How do you deal with.....

cristalena56 · Jun 10th, 2008, 10:13 PM

your family living on the other side of the country from you. My parents just went back to fl today, and i find myself to be depressed....

When i finally get to see them the time flies by so quickly. Its like the second you see them you or them are leaving... my dh's family (parents, grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins, friends he has had since he was a child) live between 5-30 minutes away. my closest relative is my older brother in tx( i havent seen him in over 2 years, but will in sept for his wedding.). My parents, sister, and younger brother live in fl, and then the rest of family scattered around in the midwest, tx, nc, pa......(some of them i havent even seen since i got married...). My husband never wants to take off work to see my family... Though he is in september only because my brother is getting married. I just find it hard to be away from them. My family was my best friends... sad i know, but i grew up in the military. My sister was my best friend. Before I got married i always had someone to go and do stuff with me, like girly things-shopping, watching chick flicks, getting nails done, hair done, getting pedicures, etc..... My husband was an only child, so he doesnt have a sister that i can do this stuff with and his mom isnt into this kind of stuff either....

My friends also live in the opposite sides of town from me, and with the gas prices i never see them except maybe once a month when we go out somewhere.. I guess i am just family oriented and loike seeing my family, even on birthdays and holidays and such, whereas his family seems to always be too busy to see each other. Like for mothers day, we took her out 2 weeks after mothers day

We took his dad out for his birthday a month afterwards???? I dont see how they could be too busy to even see their only child.... My parents had 4 children, and they always have time for us, no matter how busy they get! My parents went to see my sister for the weekend 2 weeks ago, they came to see me for 5 days this past week, in 2 weeks going to see my brother in tx, my little brother aslways is at my parents house haha

but they always do stuff with him when my dad doesnt have a work thing... We try to make plans with his parents for stuff, and they always seem to be going out of town, playing musi, going to some party, whatever and they have to pencil us in a few weeks later... I guess i dont like the feeling i guess i get when having to be penciled in....

If my parents lived half an hour away, i would see them at least once a week

i was upset that we made plans with his parents to go out for lunch on sunday, and then all of a sudden they couldnt and decided on saturday they could only meet up then when we already made plans with some family friends.... Just in 2 days his mom found that she had to go clean someones house and his dad had to take his brother to the swap meet??? arghhhhh so i got to see them for the most half an hour because they came on saturday to look at our car that is having problems, and too take his mom to sams to get some joint juice she wanted... maybe i am over exaggerating but i swear this stuff happens all the time with them??? We better get to see his aunt when she comes into town from tx

i love his aunt neta(mom's sister)! sorry just ranting....... Just wondering how you deal when your family doesnt live nearby.....

VPT · Jun 10th, 2008, 10:35 PM

Nothing.
My family lives 20+ hours away by plane. I've stayed in different countries since 15 years ago for studies or for work so I guess I'm used to it but my mom isn't. She can't stop complaining and won't accept it! I guess I'm not the homesick type.

boxermom · Jun 10th, 2008, 10:54 PM

I've never lived close to my family, so I'm used to it. We visited as often as we could, but it was usually us doing the traveling.

I don't know what to tell you. Email and phone to stay in touch. Realize that many people aren't able to live near their families and best friends.

lovinalotofbags · Jun 10th, 2008, 11:46 PM

I am back near my family now but will be moving in a year or so. We are a close family but not clingy, esp me. I like my alone time. Once when my mother could not get in touch with me, I looked out the window and saw my mom and aunt walking up the walkway. I was only an hour away. I am a loner but am blessed to have a caring, wonderful family. Do you have any hobbies? Perhaps you, your friends and family can get computer cams to see each other. You seem to be a needy person, nothing is wrong with that except that you get upset when others change their plans. There is no law that says your in-laws have to make time for you. Is there anything you can do to entertain yourself without the company of others?

abbygirl · Jun 10th, 2008, 11:57 PM

Awww, I feel bad for you - I know exactly what you are going through. I am very close to my family and my husband and I moved to another state 5 years after we married and it devastated my mom and sister and ME. I am the only one who has ever moved away and it was so very hard for me.

My husband was close, but not that CLOSE to his family at the time and it wasn't that big of deal if we didn't visit often.

