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seaotta · Oct 30th, 2009, 02:27 PM

I'm curious because in the midst of an argument last night my SO said he was hurt that I don't spend time researching what his interests are. His main point that he always looks up fashion stuff and pays attention to what I like. It's not that I ignore what he's interested in but what he specifically said was about boats and cars. He is rebuilding a Tahiti speedboat and said it hurt him that I don't spend time researching those things specifically.

I'm more than willing to sit there with him while he goes through the specifics but I know absolutely nothing about the mechanics of boats and cars and engines etc....and don't even know where to start...he has taken classes on these things and taught himself. I have no experience whatsoever.

What do you guys do in a situation like this? Today when I get off work and go to see him I want to ask him about his boat and what he needs to rebuild it but as far as trying to figure out the stuff on my own, what do you suggest?

Has anyone had a similar experience?

suzeey · Oct 30th, 2009, 02:48 PM

I think it is reasonable to expect that you take some interest, like talking to him about the boats and cars etc, but I don't think you need to do a bunch of your own research. Especially about engines and everything, that seems like quite extensive research if you're starting from scratch and don't know much about the subject. Maybe you could ask him if he would teach you some things, that way he gets to talk about the stuff that is most exciting to him and you're doing something together.

juneping · Oct 30th, 2009, 03:11 PM

well....i don't think you need to actually learn all those mechanics about boat building...but you can look at boats and cars and discuss why some cars/boats worth/look/function differently than the others.

my bf likes jazz...so i would take us out to jazz live shows...only on special occassions...but i would be lost if he expects me to know all about jazz...i am not that musical...but we have common interests. do you have any common interests?? and he always rolls his eyes when i ask him which bag is nicer....

sillykitty · Oct 30th, 2009, 03:16 PM

My ex was into motorcycles & hockey, both of which I had no clue about before meeting him. First off, ask him questions, guys enjoy talking about things they love. I think just expressing interest will be huge for him. Does he get boat or car magazines? If so start reading them. Does he go to shows or expos? If so join him, ask questions while you're there. The bonus is you might find you really enjoy his hobbies!

ami kio · Oct 30th, 2009, 03:17 PM

Originally Posted by seaotta

I'm curious because in the midst of an argument last night my SO said he was hurt that I don't spend time researching what his interests are. His main point that he always looks up fashion stuff and pays attention to what I like.

IMO, it's unreasonable for him to expect you to research his interests. It's his interest, not yours. I guess that it's nice that he "looks up fashion stuff", but I totally would not expect DH to do so (unless he was trying to figure out a gift for me).

Zophie · Oct 30th, 2009, 03:22 PM

I think researching his interests seems extreme, but everyone I guess wants to be able to talk about their interests with their SO. Mine is into fishing and playing golf and hunting and I've discovered I like to go fishing, playing golf with him can be fun, and I'd try hunting too. But basically I just am happy to talk about his hobbies if nothing else and even though I don't fully understand any of them I suppose I show interest. He, however, can't seem to remember that the shoes with the red sole are Christian Louboutin and not Jimmy Choo. In fact, I think he thinks Jimmy Choo is the only shoe designer there is. I don't really care though.

Aslan · Oct 30th, 2009, 03:24 PM

Originally Posted by ami kio

IMO, it's unreasonable for him to expect you to research his interests. It's his interest, not yours. I guess that it's nice that he "looks up fashion stuff", but I totally would not expect DH to do so (unless he was trying to figure out a gift for me).

I agree. My DH has many interests (including early music, Bach's life, etc.) in which I'm just not interested. I know for sure that he's not down with my RLC/political interests. The best we can hope for is for the other person not to rudely object when these topics are brought up.

nooch · Oct 30th, 2009, 03:31 PM

Is there going to be a test? Essay or multiple choice?

Seriously, I don't see a need to "research" his interests. My husband likes a lot of things that I do not care about. I listen, I ask questions if I have them, and I have picked up a couple of new interests from him. And I know that he does not care about a lot of things I like in the slightest, however, he also listens and asks questions when appropriate. And he's picked up a few new interests from me.

As long as you are not being overtly rude about his interests which it does not sound like you are in the slightest, I wouldn't worry about cramming for his tests.

sillykitty · Oct 30th, 2009, 04:33 PM

OP, can you clarify, is your SO wanting you to actually research, or just take more of an interest?

lolitakali · Oct 30th, 2009, 05:29 PM

Be there for him... its all I can say, thats more than support enough.

madamefifi · Oct 30th, 2009, 10:52 PM

Just ask questions and try to look interested in the answers, lol. I've dated gearheads before. Find out if there are any boat or carshows in your area and suggest that you two go so he can educate you. It will be fun and if nothing else you can get some good people-watching in.

Bella · Oct 30th, 2009, 11:08 PM

Research? My research is paying attention and showing genuine interest in what my SO likes and talks about. That's all the research one should expect in my opinion.

