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guccimamma · Nov 2nd, 2009, 04:09 PM

the holidays are near, and the inlaws are popping out of their mole-holes to gather and celebrate

my husband loves this dysfunctional group...i am surprised, but he does. i frankly don't like my kids exposed to them, but none of them are criminals...so i can't really object. i just don't care for them. they are competitive and petty, and i know the minute they walk out of our home...they are gossiping about us.

he was basically raised by wolves, and now that we are doing well...have a decent home, well-adjusted kids....they all want to spend time at our home

how can i be more positive? every time he mentions them, i get this horrible feeling in my stomach...it is hard to say anything nice. snarky comments fill my head.

i wish i could hypnotize myself to like them...

juneping · Nov 2nd, 2009, 04:15 PM

can u look at them and think u are not like that?
see them as your entertainment/amusement.

boxermom · Nov 2nd, 2009, 04:20 PM

How old are your kids? If you don't have to spend too much time with them other than a couple major holidays (and not exclude your side of the family, of course) then maybe just grin and bear it. It's not that many years you have to deal with this. They are his family and he loves them, flaws and all.

I feel for you though. I would get a physical reaction before spending time with dh's family. My inlaws aren't much different--we did what we had to when the kids were growing up. Now that the kids are adults, I stay home while dh goes to spend holidays with his family. I know they talk about me, but I don't care. Some of them are nice, but many are people I just don't like.

olialm1 · Nov 2nd, 2009, 04:25 PM

I'm really surprised you said he was raised by wolves. Have you ever told him how you feel? I would be really upset if my s/o said that about anyone in my family. Clearly they really bother you a lot, but just remember it's only temporary/for the holidays. Did anything specific happen that made you dislike them? (you don't have to divulge anything specific) Just grin and bear it. All families are crazy and have issues/weirdos.

guccimamma · Nov 2nd, 2009, 04:30 PM

Originally Posted by olialm1

I'm really surprised you said he was raised by wolves. Have you ever told him how you feel? I would be really upset if my s/o said that about anyone in my family. Clearly they really bother you a lot, but just remember it's only temporary/for the holidays. Did anything specific happen that made you dislike them? (you don't have to divulge anything specific) Just grin and bear it. All families are crazy and have issues/weirdos.

he was, although i think wolves would treat their children better. if i said too much, i could be easily identified..if someone i knew read this. his upbringing is like something out of a movie.

nooch · Nov 2nd, 2009, 04:33 PM

I feel the same way about members of both of our families. It's that sinking feeling that makes you not know whether you want a cocktail or a pint of Ben and Jerry's or a sledgehammer to put yourself out of your misery.

Anyway, honestly, I have no idea and I sympathize with you

Maybe you could just repeat to yourself "it's temporary, they're going to be gone soon".

This is going to sound stupid, but do you knit/crochet? Having something tangible to focus on during those gatherings might make you less likely to show how irritated you are.

redney · Nov 2nd, 2009, 04:37 PM

GM, ugh, I am sorry. Family stuff is crazy sometimes and especially worse when they're not your "own." I seem to remember from other posts that your in-laws are especially difficult.

Is there any time during your visits that you can take away for yourself? Maybe claim a migraine or something and escape into your bedroom (with a glass of wine) for a few hours.

Or, if you have to be with them for things like meals, etc. keep humming Kandi Burress' (RH of ATL) "I fly above all the drama" song to yourself.

I also like Nooch's suggestion to knit or crochet to busy yourself. You would then also have an excuse not to have to pay close attention to conversation.

guccimamma · Nov 2nd, 2009, 04:49 PM

i like the knitting suggestion!

i guess this is why people exchange alcohol at the holidays

Jeneen · Nov 2nd, 2009, 04:52 PM

Plan something fun for yourself the next day that you can think about during the visit... and just be glad you are raising your kids to not be gossipy like them! I agree that you should take the high road and fill your mind with positive thoughts.

