How to get b/f to hang out with his friends?

SonOz · Feb 16th, 2008, 04:17 PM

From the day I met my b/f it has basically been him and me and we together would hang out with friends. We live together and have since we met and I moved back home to be with him. I know its not ordinary to move so quickly. We are together all the time and never spend any time alone except when hes at work and I am home during the day. We can't get enough of each other. On the weekends we debate if we should go out with our friends because we have been so busy during the week doing chores and whatnot that we did not get enough me and him face time. Before we moved to Chicago we were good friends with another couple of couples so we were always with them. Now that weve moved to Chicago we are friends w/ a bunch of his old college guy friends so anytime we go out its me and him the couple and his guy friends. I want him to start hanging out w/ his guy friends from time to time without me. When we were back home the girls of the couples would all go and chat when we were out and the guys would have their alone time but since there aren't any other girls in this group, the guys never really get their alone time. I asked him last night if he would like to hang out with his guy friends by himself and he said sometimes he would like to. How do I get him to actually do this? I don't have any girl friends here in Chicago yet so I don't have anyone to make plans with so hell go do something. And I think he feels bad if he thinks Ill be at home alone but I don't mind at all. I want him to be completely happy and have a well rounded life that does not center just around me.

IntlSet · Feb 17th, 2008, 08:19 PM

Gosh, are you ME?

I feel the same way. My BF went to college in Chicago although we are both from CA. He has lots of friends here, but since I've entered his life, they've really drifted away.

I really do sap a lot of his attention -- not that I DEMAND it. I think he just feels so comfortable around me that suddenly everyone else seems like something of a chore -- and admittedly, I feel his friends are somewhat high matienence in terms of entertainment. It's rather diffuclt for them to have a good time -- they're not the sort that could just chill out on the couch with a couple beers.

I want a well-rounded life for my boyfriend as well. I wish he could find some buddies he's truly happy to be around. I wouldn't mind a little competition for his time!

By the way, where in Chicago do you live? I'm in Lincoln Park!

bnjj · Feb 17th, 2008, 08:28 PM

Just be honest with him and let him know that you'd like him to have some 'guy time' and that you don't mind having some alone time while he's spending time with the guys.

SonOz · Feb 17th, 2008, 09:37 PM

IntlSet..Im in Streeterville..wow you are close. Im finding since moving here, we should have definitely looked at living in Lincoln Park a little more.

I talked to him again today about having guy time and he said he will one day after he deals with class and work and blah blah blah. He has a list of excuses a mile long. I know he wants to hang out with them but I think its almost like too much effort to go hang out with just them so he just makes up excuses just like you implied IntlSet.

IntlSet · Feb 17th, 2008, 09:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SonOz

IntlSet..Im in Streeterville..wow you are close. Im finding since moving here, we should have definitely looked at living in Lincoln Park a little more.

I talked to him again today about having guy time and he said he will one day after he deals with class and work and blah blah blah. He has a list of excuses a mile long. I know he wants to hang out with them but I think its almost like too much effort to go hang out with just them so he just makes up excuses just like you implied IntlSet.

Lincoln Park is fabulous! If you two think about moving, I highly recommend it.

Maybe we need to force our BFs to hang out with each other, and we run off to go shopping! lol!

jellybebe · Feb 17th, 2008, 10:13 PM

Just wondering... how long have you been together? My bf and I were exactly like you for about a year. We couldn't get enough of each other and although I saw my friends regularly, he only wanted to hang out with me. Well, after about a year or two, he started hanging out with a group of friends who were bad news and trust me, I would have given anything for him to go back to the way he was. Now it's been about 3.5 years and we hang out with each other most of the time but maybe once a month or every other month, he will hang out with some friends. He's no longer hanging out with those other partying losers though, thank goodness.

IntlSet · Feb 17th, 2008, 10:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jellybebe

Just wondering... how long have you been together? My bf and I were exactly like you for about a year. We couldn't get enough of each other and although I saw my friends regularly, he only wanted to hang out with me. Well, after about a year or two, he started hanging out with a group of friends who were bad news and trust me, I would have given anything for him to go back to the way he was. Now it's been about 3.5 years and we hang out with each other most of the time but maybe once a month or every other month, he will hang out with some friends. He's no longer hanging out with those other partying losers though, thank goodness.

We've been together about a year and a half.

SonOz · Feb 18th, 2008, 05:43 PM

IntlSet..ha yes we need to put them together in a room and just leave them there!
We have been together roughly a year and I guess its not bad that we don't hang out with other people since we just moved to a new city so we are exploring things together but he went to college here a few years back and knows a lot of people and now that he has reconnected with them, I don't want him to lose touch with them b/c they get tired of being around the couple. I guess I just look at other peoples relationships and I see those that hang out just with each other and those that have their friends they still hang out with and still have alone time and the couples that seem to have the most fun together are the ones that hang out with their friends some still w/o their other half. It seems those people don't get into a rut and they don't fall prey to losing the excitement because they are always with each other. We live together and while there is plenty of excitement I do not want to ever lose the excitement.

helium · Feb 18th, 2008, 06:36 PM

Hilarious! My boyfriend is like this too! He won't go out with his friends!

