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chitowngirl823 · Oct 2nd, 2009, 03:17 PM

First off, I'll be honest with you guys. I should have looked further down the forum to check out these other sections -- So I apologize for not posting down here earlier but now that I've found this and looked into this section...We have soo much in common....

So I'm looking to my fellow PF'ers for some advice or suggestions...

I've been dating this wonderful guy since Jan...its been going real well..So far I see two problems with this. The first one being is that my divorce is d r a g g i n g...horribly. It really should've been over last November but the soon to be ex is just playing games. The wonderful boyfriend knows all about the goings on -- I keep him updated on everything. He says it doesn't bother him but deep down, I know it kinda does. After all it is bothering me.

The problem I'm starting to have with him is....he's always over at his ex's house. Not while she's there but he's always there doing stuff for her. I don't get it. I know the divorce came to a shock for him but..he tells me he doesn't want her back but I guess I'm not sure how to approach the subject of telling him that I don't like it that he's there...

Thoughts..suggestions...

miu2 · Oct 2nd, 2009, 03:48 PM

A few questions for clarity. This is his ex-wife, right? Do they have any children? How long have they been divorced and why were they divorced? Exactly WHAT is he doing for her?

natalie78 · Oct 2nd, 2009, 04:06 PM

Some people do remain great friends after a divorce. Could that be the case here? Did something happen during the marriage or divorce that he feels guilty for? Is there something in the divorce agreement that indicates that he is responsible for maintaining the residence? Do they have children that he feels responsible for? So many questions...

Cheetah7 · Oct 2nd, 2009, 04:43 PM

Could you please elaborate on what you meant by "he's always there doing stuff for her"? What kind of stuff? Does he have children with his ex and if so, is he doing something for his children and not necessarily for his ex?

Ellie Mae · Oct 2nd, 2009, 05:09 PM

Hmmm...WELL... if they have remained "friendly" that's a better thing than a nasty divorce and them hating one another. And many ex-couples do remain friends even after they divorce.
How often exactly is "ALWAYS" over over at her house? He's fixing things for her?

And maybe this is too nosy.. but when/why were they divorced?

chitowngirl823 · Oct 2nd, 2009, 05:19 PM

They were married for 15 years. Divorced since last June, she cheated on him a number of times. They have no kids..and he's always doing things like burning cd's, still picking up his mail, fixing things here or there.

I know some people have remained friends after a divorce but something about this is just odd.

vhdos · Oct 2nd, 2009, 05:19 PM

I think it's one thing to remain amicable and/or friends after a break-up, but another to have difficulty moving on or letting go. I think it says good things about his character that he has managed to remain friends with his ex. However, there's no reason why he should be spending that much time at her house. The problem is that if you try and talk to him about it, chances are he's just going to bring up the fact that you're not even divorced yet. Best of luck.

chitowngirl823 · Oct 2nd, 2009, 05:30 PM

Exactly. My divorce has been a huge pain and in turn I have lost complete faith in the legal system here.

I figured I was just going to go with the flow and when mine is final and its still keeping up. I might have to say something.

Fetish · Oct 2nd, 2009, 05:33 PM

When you say hes "always" over there, how often are we talking about here? A few times a week or is this a daily basis sort of thing? And what exactly has he said to you about the time they spend together?

chitowngirl823 · Oct 2nd, 2009, 05:49 PM

Its like two to three times a month. Either he's getting things like his mail, things she doesn't want out of the house. From what he tells me, she's never there when he's there. I think its the fact that he still goes over there period that bugs me. Am I over reacting?

gina2328 · Oct 2nd, 2009, 06:34 PM

Your over reacting. Especially if she is not even there. I was thinking it was weekly or more often.

dallas · Oct 2nd, 2009, 06:36 PM

Really, 2 or 3 times a month is hardly always over there. Do you trust him?

Fetish · Oct 2nd, 2009, 06:36 PM

Yeah when you said "always" I was thinking at least a few times a week. While hes picking up his mail, its likely hes running errands for her. Like someone else said, that shows character. And if shes not even there, I wouldnt worry about it. Hes not going there to spend time with her.

natalie78 · Oct 2nd, 2009, 07:23 PM

Have you ever asked if you could accompany him next time he goes over. If she's not there, then there shouldn't be any awkward moments.

shy*violet · Oct 2nd, 2009, 08:10 PM

Originally Posted by chitowngirl823

They were married for 15 years. Divorced since last June, she cheated on him a number of times. They have no kids..and he's always doing things like burning cd's, still picking up his mail, fixing things here or there.

I know some people have remained friends after a divorce but something about this is just odd.

I find that odd too.

Why is he still getting mail there? Can't he go online and change his address w/ the post office?

And does he not have a computer to burn CDs?

I don't have anything against being friends, but it's just weird.

