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Roo · Nov 3rd, 2009, 01:54 PM

Originally Posted by guccimamma

the holidays are near, and the inlaws are popping out of their mole-holes to gather and celebrate

my husband loves this dysfunctional group...i am surprised, but he does. i frankly don't like my kids exposed to them, but none of them are criminals...so i can't really object. i just don't care for them. they are competitive and petty, and i know the minute they walk out of our home...they are gossiping about us.

he was basically raised by wolves, and now that we are doing well...have a decent home, well-adjusted kids....they all want to spend time at our home

how can i be more positive? every time he mentions them, i get this horrible feeling in my stomach...it is hard to say anything nice. snarky comments fill my head.

i wish i could hypnotize myself to like them...

I feel your pain. I get that same yucky feeling in my stomach when I have to deal with my husband's kids.

All you can do is detach as much as possible and be cordial yet distant. That's what I do. I call it 'stepford wife mode'. What is interesting is when I do this, they seem to act out MORE and then my husband sees how bad they really suck

Last year I cooked a holiday dinner and they showed up two hours late with nary an apology. My husband was fuming and I had to talk him out of going off on them when they arrived.

As a friend of mine so eloquently stated, "Roo, those people are animals..."

The good news is that this year we accepted an invite to our friends' for thanksgiving so we can tell them we have other plans and that I am not cooking.

The good thing for me though is that I appreciate more and more the upbringing I had and the values my parents tried to teach me, because there is no way I would behave the way some people do, sometimes the bad manners and "lack of skills" of others are just appalling

Roo · Nov 3rd, 2009, 02:01 PM

Originally Posted by guccimamma

he was basically raised by wolves,

That's an insult to wolves!

floridasun8 · Nov 3rd, 2009, 02:03 PM

I posted a few months ago regarding not liking my in-laws and not wanting to travel with dh for the holidays and got nearly torn apart by many other posters. Funny how things have changed.
In any case, I feel for you and can sympathize. Since it is your house, I would maybe suggest to your dh that everyone go to someone elses house for the holidays this year where you can leave early, or of course indulge in some wine while they are there. I hate the fact that just because someone has the biggest or newest house that they automatically become the house for get-togethers. Try to bring it up to your dh and see what he says. Good luck!

natalie78 · Nov 3rd, 2009, 02:04 PM

Originally Posted by Roo

The good thing for me though is that I appreciate more and more the upbringing I had and the values my parents tried to teach me, because there is no way I would behave the way some people do, sometimes the bad manners and "lack of skills" of others are just appalling

Same here. Everyone thought that my dad was too hard on me and my sisters when we were growing up, but now they see that we all became responsible, well-mannered adults. But, I did inherit my dad's general disdain for most people.

natalie78 · Nov 3rd, 2009, 02:14 PM

Originally Posted by floridasun8

I posted a few months ago regarding not liking my in-laws and not wanting to travel with dh for the holidays and got nearly torn apart by many other posters. Funny how things have changed.

I remember your thread. I think you will find that those of us who are sympathetic here are the same ones who were sympathetic to you also. I am sure those who got on their high horse in your thread will be rearing their heads and spewing their negativity in this thread before long.

floridasun8 · Nov 3rd, 2009, 02:36 PM

Originally Posted by natalie78

I remember your thread. I think you will find that those of us who are sympathetic here are the same ones who were sympathetic to you also. I am sure those who got on their high horse in your thread will be rearing their heads and spewing their negativity in this thread before long.

You are probably right. Sorry, I didnt mean to imply that everyone here was all over me, but I didnt pull up the old thread to see who the usernames were so being that this thread was already 3 pages I just figured the tables had turned. We'll see what happens.

Roo · Nov 3rd, 2009, 03:20 PM

^^^ PLEASE keep drama out of this thread. And if there is a problem with a particular poster's opinions, either take it to PM or use the ignore feature. Thanks.

Roo · Nov 3rd, 2009, 03:23 PM

Originally Posted by floridasun8

I posted a few months ago regarding not liking my in-laws and not wanting to travel with dh for the holidays and got nearly torn apart by many other posters. Funny how things have changed.

BTW, your previous thread is not THIS thread and it is not fair to the OP of this thread to be dragged into old dramas. From what I recall, your situation is different from the OP's so it's not a really fair comparison, IMO. People on this forum have good intentions and they are also VERY honest, which can be hard for some to accept......

NLVOEWITHLV · Nov 3rd, 2009, 04:15 PM

Hmmm, can you try to find some common ground where you can't go wrong spending time together... like movies (you don't have to talk b/c you're watching the movie) or dinner (you don't have to talk much between bites)? I don't really understand the in-law thing... Have you tried to get along with them? Frankly, thinking they gossip about you as soon as they leave is kind of judgmental. They might boast about how well you're doing... I guess I'm lucky, I love my mother and father in law like my own family!!! They have treated me GREAT since day one and I met them a few weeks after I began dating their son (like 8 years ago).

dallas · Nov 3rd, 2009, 04:23 PM

Guccimamma, how long are they staying?

floridasun8 · Nov 3rd, 2009, 05:00 PM

Originally Posted by Roo

BTW, your previous thread is not THIS thread and it is not fair to the OP of this thread to be dragged into old dramas. From what I recall, your situation is different from the OP's so it's not a really fair comparison, IMO. People on this forum have good intentions and they are also VERY honest, which can be hard for some to accept......

