[brick78]

I finally did with mine, with good reason after being friends since I was 13. The bad thing is...I could care less. I almost feel FREE! In fact I do. I was always the good one, and she was the bad seed. Sorry to say times have not changed. I matured, but it seems that she stayed stuck in a swamp of nastiness. People for years told me to cut her loose, and I did off and on. We were even called to be on the Dr. Phil show. I declinded because she was worried about being made to look like the bad guy. Just wondered what other women have went through.

[jellybebe]

Pretty much. We were friends for over 12 years and although she wasn't really overtly nasty or anything, I think we just became two very different people. In high school and even university it was easier to think we thought alike and acted alike when in reality, we turned out to be extremely different, with different interests and values. She did a few things that I wasn't cool with, and she would even get angry when I didn't want to go out and pick up guys with her anymore when I got a serious bf. I moved on with my life and am working toward my dream career, while she's living at home and working the same job she's had since she was 18. The last time I saw her was a few months ago, at a mutual bday party our high school friends planned for us. She didn't get me a present or anything, and she criticized my lifestyle choices. I think she's just angry about her own life situation.

[bibliophile]

Yes. I was very sad about it at the time because she had seen me through a lot of bad times (the converse is true of course). I guess I still feel a bit sad when I think about it now and then.

Basically, some good things happened to me - better university, better job, etc etc , and she started to become a bit resentful cos she said that it wasn't fair that she worked so hard for things but things seemed to just fall in my lap (untrue tho, seriously, my life isn't exactly a bed of roses). It started out with pointed jibes, and escalated into my not being able to tell her about anything going on in my life, but having to listen to her problems (the same ones, over and over again) instead. And I would always go away feeling put down and guilty all the time, etc. It was hard, but worth it. Life is too short to have a toxic relationship bring you down I don't think.

Just curious, brick78, what precipitated this break, if you don't mind me asking?

[aliburke84]

I have been best friends with the same girl - K - since she moved in next door to me when we were 4 and in pre-school. We grew up together. My brother and I adopted her in a sense because she was an only child. We always more like sisters than best friends because we spent so much time together. We walked to school together from Kindergarten until Sophomore year of HS when we started driving. We went to separate colleges but were still best friends. She has faults (we all do) and not everyone is her biggest fan, but I have always known her differently so I was always able to get past them. She is very selfish, probably due to getting everything she wanted from her parents and not having to share anything, and self-centered. She's one of those ppl who you accept for being that way though. "Ohh..you know how K is...."

Anyway, we got into a huge fight in Fall of 2007 and she said some very unforgivable things. She told me that none of my friends really liked me, etc. She was just mad though because she did something and had no other response than to blame me for something entirely different. It was really awful though and I cried for weeks over it. Finally though I was glad to be rid of her and I didn't miss her at all. Despite the fact that we lived 10 minutes walking distance of eachother, and she lived with another one of my best friends from home...so that relationship suffered as well. We went from September until May without speaking and without her offering me a real apology (she said sorry that you're upset, etc). It was around that time though that I started to realize I did miss her...a lot. And I wished that things were different. I guess she was feeling the same too because she finally sent me an email saying that she wanted to try to put all the BS behind us and be friends again. We started out by meeting up for a drink, and slowly started talking on a reg. basis. Things are much better now and we even kind of joke about when we were broken up.

People change and drift apart, and sometimes people are friends just because they have been friends for so long. But, I think it's normal to break up with a friend...sometimes you get back together and sometimes you dont...just like romantic relationships!

[Junkenpo]

we were still in high school and both had joined some sort of public service volunteer club... the adult that mentored that club was charismatic, kind of controlling, and not above playing favorites.

For whatever reason, i got on the outs with that adult and left the club. I wasn't in the wrong, but the adult chose to take it that way. My BFF took the adult's side & we stopped talking for a looong time.

Later, it became apparent to my BFF that the adult was "charasmatic, controlling, etc" and left the club, too. She apologized to me...the sting took a lot longer to go away.... and we patched up our friendship & have been BFF ever since.

[Kiss Me Deadly]

OMG, I JUST started a new thread about one of my toxic friends in this forum.. I, like you was/is always the nice one, always taking the initative and making plans etc and got nothing but shadiness from it.. I def wouldnt mind breaking up with her now.. If you know what I mean.. Im actually looking forward to when I graduate so I wont have to see her again and then ill feel that freedom that youre talking about :)

oohhhhh cant wait

[IntlSet]

Never with my BFF... I have three of them that are like sisters to me. We've known one another since elementary school.

However, I do have a very, very close friend (or formerly close friend) who moved to Chicago a year after I did. I was thrilled, but somehow, we rub one another the wrong way now. Never in an outright manner, but she doesn't bring out the best in me and vice versa. It's very odd, and I'm really not sure exactly what happened. We've never had a falling out and we've never talked openly about this. It's extremely strange and I certainly don't blame it entirely on her either. Something in the way I behave towards her has been off, and it does break my heart a little that this friendship is probably on its death march.

