I found out he has a GF! Advice needed to move on.

[syrah22]

Hi ladies,

I actually never thought I'd ask for boy advice online but I know you are all very supportive and it's good to get diff viewpoints.

Please bear with my story:
I've been friends with this Guy for a while a couple of years in fact. Anyways after I broke up with my college bf I haven't had another one since and I developed a very strong crush on him after we started to spend one on one time together. We had a bit of a unique and sporadic friendship but it also involved some memorable/intense moments since I met him under unique circumstances while studying abroad. We went on to graduate and get jobs and were a bit preoccupied with that and fell out of touch but then got back into contact a year after the program. We live in the same state within driving distance to see each other occasionally. The thing is we have quite a number of things in common since we come from the same cultural background and I felt like I could share certain things with him that I haven't been able to with anyone else. We don't really have any mutual friends although I've met his family briefly before and he's met some of my friends in a group setting but didn't seem too interested in socializing with them. He's a bit reserved. So we mostly meet up one on one, for dinner, movies, etc. It felt like pseudo dating but he never made an overt move and I never made a move.

So anyways today he finally added me as a FB friend (previously he had said he hardly goes on FB and that is maybe why he ignored my friend request?) and it said under STATUS: IN A RELATIONSHIP and there were quite a number of pics with the same girl but all taken over a year ago. The thing is he NEVER once mentioned a gf to me ever. And has on several occasions referred to himself as single. What should I make of all of this and should I ask him about it? Maybe he doesn't know I like him. But he'll call me at 11pm at night sometimes and we talk for an hour. Is that something that is normal? And would his gf appreciate that? I dunno something just doesn't add up. I feel like it's a slap in the face cuz even tho we weren't dating it's like he wasn't being upfront abput his status. There's more to the story of course but these are the most relevant details. And it's definitely not fair behavior twds his gf either! Is it possible the FB status is old and he's not in a relationship? Or is he trying to have the best of both worlds by keeping his gf and having very good girl friends on the side who he can string along so they go out of their way for him?

I've recently met another guy who is a real sweatheart and we've seen each other a few times. I guess you could say i want to know what's up with the first situation so I can carry on with the 2nd without all these mixed up emotions. Thanks for listening and for your advice or feedback.

[nooch]

You say "good thing I wasn't deeper involved with a guy who can't keep his story straight" and move on! Carry on with the second and just don't give the first guy another thought.

I'm really not a big fan of people who cannot keep their stories straight.

[yeliab]

After reading your post - I have a feeling he was keeping his options open with you. I think by adding you to his FB without changing his "status" is a good indication that he is with his GF and will be friends with you. Sorry to say this but his actions do not indicate that he's interested in a serious relationship with you. He would have explained his "status" or would have changed it b4 you were "approved" as a friend.

I would pursue the 2nd Nice guy. Nice guys are always taken and if you can get one b4 he's taken - OMG - that's the route to go!!

If you're being treated with Respect and kindness - that's the person you need to gravitate toward right now. Not the "Bad" boy even though it's Tempting!

Someone who is not being forthright about his relationships, etc... is hiding something. Go for the nice guy! Good Luck!!

[Charles]

How bout "Hey, so what's up with the 'In a relationship' status on FB. You never mentioned a gf to me". Pretty simple.

[Jahpson]

^ right. lay the cards all on the table.

[NYCBelle]

Originally Posted by Charles

How bout "Hey, so what's up with the 'In a relationship' status on FB. You never mentioned a gf to me". Pretty simple.

very true!

[ami kio]

FWIW, I've been in a similar situation where I didn't know the guy had a GF. Fell for him, acted like an idiot for a couple of years, and finally go out of that situation. I thought that I was friends with his friends, and none of them bothered to mention to me either that he had a GF until it was too late.

Personally, I'd casually ask a friend of his (who would know about said GF) "Hey, how long has Guy been with that blond (or whatever) girl? What's her name again?" and gauge the friend's reaction.

[zoeyjoey]

If you consider the first guy potential relationship material, IMO you have to ask him point blank - just like Charles suggested. If you are hesitant to ask him directly it may be a sign that you aren't as compatible as you might think.

[starra007]

I'd just be glad not to have been more involved with this guy and move on. He didn't make any overt moves towards you, sure, but he wasn't exactly upfront either. He had all this one-on-one time with you but never once mentioned his girlfriend? Sketchy... Refocus your attention elsewhere, I'd say.

[Cheetah7]

Since you seem to have a close friendship with him, why not just come out and ask him about it directly? Hopefully he will be upfront about it.

[petitechouchou]

Originally Posted by Charles

How bout "Hey, so what's up with the 'In a relationship' status on FB. You never mentioned a gf to me". Pretty simple.

YES and YES.

[syrah22]

I have a sense of bad intuition about this whole situation not being kosher. Like him not being upfront and "keeping his options open" type of thing. But just like you advised, my good girlfriend also gave similar advice.

So this weekend, I'm meeting up with him and I'll ask him. No point in wasting anymore time about it. I'll let you know how it goes. Wish me luck! In the end I just want clarity more than anything else.

[Little Tiger]

Originally Posted by syrah22

I have a sense of bad intuition about this whole situation not being kosher. Like him not being upfront and "keeping his options open" type of thing. But just like you advised, my good girlfriend also gave similar advice. So this weekend, I'm meeting up with him and I'll ask him. No point in wasting anymore time about it. I'll let you know how it goes. Wish me luck! In the end I just want clarity more than anything else.

Good luck! TBH it sounds like the whole situation was not romantic anyway, and maybe you read more into it than it was? Perhaps he felt he couldn't talk about his romantic situation because of the cultural connections?

Either that or he's an arse-whatnot and was leading you on, in which case you should question him carefully when you see him for your own peace of mind.

[shoppergrl]

I do have female friends on FB who will say "in a relationship" or "it's complicated" as a kind of inside joke... when they're not in a relationship at all. Haven't had a male friend do it, but it's possible. Or maybe he didn't want to change his status when they broke up because it was awkward, didn't want friends to ask questions, etc.

In any event, I would straight out ask him about it.

[yeliab]

Good Luck on your weekend outing!