How do you walk away from a long-term relationship?

Yorelica · Jul 4th, 2008, 06:40 PM

I apologize for starting another thread but I think I have ran out of ways to try to figure this out alone...

But I have a question for some of you ladies who knew-you had to walk away from a long term relationship because you are not "in love" anymore. How did you know? What courage does it take? How come it feels like your killing apart of yourself because you know that person your walking away from loves you more than he loves himself?-Would you simply stay for that very reason...even if it means your not fulfilled & content with your life (although you have everything you want-emotional & financial support/care/unconditional love). Do I just have too much spare time to even think about all this?

Your past experiences, stories would be so helpful...and lastly I'ld like to know...was there any regrets in walking out of a perfect but unfulfilled relationship? Thank-you...thank-you for reading this.

April_Skye · Jul 4th, 2008, 08:07 PM

How long have you known? How long have you been sure that you're not mutual with his feelings?
I just dont want this to be a passing phase that could have dire consequences on you and him

VPT · Jul 4th, 2008, 08:52 PM

Depends. I usually tell them to their face. Some guys won't accept the closure though, in which case you have to email and stop accepting dates, calls, and such.

bagnshoofetish · Jul 4th, 2008, 09:02 PM

you can't force yourself to love someone just to spare their feelings. Disappointment and heartache are part of this life and we all go through it at one time or another. There is not much you can do to avoid it and those kinds of challenges are what build our character in the end. What can make it easier (for the other person) is being honest and respectful when telling them you no longer want to be together. Some people will make it easy some will make it tough but you have to stick to your guns in order for both of you to be able to move on. If the other person really loves you, sure, they will hurt but they will heal. And if they try to make your life miserable, consider that you have dodged a bullet because then you have discovered the kind of person they really are - only a selfish, posessive individual would want to cause you harm because you bruised their ego, not because they love you. There is no easy way, but there is a civil way. Break up with them the way you would want someone to break up with you.
Good luck and stay strong!

rainyjewels · Jul 4th, 2008, 09:32 PM

i think this is a great question. i can understand someone finding it hard to part from a relationship that is really perfect, full of unconditional love, laughter, comfort, but you're no longer in love. of course it's hard. of course you'll second guess yourself constantly, especially with so many girls out there complaining about how it's so hard to meet a good guy or girls in relationships with a million complaints. im sure you would wonder whether you would be able to find that kind of relationship again only this time with the passion and feeling of being "in love". i don't actually have an answer or solution...just wanted to say great question, and i totally can understand how you must feel.

Chanel Angel · Jul 5th, 2008, 01:57 AM

I am in EXACT same situation. I feel for you...it really hurts my heart. Sorry not any advice but its a very tough situation to end something so perfect otherwise..

originallyxelle · Jul 6th, 2008, 03:18 AM

i want answers !
my heart goes out to all you girls going through this
id like to hear women who have gone through this

imashopaholic · Jul 6th, 2008, 05:07 AM

I'm sorry you're going through this. Just be honest and tell your partner what's in your heart.

BagLadie · Jul 6th, 2008, 08:11 AM

I am curious to know people's thoughts on this too.

mellecyn · Jul 6th, 2008, 11:15 AM

Are there specific things you feel are missing to the relationship ? Bc then it becomes easier to point out at those things and have a serious discussion with your BF about it. I did it for 1-2 years...pointing out the serious problems, trying to change for the sake of our relationship , it was "let's do stuff together, help me feel involved in your life, have BIG projects togethers, stop going out with your friends until 5 am so often,blablabla"
It didn't change.....1 day I just got the courage to tell him to leave the house. This was my childhood love (almost) and we d been together for 10 years....it's difficult but you feel liberated, and do it for yourself, don t let anyone else pressuring you in one or another direction. Good luck.

lovinalotofbags · Jul 6th, 2008, 12:54 PM

Better to tell the person now so they can start to heal and move on than to drag it out. He should not want to be in a relationship where his feelings are not reciprocated. You and him should not have to settle for anything less than 100%.

juneping · Jul 6th, 2008, 01:21 PM

the evil side of me say: do what most guys do - disappear...just kidding
well, i am also curious about how ppl would deal w/ this situation too...
good luck!!

rainyjewels · Jul 6th, 2008, 01:45 PM

i feel like if you're not in love, there's really nothing that can magically happen in the relationship that will make you fall in love. in other words i think if you're in love, and there are missing pieces in the relationship or flaws, those pieces don't make you fall out of love. you work on them. but if you're not in love, working on those missing pieces/flaws won't bring you back to being in love again.

