help! was cheated before and feeling very insured...

valval · Jun 26th, 2008, 03:23 AM

I have talked to him again and he admitted that he had been 'emotionally' infidel with when he emailed the woman. He said that there's no other woman other than her and he has never had physical contact with the woman at all.

Emotionally infidelity? That's as bad as a physical one. I just don't understand what was he thinking. This is just a sign that he's not a keeper anymore.

Thanks girls for your inputs.. You put things in perspective for me..

bagnshoofetish · Jun 26th, 2008, 03:33 AM

Guys like that are funny. Those are the ones who believe, "if I don't have sex, its not cheating!"
These guys are stunted at the Neanderthal stage of development.

April_Skye · Jun 26th, 2008, 05:00 AM

^^ LOL! brilliant post.

valval, i hope you are doing okay. Its such a horrible thing to go through. What do you think you're going to do??

valval · Jun 26th, 2008, 07:10 PM

I know what people are going to say how stupid I am but I'm keeping my distance and observing him now. I do not want to dump him becauase he has done one mistake, really. If he's done it again, I will drop him in a heart beat.. :(

Zophie · Jun 26th, 2008, 08:33 PM

I think emotional cheating is worse than physical cheating. I could get over a guy I'm with hooking up with a prostitute, but I couldn't forgive him actually having the desire for another woman in an emotional sense.

valval, just be aware that you may only think he made "one" mistake because that's all you know about.

mjlover1977 · Jun 28th, 2008, 08:46 AM

valval - its TOTALLY up to you ... we dont know they whole situ ... but please, even if you are gonna give him another go, take it slow and LISTEN to your gut. we are here for you. xx ps = i really do hope it works for you.

pinkie19 · Jun 28th, 2008, 12:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by valval

I know what people are going to say how stupid I am but I'm keeping my distance and observing him now. I do not want to dump him becauase he has done one mistake, really. If he's done it again, I will drop him in a heart beat.. :(

What happened to you happened to me... twice... each time by a different guy. First guy I dumped.. eventually... for other reasons.... Second guy I forgave... right or wrong? I don't know yet.
Trust is wayy tough to gain back once broken...

Make your choice carefully I guess... coz U gotta live with it.

But first guy's mum once told me..."U know, if you get married... there are a lot more bigger problems to deal with than just this..." ... and I agree...

valval · Jun 29th, 2008, 07:00 PM

yea, pinkie19, I agree with you that there are much more problems to deal with this if we got married!!

valval · Jun 29th, 2008, 07:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mjlover1977

valval - its TOTALLY up to you ... we dont know they whole situ ... but please, even if you are gonna give him another go, take it slow and LISTEN to your gut. we are here for you. xx ps = i really do hope it works for you.

I feel glad that there are people who can help me when I'm down :)
Thanks girl~

rendodan110 · Jun 30th, 2008, 10:06 PM

When my husband or I get bored we text/sms silly things to eachother like "what are you wearing" or hey sexy what ya doin. and sometimes we flirt on text/sms it is fun and just between us. if your SO is bored he should be sending you h*rny texts/sms or emails not some stranger. I wouldnt let him off the hook so easy. make him earn your trust back, and show you he is worth marriage.

angel143 · Jul 1st, 2008, 04:22 AM

I dont think that you're insecure at all, based on your story I'm surprised you're not kicking his ass. I have been cheated on and the man I'm with now had to go through all the shit that the last guy left. He knows how I feel and treats me like a queen. He definitely wouldn't send horny email messages to another girl! That's way low, he'd better have a damn good explanation for that one!

valval · Jul 1st, 2008, 11:48 PM

I'm surprised that I didn't kick his ass too~!! But yea, just give him one chance before I give up. Then I'd feel better for myself for having to try my best...

gillianna · Jul 2nd, 2008, 11:02 AM

You're giving him one chance which makes you feel better for having to try my best???
Wow-you did nothing wrong. He did. Why do you feel a need to having to try my best which makes it somehow seem you are putting the blame on yourself and you have to do better? I wish you well but I really think you will have more heartache than you have had in the past. If one does not learn about the mistakes made in the past sadly they will repeat it in the future. Your SO can talk the talk but his actions still proved what type of person he is. I wish you well.

SOLIDGOLD2 · Jul 2nd, 2008, 04:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by valval

My SO of 1 year asked me to marry him last week but I said no. He was a lil disappointed but I'm not sure if he understands how my past has haunted me.

A relationship before I met my current SO, I met a guy through work. He was sweet and all that. I was a very naive person and trusted the guy fully when we started. Perhaps I was really stupid because one of the guy's colleague told me that the guy had a GF over in US. When I probed the guy, he said that they broke up.

During the 3 months we were together, he never bad mouthed her. It gave me an impression that she was perfect for him and blah blah. He even wanted to call me the inimate name that he used to call her!!! How stupid was I~!!! Then one day, he just told me that since day 1 we started, he has never broken off with his GF and I was just a past-time for him, while waiting for the GF to return in another 1 month!

It was like a tight slap in the face!! And he has no guts to break off with me face-to-face but through SMS!! How coward can he be??

