How Would You Get Past...

ilovepinkhearts · Jun 10th, 2008, 09:10 PM

the fact that your husband cheated on you with your best friend? A best friend of over 10 years, someone that you thought you could trust your life with...

The betrayal and the backstabbing seems to be killing me more and more. Im trying to get past it, but the pain and the hurt some times just overwhelms me and I can hardly breath. The 2 people in the world that I thought I could trust the most, turned out to be the 2 that could hurt me the worst.

I haven't been able to speak to her since before I found out what had happened. I went to confront her and she happened to be at work and ran and hid from me...so mature...I just don't know what to do sometimes...any words of advice would be nice. TIA.

oo0ehxtahcee0oo · Jun 10th, 2008, 09:19 PM

whoa. im sorry. i couldnt handle being in your shoes. i dont think im strong enough to forgive either of them. hugs to u!!

Maryanne007 · Jun 10th, 2008, 09:25 PM

I think if you want to make your relationship work with your husband, you will really need to either seek counseling/help. As for the best friend, if she has the nerve to run away and not even apologize... I would seriously consider ever speaking to her again. I dont know if I could ever trust them to be together alone (actually I know I couldnt), so one has to go. I dont think I could ever forgive my best friend, it would never be the same, you wouldnt go and talk to her about private issues anymore, including those with your husband, and the trust is gone, so what kind of friend is that really?

If you want to work on your marriage, I honestly think I would demand that your husband and your friend never have contact again, and seek help to figure out why this happened.

I'm so sorry this happened to you. *HUGS*

cheburashka · Jun 10th, 2008, 09:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ilovepinkhearts

the fact that your husband cheated on you with your best friend? A best friend of over 10 years, someone that you thought you could trust your life with...

The betrayal and the backstabbing seems to be killing me more and more. Im trying to get past it, but the pain and the hurt some times just overwhelms me and I can hardly breath. The 2 people in the world that I thought I could trust the most, turned out to be the 2 that could hurt me the worst.

I haven't been able to speak to her since before I found out what had happened. I went to confront her and she happened to be at work and ran and hid from me...so mature...I just don't know what to do sometimes...any words of advice would be nice. TIA.

I really don't have any advice but I want to offer my sympathy and well wishes. I was in a somewhat situation - my best friend of many years have not only slept but even dated for a while my boyfriend at a time. At the time, I was completely in love with that guy so me finding out from her boyfriend was simply devastating. Your situation is much worse as you are actually married. Although I think you need to talk to your friend, I think, talking to your husband is more important. Remember, it takes two to do the deed, so he has just as much involvement in betraying you as she does.

ilovepinkhearts · Jun 10th, 2008, 09:35 PM

she is out of my life completely, i haven't talked to her since he told me. i some times want to confront her, other times i want to beat her face in.

we are trying to make it work, i found out about the affair in feb. but i really have no one to talk to about this now...seeing as how the person that i would turn to is the one that back stabbed me. and the bad thing is, i didn't know for about a month after it happened. and she was at my house and we were over at hers and she was calling and asking me to lunch and dinner and what not and the whole time lying to my face.....

she even wound up spending the night at my house one night after a late night out....

bisousx · Jun 10th, 2008, 09:37 PM

I am so sorry this happened to you. Please go to counseling-- it will help you out a ton, and they are there to lend an objective ear. Good luck and please PM me if you ever need to talk

dallas · Jun 10th, 2008, 09:41 PM

You poor love.This has to be the ultimate betrayal. Have you spoken with anyone about this? If not, I would suggest an appointment with a counselor because right now, you need help getting through the pain.

I just read your reply. If you focus on her you will never get past this, your focus has to be on healing. I know you and your husband are trying to work through this but that doesn't mean that she should take all of the blame. (Sorry if I'm on the wrong track but that is the impression I'm getting.)

queenvictoria2 · Jun 10th, 2008, 09:47 PM

That is awful, I am so sorry :(
I am just curious tho, as to why you choose to forgive him but not her?

stellamaried · Jun 10th, 2008, 09:53 PM

Oh, honey, I'm so, so sorry. I can't imagine how difficult this is and has been for you. I would also ask that you please seek counseling. Please focus on yourself (and seeing that your children are cared for) right now -- just work on getting through the day. Then you can start to think about what you want to do about your marriage. Don't even give the former friend a thought; she's not worth your time.

ilovepinkhearts · Jun 10th, 2008, 09:58 PM

oh i blame him just as much...but a best friend of 10 yrs...husbands cheat [some] i thought that we would be friends until the end....so it goes to show that i have no idea who i can trust or what i can believe.

hubby and i have had issues off and on...this would just be the icing on the top of a very tall cake. some times i want to leave him, other times i can't imagine my life with out him...

LV Luvr · Jun 10th, 2008, 09:58 PM

First off I'm so sorry that this happened to you. My only suggestion would be for it to work is that you and your husband get counseling. It will at least help you whether you all choose to stay together; I pray you at least try. Although I can't imagine the pain he's caused you with his actions. Nothing but hugs for you.