But since he seems to mention specifically you taking initiative in learning about his interests and that's what would make him happy, do it. Read up and surprise him with some fun facts... hey, if that's what turns him on so be it. The things we do for love.

conrad18 · Oct 31st, 2009, 12:44 AM

Well, I think doing actual research on his interests might be a bit of an extreme. My DH loves motorcycles and working on his Jeep, things that I have no interest in, just like I love LV and DH just isnt into it. But, we both make an effort to listen and pay attention when the other is talking about their hobby. I ask questions and am happy for him when he finishes a project on his Jeep. It's not so much that Im going out of my way to research motorcycles and Jeeps, I just make an effort to express interest because my hubby loves them so much. I think that's what counts.

Cheetah7 · Oct 31st, 2009, 03:39 AM

My dh is a total gearhead and his interests consists of cars, engines and building his own stuff, none of which I'm really into. I do understand how important they are to him so when he gets going and starts talking about them, I give him my full attention and listen to what he has to say. I also sometimes ask him questions about them that I don't understand. When he watches videos on the internet about them, I watch with him. I did read up a bit about car engines and how they work but mostly because I was curious myself and he really liked that. I don't think I'd go so far as to sit in front of a computer and google each and every single subject he's into because quite frankly, it isn't my thing but I will give him my full, undivided attention when he talks about them and engage him for a bit. I think that's all I need to do to support his interests and he isn't complaining so far.

cupcake · Oct 31st, 2009, 09:29 AM

Recreational companionship and interest is HUGE for men. Men need their wives and girlfriends to be interested in their hobbies, sports and other recreational activities. Seriously, it ranks right up there with their need for sex; no joke.

So, what will it hurt if you take an interest and research his hobbies? Seriously, does it really matter that it seems silly to you? It's a need that your SO has and you should truly want to fulfill all of his needs (unless they are illegal or immoral). I am not suggesting that you go back to school and get a degree in speedboat building, but why not do a little internet research and ask him some questions about it? Get a little information and make some comments and compliment him on specific things he did, something that will show that you know what you are talking about so the compliment is genuinely appreciated. Again, it may seem silly to you but, to him, it shows that you care about his interests and want to meet his needs.

Just a thought...

Oct 30th, 2009, 02:27 PM	#1
seaotta OP Member Joined: Oct 2008 Location: west coast Posts: 192	How do you educate yourself on your SO's interests? I'm curious because in the midst of an argument last night my SO said he was hurt that I don't spend time researching what his interests are. His main point that he always looks up fashion stuff and pays attention to what I like. It's not that I ignore what he's interested in but what he specifically said was about boats and cars. He is rebuilding a Tahiti speedboat and said it hurt him that I don't spend time researching those things specifically. I'm more than willing to sit there with him while he goes through the specifics but I know absolutely nothing about the mechanics of boats and cars and engines etc....and don't even know where to start...he has taken classes on these things and taught himself. I have no experience whatsoever. What do you guys do in a situation like this? Today when I get off work and go to see him I want to ask him about his boat and what he needs to rebuild it but as far as trying to figure out the stuff on my own, what do you suggest? Has anyone had a similar experience?
	__________________ http://nwstyle.wordpress.com/ NorthWestStyle Fashion Blog just starting out

Oct 30th, 2009, 02:48 PM	#2
suzeey Member Joined: Jul 2009 Posts: 15	I think it is reasonable to expect that you take some interest, like talking to him about the boats and cars etc, but I don't think you need to do a bunch of your own research. Especially about engines and everything, that seems like quite extensive research if you're starting from scratch and don't know much about the subject. Maybe you could ask him if he would teach you some things, that way he gets to talk about the stuff that is most exciting to him and you're doing something together.
suzeey Member Joined: Jul 2009 Posts: 15

Oct 30th, 2009, 03:11 PM	#3
juneping couch potato-ing Joined: Jun 2007 Location: NYC Posts: 4,327	well....i don't think you need to actually learn all those mechanics about boat building...but you can look at boats and cars and discuss why some cars/boats worth/look/function differently than the others. my bf likes jazz...so i would take us out to jazz live shows...only on special occassions...but i would be lost if he expects me to know all about jazz...i am not that musical...but we have common interests. do you have any common interests?? and he always rolls his eyes when i ask him which bag is nicer....
	__________________ wish list: purse ban until the cc is paid off $10200 paid off...$3300 to go .....oh..i can't wait...

Oct 30th, 2009, 03:22 PM	#6
Zophie I <3 my Maltese! Joined: Feb 2007 Location: New Orleans, LA Posts: 8,490	I think researching his interests seems extreme, but everyone I guess wants to be able to talk about their interests with their SO. Mine is into fishing and playing golf and hunting and I've discovered I like to go fishing, playing golf with him can be fun, and I'd try hunting too. But basically I just am happy to talk about his hobbies if nothing else and even though I don't fully understand any of them I suppose I show interest. He, however, can't seem to remember that the shoes with the red sole are Christian Louboutin and not Jimmy Choo. In fact, I think he thinks Jimmy Choo is the only shoe designer there is. I don't really care though.
	__________________

