how to help my mom?

amber11 · Jun 24th, 2008, 05:42 PM

my mom just got diagnosed with breast cancer, as of yesterday, i'm just at a loss of words of what to say to help her through this. we're really close and i want to be there for her.... does anyone have any advice or was maybe in the same situation?

burberryprncess · Jun 24th, 2008, 05:45 PM

I'm so sorry. My aunt is a breast cancer survivor and she had a full support from her family, who were always there for her. She never lost hopes and now she is cancer free for more than 2 years now.

dusty paws · Jun 24th, 2008, 06:29 PM

I'm so sorry. My grandma is a breast cancer survivor. She lost one of her breasts, but went through chemo and now is fine.

Be strong for her - let her know how you feel. Tell her what you think of her - take time out of your day to give her a call, send her a note or to have a meal with her. Taking her mind off of it will be great. I wish you and your mom the best.

LadyLinda · Jun 24th, 2008, 07:04 PM

My mom found out she had breast cancer six years ago. She had the lump removed and has been cancer-free since.

Your mom just found out she has cancer, so there's still a lot to find out. It may not be so bad (like with my mom) or it may be bad, but the main thing she needs right now is for you to be there for her. If she needs someone to just listen to her fret and worry, or be scared, you can do that, and that will help her more than anything. Just knowing you are there, and will always be there, will mean everything. And remind her, too, as her doctors will, that a lot can be done to cure breast cancer these days, particularly if caught early!

boxermom · Jun 24th, 2008, 07:19 PM

You may not know what course of treatment she will have. do you live close enough to help with a meal when she's feeling tired/not up to the effort? Go to a dr. appt with her? My mom appreciated that when I could take her--one less thing for her to think about. Pamper her--manicure, pedicure now and then so she continues to feel good about herself.

Most of all just let her know you love and care about her--you're an awesome daughter.

twin53 · Jun 24th, 2008, 07:46 PM

when i was going thru chemo/radiation - not breast cancer tho - i would just be sitting on my bed watching tv. no pain or anything - just watching tv quietly and my then 7 year old son would hop onto the bed next to me and just intertwine his little fingers in mine and sit silently next to me. he is now 19 and i will never forget those times... just be with her physically and emotionally.

Leah411 · Jun 24th, 2008, 08:12 PM

Just be there for her.

Give her your TIME. Let her know that you have your priorities straight and make the time to be there for her as much as you can. Go with her to appointments. Spend time with her in the hospital if she has to go in. Do anything and everything you can think of to let her know that you love and that she can depend on you.

I just went through/am going through the ordeal of my fiance having his leg amputated and almost dying. Knowing that someone is in your corner and having someone by your side to support you through a rough time is crucial. I slept by his side in the hospital for three weeks straight and he has told me repeatedly how much it meant to just have someone there who gave a damn.

stellamaried · Jun 24th, 2008, 09:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by twin53

when i was going thru chemo/radiation - not breast cancer tho - i would just be sitting on my bed watching tv. no pain or anything - just watching tv quietly and my then 7 year old son would hop onto the bed next to me and just intertwine his little fingers in mine and sit silently next to me. he is now 19 and i will never forget those times... just be with her physically and emotionally.

What a sweet little boy.

The most important thing, as you know and as others have suggested, is to be there for support (emotionally, and physically if you can). If she needs surgery or further treatment like chemo, try to think of things that you can do to help her (if you live nearby, this could mean stopping by with food, videos, and magazines, or calling her to check in, or helping her to organize things). It would also be nice, if you live near her and are able, for you to try to work with other family members and friends to put together a schedule of who will be going with her to appointments, bringing meals, etc., so she doesn't have to worry about logistics and knows that she will always have someone there for her.

Also, I wanted to remind you to take care of yourself. Don't be afraid to rely on your best friend or significant other to cry, to vent, etc. It's a traumatic life event for you too.

Pursegrrl · Jun 24th, 2008, 11:14 PM

My mother was diagnosed last year in early April and didn't tell my brothers or me until about mid May after my Dad's constant urging. My mother loves to put up a strong front and negate/deny things...it's a lifelong habit of hers.