And obviously split ties with this so called friend.

ilovepinkhearts · Jun 10th, 2008, 10:02 PM

i haven't forgiven him....we both know it. this is a huge stab to me....he swore that he would never cheat on me in fact he told me that if i ever cheated on him that he would divorce me in a heart beat and that would be the end....so i wonder what other promises to me that he is going to break....

abbygirl · Jun 10th, 2008, 10:05 PM

Maybe if you sat down and wrote a letter to her it would help you to start healing. It doesn't mean you need to forgive her, it just means you are getting what you to need to say to her off your chest. You will probably feel a little better after you have gotten that out of your system. If you don't want her to reply to you, tell her that also in the letter;

You have more invested in your relationship with your husband, than with your ex-friend, so it's o.k. to try to repair the damage your husband did.

There may be a day when you can forgive her, but don't concentrate on that at this point. Concentrate on what's important to you at this very moment in time.

I wish I understood why a great friend like this could possibly take such a risk with your friendship - but they are out there. You also don't need to forgive your husband now. You need to go through the process of healing; angry, sad, hurt, hit him over the head with a bottle; (lol) before you can start feeling better about your relationship. Don't let him make you feel guilty for ANYTHING.

Much luck to you - have faith that everything will work out the way it is suppose to be.

queenvictoria2 · Jun 10th, 2008, 10:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ilovepinkhearts

i haven't forgiven him....we both know it. this is a huge stab to me....he swore that he would never cheat on me in fact he told me that if i ever cheated on him that he would divorce me in a heart beat and that would be the end....so i wonder what other promises to me that he is going to break....

Ahhh, I know that pain ... big hugs to you and Good Luck whatever you decide to do

dallas · Jun 10th, 2008, 10:20 PM

[quote=ilovepinkhearts;6671185]i haven't forgiven him....we both know it. this is a huge stab to me....he swore that he would never cheat on me in fact he told me that if i ever cheated on him that he would divorce me in a heart beat and that would be the end....so i wonder what other promises to me that he is going to break....[/quote]

It's natural that you would feel that way. This is where a counselor would be able to help you work through this. Is your husband willing to do what it takes to earn back your trust? I'm curious, how long have you been married and can I ask how old you are? (apologies for all the questions, I'm trying to get my bearings).

Jun 10th, 2008, 09:10 PM	#1
ilovepinkhearts hi, i'm danielle Location: Texas	How Would You Get Past... the fact that your husband cheated on you with your best friend? A best friend of over 10 years, someone that you thought you could trust your life with... The betrayal and the backstabbing seems to be killing me more and more. Im trying to get past it, but the pain and the hurt some times just overwhelms me and I can hardly breath. The 2 people in the world that I thought I could trust the most, turned out to be the 2 that could hurt me the worst. I haven't been able to speak to her since before I found out what had happened. I went to confront her and she happened to be at work and ran and hid from me...so mature...I just don't know what to do sometimes...any words of advice would be nice. TIA. __________________

Jun 10th, 2008, 09:19 PM	#2
oo0ehxtahcee0oo ☺Livin the good life Location: ♥In my DF's arms♥	whoa. im sorry. i couldnt handle being in your shoes. i dont think im strong enough to forgive either of them. hugs to u!! __________________ [Click photo to read thread!] My blog site has great FREE goodies!! (updated 11/26) www,dearmissie.blogspot.com We did it!! New Crafts Subforum celebration here!!

Jun 10th, 2008, 09:35 PM	#5
ilovepinkhearts hi, i'm danielle Location: Texas	she is out of my life completely, i haven't talked to her since he told me. i some times want to confront her, other times i want to beat her face in. we are trying to make it work, i found out about the affair in feb. but i really have no one to talk to about this now...seeing as how the person that i would turn to is the one that back stabbed me. and the bad thing is, i didn't know for about a month after it happened. and she was at my house and we were over at hers and she was calling and asking me to lunch and dinner and what not and the whole time lying to my face..... she even wound up spending the night at my house one night after a late night out.... __________________

Jun 10th, 2008, 09:37 PM	#6
bisousx Chanel girl Location: Orange County	I am so sorry this happened to you. Please go to counseling-- it will help you out a ton, and they are there to lend an objective ear. Good luck and please PM me if you ever need to talk __________________ Lusting after: Hermes Fuchsia Ostrich Kelly Hermes Orange Birkin 30 Chanel Summer Nights flap Chanel Blush Patent flap

Jun 10th, 2008, 09:41 PM	#7
dallas Ya anno	You poor love.This has to be the ultimate betrayal. Have you spoken with anyone about this? If not, I would suggest an appointment with a counselor because right now, you need help getting through the pain. I just read your reply. If you focus on her you will never get past this, your focus has to be on healing. I know you and your husband are trying to work through this but that doesn't mean that she should take all of the blame. (Sorry if I'm on the wrong track but that is the impression I'm getting.) __________________ A good deed is never lost: he who sows courtesy reaps friendship; and he who plants kindness gathers love. Last edited by dallas; Jun 10th, 2008 at 09:51 PM.

