help! was cheated before and feeling very insured...

valval · Jun 24th, 2008, 12:17 AM

My SO of 1 year asked me to marry him last week but I said no. He was a lil disappointed but I'm not sure if he understands how my past has haunted me.

A relationship before I met my current SO, I met a guy through work. He was sweet and all that. I was a very naive person and trusted the guy fully when we started. Perhaps I was really stupid because one of the guy's colleague told me that the guy had a GF over in US. When I probed the guy, he said that they broke up.

During the 3 months we were together, he never bad mouthed her. It gave me an impression that she was perfect for him and blah blah. He even wanted to call me the inimate name that he used to call her!!! How stupid was I~!!! Then one day, he just told me that since day 1 we started, he has never broken off with his GF and I was just a past-time for him, while waiting for the GF to return in another 1 month!

It was like a tight slap in the face!! And he has no guts to break off with me face-to-face but through SMS!! How coward can he be??

I felt so shattered at the time that I starved myself for 2 weeks, eating nothing. I couldn't believe that I was so stupid to be cheated. How could he lied to me and shattered my heart, for me trusted him so much??

Sigh, until today, my current SO realises that I'm very vunerable against unfaithfulness and etc. A month ago, I caught him emailing a gal with detailed h*rny messages and it broke me again. SO said that it was nothing as he was very bored at work, that's why he emailing a gal that he's never met. I tried to talk it out with him and he promised not to do it anymore.

I want to trust him so much but I'm scared that I'd be hurt again. I feel so insecured right now.. :(

How do I get over the insecurity?

mjlover1977 · Jun 24th, 2008, 12:30 AM

you know what (and this is just my feelings) ... you arent being 'insecure' ... you are being sensible. Sorry, but he is sending sexual messages to someone!!!? Thats NOT ON!
If i found out my boy was doing that id be moving out faster than you can say 'cheater'.

Just to put this in context, ive not been cheated on so im not some bitter guy hating gal ... i just think that if you cant keep it in your pants, you should be single.

You deserve better.

cutiepie21 · Jun 24th, 2008, 12:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by valval

My SO of 1 year asked me to marry him last week but I said no. He was a lil disappointed but I'm not sure if he understands how my past has haunted me.

A relationship before I met my current SO, I met a guy through work. He was sweet and all that. I was a very naive person and trusted the guy fully when we started. Perhaps I was really stupid because one of the guy's colleague told me that the guy had a GF over in US. When I probed the guy, he said that they broke up.

During the 3 months we were together, he never bad mouthed her. It gave me an impression that she was perfect for him and blah blah. He even wanted to call me the inimate name that he used to call her!!! How stupid was I~!!! Then one day, he just told me that since day 1 we started, he has never broken off with his GF and I was just a past-time for him, while waiting for the GF to return in another 1 month!

It was like a tight slap in the face!! And he has no guts to break off with me face-to-face but through SMS!! How coward can he be??

I felt so shattered at the time that I starved myself for 2 weeks, eating nothing. I couldn't believe that I was so stupid to be cheated. How could he lied to me and shattered my heart, for me trusted him so much??

Sigh, until today, my current SO realises that I'm very vunerable against unfaithfulness and etc. A month ago, I caught him emailing a gal with detailed h*rny messages and it broke me again. SO said that it was nothing as he was very bored at work, that's why he emailing a gal that he's never met. I tried to talk it out with him and he promised not to do it anymore.

I want to trust him so much but I'm scared that I'd be hurt again. I feel so insecured right now.. :(

How do I get over the insecurity?

To me, this is a red flag! I would not be with someone who thinks this is ok. I hope you find someone who treats you well.

QueenOfDa702 · Jun 24th, 2008, 01:02 AM

Kick him to the curb. He's a dog. Find someone who will treat you like a Queen, you are worth it, and you seem to be selling yourself short.

chpwhy · Jun 24th, 2008, 01:32 AM

First u should have a REALLY serious chat with him. If u agreed to give him a chance. U give him a chance. Period! Until he proves he is not worthy of it. You break it off. People makes mistakes. Its up to you if u wanna let bygones be bygones. Or let the previous hurt prevent you from living ur life to the fullest and happiest. Good Luck!!..

valval · Jun 24th, 2008, 01:44 AM

I really want to give him another chance. It's just that how to deal with insecurity? I guess I doubt too much??

valval · Jun 24th, 2008, 01:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by QueenOfDa702

Kick him to the curb. He's a dog. Find someone who will treat you like a Queen, you are worth it, and you seem to be selling yourself short.