I finally decided that it was up to me as to when and how many times I visited. So I drove 8 hours each way every 6 weeks for a 3 day weekend. I then learned I could get over my fear of flying so I started doing that because that driving was a killer.

Anyway, my mom came to visit me ALOT also. We probably saw each other at least once a month. And my in-laws would come visit us alot too!

I just decided that it was important to me to see my family as often as I could......with or without my husband. I left that up to him whether he wanted to go.

Make plans to travel by yourself if he doesn't want to go.

illinirdhd · Jun 11th, 2008, 12:41 AM

We're close to my brother and his wife, but almost 2000 miles from my family, and nearly 3000 from DH's family. We're hoping to move back east to his family's home soon, but that will depend on hubby's work. He has feelers out for a transfer and is watching for opportunities with his company.

I've been out here for 9 years now. It's never easy to see my parents go back home, but that's more because life is so uncertain. I never know when the last time will be the last time. My parents both had major health scares a few years ago, so we try to cherish every second now. But day to day, I'm used to talking to my mom every couple of days, and to my dad a little less often (now and then he answers when I call home and we talk before he gives the phone to mom, and other times, I make a call just to him - he likes that better). We talk to one of DH's parents or siblings every few days.

It's nice being close to my brother - we have a very close relationship - but with both of us newly married, he and his wife expecting a baby, and him starting a new job, we don't spend as much time together as any of us would like.

I guess you just deal with it... It's not easy though.

GirlFriday · Jun 11th, 2008, 03:39 AM

I know how you feel. When I first moved away from home I was really homesick for months. I went back home for a week and realized that I was glad that I left. Yes, I still missed my family after that, but I was glad that I was moving on with my life and I've gotten used to being away. My family and I are really good about making the effort to see each other and that really helps. If they didn't care about seeing me that would hurt.

nooch · Jun 11th, 2008, 02:43 PM

It's hard! I live in New Mexico and my family all lives in NY or Florida. When my dad died I couldn't even get there the same day because there are no outgoing flights from our podunk-ass airport after like 1 pm. I miss my stepmother, my 12 year old brother (and I feel worse now because he has a dead dad and a sister 2000 miles away), my 19 year old brother and my mom. I hate knowing that my grandma is 84 years old and I won't be there right away if something happens to her.

That might not be what you wanted to hear but you aren't alone at all! Ooh, I see you live in Phoenix... I live in Albuquerque, if we ever make it out there for a Diamondbacks game I'll tell ya

yvalenz · Jun 11th, 2008, 03:48 PM

Bethy dear - I suspect some of your homesickness is in part due to the fact that you just had a great visit with your parents. I'm sure they were happy to see you and appreciate you. Additionally, I'm sure they provide you with unconditional love and support.

Have you checked in on your other thread? I'm sure these two issues are related.....

we're all here to support you!

ladyjane76 · Jun 12th, 2008, 01:22 PM

^^^^
agree with Y, on this! This is connected rather you want to see it or not. Maybe you should go home to FL for a bit to stay with the family?

anneonimiss · Jun 12th, 2008, 03:04 PM

^^Bethy, you know I agree with Yvonne and LJ. Won't you consider going to stay with your parents or sister for a while? Getting away and being with your family might help you work out what to do about your other situation. You know we all

you, Bethy, and we don't like to see you suffering this way.

elizat · Jun 12th, 2008, 08:40 PM

Count me in on being w/ Yvonne, Lady J, and Annie. I think it's all connected too. It's hard to be apart from family, but even harder when we are going through difficult emotional times.

yvalenz · Jun 13th, 2008, 01:32 AM

...and she's gone from another one of her threads...

molinovich · Jun 13th, 2008, 02:11 AM

I need move far away from my familia about 16 hrs in plane, another country,maybe in 2 months , and when I think about that , I cry...

