How to handle emotional cheating? *long*

[aaallabama]

Originally Posted by rainyjewels

he single-handedly made it possible for her to win awards/funding and be promoted, which of course is exactly playing to her wishes. there's a fear that if he fires her there will be retaliation, i.e. exposure of the affair, etc. he says he will just avoid her. the girl has apparently been losing interest also because she's been sending him constant hints on stuff to get her but he hasn't brought himself to do it yet.

^^ yikes, this keeps getting worse

p.s. i don't even know what to say anymore

[rainyjewels]

hahaha, i know. this whole thing is just so ridiculous and tangled that it's really ludicrous.

[lilach]

Originally Posted by LeeMiller

Anyways, your friend might consider having assets moved to her name and getting a post-nup at this point, at the very least talking to some top attorneys about the situation. (That way they can't represent her husband should he change his mind, well depending on where you are).

exactly what i said. if she desperately wnats to stay with him no matter what (and the whole pormotion handbag story is not adding positively in my book) then at least she should be prepared for the big IF. or at least ask him to get the house in her name now. if he agrees well then it might work out and lead to a future together if not well then she has an answer. unfortunately when it comes to love and money most men are more after the latter and you only knew your husband inside out once you divorce him

but anyways all the best to your friend my thoughts are with her

[JAN!]

WTF. He's not the epitome of integrity now! Some guys are just so...I don't know...blind? Insecure? I've met them.

[wantmore]

Something just doesn't fit. The guy asking you info on designer purses just 4 days ago then telling his wife that he'll just ignore the other person......BS! I think he wants his cake and eat it too (stupid saying but that's how it goes)! I think he's just testing the water and feeling who he wants to be with at the end, his wife or the biatch, by keeping both of them very close to him.

[lilpikachu]

She should find the young girl and beat her with a stick! (Just kidding!)

[Bubble Girl]

I've only just found this thread. I so feel for your poor friend. I think her hubby is trying to keep all the balls in the air - trying to regain her support and trust but at the same time continuing his little whatever it is with the young thing. I think she's going to need to take a stronger stand. She's so lucky she has you as her friend. By the way if she needs to translate something similar to that letter there are loads of translation websites which could help.

[theITbag]

any update?

[VivaNYC]

I just came across this.. WTH ?? That is so wrong!! I feel badly for your selfless, trusting, amazing friend! I would not know what to do! O that's so terrible! Are they open to counseling? I don't even know if that would be an option if it happened to me... easier said than done but... wow.

[bl2k4]

smart man wont leaved his family for a young woman.

[Jahpson]

OMG!! what a selfish jerk he is. My advice to you is to be there and comfort her when she needs comforting. however her repairing her marriage is up to her and him.

[MyLuckyCharm]

Rainyjewels, I just read through this whole thread and I'm aching for this woman! I can't imagine how she is feeling, after having spent a significant amount of her life with this man. And what does he do for her in retun? He has an "emotional affair" with a young thing. I don't care, "emotional" or not, an affair is an affair.

Like everyone's been saying, I think that they MUST assess the truth in order to overcome this obstacle or else it will always be straining their relationship. That would mean him discussing ALL of the texts and emails, and possibly IMs if saved on the computer, to her. She hasn't ever given him any reason not to trust her, from what the you've made it sound like, she why shouldn't he be more than willing to work it out for the supposed number one woman in his life?

Let your friend know that she should NEVER settle for anything less than number one in his book, because as far as I'm concerned, she's a SAINT for putting up with the situation for so long, especially during a strenuous time of her life when he is awaiting surgery. How did that go, by the way?

DETAILS! We're all waiting with bated breath for the next update, Jewels! How has she been? May I ask how many children they have and what the age range is, so we'll know what she's got to protect? And what country are they residing in, since you mentioned that she lives in another country. So are they distantly married overseas? Pardon my ignorance, I'm just a little confused with something I read earlier on in the thread.

Let us know! We're all rooting for her. ♥

[rainyjewels]

hey guys - thank you all for caring so fervently. i'm sure my friend would be so touched if she knew so many people out there care and are trying to help her.

her surgery was successful, but was very close to being the opposite. An hour in, her surgeons came out and informed her husband that the situation was much more complicated and dire than they thought, and if he insisted that they continue the surgery, she would most likely "not come off the operating table." he said please continue if you can, while protecting her life as much as possible. The doctors really didn't know whether she would live through it if they decided to continue, but they continued...and fortunately, it was successful. she made an extremely speedy recovery and was home in 2 weeks. this issue has been weighing her down for a decade now. otherwise she's in great health, so i'm really relieved for her that this whole health problem is behind her (*knock on wood*).

she just recovered enough to get on a plane to her hometown, where all her friends and her own family are. everyone told her she should get away and live her life for herself for once. she's there now, taking spa days and being pampered by all her friends and family, who are extremely relieved she's okay and all love her like crazy. she didn't even want to go because she was worried no one would be there to take care of her husband (i.e. cook, clean), and she wanted to stay to do all that for him despite her still recovering from surgery with her knife wounds not even fully healed. sigh, what can you do. in the mean time, supposedly her husband is now really great to her, and they can now talk openly about the "mistress," which is a big deal since all that secret harboring only meant he wasn't sincere about getting over her. she's technically forgiven him and life seems quasi back on track now, but she told me the whole thing has really opened her eyes - she realizes that she has to live for no one else but herself, and that she needs to enjoy life for herself and stop putting so much of herself into other people who clearly don't even notice or appreciate it. she's now much more open to life - to trying new things, to pampering herself, to choosing herself over her husband.

as for their children, they have one - all grown up with her own amazing career, living in the states in her own lux apartment, so she's not a source of concern for either of them. they both live in china, where i don't know how strictly divorce laws and rules are and how stringently they're applied. regardless, it doesn't seem to be an option for them, so i guess the conclusion right now is....wait and see...but not put all your eggs in one basket...

[Bubble Girl]

Thanks for the update rainyjewels. I'm really glad the operation went well and her recovery sounds like it's going very well too. I guess in the long term no one can judge anyone's choice to stay or go following an affair and she is doing what she feels is best for her. I'm glad she is going to put herself first more now though, and realises she is worthy of being happy, with or without her husband.

[MyLuckyCharm]

How have things been with her lately? Time for another update, RainyJewels!