Well, SO is treating me like a queen, seems that the only *major* flaw he has is he's flirtatous...

nooch · Jun 24th, 2008, 02:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by valval

Well, SO is treating me like a queen, seems that the only *major* flaw he has is he's flirtatous...

Flirtation and soliciting sex on the internet are different things IMO.

VPT · Jun 24th, 2008, 02:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by valval

How do I get over the insecurity?

First, I don't think you were "insecure" - you just don't fit into the profile of insecure. You were paranoid, and just that things you didn't want to happen, happened. Your sentiments are pretty valid and you should feel the way you do. To "get over" it, well, easy. Hook up with a guy you trust! Don't just be a guy's gf because he is handsome, or flirts, or is great in the sack. Get a trustworthy guy for goodness sake. And why are you still with this guy? Sure he says he won't do it again. I doubt his words will hold, I think he might just be more discreet in doing it again so you won't notice.

April_Skye · Jun 24th, 2008, 03:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by VPT

I doubt his words will hold, I think he might just be more discreet in doing it again so you won't notice.

You should never ever live in fear. Be kind to yourself. Listen to yourself and your needs. A womans intuition is there for a reason. If it doesnt feel right, it usually isnt.
Why on earth should you spend another day freaking out wondering if your SO is betraying you? Dont torture yourself hun!

Zophie · Jun 24th, 2008, 03:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by valval

I really want to give him another chance. It's just that how to deal with insecurity? I guess I doubt too much??

I don't think you'll have to worry about being insecure if you find a guy who is mature and trustworthy. I wouldn't trust a guy like the one you describe myself. He sounds like a dog.

oo0ehxtahcee0oo · Jun 24th, 2008, 03:57 AM

wtf?? bored at work?? no excuse to send naughty messages to anyone... what if hes bored and lying in bed?? hes going to have sex with someone?? gosh.

chpwhy · Jun 24th, 2008, 04:17 AM

Woman have a tendency, generally speaking, to keep replaying in our mind past hurts. We seems to enjoy it! I know i used to. But i have learnt. In order to move on. We have to Let GO!! You want your relationship to work u have to make changes in your life and your attitude. Youhave a prt to play too Which man likes/enjoy company of a lady with low self esteem, clingy, frequent "questioning sessions". I believe none. So sit down with your SO. Talk things through. Be honest with your feelings. Like "i feel uncomfortable when you do this this, its hurts my feelings...etc" Be clear. Be specific. If he is the guy for you he will respect you. But like us girls, man has got feeling too. Come to a compromise what is acceptable in your relationship what is not. Some things are not worth fighting over.
I hope i helped.

valval · Jun 24th, 2008, 07:53 AM

Thanks for your inputs girls...

Like what chpwhy said, I believe women have the tendency to remember the hurtful past. And it certainly doesn't help that he's flirtatious IRL and soliciting sex over internet..

I want to believe him for the one last time, and put in my time to see if he's really worth it. I just don't wanna give up because of one mistake he's done...

~Fabulousity~ · Jun 24th, 2008, 10:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zophie

I don't think you'll have to worry about being insecure if you find a guy who is mature and trustworthy. I wouldn't trust a guy like the one you describe myself. He sounds like a dog.

I agree...

Jun 24th, 2008, 12:17 AM	#1
valval Member Joined: May 2008 Posts: 61	My SO of 1 year asked me to marry him last week but I said no. He was a lil disappointed but I'm not sure if he understands how my past has haunted me. A relationship before I met my current SO, I met a guy through work. He was sweet and all that. I was a very naive person and trusted the guy fully when we started. Perhaps I was really stupid because one of the guy's colleague told me that the guy had a GF over in US. When I probed the guy, he said that they broke up. During the 3 months we were together, he never bad mouthed her. It gave me an impression that she was perfect for him and blah blah. He even wanted to call me the inimate name that he used to call her!!! How stupid was I~!!! Then one day, he just told me that since day 1 we started, he has never broken off with his GF and I was just a past-time for him, while waiting for the GF to return in another 1 month! It was like a tight slap in the face!! And he has no guts to break off with me face-to-face but through SMS!! How coward can he be?? I felt so shattered at the time that I starved myself for 2 weeks, eating nothing. I couldn't believe that I was so stupid to be cheated. How could he lied to me and shattered my heart, for me trusted him so much?? Sigh, until today, my current SO realises that I'm very vunerable against unfaithfulness and etc. A month ago, I caught him emailing a gal with detailed hrny messages and it broke me again. SO said that it was nothing as he was very bored at work, that's why he emailing a gal that he's never met. I tried to talk it out with him and he promised not to do it anymore. I want to trust him so much but I'm scared that I'd be hurt again. I feel so insecured right now.. :( How do I get over the insecurity? __________________ Wish List :* [ In the process ]