Jun 10th, 2008, 10:13 PM	#1
cristalena56 ~bethy-lame-o~ Location: phoenix,az	How do you deal with..... your family living on the other side of the country from you. My parents just went back to fl today, and i find myself to be depressed.... When i finally get to see them the time flies by so quickly. Its like the second you see them you or them are leaving... my dh's family (parents, grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins, friends he has had since he was a child) live between 5-30 minutes away. my closest relative is my older brother in tx( i havent seen him in over 2 years, but will in sept for his wedding.). My parents, sister, and younger brother live in fl, and then the rest of family scattered around in the midwest, tx, nc, pa......(some of them i havent even seen since i got married...). My husband never wants to take off work to see my family... Though he is in september only because my brother is getting married. I just find it hard to be away from them. My family was my best friends... sad i know, but i grew up in the military. My sister was my best friend. Before I got married i always had someone to go and do stuff with me, like girly things-shopping, watching chick flicks, getting nails done, hair done, getting pedicures, etc..... My husband was an only child, so he doesnt have a sister that i can do this stuff with and his mom isnt into this kind of stuff either.... My friends also live in the opposite sides of town from me, and with the gas prices i never see them except maybe once a month when we go out somewhere.. I guess i am just family oriented and loike seeing my family, even on birthdays and holidays and such, whereas his family seems to always be too busy to see each other. Like for mothers day, we took her out 2 weeks after mothers day We took his dad out for his birthday a month afterwards???? I dont see how they could be too busy to even see their only child.... My parents had 4 children, and they always have time for us, no matter how busy they get! My parents went to see my sister for the weekend 2 weeks ago, they came to see me for 5 days this past week, in 2 weeks going to see my brother in tx, my little brother aslways is at my parents house haha but they always do stuff with him when my dad doesnt have a work thing... We try to make plans with his parents for stuff, and they always seem to be going out of town, playing musi, going to some party, whatever and they have to pencil us in a few weeks later... I guess i dont like the feeling i guess i get when having to be penciled in.... If my parents lived half an hour away, i would see them at least once a week i was upset that we made plans with his parents to go out for lunch on sunday, and then all of a sudden they couldnt and decided on saturday they could only meet up then when we already made plans with some family friends.... Just in 2 days his mom found that she had to go clean someones house and his dad had to take his brother to the swap meet??? arghhhhh so i got to see them for the most half an hour because they came on saturday to look at our car that is having problems, and too take his mom to sams to get some joint juice she wanted... maybe i am over exaggerating but i swear this stuff happens all the time with them??? We better get to see his aunt when she comes into town from tx i love his aunt neta(mom's sister)! sorry just ranting....... Just wondering how you deal when your family doesnt live nearby..... __________________ "A kiss on the hand may be quite continental, My CB Site MySpace But diamonds are a girl's best friend......" Wishlist My Little Collection

Jun 10th, 2008, 10:35 PM	#2
VPT i ♥ blood oranges Location: Singapore / Vancouver	Nothing. My family lives 20+ hours away by plane. I've stayed in different countries since 15 years ago for studies or for work so I guess I'm used to it but my mom isn't. She can't stop complaining and won't accept it! I guess I'm not the homesick type. __________________

Jun 10th, 2008, 11:46 PM	#4
lovinalotofbags In for the long haul Location: South Carolina	I am back near my family now but will be moving in a year or so. We are a close family but not clingy, esp me. I like my alone time. Once when my mother could not get in touch with me, I looked out the window and saw my mom and aunt walking up the walkway. I was only an hour away. I am a loner but am blessed to have a caring, wonderful family. Do you have any hobbies? Perhaps you, your friends and family can get computer cams to see each other. You seem to be a needy person, nothing is wrong with that except that you get upset when others change their plans. There is no law that says your in-laws have to make time for you. Is there anything you can do to entertain yourself without the company of others? __________________ Always forgive your enemies. Nothing annoys them so much.

Jun 10th, 2008, 11:57 PM	#5
abbygirl Member	Awww, I feel bad for you - I know exactly what you are going through. I am very close to my family and my husband and I moved to another state 5 years after we married and it devastated my mom and sister and ME. I am the only one who has ever moved away and it was so very hard for me. My husband was close, but not that CLOSE to his family at the time and it wasn't that big of deal if we didn't visit often. I finally decided that it was up to me as to when and how many times I visited. So I drove 8 hours each way every 6 weeks for a 3 day weekend. I then learned I could get over my fear of flying so I started doing that because that driving was a killer. Anyway, my mom came to visit me ALOT also. We probably saw each other at least once a month. And my in-laws would come visit us alot too! I just decided that it was important to me to see my family as often as I could......with or without my husband. I left that up to him whether he wanted to go. Make plans to travel by yourself if he doesn't want to go. __________________ I love my tpf friends

