I Can't Trust My Husband

[Hessefan]

Originally Posted by FastLife

I'd divorce him, honestly. You didn't get mad told him to be open, now he's deleting emails and making up excuses... He clearly can't be trusted.

Yikes! Easy killer, it's a bit intense asking someone to divorce their husband and best friend of years based on information from an online post, no?

[Love my Tanos]

Originally Posted by Hessefan

Yikes! Easy killer, it's a bit intense asking someone to divorce their husband and best friend of years based on information from an online post, no?

Whoa! Totally agreed. OP had an issue and it sounds like she & her husb have talked about it, and his explanation was logical and he sounded truly sorry that his actions hurt her. If it continues to happen then maybe she needs to readdress the situation but I think at this stage, suggesting divorce is a bit irresponsible based on the info provided and really a bit unkind if I'm being honest. I'm glad they worked it out, esp since there's a child involved.

[Charles]

Originally Posted by mdmc

Not at all. Way to many divorces and much infidelity, because something just happened. Most people don't plan to cheat. Don't put yourself in a position where something can just happen. Why do you need to speak, see or text someone of the opposite sex privately any way?

I don't understand this line of thinking. Why would you want to be committed to someone who would allow something to "just happen". If you can't trust your SO to be around the opposite sex, why be with them?

[NLVOEWITHLV]

WOW!!! I think this is really sad b/c trust is key to any relationship but especially a marriage. Once trust has been broken it is so hard to rebuild it, KWIM? Just out of curiosity OP, could you be overly paranoid due to his initial lapse in judgment? I'm only asking b/c if DH did anything to make me feel like he was being unfaithful I don't know that I would be able to trust him again...

[Chanel Belle]

Originally Posted by Charles

I don't understand this line of thinking. Why would you want to be committed to someone who would allow something to "just happen". If you can't trust your SO to be around the opposite sex, why be with them?

That's because no matter how moralistic and how morally upright a person is, he or she is still human and is prone to relationship mistakes.

[simplygm819]

Originally Posted by FastLife

I'd divorce him, honestly. You didn't get mad told him to be open, now he's deleting emails and making up excuses... He clearly can't be trusted.

I don't think it is ever a good idea for anyone to tell another person to consider divorce unless there were absolutely no other solutions. Clearly, OP came on the forum to ask us for support and/or opinions and that's what we should give her. This situation doesn't sound like it's without any hope at all, just sounds like a trust issue that needs to be worked out. To tell someone to just divorce someone means just giving up without first trying to work it out with any and all possible ways..which in my opinion just defeats the purpose of marriage in the first place.

[Charles]

Originally Posted by Chanel Belle

That's because no matter how moralistic and how morally upright a person is, he or she is still human and is prone to relationship mistakes.

A relationship mistake is forgetting to put the seat down. Cheating on your SO is a bit more serious.
It doesn't have anything to do with morals. It has to do with your commitment to your SO. If my gf is around a man and she kisses or makes out with him, then she's evidently not happy with our relationship for some reason. She's thought about our relationship and she's thought about being with that man and she let things progress past a certain point. Again, that's more than a "mistake". No matter how spontaneous you think it is, there was some form of premeditation involved. You're not completely happy in your relationship if you cheat. Simple as that.
I don't want to be with someone who's not happy with me.
So yeah, if I don't feel my gf can be around another guy without cheating. I wouldn't be with her.

[Aslan]

Originally Posted by Charles

A relationship mistake is forgetting to put the seat down. Cheating on your SO is a bit more serious.

I wholeheartedly agree!

[Kansashalo]

Originally Posted by BagLadie

Whatever you can't tell your significant other, is wrong. Whatever you have to lie about or delete, is wrong. I am all for a husband or wife having friends of the opposite sex - but if it has to be hidden - then that's a red flag to me. Get to the bottom of this. You're making all this too easy for him.

I have a very good male friend that is married. We text, go to lunch, hang out together all the time, but I know his wife knows about me and what we do (we've met one another as well). If we're out and she calls, he answers the phone and says something along the lines of "hey babe, I'm out shopping/at lunch with Kansashalo".

So I totally agree with BagLadie - if you have to hide it from your spouse, something's wrong.