[IntlSet]

By the way, rarely will you hear when two friends break up that the person telling the story is willing to admit any fault.

The fact is, consciously or unconsciously, we often bring out the worst in others. Sure, there are those crazy, neurotic people who drive us away despite the fact that we are unfailingly supportive, loving, etc. But more often than not, we unconsciously also drive them away or drive a wedge into the friendship and edge it out of existance.

This has absolutely been the case for me. There's something about the way I behave, what I say, that really brings out the worst in my friend. And likewise, her responses end up perpetuating my own behavior. I think in fact that I'm more at fault than she is -- I am more critical, if not openly, of her than she is of me. I have no idea what is going on, but if I did, I would change it because this friendship means a lot to me and I don't know how to sustain it.

It really makes me feel very sad.

[amber11]

yea i broke it off with my two best friends senior year of highschool, i approached them many times to ask them to stop gossiping about me etc. and i just realized finally that they brought me more hurt then pain- luckily i had an amazing boyfriend and a couple other good girlfriends who helped me through it but it was really depressing for awhile

[scarlett_2005]

I broke up with my bff a few years ago. We had been really close friends since Jr. High. In HS she got pregnant and got dropped by all of her friends except me. After HS she became a different person. I caught her in several lies but decided to keep the friendship. I got married in the summer of 2001. I had a pair of diamond earrings that my dead grandmother gave me. I let her borrow them because they went with her brides maid dress. When I got back from the honeymoon I went to her house to get the earrings back and her response was, "what earrings?", "I didn't borrow your earrings."

After that incident I cut her off completly. The friendship just wasn't worth it anymore. I can pretty much tolerate anything from people except stealing.

[maddog]

^ Scarlett that's awful! :(

I tried to break up with my close friend. I've been successful at keeping my distance for the last two years, until a friend guilted me into seeing her the other day, so we had dinner. I was hoping that in the two years we haven't really talked, that she would've grown up a bit; but no, it's the same old dating crap over and over again. Even the same guys with a few added in. Same old trying to make me jealous of her other friendships. Same old low ethical standard. and it's all very tiring.

It got to the point where I felt relieved (and yes, free!) that she wasn't in my life. I was anxious everytime I even saw her name pop up on msn. Not to blame her, but my chest pain stopped the two years I've distanced myself and came back after we made plans for dinner.

I now feel obligated to invite her to my wedding (another partial guilt trip from my other friend who I'm pretty sure just doesn't want to not know anyone at the wedding), and I will see her on occasions like bdays and such, but if things were perfect, we would "break up" completely.

That's not to say she's not been a good friend, or that she's more at fault than me. I think there are two sides to every story and if anyone asks her, she'll probably say she doesn't know what happened and that I forgot about her even though she tried to stay friends. But my side of the story is quite different. It's impossible to confront her because how do you say to someone "I think you have a huge dependency issue and you try to be center of everyone's world because you are so scared of losing friends but in doing so it's backfiring"? there's no way anyone can hear that without being hurt. I don't mind being the bad guy if it means everyone can move on and grow from it instead of clinging to a dead end friendship.

[SeriouslyChic]

I broke up with a very close friend four months ago. I haven't seen or spoken to her since, which is awkward since my BF is friends with her fiance'. But the MOST awkward part - we're going to vacation together NEXT WEEK.

Intlset - I completely understand what you mean when you say "rarely does the person telling the story admit any fault." I truly believe my friend and I were just toxic for one another. I know I was not my best around her... I certainly hope that what I saw was her worst and that no one else had to see that person.

I just knew I had to end it with her when she told my BF "When J proposed to me, one of the first things I thought was 'Wow, I feel bad for K (my BF, to whom she was *speaking*!) when S (me) finds out about this... she's going to be so upset I got engaged first." - I mean, really? If she had those thoughts about me, should she have really even called me a friend? Even worse, should she have asked me to be a bridesmaid? I mean, really? We were in the process of "breaking up" but after that was relayed back to me I knew that she was one person I didn't care if I never saw again.

Anyway - the last 4 months have been the best, most free months of my life since she's been around. I say get it over with and move on. Enjoy that FREE feeling and don't look back; everything happens for a reason.

[digby723]

Yes, this has happened to me twice with the same person and the last time we "broke up" was a year ago and we haven't talked since.

We were 19 the first time we stopped talking and had been BFFs since we met when we were 15. The first time we stopped talking, she was just acting stupidand was really disrespectful. Eventually, I really missed her friendship and she did not apologize for what she did, but, I decided to be the bigger person and let it all go.