But then... I realised what his friends were like... rather like mine really. They don't really like going out in large groups and doing things, like I don't like to with mine. So I left the issue. He goes out with them when he really wants to.

Fashionista_Gal · Feb 18th, 2008, 07:08 PM

My bf and I are in a similar situation. He just moved to FL from CA to be with me because I am in grad school. He doesn't really know anyone here except for the people I introduce him to. He is very quiet and shy around new people and is a total homebody. I am too though! I am the same way as you on the weekends, I feel like I am so busy during the week, I just want to be at home with him during the nights or weekends! He is also looking for a job so he stays home all day. He FINALLY started playing hockey with some guys here one night a week, which I am really happy he is doing. He needs man time just like I need girl time!

chodessa · Feb 18th, 2008, 07:12 PM

Have him make plans with you and his friends and then last minute bail out but insist he goes without you.
Maybe that will light a spark...
Could be worse....you could have a bf that only wants to hang with his friends all the time and without you!!

SonOz · Feb 18th, 2008, 07:20 PM

Ah I am so glad I am not alone and I don't sound crazy for wanting him to hang out with the guys.

Rockst@r · Feb 18th, 2008, 07:44 PM

Good luck with that. Once my BF and I moved in together after dating for a year, he always blew his friends off and only wanted to hang with me. Fast forward 9yrs ...it's been a total of 10yrs...and he's my DH now and the only people he ever wants to be bothered with are DD and me. I think it's a tad unhealthy, but hey, I could have bigger things to complain about. I just see my friends while he's at work! lol

helium · Feb 19th, 2008, 01:27 AM

I'm always worried about him only staying with me too... I mean... I don't want to this to happen of course, but what if I die? He will be utterly alone. That is the only reason why I fret sometimes over his lack of contact with his friends.

However, ever since my mum moved away from Japan, she hadn't seen her friends since she moved (it's been 20 or so years?). Every time she goes back to Japan she doesn't have time to go see them because she's looking after grandma. But, this time, she really needed the help of one of her friends, and he helped her. So real friendship doesn't require constant 'hanging out' or anything like that, i've always believed that.

I don't know if I explained that very well... like my best friend and I never see each other, we talk a bit, but when I need something done for me she's right on it, and if she needs something done i'm right on it too. So i'm not too worried about the dying thing anymore, because his friends are decent folk who wouldn't abandon him. It's not like my boyfriend treats them horribly or ignores them anyway.

Feb 16th, 2008, 04:17 PM	#1
SonOz Member Location: Chicago	How to get b/f to hang out with his friends? From the day I met my b/f it has basically been him and me and we together would hang out with friends. We live together and have since we met and I moved back home to be with him. I know its not ordinary to move so quickly. We are together all the time and never spend any time alone except when hes at work and I am home during the day. We can't get enough of each other. On the weekends we debate if we should go out with our friends because we have been so busy during the week doing chores and whatnot that we did not get enough me and him face time. Before we moved to Chicago we were good friends with another couple of couples so we were always with them. Now that weve moved to Chicago we are friends w/ a bunch of his old college guy friends so anytime we go out its me and him the couple and his guy friends. I want him to start hanging out w/ his guy friends from time to time without me. When we were back home the girls of the couples would all go and chat when we were out and the guys would have their alone time but since there aren't any other girls in this group, the guys never really get their alone time. I asked him last night if he would like to hang out with his guy friends by himself and he said sometimes he would like to. How do I get him to actually do this? I don't have any girl friends here in Chicago yet so I don't have anyone to make plans with so hell go do something. And I think he feels bad if he thinks Ill be at home alone but I don't mind at all. I want him to be completely happy and have a well rounded life that does not center just around me.

Feb 17th, 2008, 08:19 PM	#2
IntlSet Bonjour! Location: Chicago	Re: How to get b/f to hang out with his friends? Gosh, are you ME? I feel the same way. My BF went to college in Chicago although we are both from CA. He has lots of friends here, but since I've entered his life, they've really drifted away. I really do sap a lot of his attention -- not that I DEMAND it. I think he just feels so comfortable around me that suddenly everyone else seems like something of a chore -- and admittedly, I feel his friends are somewhat high matienence in terms of entertainment. It's rather diffuclt for them to have a good time -- they're not the sort that could just chill out on the couch with a couple beers. I want a well-rounded life for my boyfriend as well. I wish he could find some buddies he's truly happy to be around. I wouldn't mind a little competition for his time! By the way, where in Chicago do you live? I'm in Lincoln Park! __________________ www.drinkmorechampagne.com

Feb 17th, 2008, 08:28 PM	#3
bnjj ♪ Jovi Junkie ♪ Location: Bon Jovi Blvd.	Re: How to get b/f to hang out with his friends? Just be honest with him and let him know that you'd like him to have some 'guy time' and that you don't mind having some alone time while he's spending time with the guys. __________________

Feb 17th, 2008, 09:37 PM	#4
SonOz Member Location: Chicago	Re: How to get b/f to hang out with his friends? IntlSet..Im in Streeterville..wow you are close. Im finding since moving here, we should have definitely looked at living in Lincoln Park a little more. I talked to him again today about having guy time and he said he will one day after he deals with class and work and blah blah blah. He has a list of excuses a mile long. I know he wants to hang out with them but I think its almost like too much effort to go hang out with just them so he just makes up excuses just like you implied IntlSet.