I felt so shattered at the time that I starved myself for 2 weeks, eating nothing. I couldn't believe that I was so stupid to be cheated. How could he lied to me and shattered my heart, for me trusted him so much??

Sigh, until today, my current SO realises that I'm very vunerable against unfaithfulness and etc. A month ago, I caught him emailing a gal with detailed h*rny messages and it broke me again. SO said that it was nothing as he was very bored at work, that's why he emailing a gal that he's never met. I tried to talk it out with him and he promised not to do it anymore.

I want to trust him so much but I'm scared that I'd be hurt again. I feel so insecured right now.. :(

How do I get over the insecurity?

DO NOT FORGIVE HIM
if you do you will always wonder what he's doing when he's "bored"
he is not trust worthy

Jun 26th, 2008, 03:23 AM	#31
valval Member	I have talked to him again and he admitted that he had been 'emotionally' infidel with when he emailed the woman. He said that there's no other woman other than her and he has never had physical contact with the woman at all. Emotionally infidelity? That's as bad as a physical one. I just don't understand what was he thinking. This is just a sign that he's not a keeper anymore. Thanks girls for your inputs.. You put things in perspective for me.. __________________ Wish List : [ In the process ]

Jun 26th, 2008, 03:33 AM	#32
bagnshoofetish We Love Our Billy	Guys like that are funny. Those are the ones who believe, "if I don't have sex, its not cheating!" These guys are stunted at the Neanderthal stage of development. __________________ Please help us: http://forum.purseblog.com/animalici...nt-392607.html

Jun 26th, 2008, 05:00 AM	#33
April_Skye we CAN have it all Location: over there..... and down a bit	^^ LOL! brilliant post. valval, i hope you are doing okay. Its such a horrible thing to go through. What do you think you're going to do?? __________________ Live Now. Kill The Boredom

Jun 26th, 2008, 07:10 PM	#34
valval Member	I know what people are going to say how stupid I am but I'm keeping my distance and observing him now. I do not want to dump him becauase he has done one mistake, really. If he's done it again, I will drop him in a heart beat.. :( __________________ Wish List : [ In the process ]

Jun 26th, 2008, 08:33 PM	#35
Zophie I <3 my Maltese! Location: New Orleans, LA	I think emotional cheating is worse than physical cheating. I could get over a guy I'm with hooking up with a prostitute, but I couldn't forgive him actually having the desire for another woman in an emotional sense. valval, just be aware that you may only think he made "one" mistake because that's all you know about. __________________

Jun 28th, 2008, 08:46 AM	#36
mjlover1977 happily in love Location: Sydney, Australia	valval - its TOTALLY up to you ... we dont know they whole situ ... but please, even if you are gonna give him another go, take it slow and LISTEN to your gut. we are here for you. xx ps = i really do hope it works for you. __________________ my lil bag collection chloe silver silverado LV mono speedy 25 Balenciaga ink shoulder LV Amarante large cles Chloe tan paddington Chanel black mini flap Chanel black lamskin east west Balenciaga black GSH day Prada dark brown cervo lux medium tote miu miu metallic purple small matelasse MBMJ midnight terri Marc Jacobs black quilted banana hobo Marc Jacobs black icey little stam

Jun 29th, 2008, 07:00 PM	#38
valval Member	yea, pinkie19, I agree with you that there are much more problems to deal with this if we got married!! __________________ Wish List : [ In the process ]

Jun 30th, 2008, 10:06 PM	#40
rendodan110 Danielle Location: Northern Colorado	When my husband or I get bored we text/sms silly things to eachother like "what are you wearing" or hey sexy what ya doin. and sometimes we flirt on text/sms it is fun and just between us. if your SO is bored he should be sending you hrny texts/sms or emails not some stranger. I wouldnt let him off the hook so easy. make him earn your trust back, and show you he is worth marriage. __________________ my wishlist violates signature size regulations. add me on myspace.http://www.myspace.com/danielle1972 "Men have forgotten this truth," "But you must not forget it. You* become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed.-Antoine de Saint-Exupery The Little Prince

Jul 1st, 2008, 04:22 AM	#41
angel143 Member	I dont think that you're insecure at all, based on your story I'm surprised you're not kicking his ass. I have been cheated on and the man I'm with now had to go through all the shit that the last guy left. He knows how I feel and treats me like a queen. He definitely wouldn't send horny email messages to another girl! That's way low, he'd better have a damn good explanation for that one!

Jul 1st, 2008, 11:48 PM	#42
valval Member	I'm surprised that I didn't kick his ass too~!! But yea, just give him one chance before I give up. Then I'd feel better for myself for having to try my best... __________________ Wish List : [ In the process ]

Jul 2nd, 2008, 11:02 AM	#43
gillianna Member	You're giving him one chance which makes you feel better for having to try my best??? Wow-you did nothing wrong. He did. Why do you feel a need to having to try my best which makes it somehow seem you are putting the blame on yourself and you have to do better? I wish you well but I really think you will have more heartache than you have had in the past. If one does not learn about the mistakes made in the past sadly they will repeat it in the future. Your SO can talk the talk but his actions still proved what type of person he is. I wish you well.