hope for romance in long term relationship?

amber11 · Jun 29th, 2008, 03:22 PM

Hey so i know this sounds very stereotypical, but i can't help it! when me and my boyfriend first started dating, i'd say the first 6 months to a year- he was soooo romantic flowers all the time, would surprise me at work everything was passionate and exciting.... and now at 3 years i can't remember the last time i get flowers, nothing is random anymore as in if we do something special it has to be a birthday etc. I know i probably sound very selfish and spoiled but I was just wondering if other people's relationships did this too? and if its just to be expected, i have nothing to compare it too since this is my longest relationship.

valval · Jun 29th, 2008, 06:06 PM

I realise that the romantic part will fade after a certain period of time. It's seems inevitable. But well, I gues it depends on both the couples to spice up their relationship.. :)

maddog · Jun 29th, 2008, 06:50 PM

It depends on the couple, but it's pretty normal for the flowers and such to slow down. I never got many flowers to begin with and was ok with it. The last flowers I got were apology flowers for taking his frustrations out on me. He makes me food out of the blue and still does little things for me here and there. To me that's more romantic than the flowers.

I make him cookies and hide cards in his bed once in a while to keep up since I don't think he wants flowers.

Talk to your bf about it if it bothers you. It's too bad for him that he set such a high standard for himself so early on! lol!

greenpixie · Jun 29th, 2008, 07:02 PM

I agree that the "courtship" phase ends eventually and things seem to get more "routine", but romance does not have to disappear. Have you done anything random and fun for HIM lately? Maybe try to take some initiative yourself to bring some of that element of surprise back rather than expecting it to just "happen" - he may reciprocate.

VPT · Jun 29th, 2008, 07:19 PM

Yes yes the fun romantic part always dies but his love is always manifested in different ways. If you have not given as much love or put much effort into the relationship, don't expect him to do as much. Guys normally return the favor than initiate, kwim?

PetiteChaton · Jun 29th, 2008, 09:14 PM

Romance doesnt have to fade. I believe that the reason why it does is because at the start of the relationship the guy is trying to impress you.. he is chasing you... eventually.. he catches you and you make him feel so comfortable that he doesnt feel the need to bring you flowers any more. Its nothing to do with LOVE.. because lets face it.. when you first met, he didnt exactly love you..(he didnt know you that well).. I mean in the other thread some girls were saying they "plead" with their boyfriends to come with them EVERYWHERE.. and their partner is aware of their dependance... do you really think these men will be motivated to chase? Do you think they ever feel scared of losing the girl? NO! These men are most likely the type of guys who dont do overly romantic things for their girlfriends.. they dont send them "i miss you so much" texts after years of dating.. (and being dragged everywhere)
Some women give everything up for a man... they reverse the roles within the relationship and they are the ones doing the chasing.. cooking dinners, buying him clothes.. one girlfriend basically begged her boyfriend if she can come over and see him.. HELLO.. .. then i suggested to her to stop.. and shift focus back on to herself..why make someone a priority when you are only an option?! .. and guess who was calling and organising plans within a few days? Yep, she didnt have to plead or negotiate out of fear and dependancy issues.
He isnt romantic when he becomes too familiar & too comfortable.. and he becomes this way not due to time, but due to your actions.

amber11 · Jun 29th, 2008, 10:38 PM

thanks ladies- yea i try to do little things here like leave him messages or notes or once i decorated his room with all this goofy stuff since he had a rough week at work, i have brought it up to him before and he says he will make more of an effort.. that hasn't happened yet haha... and petitechaton- we only see eachother twice a week or so so im definitely not the "i have to be with you all the time or i'll die" kind of girl.. although i feel like the more he pulls away the more i cling- which is probably not so attractive

lmkhlh2006 · Jun 29th, 2008, 10:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PetiteChaton

