I am in tears

helium · Dec 15th, 2007, 07:31 PM

Ok... I have had so much drama in my life so far, but right now I wish my only problem was my mum saying how ugly my eczema is or how my boyfriend's parents don't like me. I really do. But this had just led me completely lost.

My brother, who is 11, is living with my dad right now. Because my place is being renovated, I decided to go over to my dad's place as well. Just to fill you in on a giant flaw about my dad: he never hesitates to put his friends in front of his family. If someone says something about any of us that isn't remotely true, he'll pretend it's true until we get home and when we question him he's like 'well I had to say that, I mean otherwise they'd think badly of me.'

Anyway ever since I moved in I realise he's only been getting home at 2:30am everyday. His house is very big without an alarm system, and it's Christmas season and this place gets break-ins pretty easily, so I got a little concerned for our safety. It never even crossed my mind that he might be coming home at 2:30am leaving my brother, and only my brother, at home, and suddenly when that occured to me I asked my brother. He said he doesn't know when dad comes back, but he's never home. I'm like 'what about dinner?'. He says: I cook instant noodles for myself. My dad is a very good cook, I don't see why he can't cook for you? 'He's always out eating with his friends, or the only time he cooks if it he has his friends here.'
That really got my blood boiling.

So every night, while I was worried that my dad was driving home at 2:30am, worrying about what kind of psychological imprint is this making in my brother's mind right now, he's out at a casino with his friends! My brother is here for another week, he can't even bring himself to act like a father for a week!

Anyway, last night I come home and he's arranged a giant party for all his friends. Mind you, my dad is 55 or something This isn't some sort of tasteful party. It has strippers, it has his friends, drinking, basically this the type of party where "you come back from vacation and find your 18 year old son has completely burnt down your house because he was having a party type" of party. I was so disgusted, I decided to just go into my room and stay there, but one of the girls asked me to set up the Wii on the other TV, so I obliged. Then I had to take it back. Then I had to do this, that, this that, for a bunch of people who have completely stolen my dad from his actual family, I lost it. My mood dramatically soured, I retreated back to my room.

Then my dad runs in and says 'What on earth is wrong with you?! Everyone outside is shocked about your behaviour!'
Me: 'Well I don't have anything to do with them, and i'm tired but it's 12:00am and everyone's still outside."
Dad: 'That is no excuse to make my guests and my friends feel uneasy.'
Me: 'Oh you jump up and down when your guests feel uneasy, but you don't give a damn when your two children are expressing concerns for their safety at night and your son is wondering where the hell you are?!'
My dad really lost it then.
He pushed me outside, and said 'OK. If i'm such a bad father, tell them all. Tell them what a bad father I am.'
So I did. He wasn't expecting me to, he wanted me to back down from pressure and run away so he can gloat about how his daughter is so submissive and it's all his work. But no, I said 'My dad is not my dad anymore. When your father doesn't come home at night, doesn't care about your safety, doesn't even lift a finger to do a thing about making you feel more at ease and doesn't make you stop worrying about him, he's not your father. He's some stranger lost to the world. In fact, he's become all of your fathers, that dinner you ate was money he could've spent on a dinner for us, instead of having me take money out of my own pocket to feed my brother for the week.'
I hadn't finished, I started crying, but then two of his friends came up to me and said 'what business is it of yours when your dad comes back?! He's our friend, and a daughter like you should just die anyway!'
I was so shocked, any other family would've defended me at that point. I got none. I just got an affirmative yell from my dad which went something like 'yeah! Get the f*** out of my house, you're not my daughter. My daughter wouldn't embarass me in front of all my friends. You're a failure, now get out, if you dare come back for your brother I swear i'll physically kick you out. And if you die in a ditch, I won't care, because I don't care about failures.'

And all his friends just looked at me waiting for me to get out of my own father's house.