Given that, it was hard for me to know how to behave or what to say because she is very closed down emotionally. She pretty much told me over the phone one day that she had breast cancer and had already chosen to have a mastectomy and that was that, no further discussion.

I love my Mom and respect her decision to handle it her own way, but it was very hard to know what she needed and all I could do was just say that I'm here for you, however you need me. Thankfully my Dad took very good care of her.

The most I got to do to help was to take her to the store near the hospital where they do fittings for mastectomy bras so she could pick hers up. It was near downtown Seattle and I remember she wanted to be dropped off at the curb so she wouldn't have to walk too far after we found parking which I was of course happy to do. I found parking a few seconds later and by the time I got into the store to meet with her she had already picked up her new bra and was ready to get out of there. I could tell she was (understandably) uncomfortable....

amber11 · Jun 25th, 2008, 02:17 AM

thanks for all your support you guys- she hasn't told our family yet so i don't want to talk about it with our family or friends yet... its good to hear all your positive stories to about the people you know beating cancer- i'm just in disbelief she's only 47 and lives a very healthy life, i'm 20 and still live at home (moving out in sept. once i transfer to another college) so tonight for example i brought her home her favorite movie and we watched it together.... seriously thanks for all your advice i'll make sure to keep everything in mind... she's the strongest woman i know so i know everything will be ok in the end, its just the short term thats going to be hard

PetiteChaton · Jun 25th, 2008, 02:40 AM

I'm sorry *hug*

There are alternative forms of treatment out there and i have researched this topic in great depth.. For an example, the spread of cancer can very easily be controlled by your diet..if you dont feed the cancer with things it feeds on (EG: sugar, saturated fat etc).. It will either start to decrease or it will simply stop spreading. There are hospitals all around the world that only use these alternative methods of curing cancer and i have read many stories of people who have cured their own cancers.. of course our governments wont approve such methods.. I mean.. billions and billions would be at stake..
Google is your friend..

But i would suggest to your mother to start living on raw veggies and fruits only.. Eating apple seeds and other seeds from fruits daily.. buy a steamer and eat steamed veggies.. dont cook anything on oil, eat fish and consume vitamin supplements daily.. especially increase the dosage of vitamin C daily.

PetiteChaton · Jun 25th, 2008, 02:44 AM

I also suggest chemo as the last form of treatment. Chemo weakens your immune system...the whole point of these alternative methods is to get your immune system to be as strong as it can possibly be..and eliminate anything that cancer cells can feed on.. there are villages and tribes around the world that havent recorded a single case of cancer (due to their diet)..
If there are other treatments available id choose those over chemo (ie surgery?).. but try alternative treatments first!

Sternchen · Jun 25th, 2008, 03:48 AM

Oh my goodness, I am so sorry

I have never been in this situation (thank GOD!) and I hope I never will be, but I think that if I were in your situation, I'd just be with my mom right now. Be there to hug her and to comfort her. Let her cry on your shoulder if she needs to, she needs you now!

I hope that they caught it in an early stage and that she is doing well. Medicine has come so far now that almost anything can be beat!

Thinking of you and your mom!

Sternchen · Jun 25th, 2008, 03:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by twin53

when i was going thru chemo/radiation - not breast cancer tho - i would just be sitting on my bed watching tv. no pain or anything - just watching tv quietly and my then 7 year old son would hop onto the bed next to me and just intertwine his little fingers in mine and sit silently next to me. he is now 19 and i will never forget those times... just be with her physically and emotionally.

You've got me in tears

moi et mes sacs · Jun 25th, 2008, 04:00 AM

I am sorry this has happened. I have been moved by cancer in my family for two years now. It will take time fro your mother and family to come to terms with this news but it wont be long before you are ready to fight. Take a pen and paper to the hospital and keep notes, there is a lot to remember. Hold mums hand. The statistics are better then ever these days.
My father has been battling lung cancer for 2 years and he is as strong as ever. Hang in there, there are many happy endings.

