how to make friends...?

*sunshine* · Feb 18th, 2008, 04:22 PM

i know it sounds like a stupid question, but can anyone give me advice on how to make friends?

looking around me, most people i can think of made friends from school or college or work...i'm done with school and the place i work is mainly much older people....i didnt really make friends at college which feels pathetic cos thats where everyone has fun but i felt alone for most of it....i just have a difficulty meeting people and making friends and dont know what to do. when i do ever meet people and talk, what should i be talking about? someone told me once im too serious so people dont warm to me

no-one seems to want to stay in touch with me or hang out so i spend a lot of my free time at home...

Sunshine · Feb 18th, 2008, 04:31 PM

I have moved alot in the last 15 years and I have had the pleasure of making friends in countries where I could not even speak the language! This has never been a problem for me. However, I used to get really hung up about being friends with only people my age. Well, Im 39 now and I have very close friends that are in their late 40's and then very close friends that are in their early 20's. I love the age range of all my friends and find they all mix together very nicely as well. Maybe try and develop closer friendships with those at work. You may meet other people when you are out with them! I meet people walking down the street here!! LOL But, Im a talker. (when I feel like it!!) Also the gym, sign up for a class of somesort. I have met some wonderful ladies when I get my Mani and Pedi's....just put some effort in and you will have a full social schedule before you know it!

elongreach · Feb 18th, 2008, 04:36 PM

I totally understand where you are coming from. Sometimes it's really hard to just be inviting to new people when you really want to. I can't tell you how many times I've let opportunities walk by because I just couldn't open my mouth and say hello. So the first thing to understand is you're not alone.

My recommendation is to think of something you enjoy doing that you could pick up as a hobby. Take a one day class or something of that nature and be sure you remember your intent is to have fun and meet just one new person. Do not sit alone. Sit next to someone who you think would be someone you want to learn more about. Then just mention something about whatever subject you're on and use that as an easing point.

Hopefully some of that helps!

Sunshine · Feb 18th, 2008, 04:38 PM

Also....stick around here long enough and you will make some great friends!! Really!

merika · Feb 18th, 2008, 04:39 PM

What kind of things could you do? Thinking a bit here..I find a gym is rather solitary, honestly. Maybe a book club, if you like to read? I make friends in the most weird fashion, like I go to the library a lot because I read. I made friends with a librarian who was in a crafts club and recommended that to me. So I went to the crafts club and met some other people who liked to garden too...that whole roundabout situation made me about 5 new friends!

gr8heart · Feb 18th, 2008, 04:46 PM

Hi Sunshine!

There are no stupid questions on TPF! You sound like a transplant (someone who went to college away from home and now lives in a different community) like myself and it is hard to make friends away from home. Since I move frequently, I try to find social settings that welcome transplants. Check out websites like i'm not from here.com and just show up to one of their social gatherings. Meetups.com are also great with very diverse interests and people.

With all online communication, just make sure you email or call the organizer first to ask questions about the setting, etc., follow your gut instinct (weirdo or not?) and then tell someone (family member or friend) that you will be meeting folks at this place at this time of day. Be safe!!!

Even though it sounds hard to just show up where strangers are meeting, this will help you get past the fear and shyness of meeting new people. You will also learn that you have very interesting things to talk about and most importantly, ask questions and listen to other people. Do not feel afraid of sounding too serious, just ask people questions- make them talk! Remember that others feel intimidated and nervous, too.

You can also ask people at work about places to meet other people your age. They may have suggestions or know people your age you can meet.

*sunshine* · Feb 18th, 2008, 04:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sunshine

Also....stick around here long enough and you will make some great friends!! Really!

thanks, i have got to know some people through another forum and i totally appreciate them, and look forward to meeting people here too, id like to make friends around where i live too so i can have a social life away from my computer *blushes*

azhangie · Feb 18th, 2008, 04:50 PM

I feel ur pain. I really do...most of my friends right now are from high school. The plp i met in college just didnt work out...everyone went thier own ways and sometimes we'd talk over aim or something...its not what i would call a close friendship. The few remaining high school friends i have make me pretty mad sometimes...they have thier bfs that basically takes up most of thier time. I'm like second in line now - they call me when thier bfs are at work or something and it gets annoying. Sometimes i'm like super bored and there's not much i can do about it because evryone's tied down....and i'm like well i guess i'll catch up on nip tuck then!