By the way none of them were drunk. Not even a little tipsy because more people showed up and they kind of drank all the alcohol instad. So this is the thoughts of my father in his sober mood.

devoted · Dec 15th, 2007, 07:37 PM

OMG, I am so sorry....so sorry. Some people don't have that nurturing gene ya know? It has nothing to do with you or your brother, your dad is just an inconsiderate piece of crap.....caring more about his disgusting friends and letting them talk to you that way?! He acts like he's in high school and you're just some annoying chick he knows...unbelievable...please take your brother out of that situation soon, only one more week, right? so sorry

fiatflux · Dec 15th, 2007, 07:38 PM

Wow...this is awful. I don't think your brother should stay with him anymore. Does your mom know what is going on? I don't think he should stay another minute.

Jill · Dec 15th, 2007, 07:44 PM

WOW...Im speechless.
U need to get your mom involved as your brother seems to b in an UNSAFE atmosphere there.

Sometimes familly just SUCKS.....and some family members are even worth leaving behind and forgetting -if all they do is cause conflict and heartbreak for u.
So sorry this happened...Hope it all gets better

devoted · Dec 15th, 2007, 07:46 PM

I know he's your dad but I'd call child protective services on him....he's neglecting his son, doesn't feed him and is never home? Plus, I'd plant drugs in the house...heroin and some cocaine.

LOL, sorry, I am just so upset for you.

helium · Dec 15th, 2007, 07:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by devoted

I know he's your dad but I'd call child protective services on him....he's neglecting his son, doesn't feed him and is never home? Plus, I'd plant drugs in the house...heroin and some cocaine.

LOL, sorry, I am just so upset for you.

I would so, so love to do this. I really want him to get what he deserves, unfortunately, he's never hit us, or really done anything that could possibly fall under illegally neglecting your child. I kind of wish he did at least just hit me once, then i'll have a good reason to call child protection.

The problem is, when I moved out of my house I had a giant golden retriever and a brother to lug around. The only person I could think of whose house I could stay in is my dad's, because all my friends live in small units or apartments that don't allow dogs. So now I also have my dog to worry about.

I've arranged for my brother to be sent to a friend's house, but I don't know what to do about my dog. To add to problems, I can't drive, so it's not like I can take my dog on a bus and take him somewhere else, if there is a somewhere else to go. My dad was the one who drove him here.

And my mum... she's actually overseas tending to our dying grandma. She never, ever leaves this house because once she leaves she knows that my dad would just go crazy. She's the one that keeps him under check. I wouldn't mind just me and my brother at my place, I have an alarm system and I live in a secure 'village' type of thing if that makes sense, but then I didn't anticipate that she'd postpone her trip to when my place was being renovated. I told her to stay a week longer, because this is the only time she gets to go back to see her, and so I don't much want to interfere with that.

It's not actually seven days more until I get to go home, it's seven days more until my mum comes back and my dad gets back in check. Until then i'm just at such a loss over what to do.

RowanOak · Dec 15th, 2007, 08:05 PM

This makes me want to cry for you and your brother. Honestly, I'm glad you told them this. He told you to and you did it! In this case, it needed to be said. Since his friends are so all important to him, this is possibly the only thing that will make him change (for 'outward' appearances).

I'm just stunned. Many hugs to you and good for you for standing up for what is absolutely unheard of behavior on his part.

devoted · Dec 15th, 2007, 08:07 PM

The abuse doesn't have to be physical to be taken seriously, it can be mental abuse too....and I would make a complaint. Will your mom go ballistic when you tell her everything he has done?

exotikittenx · Dec 15th, 2007, 08:09 PM

I was just about in tears reading this. I'm so sorry for you and your brother! I hope you get yourselves out of his situation as soon as possible. You sound like a good person to care for your little brother who is so impressionable right now. Your father is completely wrong and his "friends" are, too. You did the right thing.

I think it is neglect what your father is doing, not giving your brother a meal or leaving him home by himself.

I don't know if you are able to go to an inn if the 7 days would be so unbearable? It is good that you got your brother out of there, though. I'm sorry I cannot suggest anything better!

titania029 · Dec 15th, 2007, 08:09 PM

Oh helium, I'm so sorry that this is happening to you. It sucks sometimes that we can't choose our family. I'm glad to hear that you and your brother are both out. Is there a neighbor who could perhaps watch the dog?

oo0ehxtahcee0oo · Dec 15th, 2007, 08:12 PM

First off, **HUGS**

I'm soooo sorry you had to go through this. It just really pisses me off when some as$holes are parents. You're Father does not deserve to have you as a daughter. Times like this I just want to call CPS (Child Protective Services). I have family who are social workers, and even if the parent hasnt hit the child, he is neglecting him. He should no be leaving a child home alone without cooking for him. Then having strippers at the house while the boy is there? Is he out of his fuc*ing mind?!

