How to deal with grief

dusty paws · Jan 3rd, 2008, 08:23 PM

I know that there are a lot of threads on this, but I just thought that I would try and reach out here.

My grandpa passed away on December 14. He had been sick for two years after suffering a massive stroke - he was on a feeding tube, couldn't talk, eat, or live in his house anymore. Whenever he spoke it sounded like baby babble - but mom said that eyes only lit up whenever I came to visit.

On December 14th I got the call at work - Grandpa had suffered a massive stroke in his sleep and left him unconscious - he never woke up and passed with my parents and grandma at his side.

I'm racked with grief. I know that its for the best - that grandpa isn't suffering anymore - but I feel so empty and sad inside. I had always asked St Anthony to watch over grandpa - let him just say my name one more time, but he didn't. There are moments when I'm fine, and then the moments when it hits me like a ton of bricks and all I can do is sob. I've gone to see him a few times at the cemetary - but its so hard, just to see his name engraved and know that's all I have left. I talk to him at night, but I still haven't seen him. I wear one of his pendants almost daily to feel closer to him, but sometimes it makes me hurt more.

This is the first real loss I've ever had - I don't know if that accounts for it - but sometimes I just don't know what to do with myself - how can I ever get through the unavoidable deaths of my other grandparents, friends, it makes me so scared to think that one day I will lose my parents, my sister, my pets, and D.

I was thinking of going to talk to someone, but I guess more than else, I need a hug. I'd really appreciate it anyone else could share any tips on how they dealt with losing a loved one.

Muchly appreciated, Laura.

sphere99 · Jan 3rd, 2008, 08:27 PM

My sister just passed away on the 26th, in fact just got home from the whole deal (had to go out of state). I just keep thinking she is better off as her life was miserable. Perhaps I am not a lot of help, but try and think how much better off they are now :)

bagnshoofetish · Jan 3rd, 2008, 08:29 PM

I'm so sorry for your loss. What you are experiencing is normal so cry your heart out. Its healthy and helps you through the process. All we have is each moment that goes by. None of us know how much time we really have. You are blessed that you had such a loving relationship with your grandpa and with your family and friends. always cherish that. Other than that the only support I could offer you comes from a Christian standpoint of faith so if you'd like to chat more based on that please feel free to PM me.

Speedy · Jan 3rd, 2008, 08:48 PM

Sending you giants hugs!

I've lost both my parents, all my grandparents, aunts, uncles, everyone I was close to when I was young.

Life is a cycle, and death is part of that cycle. I know that doesn't make it any easier, but what got me through a lot of the deaths in my family was remembering just how sick they were, and that this was a blessing. Sure I miss them, my mother most of all... but some things have happened since she passed (a dream I had about her) and my uncle, (after he died, lights and appliances would turn off by themselves, something he was anal about in life) and it hit me. They are still with us, we just can't see them. We CAN feel them, talk to them, heck, sometimes I can even smell my grandmother's perfume, so smell them.

It'll take time honey, to get used to him not being visable right there. But please, don't forget him. Talk to him if it brings you comfirt, I do that with my Mom all the time. It often gives me time to think about how she would handle a problem in my life... just talking it out with her.

And no, I'm not real religious, nor do I believe in "ghosts" per ce. But I've seen, heard and felt enough to know they are always with us.

Take care, it does get easier when the loss eases into fond memories.

candace117 · Jan 3rd, 2008, 08:52 PM

You'll always be blessed with the memory of you and your granddad, and in that sense he will never die. His physical body is gone, it was in a lot of pain, but the true essence of who he was will always be in your heart. It may sound trite to you since you are going through the hurting process right now...but you will heal, it will happen. You have to feel every range of emotion, there is no right way to deal with losing someone you care about. You just have to hurt, and love, and then one day the pain will start to lessen...and you will focus most on the good memories and how great of an impact he had on your life. That is the best gift he could have given to you.

dallas · Jan 4th, 2008, 12:47 AM

I'm so sorry. Big hugs to you hon. Dealing with grief is very personal and everyone deals with it differently. Take it one day at a time, honor your feelings and you will find that as time goes by, the raw pain you are feeling now will be replaced by wonderful memories. I have lost both of my parents and after my mother died I was overcome with grief and pain. I couldn't believe I would never see her beautiful face again. I thought I would die, I missed her so much. I still do. I don't know if time itself, heals anything, but what it does is, shifts your memories around... it shifts them around in your head so that you smile when you think of your loved one/s and the raw pain isn't the first thing you feel anymore. I don't know if the pain ever leaves completely but I do know that the love you have for that person never dies. Take care.