Romance doesnt have to fade. I believe that the reason why it does is because at the start of the relationship the guy is trying to impress you.. he is chasing you... eventually.. he catches you and you make him feel so comfortable that he doesnt feel the need to bring you flowers any more. Its nothing to do with LOVE.. because lets face it.. when you first met, he didnt exactly love you..(he didnt know you that well).. I mean in the other thread some girls were saying they "plead" with their boyfriends to come with them EVERYWHERE.. and their partner is aware of their dependance... do you really think these men will be motivated to chase? Do you think they ever feel scared of losing the girl? NO! These men are most likely the type of guys who dont do overly romantic things for their girlfriends.. they dont send them "i miss you so much" texts after years of dating.. (and being dragged everywhere)
Some women give everything up for a man... they reverse the roles within the relationship and they are the ones doing the chasing.. cooking dinners, buying him clothes.. one girlfriend basically begged her boyfriend if she can come over and see him.. HELLO.. .. then i suggested to her to stop.. and shift focus back on to herself..why make someone a priority when you are only an option?! .. and guess who was calling and organising plans within a few days? Yep, she didnt have to plead or negotiate out of fear and dependancy issues.
He isnt romantic when he becomes too familiar & too comfortable.. and he becomes this way not due to time, but due to your actions.

I found this post very interesting because my husband is quite opposite of what you described at the beginning. I knew my dh for a year before he asked me out on an official date so he knew me pretty well before we started dating and the first time he gave me flowers was about 8 months into our relationship (I love you's had been exchanged by this time.) So my dh didn't start doing romantic gestures until our relationship was well established and we have been together for 7 years and he surprises me with little things all the time.

GirlFriday · Jun 30th, 2008, 12:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by greenpixie

I agree that the "courtship" phase ends eventually and things seem to get more "routine", but romance does not have to disappear. Have you done anything random and fun for HIM lately? Maybe try to take some initiative yourself to bring some of that element of surprise back rather than expecting it to just "happen" - he may reciprocate.

I agree. Things can fade but it takes work to bring them back. And you can initiate it. You might be surprised by how he reciprocates.

LaurelLee123 · Jun 30th, 2008, 02:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lmkhlh2006

I found this post very interesting because my husband is quite opposite of what you described at the beginning. I knew my dh for a year before he asked me out on an official date so he knew me pretty well before we started dating and the first time he gave me flowers was about 8 months into our relationship (I love you's had been exchanged by this time.) So my dh didn't start doing romantic gestures until our relationship was well established and we have been together for 7 years and he surprises me with little things all the time.

That sort of sounds like me! I have been with my husband for many years now. At first it was about fancy dinners and nice but generic gifts at all the appropriate times (b-day, v-day etc.) But it wasn't that romantic to me - because he didn't know me that well.

But now, many years later he has learned that I don't like gifts. Instead, he shows me all the time that he knows me better than anyone and he thinks about me. Little things like if I have a long day at work he will run and get me some soup from my favorite Thai restaurant and have it waiting and hot when I get home or if he watching TV and scrolling through TIVO, he will see some movie or TV special he knows I would enjoy and records it for me or like last week I was complaining that i couldn't find any of my gym socks and the ones I had had holes and didn't match and the next day, on the way home from work, he stopped by the sports store and bought me a twelve pack of new socks.

So socks and tv shows sure don't sound romantic - but they mean a lot to me!

VPT · Jun 30th, 2008, 04:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by amber11

thanks ladies- yea i try to do little things here like leave him messages or notes or once i decorated his room with all this goofy stuff since he had a rough week at work, i have brought it up to him before and he says he will make more of an effort.. that hasn't happened yet haha... and petitechaton- we only see eachother twice a week or so so im definitely not the "i have to be with you all the time or i'll die" kind of girl.. although i feel like the more he pulls away the more i cling- which is probably not so attractive

Uh maybe you're guy isn't the affectionate type, in which case you could read Men are From Mars Women are from Venus by John Gray. Book works in reverse in my relationship, my DH's the clingy loveydovey sort I'm the 'eh get off me' sort.