Jeneen · Nov 2nd, 2009, 04:52 PM

^ And a glass of wine in the hand helps

guccimamma · Nov 2nd, 2009, 05:02 PM

Originally Posted by Jeneen

^ And a glass of wine in the hand helps

it helps me tremendously, but also loosens the tongue a bit... i just want to smile and be in a happy place... i need a hypnotic saying or something

they tend to bait...you know, throw something unpleasant on the table...and see how you react, if they don't get the reaction the 1st time...something else will be thrown out, until the conflict begins. his father sits at the head of the table and runs the show.

natalie78 · Nov 2nd, 2009, 05:04 PM

I feel so fortunate that the in-laws live 900 miles away, but for the time that we do see them, I find that alcohol helps take the edge off. Like others said...as long as you have young children, it's probably best to just grin and bear it. Have you ever asked DH to make the suggestion to do it at someone else's home for a change?

gina2328 · Nov 2nd, 2009, 05:06 PM

Originally Posted by guccimamma

it helps me tremendously, but also loosens the tongue a bit... i just want to smile and be in a happy place... i need a hypnotic saying or something

they tend to bait...you know, throw something unpleasant on the table...and see how you react, if they don't get the reaction the 1st time...something else will be thrown out, until the conflict begins. his father sits at the head of the table and runs the show.

Don't let them get your goat. Rise above and be the better person and don't show them your are upset. But also stand up to them if they are being rude. Don't let them get away with bad behavior or it will continue. Do they treat you badly? Has your DH ever spoken to them if they have? It's difficult to give advice without examples of what is happening. Who is the conflict between?

natalie78 · Nov 2nd, 2009, 05:06 PM

Originally Posted by guccimamma

they tend to bait...you know, throw something unpleasant on the table...and see how you react, if they don't get the reaction the 1st time...something else will be thrown out, until the conflict begins. his father sits at the head of the table and runs the show.

Geez...I wish I had some advice to give you, but I'm coming up blank. How about going to a gag store and getting a stink bomb to chase them out?

LV Luvr · Nov 2nd, 2009, 05:09 PM

hahaha I so could have written this thread! Well you'll get through it like we all do. I'm going to try and hold my tongue more this holiday season and not tell them what i really think...maybe a glass of eggnog! Our inlaws are far away but when they come, they stay. at least with it being at your house you can get in your car and go do something or somewhere. GL...I'll be right there with you!!! aghhhhh

Nov 2nd, 2009, 04:09 PM	#1
guccimamma OP guccimamma Joined: Aug 2006 Location: Wooo Hooo! Posts: 4,231	help me be more positive.... the holidays are near, and the inlaws are popping out of their mole-holes to gather and celebrate my husband loves this dysfunctional group...i am surprised, but he does. i frankly don't like my kids exposed to them, but none of them are criminals...so i can't really object. i just don't care for them. they are competitive and petty, and i know the minute they walk out of our home...they are gossiping about us. he was basically raised by wolves, and now that we are doing well...have a decent home, well-adjusted kids....they all want to spend time at our home how can i be more positive? every time he mentions them, i get this horrible feeling in my stomach...it is hard to say anything nice. snarky comments fill my head. i wish i could hypnotize myself to like them...
	__________________ "is it too early for a cocktail?"

Nov 2nd, 2009, 04:15 PM	#2
juneping couch potato-ing Joined: Jun 2007 Location: NYC Posts: 4,350	can u look at them and think u are not like that? see them as your entertainment/amusement.
	__________________ wish list: purse ban until the cc is paid off $10200 paid off...$3300 to go .....oh..i can't wait...