LissiSays · Jan 4th, 2008, 12:59 AM

Big hugs to you!

It helped me feel better to think that my grandfather was no longer suffering. He was probably in so much pain and uncomfortable right before he passed. That is no way for a person to live. It made me cry even harder to see him like that. It made me feel better to think that he was now in Heaven with the love of his life, my grandmother.

Time heals all. You will find yourself crying uncontrollably sometimes. But that will happen less and less over time. The imprint that he left in your heart and life will never fade. But the pain will. It is probably strange to feel this sadness and see the world around you continuing on. You will survive this and it will make you stronger.

I'm sure your grandfather would rather see you with a smile on your face instead of tears rolling down your cheeks.

Syntagma · Jan 4th, 2008, 03:11 AM

When my mother passed away almost 4 years ago I thought I would NEVER get over it. Up until a year ago not a day went by without me thinking of her. I can't really give you much advice on dealing with grief as I am not good dealing myself. However, I will tell you that time heals all wounds. I still think about mom alot but at least now I don't have breakdowns everytime. You too will get through this but you just need time. It may take months, it may take years. What you can do is make sure you live life and appreciate all of the time you have with your loves ones!

babieejae1101 · Jan 4th, 2008, 03:23 AM

I'm so sorry for your loss. When my grandpa died, it was really hard for my mom and her 2 sisters. It was hard the first year, but they finally came to terms that he was in a better place. It is definitely okay to cry ( it's normal). You just have to think that he is not suffering and he is in a better place now. My condolences to you and your family.

Babestaaa · Jan 4th, 2008, 04:25 AM

sorry for your loss. death is something you're not prepared for since we think of death as a negative thing, that's why in result we become unhappy and we cry. a lot of things that you have never thought about before are going to cross your mind and leave you questioning, it's normal.

my bf's mom passed away in july 07 and she was only 45. she battled cancer for the past 5yrs and it got way out of hand. it's almost 6mos and we're no were close to get over the grieving process. i cry a few times a month just thinking about it because i was there till the end and i don't like to see my bf hurt. if i could protect him from all the bad i would, and this was a terrible thing that occured. i think the grieving process is going to take even longer with his family because it has been so chaotic, i mean it's been 3sons and a father, no longer with the only woman of the house. with so many issues occurring, it gave us little time to grieve initially, even taking a month off work.

i heard time heals all and we just have to keep waiting.

as far as needing a hug, just remember everyone that lost your grandpa, your mom, dad, cousins, etc. they're going through the same thing as well, maybe some things are not exactly alike, but they are at a loss too.

chipmunk-pnw · Jan 6th, 2008, 05:54 AM

Sorry about your loss, I don't know how best to deal with grief because I'm still grieving my father's passing around Halloween.

Sometimes I share my woes with a close friend who's had a similar situation, and my mother-in-law has been really supportive because she too suffered similar loss not too long before.

There are days that I speak of him as if he is still alive. Only recently did I remove his contact from my gmail chat list! I was told this grieving can take at least a year, so don't be too upset if it's taking longer than you expect.

