[mellecyn]

I remember a while ago a similar thread was posted and many people responded something like "just dump her, you don´t have any time to waste around negative people".....without even questioning the history of the friendship.

First identify why is the person negative...it´s probably due to lack of self esteem and making oneself feel better by attacking others is not the solution and poisonous to everybody !

But Sometimes it can worth it to try to stay close to that person if she´s a really good friend....it will mean so much !!! I am saying that because 2 years ago I was diagnosed with depression...and went to therapy.
In those 2 years I have been told awful truths about my childhood and my mother (shaking my reason to be on this planet), I have had health problems, my 10 years relationship went downhill and ended last august, and my friendships (which were always my rock) went downhill too, I lost interest in my job and saw everyone get promoted ahead of me.
And I had to deal with this in a different country (different language) than home.......And I am FIGHTING so much everyday to be happy ! I am trying so hard to myself only it seems.
From an outsider (friends) point of view, it seems I am only whining and not doing much to change things.
Although I am socially nice and organize plenty of activities for everybody, it seems I can´t help it with negative remarks here and there.
So the friends are slowly drifting away without saying anything....it´s the most painful thing to watch.
I just want to say I understand it does drain someone else´s energy, if you ´re trying to solve her depression (endless efforts), but just be there sometimes, be nice, ASK her to do a favor/something for you (It´s the greatest feeling to be needed it takes you out of your own black self), TELL her when she´s being negative -have a magic word or something- and tell her how it makes you feel....
That´s about it...

[candace117]

I agree.

[nataliam1976]

I you and you can whine to me all you want and I wont say a word and will always be there for you. You`re my lil ray of sunshine in this stupid country

[candace117]

^awwwwww!!!!!!!!!!

[mellecyn]

aawwww thank you....I you too Sweetie...
But I really don´t want to bore you either believe me so I am reading a lot !

Originally Posted by nataliam1976

I you and you can whine to me all you want and I wont say a word and will always be there for you. You`re my lil ray of sunshine in this stupid country

[bagnshoofetish]

Originally Posted by mellecyn

I
Although I am socially nice and organize plenty of activities for everybody, it seems I can´t help it with negative remarks here and there.:

my DH is a manic depressant so I understand where you are coming from. Its not easy. But as long as you are cognizant of how your actions affect others, pat yourself on the back - you are on the right track. just keep plugging away, try not to throw yourself any pity parties- get out of your own head as much as you can. its true, being of service to others helps out alot with that. the only other advice I can give you is to think before you speak; is what you are about to say going to encourage and edify others or just bring you instant gratification somehow? personally, I've learned it is not important that everyone know what my opinions/thoughts are on every little issue. pick and choose and go forward with as much love as you can muster in your little heart....

[lovinalotofbags]

I think it depends on the relationship. If I had a friend like you has been through a lot and there are days that you get down or say something neg. I would definitely be there for you and understand esp since you confided in me. I like to put myself in others shoes and see how I would feel. We humans get down, get depressed, do not feel like talking, etc.

I think when a person becomes disrespectable and not taking your feelings into account or not listening or wanting to talk about what is going on with them and behaving like a total ass is when it becomes a problem. True friends are there for one another no matter what but it is a two-way street. Just like you want a SO in your life with similar interests, being respectful of your feelings, etc, so you should want those kinds attributes in your friends.

[shamsi]

I have a friend who went through a pretty traumatic experience a few years ago. She is still suffering from it today, but at the time, she was always "busy." Too busy to answer calls, too busy to go for coffee/a movie/drinks/whatever, too busy to comb her hair (I kid you not).

So me & a few other friends weaseled our way into her life. We'd show up at her house w/ the movie or coffee or a bottle of wine. We made her come out with us.

We gave her no option, and let me tell you, she was not always pleasant to be around, but we understood that it wasn't her (b/c we knew her before everything happened). We understood that even though she couldn't reach out & was negative often, it wasn't her and even though she couldn't say it, we know she was glad we stuck around.

Sometimes, words are useless & just being there & putting up with whatever is the only thing somebody can do, and it's more helpful b/c actions speak louder than words.

BUT on the flip side, I really did have one friend who was entirely too selfish and oblivious to others feelings that I did have to "dump" b/c it was a burden to be friends with her.


I feel like if I had let my friend I mentioned first slip out of my life, my life would be a little less meaningful b/c she brought a lot to the table had had much to offer and was self-less & considerate, but my friend I dumped just took, & try as I might, I could find no redeeming quality for her.

[VPT]

Both you and her can read The Little Gold Book of YES! Attitude by Gitomer. He has transformed the lives of countless of people with negative attitudes, his books are lower priced on eBay, and worth a try. Get yourself a book and give your friend another copy. Really inspiring stuff!

[Bella]

mellecyn, you bring up some very valid points. Thanks for posting it. I think we all can be quick to judge at times. I can very much relate to your original post. In my case that trying time in my life showed me who my real friends were. The people who truly loved and cared for me knew my lack of involvement or down attitude had everything to do with me and what I was dealing with. I cherish the few people in my life that love me in spite of all of that because they were selfless enough to understand it was never about them. I received more understanding and forgiveness from these few over any of my family members.......amazing how that works sometimes.

[SonyaPhi]

I totally agree, I too can be a little negative! I try to stop myself and replace my negative thought with a good one.

[mellecyn]

Thank you Gals !!
a week end of positive attitude later I just feel some people are impatient : life can´t be a happy party all the time....
but I feel I always have to say how everything is fantastic around us, and I lose the sense/meaning of things...too afraid now to say I don´t like that song/club/movie for instance ! I know it´s about balancing (and not becoming blah)...

-Shamsi what you did for your friend is fantastic, I´m afraid people wouldn´t go that far for me ! I also keep in mind the "selfish" attribute you mentionned about the other friend...because maybe that´s how I got perceived. "me, myself and I " (lol)
-VPT : I´ll order that book right away, thank you !
-BellaFiore : again it´s fantastic to see who your true friends were....I think during that time (at the peak of depression) I still tried to maintain my social connections but became a vampire sucking for other´s energy and recognition.