Feb 17th, 2008, 10:13 PM	#6
jellybebe Back to school! Location: Canada	Re: How to get b/f to hang out with his friends? Just wondering... how long have you been together? My bf and I were exactly like you for about a year. We couldn't get enough of each other and although I saw my friends regularly, he only wanted to hang out with me. Well, after about a year or two, he started hanging out with a group of friends who were bad news and trust me, I would have given anything for him to go back to the way he was. Now it's been about 3.5 years and we hang out with each other most of the time but maybe once a month or every other month, he will hang out with some friends. He's no longer hanging out with those other partying losers though, thank goodness. __________________ Wish List: LV Farandole bracelet (WL) LV pink scuba pochette (WL) white Balenciaga City with GGH (?) Prada E/W Gauffre

Feb 18th, 2008, 05:43 PM	#8
SonOz Member Location: Chicago	Re: How to get b/f to hang out with his friends? IntlSet..ha yes we need to put them together in a room and just leave them there! We have been together roughly a year and I guess its not bad that we don't hang out with other people since we just moved to a new city so we are exploring things together but he went to college here a few years back and knows a lot of people and now that he has reconnected with them, I don't want him to lose touch with them b/c they get tired of being around the couple. I guess I just look at other peoples relationships and I see those that hang out just with each other and those that have their friends they still hang out with and still have alone time and the couples that seem to have the most fun together are the ones that hang out with their friends some still w/o their other half. It seems those people don't get into a rut and they don't fall prey to losing the excitement because they are always with each other. We live together and while there is plenty of excitement I do not want to ever lose the excitement.

Feb 18th, 2008, 06:36 PM	#9
helium Member	Re: How to get b/f to hang out with his friends? Hilarious! My boyfriend is like this too! He won't go out with his friends! But then... I realised what his friends were like... rather like mine really. They don't really like going out in large groups and doing things, like I don't like to with mine. So I left the issue. He goes out with them when he really wants to.

Feb 18th, 2008, 07:08 PM	#10
Fashionista_Gal Member Location: FL	Re: How to get b/f to hang out with his friends? My bf and I are in a similar situation. He just moved to FL from CA to be with me because I am in grad school. He doesn't really know anyone here except for the people I introduce him to. He is very quiet and shy around new people and is a total homebody. I am too though! I am the same way as you on the weekends, I feel like I am so busy during the week, I just want to be at home with him during the nights or weekends! He is also looking for a job so he stays home all day. He FINALLY started playing hockey with some guys here one night a week, which I am really happy he is doing. He needs man time just like I need girl time!

Feb 18th, 2008, 07:12 PM	#11
chodessa Hot Smot and Humble	Re: How to get b/f to hang out with his friends? Have him make plans with you and his friends and then last minute bail out but insist he goes without you. Maybe that will light a spark... Could be worse....you could have a bf that only wants to hang with his friends all the time and without you!!

Feb 18th, 2008, 07:20 PM	#12
SonOz Member Location: Chicago	Re: How to get b/f to hang out with his friends? Ah I am so glad I am not alone and I don't sound crazy for wanting him to hang out with the guys.

Feb 18th, 2008, 07:44 PM	#13
Rockst@r Zeta lady 4ever Location: Philadelphia	Re: How to get b/f to hang out with his friends? Good luck with that. Once my BF and I moved in together after dating for a year, he always blew his friends off and only wanted to hang with me. Fast forward 9yrs ...it's been a total of 10yrs...and he's my DH now and the only people he ever wants to be bothered with are DD and me. I think it's a tad unhealthy, but hey, I could have bigger things to complain about. I just see my friends while he's at work! lol

Feb 19th, 2008, 01:27 AM	#14
helium Member	Re: How to get b/f to hang out with his friends? I'm always worried about him only staying with me too... I mean... I don't want to this to happen of course, but what if I die? He will be utterly alone. That is the only reason why I fret sometimes over his lack of contact with his friends. However, ever since my mum moved away from Japan, she hadn't seen her friends since she moved (it's been 20 or so years?). Every time she goes back to Japan she doesn't have time to go see them because she's looking after grandma. But, this time, she really needed the help of one of her friends, and he helped her. So real friendship doesn't require constant 'hanging out' or anything like that, i've always believed that. I don't know if I explained that very well... like my best friend and I never see each other, we talk a bit, but when I need something done for me she's right on it, and if she needs something done i'm right on it too. So i'm not too worried about the dying thing anymore, because his friends are decent folk who wouldn't abandon him. It's not like my boyfriend treats them horribly or ignores them anyway.