Jan 3rd, 2008, 08:23 PM	#1
dusty paws Vuitton on the brain Location: RAOKville!	How to deal with grief I know that there are a lot of threads on this, but I just thought that I would try and reach out here. My grandpa passed away on December 14. He had been sick for two years after suffering a massive stroke - he was on a feeding tube, couldn't talk, eat, or live in his house anymore. Whenever he spoke it sounded like baby babble - but mom said that eyes only lit up whenever I came to visit. On December 14th I got the call at work - Grandpa had suffered a massive stroke in his sleep and left him unconscious - he never woke up and passed with my parents and grandma at his side. I'm racked with grief. I know that its for the best - that grandpa isn't suffering anymore - but I feel so empty and sad inside. I had always asked St Anthony to watch over grandpa - let him just say my name one more time, but he didn't. There are moments when I'm fine, and then the moments when it hits me like a ton of bricks and all I can do is sob. I've gone to see him a few times at the cemetary - but its so hard, just to see his name engraved and know that's all I have left. I talk to him at night, but I still haven't seen him. I wear one of his pendants almost daily to feel closer to him, but sometimes it makes me hurt more. This is the first real loss I've ever had - I don't know if that accounts for it - but sometimes I just don't know what to do with myself - how can I ever get through the unavoidable deaths of my other grandparents, friends, it makes me so scared to think that one day I will lose my parents, my sister, my pets, and D. I was thinking of going to talk to someone, but I guess more than else, I need a hug. I'd really appreciate it anyone else could share any tips on how they dealt with losing a loved one. Muchly appreciated, Laura. __________________ laura's teeny wishlist: [] mono french purse [] trevi pm [] seleya pm [] mono cles Laura and my babies: http://www.dustypaws.com My blog: http://makeupandpearls.blogspot.com/

Jan 3rd, 2008, 08:27 PM	#2
sphere99 Too Obsessed... Location: Chicago	Re: How to deal with grief My sister just passed away on the 26th, in fact just got home from the whole deal (had to go out of state). I just keep thinking she is better off as her life was miserable. Perhaps I am not a lot of help, but try and think how much better off they are now :) __________________

Jan 3rd, 2008, 08:29 PM	#3
bagnshoofetish We Love Our Billy	Re: How to deal with grief I'm so sorry for your loss. What you are experiencing is normal so cry your heart out. Its healthy and helps you through the process. All we have is each moment that goes by. None of us know how much time we really have. You are blessed that you had such a loving relationship with your grandpa and with your family and friends. always cherish that. Other than that the only support I could offer you comes from a Christian standpoint of faith so if you'd like to chat more based on that please feel free to PM me. __________________ Please help us: http://forum.purseblog.com/animalici...nt-392607.html

Jan 3rd, 2008, 08:48 PM	#4
Speedy Sofa King Banned Location: N. California	Re: How to deal with grief Sending you giants hugs! I've lost both my parents, all my grandparents, aunts, uncles, everyone I was close to when I was young. Life is a cycle, and death is part of that cycle. I know that doesn't make it any easier, but what got me through a lot of the deaths in my family was remembering just how sick they were, and that this was a blessing. Sure I miss them, my mother most of all... but some things have happened since she passed (a dream I had about her) and my uncle, (after he died, lights and appliances would turn off by themselves, something he was anal about in life) and it hit me. They are still with us, we just can't see them. We CAN feel them, talk to them, heck, sometimes I can even smell my grandmother's perfume, so smell them. It'll take time honey, to get used to him not being visable right there. But please, don't forget him. Talk to him if it brings you comfirt, I do that with my Mom all the time. It often gives me time to think about how she would handle a problem in my life... just talking it out with her. And no, I'm not real religious, nor do I believe in "ghosts" per ce. But I've seen, heard and felt enough to know they are always with us. Take care, it does get easier when the loss eases into fond memories.

Jan 3rd, 2008, 08:52 PM	#5
candace117 Pirate Trash Location: Hardcorvallis	Re: How to deal with grief You'll always be blessed with the memory of you and your granddad, and in that sense he will never die. His physical body is gone, it was in a lot of pain, but the true essence of who he was will always be in your heart. It may sound trite to you since you are going through the hurting process right now...but you will heal, it will happen. You have to feel every range of emotion, there is no right way to deal with losing someone you care about. You just have to hurt, and love, and then one day the pain will start to lessen...and you will focus most on the good memories and how great of an impact he had on your life. That is the best gift he could have given to you. __________________ "With so much drama in the L-B-C, it's kinda hard bein Snoop D-O-double G."