Oct 30th, 2009, 03:31 PM	#8
nooch bubblehead Joined: Apr 2008 Posts: 3,888	Is there going to be a test? Essay or multiple choice? Seriously, I don't see a need to "research" his interests. My husband likes a lot of things that I do not care about. I listen, I ask questions if I have them, and I have picked up a couple of new interests from him. And I know that he does not care about a lot of things I like in the slightest, however, he also listens and asks questions when appropriate. And he's picked up a few new interests from me. As long as you are not being overtly rude about his interests which it does not sound like you are in the slightest, I wouldn't worry about cramming for his tests.
nooch bubblehead Joined: Apr 2008 Posts: 3,888	__________________ Come cheer me on at my weight loss thread - http://forum.purseblog.com/health-an...re-488893.html

Oct 30th, 2009, 03:16 PM	#4
sillykitty Member Joined: Jun 2009 Location: SoCal Posts: 1,012	My ex was into motorcycles & hockey, both of which I had no clue about before meeting him. First off, ask him questions, guys enjoy talking about things they love. I think just expressing interest will be huge for him. Does he get boat or car magazines? If so start reading them. Does he go to shows or expos? If so join him, ask questions while you're there. The bonus is you might find you really enjoy his hobbies!

Oct 30th, 2009, 04:33 PM	#9
sillykitty Member Joined: Jun 2009 Location: SoCal Posts: 1,012	OP, can you clarify, is your SO wanting you to actually research, or just take more of an interest?

Oct 30th, 2009, 05:29 PM	#10
lolitakali Mira Joined: Feb 2007 Location: Maryland Posts: 2,492	Be there for him... its all I can say, thats more than support enough.
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Oct 30th, 2009, 10:52 PM	#11
madamefifi cat hoarder Joined: Aug 2006 Location: virginia Posts: 4,020	Just ask questions and try to look interested in the answers, lol. I've dated gearheads before. Find out if there are any boat or carshows in your area and suggest that you two go so he can educate you. It will be fun and if nothing else you can get some good people-watching in.
	__________________ Since each of us is blessed with only one life, why not live it with a cat? --Robert Stearns Or 10! --Mme Fifi join me at goodreads! http://www.goodreads.com/madamefifi

Oct 30th, 2009, 11:08 PM	#12
Bella Earth to Bella Joined: Mar 2006 Posts: 4,347	Research? My research is paying attention and showing genuine interest in what my SO likes and talks about. That's all the research one should expect in my opinion. But since he seems to mention specifically you taking initiative in learning about his interests and that's what would make him happy, do it. Read up and surprise him with some fun facts... hey, if that's what turns him on so be it. The things we do for love.
Bella Earth to Bella Joined: Mar 2006 Posts: 4,347	__________________

Oct 31st, 2009, 12:44 AM	#13
conrad18 Missing my husband. Joined: Apr 2007 Location: The Golden State Posts: 1,306	Well, I think doing actual research on his interests might be a bit of an extreme. My DH loves motorcycles and working on his Jeep, things that I have no interest in, just like I love LV and DH just isnt into it. But, we both make an effort to listen and pay attention when the other is talking about their hobby. I ask questions and am happy for him when he finishes a project on his Jeep. It's not so much that Im going out of my way to research motorcycles and Jeeps, I just make an effort to express interest because my hubby loves them so much. I think that's what counts.
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Oct 31st, 2009, 03:39 AM	#14
Cheetah7 Member Joined: Aug 2009 Location: Here, there and everywhere Posts: 302	My dh is a total gearhead and his interests consists of cars, engines and building his own stuff, none of which I'm really into. I do understand how important they are to him so when he gets going and starts talking about them, I give him my full attention and listen to what he has to say. I also sometimes ask him questions about them that I don't understand. When he watches videos on the internet about them, I watch with him. I did read up a bit about car engines and how they work but mostly because I was curious myself and he really liked that. I don't think I'd go so far as to sit in front of a computer and google each and every single subject he's into because quite frankly, it isn't my thing but I will give him my full, undivided attention when he talks about them and engage him for a bit. I think that's all I need to do to support his interests and he isn't complaining so far.
	__________________

Oct 31st, 2009, 09:29 AM	#15
cupcake ♥ is loving life ♥ Joined: May 2006 Posts: 3,364	Recreational companionship and interest is HUGE for men. Men need their wives and girlfriends to be interested in their hobbies, sports and other recreational activities. Seriously, it ranks right up there with their need for sex; no joke. So, what will it hurt if you take an interest and research his hobbies? Seriously, does it really matter that it seems silly to you? It's a need that your SO has and you should truly want to fulfill all of his needs (unless they are illegal or immoral). I am not suggesting that you go back to school and get a degree in speedboat building, but why not do a little internet research and ask him some questions about it? Get a little information and make some comments and compliment him on specific things he did, something that will show that you know what you are talking about so the compliment is genuinely appreciated. Again, it may seem silly to you but, to him, it shows that you care about his interests and want to meet his needs. Just a thought...
cupcake ♥ is loving life ♥ Joined: May 2006 Posts: 3,364

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