~Fabulousity~ · Jun 30th, 2008, 12:03 PM

Do something romantic for him this will give him the chance to do the same for you in return

Schmodi · Jun 30th, 2008, 12:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LaurelLee123

That sort of sounds like me! I have been with my husband for many years now. At first it was about fancy dinners and nice but generic gifts at all the appropriate times (b-day, v-day etc.) But it wasn't that romantic to me - because he didn't know me that well.

But now, many years later he has learned that I don't like gifts. Instead, he shows me all the time that he knows me better than anyone and he thinks about me. Little things like if I have a long day at work he will run and get me some soup from my favorite Thai restaurant and have it waiting and hot when I get home or if he watching TV and scrolling through TIVO, he will see some movie or TV special he knows I would enjoy and records it for me or like last week I was complaining that i couldn't find any of my gym socks and the ones I had had holes and didn't match and the next day, on the way home from work, he stopped by the sports store and bought me a twelve pack of new socks.

So socks and tv shows sure don't sound romantic - but they mean a lot to me!

This is exactly how am I. I think it's sweet when he cooks dinner or does the grocery shopping so I don't have to. Best is when he wakes me up before work with breakfast-great way to start the day. I definitely love the little things more so than the gifts.

BagLadie · Jun 30th, 2008, 02:55 PM

Sometimes it's not the flowers and stuff that make a relationship romantic. It can be just a look or a glance or a phone call just to say I love you. Those are the things that are romantic to me. Put a note in his wallet one day telling him how sexy you think he is. Write with lipstick on the bathroom mirror something sweet. The more you initiate these things, the more he might start to too.

karman · Jun 30th, 2008, 08:21 PM

^ Totally agree, BagLadie.

DBF and I have been going out for over 3.5 years now, and although yes we're past the flowers and mushy cards stage, I still see the "romance" in our relationship. Before, it was more materialistic, and now we just enjoy doing things together. Last week, we went to a wedding and DBF insisted on dancing with me (the very first slow dance we've ever had since going out...) and it was sooo romantic. I felt like the happiest girl in the room (ok, well maybe except for the bride) but just little things like that can be romantic.

Jun 29th, 2008, 03:22 PM	#1
amber11 Member Joined: Feb 2008 Posts: 267	hope for romance in long term relationship? Hey so i know this sounds very stereotypical, but i can't help it! when me and my boyfriend first started dating, i'd say the first 6 months to a year- he was soooo romantic flowers all the time, would surprise me at work everything was passionate and exciting.... and now at 3 years i can't remember the last time i get flowers, nothing is random anymore as in if we do something special it has to be a birthday etc. I know i probably sound very selfish and spoiled but I was just wondering if other people's relationships did this too? and if its just to be expected, i have nothing to compare it too since this is my longest relationship.

Jun 29th, 2008, 06:06 PM	#2
valval Member Joined: May 2008 Posts: 61	I realise that the romantic part will fade after a certain period of time. It's seems inevitable. But well, I gues it depends on both the couples to spice up their relationship.. :) __________________ Wish List : [ In the process ]

Jun 29th, 2008, 07:02 PM	#4
greenpixie Sofa King Addicted Joined: Dec 2006 Location: sunny CA Posts: 3,492	I agree that the "courtship" phase ends eventually and things seem to get more "routine", but romance does not have to disappear. Have you done anything random and fun for HIM lately? Maybe try to take some initiative yourself to bring some of that element of surprise back rather than expecting it to just "happen" - he may reciprocate. __________________ Wants: Ignes midi Sofia in tinted wine, mini Ormala in purple, Coach laced Ergo hobo in magenta

Jun 29th, 2008, 07:19 PM	#5
VPT i ♥ blood oranges Joined: May 2008 Location: Vanc, WA Posts: 1,825	Yes yes the fun romantic part always dies but his love is always manifested in different ways. If you have not given as much love or put much effort into the relationship, don't expect him to do as much. Guys normally return the favor than initiate, kwim? __________________