It's unacceptable for a Father to be going out that late and leaving his son at home alone! I mean, seriously! There are so many damn people in this world who wish they were able to have children, and then there are these buttholes who have kids who don't even deserve them. This makes me so fuc*ing mad. I would have yelled at his guest! Telling them to all go to hell and shut the hell up. They're all losers, who are all using your Father. He needs to realize that!!

windycityaj · Dec 15th, 2007, 08:29 PM

YIKES.....hope this somehow resolves itself....there are alot of terrible things said. Sending you hugs.....

Anne

shopaholiccat · Dec 15th, 2007, 08:40 PM

thats' terrible!!! awwwww *xoxo for u! ur father is a total jerk! what did your mom say when u said these to her? did she know that ur father is like this? having strippers in her house?? what kind of a parent is he!!! oh geez!!!! honestly, ur father should be the one leaving not you or ur brother! awww i feel so sorry for your dog! i have 3 dogs and my parents are always on vacation so i know its really hard to take care of the dogs! i hope everything's all well for you! take care!!! and ur dad's friend..you should really tell them to shut the h*ll up!

boxermom · Dec 15th, 2007, 08:42 PM

How horrid for you and your brother. An 11 year-old can't stay in that situation. Your dad sounds off his rocker, frankly. Please, don't for one second, believe anything your dad says about you. He's a very disturbed person.

Child protective services can get involved when neglect is involved, can't they? I don't think physical abuse is the only criteria.

Helium, my heart goes out to you. How true that we can choose our friends, but we can't choose our family. Once things are safe for you again and your brother, be sure to surround yourself with a family of your own making--lots of kind, positive people. (((hugs)))

Speedy · Dec 16th, 2007, 04:50 AM

I'd call CPS too... there was NO reason for his actions, and his leaving an 11 year old child alone at that time of night is illegal.

His friends are scum for behaving that way too. If you know their names, I'd tell the CPS officials that too.