Jun 10th, 2008, 09:25 PM	#3
Maryanne007 Member	I think if you want to make your relationship work with your husband, you will really need to either seek counseling/help. As for the best friend, if she has the nerve to run away and not even apologize... I would seriously consider ever speaking to her again. I dont know if I could ever trust them to be together alone (actually I know I couldnt), so one has to go. I dont think I could ever forgive my best friend, it would never be the same, you wouldnt go and talk to her about private issues anymore, including those with your husband, and the trust is gone, so what kind of friend is that really? If you want to work on your marriage, I honestly think I would demand that your husband and your friend never have contact again, and seek help to figure out why this happened. I'm so sorry this happened to you. HUGS

Jun 10th, 2008, 09:47 PM	#8
queenvictoria2 psalm 25:4 Location: In a Shoe ....	That is awful, I am so sorry :( I am just curious tho, as to why you choose to forgive him but not her? __________________ Wishlist: A Cure for Cancer

Jun 10th, 2008, 09:53 PM	#9
stellamaried Happy Happy Joy Joy	Oh, honey, I'm so, so sorry. I can't imagine how difficult this is and has been for you. I would also ask that you please seek counseling. Please focus on yourself (and seeing that your children are cared for) right now -- just work on getting through the day. Then you can start to think about what you want to do about your marriage. Don't even give the former friend a thought; she's not worth your time.

Jun 10th, 2008, 09:58 PM	#10
ilovepinkhearts hi, i'm danielle Location: Texas	oh i blame him just as much...but a best friend of 10 yrs...husbands cheat [some] i thought that we would be friends until the end....so it goes to show that i have no idea who i can trust or what i can believe. hubby and i have had issues off and on...this would just be the icing on the top of a very tall cake. some times i want to leave him, other times i can't imagine my life with out him... __________________

Jun 10th, 2008, 09:58 PM	#11
LV Luvr Member	First off I'm so sorry that this happened to you. My only suggestion would be for it to work is that you and your husband get counseling. It will at least help you whether you all choose to stay together; I pray you at least try. Although I can't imagine the pain he's caused you with his actions. Nothing but hugs for you. And obviously split ties with this so called friend. __________________ WISH LIST!!!! Azur Speedy 30 - Got it! LV Black Lurex Scarf - Got it! Vernis Sunset Boulevarde in Pomme - Got it! Gucci Diaper Bag - Got it! Juicy Earrings - Got it! Chanel Lambskin Flap w/sh Monogram Pink Denim Shawl Monogram Eva Red Epi Lockit Keepall 55 Monogram Toilette Manhattan GM Diamond Accent Ring Chanel Sunnies Dream Bag(s): Chanel Jumbo White Flap w/GH or Black GST w/GH!

Jun 10th, 2008, 10:02 PM	#12
ilovepinkhearts hi, i'm danielle Location: Texas	i haven't forgiven him....we both know it. this is a huge stab to me....he swore that he would never cheat on me in fact he told me that if i ever cheated on him that he would divorce me in a heart beat and that would be the end....so i wonder what other promises to me that he is going to break.... __________________

Jun 10th, 2008, 10:05 PM	#13
abbygirl Member	Maybe if you sat down and wrote a letter to her it would help you to start healing. It doesn't mean you need to forgive her, it just means you are getting what you to need to say to her off your chest. You will probably feel a little better after you have gotten that out of your system. If you don't want her to reply to you, tell her that also in the letter; You have more invested in your relationship with your husband, than with your ex-friend, so it's o.k. to try to repair the damage your husband did. There may be a day when you can forgive her, but don't concentrate on that at this point. Concentrate on what's important to you at this very moment in time. I wish I understood why a great friend like this could possibly take such a risk with your friendship - but they are out there. You also don't need to forgive your husband now. You need to go through the process of healing; angry, sad, hurt, hit him over the head with a bottle; (lol) before you can start feeling better about your relationship. Don't let him make you feel guilty for ANYTHING. Much luck to you - have faith that everything will work out the way it is suppose to be. __________________ I love my tpf friends Last edited by abbygirl; Jun 10th, 2008 at 10:10 PM.

Jun 10th, 2008, 10:20 PM	#15
dallas Ya anno	[quote=ilovepinkhearts;6671185]i haven't forgiven him....we both know it. this is a huge stab to me....he swore that he would never cheat on me in fact he told me that if i ever cheated on him that he would divorce me in a heart beat and that would be the end....so i wonder what other promises to me that he is going to break....[/quote] It's natural that you would feel that way. This is where a counselor would be able to help you work through this. Is your husband willing to do what it takes to earn back your trust? I'm curious, how long have you been married and can I ask how old you are? (apologies for all the questions, I'm trying to get my bearings). __________________ A good deed is never lost: he who sows courtesy reaps friendship; and he who plants kindness gathers love.