Jun 24th, 2008, 05:42 PM	#1
amber11 Member Joined: Feb 2008 Posts: 360	how to help my mom? my mom just got diagnosed with breast cancer, as of yesterday, i'm just at a loss of words of what to say to help her through this. we're really close and i want to be there for her.... does anyone have any advice or was maybe in the same situation?

Jun 24th, 2008, 05:45 PM	#2
burberryprncess Sophie Joined: Feb 2007 Location: Southern California Posts: 6,359	I'm so sorry. My aunt is a breast cancer survivor and she had a full support from her family, who were always there for her. She never lost hopes and now she is cancer free for more than 2 years now. __________________ *''I'm one stomach flu away from my ideal weight''* -- Emily Blunt in The Devil Wears Prada Who needs to eat anyway when you can have Chanels A 'Cup Noodles' for breakfast, lunch & dinner for $0.39 each = more bags

Jun 24th, 2008, 06:29 PM	#3
dusty paws Vuitton on the brain Joined: Sep 2006 Location: RAOKville! Posts: 5,748	I'm so sorry. My grandma is a breast cancer survivor. She lost one of her breasts, but went through chemo and now is fine. Be strong for her - let her know how you feel. Tell her what you think of her - take time out of your day to give her a call, send her a note or to have a meal with her. Taking her mind off of it will be great. I wish you and your mom the best. __________________ craving damier! Laura and my babies: http://www.dustypaws.com My blog: http://makeupandpearls.blogspot.com/

Jun 24th, 2008, 08:12 PM	#7
Leah411 Officially Mrs. J! Joined: Feb 2006 Posts: 1,806	Just be there for her. Give her your TIME. Let her know that you have your priorities straight and make the time to be there for her as much as you can. Go with her to appointments. Spend time with her in the hospital if she has to go in. Do anything and everything you can think of to let her know that you love and that she can depend on you. I just went through/am going through the ordeal of my fiance having his leg amputated and almost dying. Knowing that someone is in your corner and having someone by your side to support you through a rough time is crucial. I slept by his side in the hospital for three weeks straight and he has told me repeatedly how much it meant to just have someone there who gave a damn. __________________

Jun 25th, 2008, 03:48 AM	#13
Sternchen We're having a boy!! Joined: May 2006 Location: Beauty RAOK Posts: 11,190	Oh my goodness, I am so sorry I have never been in this situation (thank GOD!) and I hope I never will be, but I think that if I were in your situation, I'd just be with my mom right now. Be there to hug her and to comfort her. Let her cry on your shoulder if she needs to, she needs you now! I hope that they caught it in an early stage and that she is doing well. Medicine has come so far now that almost anything can be beat! Thinking of you and your mom! __________________ My 2 wonderful girls, Nicole (5) and Julia (1) will be big sisters soon! My pregnancy blog

Jun 24th, 2008, 07:04 PM	#4
LadyLinda Member Joined: Jul 2007 Location: Philadelphia Posts: 606	My mom found out she had breast cancer six years ago. She had the lump removed and has been cancer-free since. Your mom just found out she has cancer, so there's still a lot to find out. It may not be so bad (like with my mom) or it may be bad, but the main thing she needs right now is for you to be there for her. If she needs someone to just listen to her fret and worry, or be scared, you can do that, and that will help her more than anything. Just knowing you are there, and will always be there, will mean everything. And remind her, too, as her doctors will, that a lot can be done to cure breast cancer these days, particularly if caught early!

Jun 24th, 2008, 07:19 PM	#5
boxermom Member Joined: Aug 2006 Location: North Carolina Posts: 9,521	You may not know what course of treatment she will have. do you live close enough to help with a meal when she's feeling tired/not up to the effort? Go to a dr. appt with her? My mom appreciated that when I could take her--one less thing for her to think about. Pamper her--manicure, pedicure now and then so she continues to feel good about herself. Most of all just let her know you love and care about her--you're an awesome daughter.