Dec 15th, 2007, 07:31 PM	#1
helium Member	I am in tears Ok... I have had so much drama in my life so far, but right now I wish my only problem was my mum saying how ugly my eczema is or how my boyfriend's parents don't like me. I really do. But this had just led me completely lost. My brother, who is 11, is living with my dad right now. Because my place is being renovated, I decided to go over to my dad's place as well. Just to fill you in on a giant flaw about my dad: he never hesitates to put his friends in front of his family. If someone says something about any of us that isn't remotely true, he'll pretend it's true until we get home and when we question him he's like 'well I had to say that, I mean otherwise they'd think badly of me.' Anyway ever since I moved in I realise he's only been getting home at 2:30am everyday. His house is very big without an alarm system, and it's Christmas season and this place gets break-ins pretty easily, so I got a little concerned for our safety. It never even crossed my mind that he might be coming home at 2:30am leaving my brother, and only my brother, at home, and suddenly when that occured to me I asked my brother. He said he doesn't know when dad comes back, but he's never home. I'm like 'what about dinner?'. He says: I cook instant noodles for myself. My dad is a very good cook, I don't see why he can't cook for you? 'He's always out eating with his friends, or the only time he cooks if it he has his friends here.' That really got my blood boiling. So every night, while I was worried that my dad was driving home at 2:30am, worrying about what kind of psychological imprint is this making in my brother's mind right now, he's out at a casino with his friends! My brother is here for another week, he can't even bring himself to act like a father for a week! Anyway, last night I come home and he's arranged a giant party for all his friends. Mind you, my dad is 55 or something This isn't some sort of tasteful party. It has strippers, it has his friends, drinking, basically this the type of party where "you come back from vacation and find your 18 year old son has completely burnt down your house because he was having a party type" of party. I was so disgusted, I decided to just go into my room and stay there, but one of the girls asked me to set up the Wii on the other TV, so I obliged. Then I had to take it back. Then I had to do this, that, this that, for a bunch of people who have completely stolen my dad from his actual family, I lost it. My mood dramatically soured, I retreated back to my room. Then my dad runs in and says 'What on earth is wrong with you?! Everyone outside is shocked about your behaviour!' Me: 'Well I don't have anything to do with them, and i'm tired but it's 12:00am and everyone's still outside." Dad: 'That is no excuse to make my guests and my friends feel uneasy.' Me: 'Oh you jump up and down when your guests feel uneasy, but you don't give a damn when your two children are expressing concerns for their safety at night and your son is wondering where the hell you are?!' My dad really lost it then. He pushed me outside, and said 'OK. If i'm such a bad father, tell them all. Tell them what a bad father I am.' So I did. He wasn't expecting me to, he wanted me to back down from pressure and run away so he can gloat about how his daughter is so submissive and it's all his work. But no, I said 'My dad is not my dad anymore. When your father doesn't come home at night, doesn't care about your safety, doesn't even lift a finger to do a thing about making you feel more at ease and doesn't make you stop worrying about him, he's not your father. He's some stranger lost to the world. In fact, he's become all of your fathers, that dinner you ate was money he could've spent on a dinner for us, instead of having me take money out of my own pocket to feed my brother for the week.' I hadn't finished, I started crying, but then two of his friends came up to me and said 'what business is it of yours when your dad comes back?! He's our friend, and a daughter like you should just die anyway!' I was so shocked, any other family would've defended me at that point. I got none. I just got an affirmative yell from my dad which went something like 'yeah! Get the f*** out of my house, you're not my daughter. My daughter wouldn't embarass me in front of all my friends. You're a failure, now get out, if you dare come back for your brother I swear i'll physically kick you out. And if you die in a ditch, I won't care, because I don't care about failures.' And all his friends just looked at me waiting for me to get out of my own father's house. By the way none of them were drunk. Not even a little tipsy because more people showed up and they kind of drank all the alcohol instad. So this is the thoughts of my father in his sober mood.

Dec 15th, 2007, 07:37 PM	#2
devoted Member	Re: I am in tears OMG, I am so sorry....so sorry. Some people don't have that nurturing gene ya know? It has nothing to do with you or your brother, your dad is just an inconsiderate piece of crap.....caring more about his disgusting friends and letting them talk to you that way?! He acts like he's in high school and you're just some annoying chick he knows...unbelievable...please take your brother out of that situation soon, only one more week, right? so sorry

Dec 15th, 2007, 07:38 PM	#3
fiatflux Member	Re: I am in tears Wow...this is awful. I don't think your brother should stay with him anymore. Does your mom know what is going on? I don't think he should stay another minute.

Dec 15th, 2007, 07:46 PM	#5
devoted Member	Re: I am in tears I know he's your dad but I'd call child protective services on him....he's neglecting his son, doesn't feed him and is never home? Plus, I'd plant drugs in the house...heroin and some cocaine. LOL, sorry, I am just so upset for you.

Dec 15th, 2007, 08:05 PM	#7
RowanOak Member Location: Deep South	Re: I am in tears This makes me want to cry for you and your brother. Honestly, I'm glad you told them this. He told you to and you did it! In this case, it needed to be said. Since his friends are so all important to him, this is possibly the only thing that will make him change (for 'outward' appearances). I'm just stunned. Many hugs to you and good for you for standing up for what is absolutely unheard of behavior on his part.

Dec 15th, 2007, 07:44 PM	#4
Jill	Re: I am in tears WOW...Im speechless. U need to get your mom involved as your brother seems to b in an UNSAFE atmosphere there. Sometimes familly just SUCKS.....and some family members are even worth leaving behind and forgetting -if all they do is cause conflict and heartbreak for u. So sorry this happened...Hope it all gets better

Dec 15th, 2007, 08:07 PM	#8
devoted Member	Re: I am in tears The abuse doesn't have to be physical to be taken seriously, it can be mental abuse too....and I would make a complaint. Will your mom go ballistic when you tell her everything he has done?