Jun 24th, 2008, 12:30 AM	#2
mjlover1977 broke Joined: Nov 2007 Location: Sydney, Australia Posts: 1,184	you know what (and this is just my feelings) ... you arent being 'insecure' ... you are being sensible. Sorry, but he is sending sexual messages to someone!!!? Thats NOT ON! If i found out my boy was doing that id be moving out faster than you can say 'cheater'. Just to put this in context, ive not been cheated on so im not some bitter guy hating gal ... i just think that if you cant keep it in your pants, you should be single. You deserve better. __________________ my lil bag collection chloe silver silverado LV mono speedy 25 Balenciaga ink shoulder LV Amarante large cles Marc Jacobs emerald green elastic stam Chloe tan paddington Chanel black mini flap Balenciaga french blue city with GGH Prada dark brown cervo lux medium tote miu miu metallic purple small matelasse MBMJ midnight terri Marc Jacobs black quilted banana hobo Marc Jacobs black icey little stam

Jun 24th, 2008, 01:02 AM	#4
QueenOfDa702 Misunderestimated. Joined: Jan 2007 Location: Vegas where we let it all hang out. Your Vegas is showing! Posts: 5,393	Kick him to the curb. He's a dog. Find someone who will treat you like a Queen, you are worth it, and you seem to be selling yourself short. __________________ ~Valeen~ *~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~* Click HERE to visit MySpace

Jun 24th, 2008, 01:32 AM	#5
chpwhy BANNEDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD Joined: Jul 2007 Location: The Fine CIty Posts: 2,051	First u should have a REALLY serious chat with him. If u agreed to give him a chance. U give him a chance. Period! Until he proves he is not worthy of it. You break it off. People makes mistakes. Its up to you if u wanna let bygones be bygones. Or let the previous hurt prevent you from living ur life to the fullest and happiest. Good Luck!!.. __________________ *John 3:16* And Oh how wide You open up Your arms, When I need Your love And how far You would come, If ever I was lost And You said that all You feel for me, Is undying love That You showed me through the cross

Jun 24th, 2008, 01:44 AM	#6
valval Member Joined: May 2008 Posts: 61	I really want to give him another chance. It's just that how to deal with insecurity? I guess I doubt too much?? __________________ Wish List : [ In the process ]

Jun 24th, 2008, 03:57 AM	#12
oo0ehxtahcee0oo Happily Engaged! Joined: Aug 2007 Location: The Bay, CA Posts: 3,450	wtf?? bored at work?? no excuse to send naughty messages to anyone... what if hes bored and lying in bed?? hes going to have sex with someone?? gosh. __________________ Got free time?? Kill some time by keeping yourself entertained, updated, and get some great savings here!! I'm happily engaged [Click photo to read thread!]

Jun 24th, 2008, 04:17 AM	#13
chpwhy BANNEDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD Joined: Jul 2007 Location: The Fine CIty Posts: 2,051	Woman have a tendency, generally speaking, to keep replaying in our mind past hurts. We seems to enjoy it! I know i used to. But i have learnt. In order to move on. We have to Let GO!! You want your relationship to work u have to make changes in your life and your attitude. Youhave a prt to play too Which man likes/enjoy company of a lady with low self esteem, clingy, frequent "questioning sessions". I believe none. So sit down with your SO. Talk things through. Be honest with your feelings. Like "i feel uncomfortable when you do this this, its hurts my feelings...etc" Be clear. Be specific. If he is the guy for you he will respect you. But like us girls, man has got feeling too. Come to a compromise what is acceptable in your relationship what is not. Some things are not worth fighting over. I hope i helped. __________________ *John 3:16* And Oh how wide You open up Your arms, When I need Your love And how far You would come, If ever I was lost And You said that all You feel for me, Is undying love That You showed me through the cross

Jun 24th, 2008, 07:53 AM	#14
valval Member Joined: May 2008 Posts: 61	Thanks for your inputs girls... Like what chpwhy said, I believe women have the tendency to remember the hurtful past. And it certainly doesn't help that he's flirtatious IRL and soliciting sex over internet.. I want to believe him for the one last time, and put in my time to see if he's really worth it. I just don't wanna give up because of one mistake he's done... __________________ Wish List : [ In the process ]