The gym is a nice place to meet plp, but the ones i've met so far are the older plp...haha its not plp i would hang out with or anything. They're very entertaining while im there. I wish there was some way to make friends without looking really desperate.

And i gotta add...some grls i meet are very catty. They think they're better than you or something and it's hard to approach them. Guys make great friends...but most of the ones i meet just want to hit on me.

*sunshine* · Feb 18th, 2008, 04:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by azhangie

I feel ur pain. I really do...most of my friends right now are from high school. The plp i met in college just didnt work out...everyone went thier own ways and sometimes we'd talk over aim or something...its not what i would call a close friendship. The few remaining high school friends i have make me pretty mad sometimes...they have thier bfs that basically takes up most of thier time. I'm like second in line now - they call me when thier bfs are at work or something and it gets annoying. Sometimes i'm like super bored and there's not much i can do about it because evryone's tied down....and i'm like well i guess i'll catch up on nip tuck then!

The gym is a nice place to meet plp, but the ones i've met so far are the older plp...haha its not plp i would hang out with or anything. They're very entertaining while im there. I wish there was some way to make friends without looking really desperate.

And i gotta add...some grls i meet are very catty. They think they're better than you or something and it's hard to approach them. Guys make great friends...but most of the ones i meet just want to hit on me.

I totally relate to what you said here! Sometimes i meet nice girls but they are part of a 'group' and aren't interested in letting in someone new, i make friends easily with guys i find it easier to relax for some reason, but then again like u said most of them are hitting on me too! and some things are different with guys and girls. lol i dread the day i get married there will be no bridesmaids or many guests at this rate!

Zophie · Feb 18th, 2008, 05:02 PM

I know exactly how you feel. I just am not a very outgoing person. Like Sunshine said she talks to everyone, I just am the opposite. I keep to myself most times and sort of am in my own little world.

I also have often made better friends with guys but then they end up hitting on me and they don't want to be just friends. So I'm sort of leary of that now. Honestly I work a lot and so a lot of my social interaction comes from that. I've just never been a person who is good at small talk or getting close to people. Just try and keep yourself busy. I have made friends online too, and even though I don't see them often, I consider them friends.

azhangie · Feb 18th, 2008, 05:41 PM

sunshine we are sooo alike! Sometimes i'm thinking to myself about my wedding and i realise...ok usually u have like a few bridesmaid. I'm going to have like 3? hahaha... and its like man...thats depressing. Maybe that's why i dont want to get married anytime soon.

BagAngel · Feb 18th, 2008, 05:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sunshine

Also....stick around here long enough and you will make some great friends!! Really!

I second that, have made some great friends here.

elizat · Feb 18th, 2008, 06:18 PM

There were two threads on this not some long ago. One was called making friends after college and had some great ideas. I'll try to find it.

Also, from personal experience, I am taking a painting class and have met some really nice gals there. I also plan on enrolling in a language class b/c I want to and also think you'd meet people at a place like that. Another good idea is meetup.com. I joined a small dog meet up and have yet to go to one b/c they conflict w/ my art class, but meetup is a great way to find ppl that share your interests and it is not like a singles service. There is a meet up group just for singles in the 20's-30's in my area and I want to sign up for that too. A lot of times ppl just want to expand social circles, have come out of a relationship and lost friends, you'll get all kinds.

A lot of ppl recommend volunteering. I have not done that, but may if an interesting project comes along. Another option is joining an association group for your profession. I just signed up for the women's bar and they have lunches once a month and outreach stuff. I've been dragging my butt over a year and a half and never signed up. Most professions have trade groups and/or associations.

ETA: Making Friends After College

That's the prior thread.

Sunshine · Feb 18th, 2008, 06:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by *sunshine*

thanks, i have got to know some people through another forum and i totally appreciate them, and look forward to meeting people here too, id like to make friends around where i live too so i can have a social life away from my computer *blushes*

We have LOTS of Pfers that have met up and some are very good friends now. Selena has turned into one of my best friends over the past year and we met here. Megs and I have become great friends as well. So, keep your eye out for PF meets, that might be a fun thing for you too.

helium · Feb 18th, 2008, 06:40 PM

For some reason... i've never wanted to make more friends. I feel like quantity over quality is bad, not that i'm saying that you'd treat your friends badly or anything. Considering the fact that me and my rather small group of friends have a relationship like this: if one of us were stranded in a foreign country and we lost the plane ticket, we would drop everything and buy them a ticket. I don't think i'd be able to think that if I had... well lots of friends. I want to be that close to all my friends, which I can't do if I had a lot.