Dec 15th, 2007, 08:09 PM	#9
exotikittenx Ooh la la! Location: The City of Plain 'n Proper	Re: I am in tears I was just about in tears reading this. I'm so sorry for you and your brother! I hope you get yourselves out of his situation as soon as possible. You sound like a good person to care for your little brother who is so impressionable right now. Your father is completely wrong and his "friends" are, too. You did the right thing. I think it is neglect what your father is doing, not giving your brother a meal or leaving him home by himself. I don't know if you are able to go to an inn if the 7 days would be so unbearable? It is good that you got your brother out of there, though. I'm sorry I cannot suggest anything better! __________________ Please check out my collection! Click here.

Dec 15th, 2007, 08:09 PM	#10
titania029 Member Location: Dallas	Re: I am in tears Oh helium, I'm so sorry that this is happening to you. It sucks sometimes that we can't choose our family. I'm glad to hear that you and your brother are both out. Is there a neighbor who could perhaps watch the dog? __________________

Dec 15th, 2007, 08:12 PM	#11
oo0ehxtahcee0oo ☺Livin the good life Location: ♥In my DF's arms♥	Re: I am in tears First off, HUGS I'm soooo sorry you had to go through this. It just really pisses me off when some as$holes are parents. You're Father does not deserve to have you as a daughter. Times like this I just want to call CPS (Child Protective Services). I have family who are social workers, and even if the parent hasnt hit the child, he is neglecting him. He should no be leaving a child home alone without cooking for him. Then having strippers at the house while the boy is there? Is he out of his fucing mind?! It's unacceptable for a Father to be going out that late and leaving his son at home alone! I mean, seriously! There are so many damn people in this world who wish they were able to have children, and then there are these buttholes who have kids who don't even deserve them. This makes me so fucing mad. I would have yelled at his guest! Telling them to all go to hell and shut the hell up. They're all losers, who are all using your Father. He needs to realize that!! __________________ [Click photo to read thread!] My blog site has great FREE goodies!! (updated 11/26) www,dearmissie.blogspot.com We did it!! New Crafts Subforum celebration here!!

Dec 15th, 2007, 08:29 PM	#12
windycityaj Member Location: Chicago, IL	Re: I am in tears YIKES.....hope this somehow resolves itself....there are alot of terrible things said. Sending you hugs..... Anne __________________ Purse ban is officially over!!! My wishlist..... Black Blondie flap......It's here!!!! 4/8/2008 Chanel Cambon Tote w/accessories YSL black Mombasa (snagged a Vincennes bag)...it's here!! 6/16/08 Black Coach "Mandy" So many bags...so little time (and money)!!!

Dec 15th, 2007, 08:40 PM	#13
shopaholiccat just want to buy Location: Toronto	Re: I am in tears thats' terrible!!! awwwww xoxo for u! ur father is a total jerk! what did your mom say when u said these to her? did she know that ur father is like this? having strippers in her house?? what kind of a parent is he!!! oh geez!!!! honestly, ur father should be the one leaving not you or ur brother! awww i feel so sorry for your dog! i have 3 dogs and my parents are always on vacation so i know its really hard to take care of the dogs! i hope everything's all well for you! take care!!! and ur dad's friend..you should really tell them to shut the hll up! __________________ <<<<<<Cathleen >>>>>> check out my Collection http://forum.purseblog.com/your-bag-...on-196383.html update on page three =]

Dec 15th, 2007, 08:42 PM	#14
boxermom Member Location: North Carolina	Re: I am in tears How horrid for you and your brother. An 11 year-old can't stay in that situation. Your dad sounds off his rocker, frankly. Please, don't for one second, believe anything your dad says about you. He's a very disturbed person. Child protective services can get involved when neglect is involved, can't they? I don't think physical abuse is the only criteria. Helium, my heart goes out to you. How true that we can choose our friends, but we can't choose our family. Once things are safe for you again and your brother, be sure to surround yourself with a family of your own making--lots of kind, positive people. (((hugs)))

Dec 16th, 2007, 04:50 AM	#15
Speedy Sofa King Banned Location: N. California	Re: I am in tears I'd call CPS too... there was NO reason for his actions, and his leaving an 11 year old child alone at that time of night is illegal. His friends are scum for behaving that way too. If you know their names, I'd tell the CPS officials that too.