Oct 2nd, 2009, 03:17 PM	#1
chitowngirl823 OP Shoe Diva Joined: Jul 2008 Location: Chicago Posts: 123	Hey Girls...What do you make of this.... First off, I'll be honest with you guys. I should have looked further down the forum to check out these other sections -- So I apologize for not posting down here earlier but now that I've found this and looked into this section...We have soo much in common.... So I'm looking to my fellow PF'ers for some advice or suggestions... I've been dating this wonderful guy since Jan...its been going real well..So far I see two problems with this. The first one being is that my divorce is d r a g g i n g...horribly. It really should've been over last November but the soon to be ex is just playing games. The wonderful boyfriend knows all about the goings on -- I keep him updated on everything. He says it doesn't bother him but deep down, I know it kinda does. After all it is bothering me. The problem I'm starting to have with him is....he's always over at his ex's house. Not while she's there but he's always there doing stuff for her. I don't get it. I know the divorce came to a shock for him but..he tells me he doesn't want her back but I guess I'm not sure how to approach the subject of telling him that I don't like it that he's there... Thoughts..suggestions...
	__________________ http://adietcokeandmylaptop.blogspot.com

Oct 2nd, 2009, 03:48 PM	#2
miu2 RIP Dear Penny Joined: Jun 2007 Location: Temecula CA Posts: 5,629	A few questions for clarity. This is his ex-wife, right? Do they have any children? How long have they been divorced and why were they divorced? Exactly WHAT is he doing for her?
	__________________ Penny is losing her battle with cancer. Penny, our little Angel RIP

Oct 2nd, 2009, 04:06 PM	#3
natalie78 Dave's not here Joined: May 2008 Location: Texas Posts: 1,658	Some people do remain great friends after a divorce. Could that be the case here? Did something happen during the marriage or divorce that he feels guilty for? Is there something in the divorce agreement that indicates that he is responsible for maintaining the residence? Do they have children that he feels responsible for? So many questions...
	__________________ I consider myself a good judge of people and that's why I don't like any of them. ~Roseanne

Oct 2nd, 2009, 04:43 PM	#4
Cheetah7 Member Joined: Aug 2009 Location: Here, there and everywhere Posts: 302	Could you please elaborate on what you meant by "he's always there doing stuff for her"? What kind of stuff? Does he have children with his ex and if so, is he doing something for his children and not necessarily for his ex?
	__________________

Oct 2nd, 2009, 05:09 PM	#5
Ellie Mae KIABCRS Joined: May 2008 Posts: 8,278	Hmmm...WELL... if they have remained "friendly" that's a better thing than a nasty divorce and them hating one another. And many ex-couples do remain friends even after they divorce. How often exactly is "ALWAYS" over over at her house? He's fixing things for her? And maybe this is too nosy.. but when/why were they divorced?
Ellie Mae KIABCRS Joined: May 2008 Posts: 8,278	__________________ *http://scams-n-shams.blogspot.com*

Oct 2nd, 2009, 05:19 PM	#6
chitowngirl823 OP Shoe Diva Joined: Jul 2008 Location: Chicago Posts: 123	They were married for 15 years. Divorced since last June, she cheated on him a number of times. They have no kids..and he's always doing things like burning cd's, still picking up his mail, fixing things here or there. I know some people have remained friends after a divorce but something about this is just odd.
	__________________ http://adietcokeandmylaptop.blogspot.com

Oct 2nd, 2009, 05:19 PM	#7
vhdos Member Joined: May 2007 Location: NC Posts: 3,137	I think it's one thing to remain amicable and/or friends after a break-up, but another to have difficulty moving on or letting go. I think it says good things about his character that he has managed to remain friends with his ex. However, there's no reason why he should be spending that much time at her house. The problem is that if you try and talk to him about it, chances are he's just going to bring up the fact that you're not even divorced yet. Best of luck.
vhdos Member Joined: May 2007 Location: NC Posts: 3,137	__________________ visit Bonanzle.com

Oct 2nd, 2009, 05:30 PM	#8
chitowngirl823 OP Shoe Diva Joined: Jul 2008 Location: Chicago Posts: 123	Exactly. My divorce has been a huge pain and in turn I have lost complete faith in the legal system here. I figured I was just going to go with the flow and when mine is final and its still keeping up. I might have to say something.
	__________________ http://adietcokeandmylaptop.blogspot.com

Oct 2nd, 2009, 05:33 PM	#9
Fetish Sofa King Banned Joined: Jan 2007 Posts: 93	When you say hes "always" over there, how often are we talking about here? A few times a week or is this a daily basis sort of thing? And what exactly has he said to you about the time they spend together?
Fetish Sofa King Banned Joined: Jan 2007 Posts: 93

Oct 2nd, 2009, 05:49 PM	#10
chitowngirl823 OP Shoe Diva Joined: Jul 2008 Location: Chicago Posts: 123	Its like two to three times a month. Either he's getting things like his mail, things she doesn't want out of the house. From what he tells me, she's never there when he's there. I think its the fact that he still goes over there period that bugs me. Am I over reacting?
	__________________ http://adietcokeandmylaptop.blogspot.com

Oct 2nd, 2009, 06:34 PM	#11
gina2328 Member Joined: Jul 2007 Location: Michigan Posts: 625	Your over reacting. Especially if she is not even there. I was thinking it was weekly or more often.
	__________________ Dress shabbily and they remember the dress; dress impeccably and they remember the woman -- Coco Chanel

Oct 2nd, 2009, 06:36 PM	#12
dallas Yeah ano Joined: Jan 2007 Posts: 4,272	Really, 2 or 3 times a month is hardly always over there. Do you trust him?
dallas Yeah ano Joined: Jan 2007 Posts: 4,272	__________________ Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

Oct 2nd, 2009, 07:23 PM	#14
natalie78 Dave's not here Joined: May 2008 Location: Texas Posts: 1,658	Have you ever asked if you could accompany him next time he goes over. If she's not there, then there shouldn't be any awkward moments.
	__________________ I consider myself a good judge of people and that's why I don't like any of them. ~Roseanne

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