Jun 30th, 2008, 12:03 PM	#12
~Fabulousity~ Yes we can! Joined: Jan 2006 Location: Creating my life... Posts: 4,818	Do something romantic for him this will give him the chance to do the same for you in return __________________ Every adversity, every failure, and every heartache carries with it the seed of an equal or greater benefit - Napoleon Hill

Jun 29th, 2008, 06:50 PM	#3
maddog Mmmkay Joined: Jan 2008 Posts: 1,097	It depends on the couple, but it's pretty normal for the flowers and such to slow down. I never got many flowers to begin with and was ok with it. The last flowers I got were apology flowers for taking his frustrations out on me. He makes me food out of the blue and still does little things for me here and there. To me that's more romantic than the flowers. I make him cookies and hide cards in his bed once in a while to keep up since I don't think he wants flowers. Talk to your bf about it if it bothers you. It's too bad for him that he set such a high standard for himself so early on! lol!

Jun 29th, 2008, 09:14 PM	#6
PetiteChaton Tres chic Joined: Jun 2008 Posts: 61	Romance doesnt have to fade. I believe that the reason why it does is because at the start of the relationship the guy is trying to impress you.. he is chasing you... eventually.. he catches you and you make him feel so comfortable that he doesnt feel the need to bring you flowers any more. Its nothing to do with LOVE.. because lets face it.. when you first met, he didnt exactly love you..(he didnt know you that well).. I mean in the other thread some girls were saying they "plead" with their boyfriends to come with them EVERYWHERE.. and their partner is aware of their dependance... do you really think these men will be motivated to chase? Do you think they ever feel scared of losing the girl? NO! These men are most likely the type of guys who dont do overly romantic things for their girlfriends.. they dont send them "i miss you so much" texts after years of dating.. (and being dragged everywhere) Some women give everything up for a man... they reverse the roles within the relationship and they are the ones doing the chasing.. cooking dinners, buying him clothes.. one girlfriend basically begged her boyfriend if she can come over and see him.. HELLO.. .. then i suggested to her to stop.. and shift focus back on to herself..why make someone a priority when you are only an option?! .. and guess who was calling and organising plans within a few days? Yep, she didnt have to plead or negotiate out of fear and dependancy issues. He isnt romantic when he becomes too familiar & too comfortable.. and he becomes this way not due to time, but due to your actions.

Jun 29th, 2008, 10:38 PM	#7
amber11 Member Joined: Feb 2008 Posts: 267	thanks ladies- yea i try to do little things here like leave him messages or notes or once i decorated his room with all this goofy stuff since he had a rough week at work, i have brought it up to him before and he says he will make more of an effort.. that hasn't happened yet haha... and petitechaton- we only see eachother twice a week or so so im definitely not the "i have to be with you all the time or i'll die" kind of girl.. although i feel like the more he pulls away the more i cling- which is probably not so attractive

Jun 30th, 2008, 02:55 PM	#14
BagLadie Got a handle on it Joined: Nov 2006 Location: Red Sox Nation Posts: 4,240	Sometimes it's not the flowers and stuff that make a relationship romantic. It can be just a look or a glance or a phone call just to say I love you. Those are the things that are romantic to me. Put a note in his wallet one day telling him how sexy you think he is. Write with lipstick on the bathroom mirror something sweet. The more you initiate these things, the more he might start to too. __________________ She tucked her coral lipstick away and floated back to the party....

Jun 30th, 2008, 08:21 PM	#15
karman nail polish addict Joined: Aug 2006 Location: Canada Posts: 11,414	^ Totally agree, BagLadie. DBF and I have been going out for over 3.5 years now, and although yes we're past the flowers and mushy cards stage, I still see the "romance" in our relationship. Before, it was more materialistic, and now we just enjoy doing things together. Last week, we went to a wedding and DBF insisted on dancing with me (the very first slow dance we've ever had since going out...) and it was sooo romantic. I felt like the happiest girl in the room (ok, well maybe except for the bride) but just little things like that can be romantic. __________________ karman Louis Vuitton & Chanel View my collection here * In saving mode* Bag banned and nail polish cut-down!