Yorelica · Jul 6th, 2008, 02:36 PM

thank-you everyone for your responses...it is tough isn't it.
how did such a simple decision become so unbearable... I'm so thankful of all your comments and advices. please share some more if you don't mind.

Yorelica · Jul 6th, 2008, 02:48 PM

April: I think i've known about this the majority of the time of our relationship. I thought I could eventually fall "in love" but I think till this day I love him for everything he is but I'm not in love....

Rainyjewels: yes!!!!! second guessing is torturous & you could regret everything to the point where I think I'ld start hating myself in no time.

Mellecyn: you are one brave girl & I'm so glad you found whats best for u.

I think you girls are right, a talk maybe good. or even just via email to let the other person know how we're feeling because me & him never talk about those things. Feelings should be communicated.

Jul 4th, 2008, 08:07 PM	#2
April_Skye we CAN have it all Joined: Jun 2007 Location: Sydney, Australia Posts: 602	How long have you known? How long have you been sure that you're not mutual with his feelings? I just dont want this to be a passing phase that could have dire consequences on you and him __________________ Live Now. Kill The Boredom *On shopping ban until 1st August!! Can she do it?*

Jul 4th, 2008, 08:52 PM	#3
VPT i ♥ blood oranges Joined: May 2008 Location: Vanc, WA Posts: 1,812	Depends. I usually tell them to their face. Some guys won't accept the closure though, in which case you have to email and stop accepting dates, calls, and such. __________________

Jul 4th, 2008, 09:02 PM	#4
bagnshoofetish No More 4 Me Thanks! Joined: Feb 2006 Posts: 15,182	you can't force yourself to love someone just to spare their feelings. Disappointment and heartache are part of this life and we all go through it at one time or another. There is not much you can do to avoid it and those kinds of challenges are what build our character in the end. What can make it easier (for the other person) is being honest and respectful when telling them you no longer want to be together. Some people will make it easy some will make it tough but you have to stick to your guns in order for both of you to be able to move on. If the other person really loves you, sure, they will hurt but they will heal. And if they try to make your life miserable, consider that you have dodged a bullet because then you have discovered the kind of person they *really* are - only a selfish, posessive individual would want to cause you harm because you bruised their ego, not because they love you. There is no easy way, but there is a civil way. Break up with them the way you would want someone to break up with you. Good luck and stay strong! __________________ click here.

Jul 4th, 2008, 09:32 PM	#5
rainyjewels Member Joined: Nov 2006 Posts: 2,273	i think this is a great question. i can understand someone finding it hard to part from a relationship that is really perfect, full of unconditional love, laughter, comfort, but you're no longer in love. of course it's hard. of course you'll second guess yourself constantly, especially with so many girls out there complaining about how it's so hard to meet a good guy or girls in relationships with a million complaints. im sure you would wonder whether you would be able to find that kind of relationship again only this time with the passion and feeling of being "in love". i don't actually have an answer or solution...just wanted to say great question, and i totally can understand how you must feel. __________________ Currently Coveting - CL Black patent Wallis MJs - CL burgundy eel altadamas - CL C'est Moi

Jul 6th, 2008, 03:18 AM	#7
originallyxelle Member Joined: Jun 2007 Posts: 964	i want answers ! my heart goes out to all you girls going through this id like to hear women who have gone through this __________________ CHANEL

Jul 4th, 2008, 06:40 PM	#1
Yorelica Member Joined: Jul 2006 Posts: 2,480	I apologize for starting another thread but I think I have ran out of ways to try to figure this out alone... But I have a question for some of you ladies who knew-you had to walk away from a long term relationship because you are not "in love" anymore. How did you know? What courage does it take? How come it feels like your killing apart of yourself because you know that person your walking away from loves you more than he loves himself?-Would you simply stay for that very reason...even if it means your not fulfilled & content with your life (although you have everything you want-emotional & financial support/care/unconditional love). Do I just have too much spare time to even think about all this? Your past experiences, stories would be so helpful...and lastly I'ld like to know...was there any regrets in walking out of a perfect but unfulfilled relationship? Thank-you...thank-you for reading this.