Jun 24th, 2008, 07:46 PM	#6
twin53 Member Joined: Jan 2007 Location: Georgia Posts: 2,923	when i was going thru chemo/radiation - not breast cancer tho - i would just be sitting on my bed watching tv. no pain or anything - just watching tv quietly and my then 7 year old son would hop onto the bed next to me and just intertwine his little fingers in mine and sit silently next to me. he is now 19 and i will never forget those times... just be with her physically and emotionally.

Jun 24th, 2008, 11:14 PM	#9
Pursegrrl Oh no she di-int!! Joined: Jun 2006 Location: Seattle Posts: 14,099	My mother was diagnosed last year in early April and didn't tell my brothers or me until about mid May after my Dad's constant urging. My mother loves to put up a strong front and negate/deny things...it's a lifelong habit of hers. Given that, it was hard for me to know how to behave or what to say because she is very closed down emotionally. She pretty much told me over the phone one day that she had breast cancer and had already chosen to have a mastectomy and that was that, no further discussion. I love my Mom and respect her decision to handle it her own way, but it was very hard to know what she needed and all I could do was just say that I'm here for you, however you need me. Thankfully my Dad took very good care of her. The most I got to do to help was to take her to the store near the hospital where they do fittings for mastectomy bras so she could pick hers up. It was near downtown Seattle and I remember she wanted to be dropped off at the curb so she wouldn't have to walk too far after we found parking which I was of course happy to do. I found parking a few seconds later and by the time I got into the store to meet with her she had already picked up her new bra and was ready to get out of there. I could tell she was (understandably) uncomfortable....

Jun 25th, 2008, 02:17 AM	#10
amber11 Member Joined: Feb 2008 Posts: 360	thanks for all your support you guys- she hasn't told our family yet so i don't want to talk about it with our family or friends yet... its good to hear all your positive stories to about the people you know beating cancer- i'm just in disbelief she's only 47 and lives a very healthy life, i'm 20 and still live at home (moving out in sept. once i transfer to another college) so tonight for example i brought her home her favorite movie and we watched it together.... seriously thanks for all your advice i'll make sure to keep everything in mind... she's the strongest woman i know so i know everything will be ok in the end, its just the short term thats going to be hard

Jun 25th, 2008, 02:40 AM	#11
PetiteChaton Tres chic Joined: Jun 2008 Posts: 61	I'm sorry hug There are alternative forms of treatment out there and i have researched this topic in great depth.. For an example, the spread of cancer can very easily be controlled by your diet..if you dont feed the cancer with things it feeds on (EG: sugar, saturated fat etc).. It will either start to decrease or it will simply stop spreading. There are hospitals all around the world that only use these alternative methods of curing cancer and i have read many stories of people who have cured their own cancers.. of course our governments wont approve such methods.. I mean.. billions and billions would be at stake.. Google is your friend.. But i would suggest to your mother to start living on raw veggies and fruits only.. Eating apple seeds and other seeds from fruits daily.. buy a steamer and eat steamed veggies.. dont cook anything on oil, eat fish and consume vitamin supplements daily.. especially increase the dosage of vitamin C daily.

Jun 25th, 2008, 02:44 AM	#12
PetiteChaton Tres chic Joined: Jun 2008 Posts: 61	I also suggest chemo as the last form of treatment. Chemo weakens your immune system...the whole point of these alternative methods is to get your immune system to be as strong as it can possibly be..and eliminate anything that cancer cells can feed on.. there are villages and tribes around the world that havent recorded a single case of cancer (due to their diet).. If there are other treatments available id choose those over chemo (ie surgery?).. but try alternative treatments first!

Jun 25th, 2008, 04:00 AM	#15
moi et mes sacs Science Geek! Joined: Sep 2007 Posts: 4,148	I am sorry this has happened. I have been moved by cancer in my family for two years now. It will take time fro your mother and family to come to terms with this news but it wont be long before you are ready to fight. Take a pen and paper to the hospital and keep notes, there is a lot to remember. Hold mums hand. The statistics are better then ever these days. My father has been battling lung cancer for 2 years and he is as strong as ever. Hang in there, there are many happy endings. __________________ The best way to have a good idea is to have a lot of ideas Linus Pauling