How Should I Address Health Concerns w/ my Mom?

[HauteMama]

My mom is 70 and isn't as fit as she once was. She has no chronic health conditions, but she doesn't exercise regularly or eat well, either. I'd like her to get a flu shot, but she refuses.

She retired a few years ago from teaching, so she used to be exposed to every virus and bacteria around and rarely became sick. However, since she has retired and her exposure has gone down, she has been sick more and more each season. Last year it seemed that every time my children had a runny nose (no fever or other flu symptoms) and she was around them, she would be laid up in bed 3 or 4 days later. In other words, the small common colds the kids carry from going to school are hitting her harder and harder.

I realize that I cannot change her decision, but if anyone has advice about addressing this with her without offending her, I'd be grateful. She still thinks she is strong and has the immunity she had a decade ago, but she does not. I am afraid that she will get the flu (heaven forbid from my own children) and it will hit her harder than she is prepared for. She has entered an age group that is simply more at risk, but she doesn't seem to want to admit it. I just don't want anything to happen to her.

[Aslan]

Hmm, this is a toughie. It's really hard to lecture your parents on health issues, in my experience...they think they know everything. Do you think it would be helpful to get her some literature about the affects of the flue on high risk individuals (elderly)? Good luck.

[SPOILEDkiwi]

Something that seems to work well in my family is if another person in the same age group recommends something. Does she have any friends or family around the same age that can convince her to get the shot?

[nooch]

I agree with SPOILEDkiwi and also if you know her doctor perhaps you could mention your concerns to her doctor?

My husband and I are dealing with this kind of stuff with his parents right now and it's extremely difficult to navigate.

[dallas]

Originally Posted by SPOILEDkiwi

Something that seems to work well in my family is if another person in the same age group recommends something. Does she have any friends or family around the same age that can convince her to get the shot?

I agree with this.

HauteMama, I had pretty much the same issue with my dad, I wanted him to have his flu shot but he refused, and yet my uncle only had to mention it once to him and off to the Doctors he went. I think the dear old souls just like to be stubborn sometimes.
Good luck.

[plain jane doe]

Maybe my poor dear father is just a pushover, but I insist and coax and lecture and holler and pull my hair out and drag him off, and there's not much he can do. I think ultimately parents do appreciate when their children are showing genuine concern, but it can be difficult when the issue relates to admitting their age.

[boxermom]

You're a caring daughter. I'm a few years from your mom's age, but close enough that our 2 sons often express their opinions about our health, give us books, nag us about flu shots, etc. I know it's because they care.

I agree that if there is another relative close to mom's age, she may be more receptive to a suggestion from them. However my father-in-law refuses flu shots and has for 30 years, so maybe some people just aren't going to change.

[lorihmatthews]

I agree with nooch, I've spoken to my father's doctor about my concerns before to light a fire under him. Both my parents are 71 and get flu shots annually.

[Green Zebra]

Yes...when my mom was alive she tended to listen more to the advise of her friends and/or relatives close to her age than her daughters...if you can enlist one of them to help you...

[bagnshoofetish]

I have no advice to offer since my mom never listened to me either. All I can give you is my support and good thoughts.
I always think to myself, "old people are so stubborn", but then realize, I am going to be the exact same way!

[Love my Tanos]

This is a tricky one. My grandparents used to get flu shots annually but the last time they did, they both got terribly sick from it and wound up passing it back and forth. Between the two of them, they were in poor health for about a year. Their doctor blamed it on the shot. It's my understanding that the flu shot itself is a mild version of the virus, but does carry risks. Unfortunately some people get sick from it, and my grandparents fell into that category. Since then, their immune systems seem to be weaker. I'm not a dr but I do know their doctor ascribed the situation directly to the flu shot.

Your mom may just be stubbornly not wanting to accept growing older, but she could also have friends who have told her of situations like this, and could very well have arrived at an informed opinion. It sounds like you two have a good relationship, but it's just a touchy subject.

Perhaps opening the conversation with asking her opinion on getting your own kids vaccinated for the H1N1 virus, or the regular flu virus, and then leading that around to her thoughts on getting vaccinated herself, might help you understand where she's coming from.

[zoeyjoey]

You are a very kind daughter, and I wish you the best of luck with this. My mom is a bit younger than yours but refuses pretty much any and all medical intervention. I think my brother and I are going to have our hands full one day.

[exotikittenx]

Do you know why she refuses to get one? I am young and I refuse to get one, too. I had a bad reaction to one so I would hope no one would try to make me get one in my old age. Maybe if you understood what her reasons were (it does make some people very sick), then you could take it from there.

[JSH812]

Do what I do:

Call HER doctor and tell him your concerns. By law, they can accept and write down what you say, they just can't comment to you about the method of action or result, etc. That way the doctor brings it up at the next appt and never even let it on that someone called about her.

[shanam]

Nooch and Dallas's advice is really good. My mom is 90 and luckily does take care of her health in respect to shots, doctor visits, etc.
but when she does hurt herself (bump/fall) it is so difficult to get her to take pain meds. I tell her that at her age, addiction is not a problem. She is also very stuborn about wanting to use a cane for more stability. Seniors definitely have a mind of their own and taking advice from their children seems to be a major independence issue for them. best of luck in convincing her it is for her own good.