Jul 5th, 2008, 01:57 AM	#6
Chanel Angel Member Joined: Feb 2008 Posts: 62	I am in EXACT same situation. I feel for you...it really hurts my heart. Sorry not any advice but its a very tough situation to end something so perfect otherwise..

Jul 6th, 2008, 05:07 AM	#8
imashopaholic is in LoVe again! Joined: May 2008 Location: Queensland, Australia Posts: 2,699	I'm sorry you're going through this. Just be honest and tell your partner what's in your heart. __________________ We're Off To Sydney - Where To Stay? What To Do?

Jul 6th, 2008, 08:11 AM	#9
BagLadie Got a handle on it Joined: Nov 2006 Location: Red Sox Nation Posts: 4,222	I am curious to know people's thoughts on this too. __________________ She tucked her coral lipstick away and floated back to the party....

Jul 6th, 2008, 11:15 AM	#10
mellecyn Take me to LV Joined: Feb 2006 Location: 300 km from LV somewhere in Europe Posts: 2,267	Are there specific things you feel are missing to the relationship ? Bc then it becomes easier to point out at those things and have a serious discussion with your BF about it. I did it for 1-2 years...pointing out the serious problems, trying to change for the sake of our relationship , it was "let's do stuff together, help me feel involved in your life, have BIG projects togethers, stop going out with your friends until 5 am so often,blablabla" It didn't change.....1 day I just got the courage to tell him to leave the house. This was my childhood love (almost) and we d been together for 10 years....it's difficult but you feel liberated, and do it for yourself, don t let anyone else pressuring you in one or another direction. Good luck. __________________ "Pardon my French", euh I mean "English" MelleCyn "You never change things by fighting the existing reality. To change something, build a new model that makes the existing model obsolete" Buckminster Fuller

Jul 6th, 2008, 12:54 PM	#11
lovinalotofbags Member Joined: Mar 2008 Location: Carolinas Posts: 1,363	Better to tell the person now so they can start to heal and move on than to drag it out. He should not want to be in a relationship where his feelings are not reciprocated. You and him should not have to settle for anything less than 100%. __________________ Always forgive your enemies. Nothing annoys them so much.

Jul 6th, 2008, 01:21 PM	#12
juneping couch potato-ing Joined: Jun 2007 Location: NYC Posts: 1,562	the evil side of me say: do what most guys do - disappear...just kidding well, i am also curious about how ppl would deal w/ this situation too... good luck!! __________________ wish list: purse ban until the cc is paid off

Jul 6th, 2008, 01:45 PM	#13
rainyjewels Member Joined: Nov 2006 Posts: 2,273	i feel like if you're not in love, there's really nothing that can magically happen in the relationship that will make you fall in love. in other words i think if you're in love, and there are missing pieces in the relationship or flaws, those pieces don't make you fall out of love. you work on them. but if you're not in love, working on those missing pieces/flaws won't bring you back to being in love again. __________________ Currently Coveting - CL Black patent Wallis MJs - CL burgundy eel altadamas - CL C'est Moi

Jul 6th, 2008, 02:36 PM	#14
Yorelica Member Joined: Jul 2006 Posts: 2,480	thank-you everyone for your responses...it is tough isn't it. how did such a simple decision become so unbearable... I'm so thankful of all your comments and advices. please share some more if you don't mind.

Jul 6th, 2008, 02:48 PM	#15
Yorelica Member Joined: Jul 2006 Posts: 2,480	April: I think i've known about this the majority of the time of our relationship. I thought I could eventually fall "in love" but I think till this day I love him for everything he is but I'm not in love.... Rainyjewels: yes!!!!! second guessing is torturous & you could regret everything to the point where I think I'ld start hating myself in no time. Mellecyn: you are one brave girl & I'm so glad you found whats best for u. I think you girls are right, a talk maybe good. or even just via email to let the other person know how we're feeling because me & him never talk about those things. Feelings should be communicated.