Nov 2nd, 2009, 04:25 PM	#4
olialm1 windy city Joined: Dec 2008 Location: Chicago Posts: 1,553	I'm really surprised you said he was raised by wolves. Have you ever told him how you feel? I would be really upset if my s/o said that about anyone in my family. Clearly they really bother you a lot, but just remember it's only temporary/for the holidays. Did anything specific happen that made you dislike them? (you don't have to divulge anything specific) Just grin and bear it. All families are crazy and have issues/weirdos.
	__________________ make a difference! free rice

Nov 2nd, 2009, 04:33 PM	#6
nooch bubblehead Joined: Apr 2008 Posts: 3,890	I feel the same way about members of both of our families. It's that sinking feeling that makes you not know whether you want a cocktail or a pint of Ben and Jerry's or a sledgehammer to put yourself out of your misery. Anyway, honestly, I have no idea and I sympathize with you Maybe you could just repeat to yourself "it's temporary, they're going to be gone soon". This is going to sound stupid, but do you knit/crochet? Having something tangible to focus on during those gatherings might make you less likely to show how irritated you are.
nooch bubblehead Joined: Apr 2008 Posts: 3,890	__________________ Come cheer me on at my weight loss thread - http://forum.purseblog.com/health-an...re-488893.html

Nov 2nd, 2009, 04:37 PM	#7
redney Lovin' Life! Joined: Apr 2006 Posts: 6,754	GM, ugh, I am sorry. Family stuff is crazy sometimes and especially worse when they're not your "own." I seem to remember from other posts that your in-laws are especially difficult. Is there any time during your visits that you can take away for yourself? Maybe claim a migraine or something and escape into your bedroom (with a glass of wine) for a few hours. Or, if you have to be with them for things like meals, etc. keep humming Kandi Burress' (RH of ATL) "I fly above all the drama" song to yourself. I also like Nooch's suggestion to knit or crochet to busy yourself. You would then also have an excuse not to have to pay close attention to conversation.
redney Lovin' Life! Joined: Apr 2006 Posts: 6,754

Nov 2nd, 2009, 04:20 PM	#3
boxermom Member Joined: Aug 2006 Location: North Carolina Posts: 13,700	How old are your kids? If you don't have to spend too much time with them other than a couple major holidays (and not exclude your side of the family, of course) then maybe just grin and bear it. It's not that many years you have to deal with this. They are his family and he loves them, flaws and all. I feel for you though. I would get a physical reaction before spending time with dh's family. My inlaws aren't much different--we did what we had to when the kids were growing up. Now that the kids are adults, I stay home while dh goes to spend holidays with his family. I know they talk about me, but I don't care. Some of them are nice, but many are people I just don't like.

Nov 2nd, 2009, 04:49 PM	#8
guccimamma OP guccimamma Joined: Aug 2006 Location: Wooo Hooo! Posts: 4,231	i like the knitting suggestion! i guess this is why people exchange alcohol at the holidays
	__________________ "is it too early for a cocktail?"

Nov 2nd, 2009, 04:52 PM	#9
Jeneen Member Joined: Feb 2009 Location: up in the gym workin on my fitness Posts: 2,756	Plan something fun for yourself the next day that you can think about during the visit... and just be glad you are raising your kids to not be gossipy like them! I agree that you should take the high road and fill your mind with positive thoughts.
	__________________ *Jeneen* Stop searching forever, happiness is just next to you. - dbf's fortune cookie

Nov 2nd, 2009, 05:04 PM	#12
natalie78 Dave's not here Joined: May 2008 Location: Texas Posts: 1,669	I feel so fortunate that the in-laws live 900 miles away, but for the time that we do see them, I find that alcohol helps take the edge off. Like others said...as long as you have young children, it's probably best to just grin and bear it. Have you ever asked DH to make the suggestion to do it at someone else's home for a change?
	__________________ I consider myself a good judge of people and that's why I don't like any of them. ~Roseanne

Nov 2nd, 2009, 05:09 PM	#15
LV Luvr Member Joined: Nov 2006 Posts: 2,302	hahaha I so could have written this thread! Well you'll get through it like we all do. I'm going to try and hold my tongue more this holiday season and not tell them what i really think...maybe a glass of eggnog! Our inlaws are far away but when they come, they stay. at least with it being at your house you can get in your car and go do something or somewhere. GL...I'll be right there with you!!! aghhhhh
LV Luvr Member Joined: Nov 2006 Posts: 2,302

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