Jan 4th, 2008, 12:47 AM	#6
dallas Ya anno	Re: How to deal with grief I'm so sorry. Big hugs to you hon. Dealing with grief is very personal and everyone deals with it differently. Take it one day at a time, honor your feelings and you will find that as time goes by, the raw pain you are feeling now will be replaced by wonderful memories. I have lost both of my parents and after my mother died I was overcome with grief and pain. I couldn't believe I would never see her beautiful face again. I thought I would die, I missed her so much. I still do. I don't know if time itself, heals anything, but what it does is, shifts your memories around... it shifts them around in your head so that you smile when you think of your loved one/s and the raw pain isn't the first thing you feel anymore. I don't know if the pain ever leaves completely but I do know that the love you have for that person never dies. Take care. __________________ A good deed is never lost: he who sows courtesy reaps friendship; and he who plants kindness gathers love.

Jan 4th, 2008, 12:59 AM	#7
LissiSays I <3 Coach =Þ Location: Miami, Florida	Re: How to deal with grief Big hugs to you! It helped me feel better to think that my grandfather was no longer suffering. He was probably in so much pain and uncomfortable right before he passed. That is no way for a person to live. It made me cry even harder to see him like that. It made me feel better to think that he was now in Heaven with the love of his life, my grandmother. Time heals all. You will find yourself crying uncontrollably sometimes. But that will happen less and less over time. The imprint that he left in your heart and life will never fade. But the pain will. It is probably strange to feel this sadness and see the world around you continuing on. You will survive this and it will make you stronger. I'm sure your grandfather would rather see you with a smile on your face instead of tears rolling down your cheeks. __________________ *LiSSi* Don't play games with a girl who can play better!

Jan 4th, 2008, 03:11 AM	#8
Syntagma Member	Re: How to deal with grief When my mother passed away almost 4 years ago I thought I would NEVER get over it. Up until a year ago not a day went by without me thinking of her. I can't really give you much advice on dealing with grief as I am not good dealing myself. However, I will tell you that time heals all wounds. I still think about mom alot but at least now I don't have breakdowns everytime. You too will get through this but you just need time. It may take months, it may take years. What you can do is make sure you live life and appreciate all of the time you have with your loves ones! __________________

Jan 4th, 2008, 03:23 AM	#9
babieejae1101 live 2 rescue pets	Re: How to deal with grief I'm so sorry for your loss. When my grandpa died, it was really hard for my mom and her 2 sisters. It was hard the first year, but they finally came to terms that he was in a better place. It is definitely okay to cry ( it's normal). You just have to think that he is not suffering and he is in a better place now. My condolences to you and your family.

Jan 4th, 2008, 04:25 AM	#10
Babestaaa Member Location: New Jersey	Re: How to deal with grief sorry for your loss. death is something you're not prepared for since we think of death as a negative thing, that's why in result we become unhappy and we cry. a lot of things that you have never thought about before are going to cross your mind and leave you questioning, it's normal. my bf's mom passed away in july 07 and she was only 45. she battled cancer for the past 5yrs and it got way out of hand. it's almost 6mos and we're no were close to get over the grieving process. i cry a few times a month just thinking about it because i was there till the end and i don't like to see my bf hurt. if i could protect him from all the bad i would, and this was a terrible thing that occured. i think the grieving process is going to take even longer with his family because it has been so chaotic, i mean it's been 3sons and a father, no longer with the only woman of the house. with so many issues occurring, it gave us little time to grieve initially, even taking a month off work. i heard time heals all and we just have to keep waiting. as far as needing a hug, just remember everyone that lost your grandpa, your mom, dad, cousins, etc. they're going through the same thing as well, maybe some things are not exactly alike, but they are at a loss too. __________________ Janice <3

Jan 6th, 2008, 05:54 AM	#11
chipmunk-pnw ^.^ Location: USA	Re: How to deal with grief Sorry about your loss, I don't know how best to deal with grief because I'm still grieving my father's passing around Halloween. Sometimes I share my woes with a close friend who's had a similar situation, and my mother-in-law has been really supportive because she too suffered similar loss not too long before. There are days that I speak of him as if he is still alive. Only recently did I remove his contact from my gmail chat list! I was told this grieving can take at least a year, so don't be too upset if it's taking longer than you expect.