With that said, i've been a firm believer over having people accept you as opposed to acting to cater towards them. Someone once said she didn't know whether to act outgoing or introverted when meeting friends. That is stupid. What happens when you do become friends? Can you keep up your outgoing act forever? So no, you be yourself and have them accept you.

Feb 18th, 2008, 04:22 PM	#1
sunshine Member	how to make friends...? i know it sounds like a stupid question, but can anyone give me advice on how to make friends? looking around me, most people i can think of made friends from school or college or work...i'm done with school and the place i work is mainly much older people....i didnt really make friends at college which feels pathetic cos thats where everyone has fun but i felt alone for most of it....i just have a difficulty meeting people and making friends and dont know what to do. when i do ever meet people and talk, what should i be talking about? someone told me once im too serious so people dont warm to me no-one seems to want to stay in touch with me or hang out so i spend a lot of my free time at home...

Feb 18th, 2008, 04:31 PM	#2
Sunshine Location: Key West, Florida	Re: how to make friends...? I have moved alot in the last 15 years and I have had the pleasure of making friends in countries where I could not even speak the language! This has never been a problem for me. However, I used to get really hung up about being friends with only people my age. Well, Im 39 now and I have very close friends that are in their late 40's and then very close friends that are in their early 20's. I love the age range of all my friends and find they all mix together very nicely as well. Maybe try and develop closer friendships with those at work. You may meet other people when you are out with them! I meet people walking down the street here!! LOL But, Im a talker. (when I feel like it!!) Also the gym, sign up for a class of somesort. I have met some wonderful ladies when I get my Mani and Pedi's....just put some effort in and you will have a full social schedule before you know it!

Feb 18th, 2008, 04:36 PM	#3
elongreach Fellow Iphone Owner Location: Maryland	Re: how to make friends...? I totally understand where you are coming from. Sometimes it's really hard to just be inviting to new people when you really want to. I can't tell you how many times I've let opportunities walk by because I just couldn't open my mouth and say hello. So the first thing to understand is you're not alone. My recommendation is to think of something you enjoy doing that you could pick up as a hobby. Take a one day class or something of that nature and be sure you remember your intent is to have fun and meet just one new person. Do not sit alone. Sit next to someone who you think would be someone you want to learn more about. Then just mention something about whatever subject you're on and use that as an easing point. Hopefully some of that helps! __________________ I've been shot with the shopping bug!!!!! Add me as a friend on Myspace! Willie is too sexy for his own good.

Feb 18th, 2008, 04:38 PM	#4
Sunshine Location: Key West, Florida	Re: how to make friends...? Also....stick around here long enough and you will make some great friends!! Really!

Feb 18th, 2008, 04:39 PM	#5
merika Just me Location: In front of a computer	Re: how to make friends...? What kind of things could you do? Thinking a bit here..I find a gym is rather solitary, honestly. Maybe a book club, if you like to read? I make friends in the most weird fashion, like I go to the library a lot because I read. I made friends with a librarian who was in a crafts club and recommended that to me. So I went to the crafts club and met some other people who liked to garden too...that whole roundabout situation made me about 5 new friends! __________________ I will also gladly authenticate your chocolates for you.

Feb 18th, 2008, 04:46 PM	#6
gr8heart -for YSL!	Re: how to make friends...? Hi Sunshine! There are no stupid questions on TPF! You sound like a transplant (someone who went to college away from home and now lives in a different community) like myself and it is hard to make friends away from home. Since I move frequently, I try to find social settings that welcome transplants. Check out websites like i'm not from here.com and just show up to one of their social gatherings. Meetups.com are also great with very diverse interests and people. With all online communication, just make sure you email or call the organizer first to ask questions about the setting, etc., follow your gut instinct (weirdo or not?) and then tell someone (family member or friend) that you will be meeting folks at this place at this time of day. Be safe!!! Even though it sounds hard to just show up where strangers are meeting, this will help you get past the fear and shyness of meeting new people. You will also learn that you have very interesting things to talk about and most importantly, ask questions and listen to other people. Do not feel afraid of sounding too serious, just ask people questions- make them talk! Remember that others feel intimidated and nervous, too. You can also ask people at work about places to meet other people your age. They may have suggestions or know people your age you can meet. __________________ ~ Liz