Roo, I clearly gave the OP my opinion as well, so please dont read into my thread what isnt there. I was simply comparing this thread to my old one, in one or two sentences, but also making it about OP's question. For reference, my question was very similar, whether you believe it or not. Its still an opinion of in-laws and whether one wants to spend time with them or not.
I am not changing the topic, and so please dont try to use the mod status on me for no reason.

bagnshoofetish · Nov 3rd, 2009, 06:28 PM

oh boy, here we go....

Roo · Nov 3rd, 2009, 07:07 PM

Originally Posted by floridasun8

I am not changing the topic, and so please dont try to use the mod status on me for no reason.

My function as a mod is to keep topics here on track. Consider this friendly reminder #2.

natalie78 · Nov 3rd, 2009, 07:53 PM

Sorry, Roo. I didn't mean to get anything started...my fingers work faster than my brain

Anywho...I know that it's impossible to just ignore them. As much as I have tried in the past to ignore my in-laws, it just doesn't work. I am lucky that DH has usually been able to diffuse situations. Then again, they aren't coming to my home.

Roo · Nov 3rd, 2009, 08:03 PM

^^It's ok Natalie... and I apologize if I offended you or floridasun

We just try to keep the drama to a minimum

Nov 3rd, 2009, 03:20 PM	#37
Roo au courant Joined: Apr 2006 Location: Rue Roo Posts: 12,716	^^^ PLEASE keep drama out of this thread. And if there is a problem with a particular poster's opinions, either take it to PM or use the ignore feature. Thanks.
	__________________ When I started counting my blessings, my whole life turned around. --Willie Nelson

Nov 3rd, 2009, 04:15 PM	#39
NLVOEWITHLV Member Joined: Apr 2009 Location: Houston Posts: 742	Hmmm, can you try to find some common ground where you can't go wrong spending time together... like movies (you don't have to talk b/c you're watching the movie) or dinner (you don't have to talk much between bites)? I don't really understand the in-law thing... Have you tried to get along with them? Frankly, thinking they gossip about you as soon as they leave is kind of judgmental. They might boast about how well you're doing... I guess I'm lucky, I love my mother and father in law like my own family!!! They have treated me GREAT since day one and I met them a few weeks after I began dating their son (like 8 years ago).
	__________________ "Marriage is like a roller coaster- at first you have butterflies or may be scared, at times you may wonder what you've gotten yourself into and if you can handle it, but once the ride begins its amazing and you would DEFINITELY do it all over again!!!!" Last edited by NLVOEWITHLV; Nov 3rd, 2009 at 04:19 PM.

Nov 3rd, 2009, 04:23 PM	#40
dallas Yeah ano Joined: Jan 2007 Posts: 4,272	Guccimamma, how long are they staying?
dallas Yeah ano Joined: Jan 2007 Posts: 4,272	__________________ Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

Nov 3rd, 2009, 06:28 PM	#42
bagnshoofetish keep smiling.... Joined: Feb 2006 Posts: 20,387	oh boy, here we go....
	__________________

Nov 3rd, 2009, 08:03 PM	#45
Roo au courant Joined: Apr 2006 Location: Rue Roo Posts: 12,716	^^It's ok Natalie... and I apologize if I offended you or floridasun We just try to keep the drama to a minimum
	__________________ When I started counting my blessings, my whole life turned around. --Willie Nelson

Nov 3rd, 2009, 02:03 PM	#33
floridasun8 Member Joined: Nov 2008 Location: Under a Palm Tree Posts: 1,893	I posted a few months ago regarding not liking my in-laws and not wanting to travel with dh for the holidays and got nearly torn apart by many other posters. Funny how things have changed. In any case, I feel for you and can sympathize. Since it is your house, I would maybe suggest to your dh that everyone go to someone elses house for the holidays this year where you can leave early, or of course indulge in some wine while they are there. I hate the fact that just because someone has the biggest or newest house that they automatically become the house for get-togethers. Try to bring it up to your dh and see what he says. Good luck!

Nov 3rd, 2009, 07:53 PM	#44
natalie78 Dave's not here Joined: May 2008 Location: Texas Posts: 1,669	Sorry, Roo. I didn't mean to get anything started...my fingers work faster than my brain Anywho...I know that it's impossible to just ignore them. As much as I have tried in the past to ignore my in-laws, it just doesn't work. I am lucky that DH has usually been able to diffuse situations. Then again, they aren't coming to my home.

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