do you really want to have to buy an engagement present for someone like that?

Give her space. If she comes back to you, then there's a relationship there. But since she never discussed her boyfriend with you without being prodded and didn't bother to tell you she was engaged, I would say she's cutting you out of that part of her life.

Move on.

I already have called her, she means more to me than that...I can't just blow her off. And yes, I would love to buy an engagement present for her. I think maybe I just feel differently about the whole impersonal technology issue than she does.

I really don't think that she's cutting me out. I think it's more an issue of us growing apart because of distance.

I do agree with you about facebook though, now that it's so easy to be in everyone's business, it's just crazy what lengths some people go to to create drama and hurt others!

[Laurie8504]

Originally Posted by ricky11

i actually had a conversation about telling people about an engagement saturday night. a friend of a friend of mine called her two best best friends and let the word spread from there. another friend of hers was a little hurt. she hadn't even thought about it. so call your friend and try not to be too disappointed, you don't know how she went about telling people the news.

You're absolutly right, I don't! I'm sure there are several other people she didn't call. Thanks, that makes me feel a little better Silly me not to think of that...

You too Kimm992, thanks!