Jun 11th, 2008, 12:41 AM	#6
illinirdhd Sofa King Hooked Location: Las Vegas, NV	We're close to my brother and his wife, but almost 2000 miles from my family, and nearly 3000 from DH's family. We're hoping to move back east to his family's home soon, but that will depend on hubby's work. He has feelers out for a transfer and is watching for opportunities with his company. I've been out here for 9 years now. It's never easy to see my parents go back home, but that's more because life is so uncertain. I never know when the last time will be the last time. My parents both had major health scares a few years ago, so we try to cherish every second now. But day to day, I'm used to talking to my mom every couple of days, and to my dad a little less often (now and then he answers when I call home and we talk before he gives the phone to mom, and other times, I make a call just to him - he likes that better). We talk to one of DH's parents or siblings every few days. It's nice being close to my brother - we have a very close relationship - but with both of us newly married, he and his wife expecting a baby, and him starting a new job, we don't spend as much time together as any of us would like. I guess you just deal with it... It's not easy though. __________________

Jun 10th, 2008, 10:54 PM	#3
boxermom Member Location: North Carolina	I've never lived close to my family, so I'm used to it. We visited as often as we could, but it was usually us doing the traveling. I don't know what to tell you. Email and phone to stay in touch. Realize that many people aren't able to live near their families and best friends.

Jun 11th, 2008, 03:39 AM	#7
GirlFriday Member	I know how you feel. When I first moved away from home I was really homesick for months. I went back home for a week and realized that I was glad that I left. Yes, I still missed my family after that, but I was glad that I was moving on with my life and I've gotten used to being away. My family and I are really good about making the effort to see each other and that really helps. If they didn't care about seeing me that would hurt.

Jun 11th, 2008, 02:43 PM	#8
nooch bubblehead Location: new mexico via BROOKLYN NY	It's hard! I live in New Mexico and my family all lives in NY or Florida. When my dad died I couldn't even get there the same day because there are no outgoing flights from our podunk-ass airport after like 1 pm. I miss my stepmother, my 12 year old brother (and I feel worse now because he has a dead dad and a sister 2000 miles away), my 19 year old brother and my mom. I hate knowing that my grandma is 84 years old and I won't be there right away if something happens to her. That might not be what you wanted to hear but you aren't alone at all! Ooh, I see you live in Phoenix... I live in Albuquerque, if we ever make it out there for a Diamondbacks game I'll tell ya __________________ FAT AND FABULOUS! CHANGE THE WAY YOU THINK NOT THE WAY YOU LOOK! http://www.natreasures.com Authentic American Indian jewelry & crafts All orders ship free PM me for discount codes

Jun 11th, 2008, 03:48 PM	#9
yvalenz ..... Location: So Cal	Bethy dear - I suspect some of your homesickness is in part due to the fact that you just had a great visit with your parents. I'm sure they were happy to see you and appreciate you. Additionally, I'm sure they provide you with unconditional love and support. Have you checked in on your other thread? I'm sure these two issues are related..... we're all here to support you! __________________ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~ ???

Jun 12th, 2008, 01:22 PM	#10
ladyjane76 ladyjane Location: Agrestic	^^^^ agree with Y, on this! This is connected rather you want to see it or not. Maybe you should go home to FL for a bit to stay with the family? __________________ LadyJane

Jun 12th, 2008, 03:04 PM	#11
anneonimiss Z.Z.Z.Z.	^^Bethy, you know I agree with Yvonne and LJ. Won't you consider going to stay with your parents or sister for a while? Getting away and being with your family might help you work out what to do about your other situation. You know we all you, Bethy, and we don't like to see you suffering this way. __________________

Jun 12th, 2008, 08:40 PM	#12
elizat Member	Count me in on being w/ Yvonne, Lady J, and Annie. I think it's all connected too. It's hard to be apart from family, but even harder when we are going through difficult emotional times.

Jun 13th, 2008, 01:32 AM	#13
yvalenz ..... Location: So Cal	...and she's gone from another one of her threads... __________________ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~ ???

Jun 13th, 2008, 02:11 AM	#14
molinovich Purse-a-holic Location: California	I need move far away from my familia about 16 hrs in plane, another country,maybe in 2 months , and when I think about that , I cry...