Feb 18th, 2008, 04:50 PM	#8
azhangie Piggy Fajita Location: I see cows and hills	Re: how to make friends...? I feel ur pain. I really do...most of my friends right now are from high school. The plp i met in college just didnt work out...everyone went thier own ways and sometimes we'd talk over aim or something...its not what i would call a close friendship. The few remaining high school friends i have make me pretty mad sometimes...they have thier bfs that basically takes up most of thier time. I'm like second in line now - they call me when thier bfs are at work or something and it gets annoying. Sometimes i'm like super bored and there's not much i can do about it because evryone's tied down....and i'm like well i guess i'll catch up on nip tuck then! The gym is a nice place to meet plp, but the ones i've met so far are the older plp...haha its not plp i would hang out with or anything. They're very entertaining while im there. I wish there was some way to make friends without looking really desperate. And i gotta add...some grls i meet are very catty. They think they're better than you or something and it's hard to approach them. Guys make great friends...but most of the ones i meet just want to hit on me. __________________ coffee addiction

Feb 18th, 2008, 05:02 PM	#10
Zophie I <3 my Maltese! Location: New Orleans, LA	Re: how to make friends...? I know exactly how you feel. I just am not a very outgoing person. Like Sunshine said she talks to everyone, I just am the opposite. I keep to myself most times and sort of am in my own little world. I also have often made better friends with guys but then they end up hitting on me and they don't want to be just friends. So I'm sort of leary of that now. Honestly I work a lot and so a lot of my social interaction comes from that. I've just never been a person who is good at small talk or getting close to people. Just try and keep yourself busy. I have made friends online too, and even though I don't see them often, I consider them friends. __________________

Feb 18th, 2008, 05:41 PM	#11
azhangie Piggy Fajita Location: I see cows and hills	Re: how to make friends...? sunshine we are sooo alike! Sometimes i'm thinking to myself about my wedding and i realise...ok usually u have like a few bridesmaid. I'm going to have like 3? hahaha... and its like man...thats depressing. Maybe that's why i dont want to get married anytime soon. __________________ coffee addiction

Feb 18th, 2008, 06:18 PM	#13
elizat Member	Re: how to make friends...? There were two threads on this not some long ago. One was called making friends after college and had some great ideas. I'll try to find it. Also, from personal experience, I am taking a painting class and have met some really nice gals there. I also plan on enrolling in a language class b/c I want to and also think you'd meet people at a place like that. Another good idea is meetup.com. I joined a small dog meet up and have yet to go to one b/c they conflict w/ my art class, but meetup is a great way to find ppl that share your interests and it is not like a singles service. There is a meet up group just for singles in the 20's-30's in my area and I want to sign up for that too. A lot of times ppl just want to expand social circles, have come out of a relationship and lost friends, you'll get all kinds. A lot of ppl recommend volunteering. I have not done that, but may if an interesting project comes along. Another option is joining an association group for your profession. I just signed up for the women's bar and they have lunches once a month and outreach stuff. I've been dragging my butt over a year and a half and never signed up. Most professions have trade groups and/or associations. ETA: Making Friends After College That's the prior thread.

Feb 18th, 2008, 06:40 PM	#15
helium Member	Re: how to make friends...? For some reason... i've never wanted to make more friends. I feel like quantity over quality is bad, not that i'm saying that you'd treat your friends badly or anything. Considering the fact that me and my rather small group of friends have a relationship like this: if one of us were stranded in a foreign country and we lost the plane ticket, we would drop everything and buy them a ticket. I don't think i'd be able to think that if I had... well lots of friends. I want to be that close to all my friends, which I can't do if I had a lot. With that said, i've been a firm believer over having people accept you as opposed to acting to cater towards them. Someone once said she didn't know whether to act outgoing or introverted when meeting friends. That is stupid. What happens when you do become friends? Can you keep up your outgoing act forever? So no, you be yourself and have them accept you.