The last time, summer 2007, we stopped talking, it was mainly because I started dating my b/f Nov 2006. Things were good at first, and in fact, my b/f was constantly mad at me b/c he felt like we never spent any alone time together. We did everything as a unit, my BFF, my b/f and 3-4 mutual friends. But, then things w/ my b/f got more and more serious and my BFF was making really rude remarks, saying we would never stay together, etc etc.

Also, when I was 18, I was partying a lot with older friends. my bff was away in college and we never saw each other, but, she would constantly yell at me b/c I was always out w/ these guys drinking and stuff. 2006 turned into 2007 and she started drinking ALL the time and it made me mad at how badly she judged me back in 2004-2005 and was doing exactly what I had been doing. Except for now I was growing up and she was regressing. I enrolled back in college, quit my job, found something better and she was still acting like we were 18. It was like since she started finding friends who liked to party (who were younger than we were) she felt she had to so everything she had missed out on. Which is fine, but, I had done all of this when I was 18. I was 21 at this point now and was really starting to see my future being bleak if I didn't start making some serious changes in my life. It finally got to be too much for me and I couldn't take her attitude or cattiness anymore and just stopped talking to her summer 2007.

The things she said was very hurtful and I hated the way she made me choose between her and my b/f. If someone is truly a BFF, they will not only be nice to your SO, but, they will embrace the fact that you are happy. She just wanted me to be single again because she felt like I was growing up and would no longer want to be her friend. That never would have happened, since I always made sure we spent time together weekly and she was always included in things I did w/ my b/f. It even got to the point that she'd get mad and yell at me if I had gone to see a movie w/ my b/f or other friends and she wasn't invited! Keep in ind, she was working 3 jobs at this point, so, hanging out with her was really hard to do sometimes! Instead, her behavior drove me nuts, not the fact that I preferred my b/f over her, and her behavior made me eventually stop talking to her.

I miss her sometimes and wish that things were still ok between us, but, she's always been very selfish. She's an olny child and her mom was never really around when she was a kid. Her mom is a great mom, but, always away on trips/at work trying to further her career. Sometimes I think that if she had had a sister/brother that she'd know how to share, people specifically, better!!

[brick78]

Long story. But the straw that broke the camels back. She had her third baby. My sister and I went over to bring her some gifts along with my kids. daughter was 10 son 7. She also had a 2 year old. Well i was holding the new baby and my son was next to me on the couch playing with the 2 year old. She made a move and fell. So she screamed and cried we made sure she was ok. In the midst of her patting her she said, "yeah _____ tried to kill you" (talking about my son)...well for him the word kill was big. His feelings were hurt and he sd he was ready to go. I knew what was wrong. So he ran out to the car alone and got in which he never does. I told her she should apologize to him because his feelings were hurt. She told me NO, she. Said "I sure am not". I was like WOW. So we left and I was done with her a$$. So months later she contacted me, and I explained I was hurt because he ws hurt. He came home and told me how he felt and he cried. I know my kid....anyway...she sends me a song via email as her "sorry"..I said ok. I will tell him as well. I even took that sorry a$$ "sorry" from her. Anyway...she got drunk about a month ago and stopped by my house for my help. SHe needed to talk as only I could help her at 2am. So I go out to her car and talk to her, blah blah...she calls me on the phone on her way home. We are tlking and she says she cant stand people that cant respect other peoples feelings. That was my moment to chime in. I told her she didnt respect my sons. So you know how they say your drunk mind tells your sober thoughts? Well hers did. She went on to say she didnt mean it when she said sorry, and she still feels the same way she felt the day it happened...THAT WAS IT FOR ME. I told her she was selfish B***CH, F' her, all that good stuff. At this point I am fighting for my sons feelings. I am mad. My whole right side was going numb. I told her I was done, and she hung up. But I decided that I was 100% done being her BFF, because a BFF would not do that. If ever anyone told me I hurt a childs feelings that I "cared" about, even if I didnt its a kid. I would talk to the child because you never know what a kid thinks or how they think. So to dismiss his feelings was enough for me. I see her and I talk to her, but its like hi and bye. Nothing long. She tries to ask for advice over things and I give it, and thats it. she is not in my circle anymore. She is in the square outside. I hate it, but I dont. I am free. FINALLY.

Originally Posted by bibliophile

Yes. I was very sad about it at the time because she had seen me through a lot of bad times (the converse is true of course). I guess I still feel a bit sad when I think about it now and then.

Basically, some good things happened to me - better university, better job, etc etc , and she started to become a bit resentful cos she said that it wasn't fair that she worked so hard for things but things seemed to just fall in my lap (untrue tho, seriously, my life isn't exactly a bed of roses). It started out with pointed jibes, and escalated into my not being able to tell her about anything going on in my life, but having to listen to her problems (the same ones, over and over again) instead. And I would always go away feeling put down and guilty all the time, etc. It was hard, but worth it. Life is too short to have a toxic relationship bring you down I don't think.

Just curious, brick78, what precipitated this break, if you don't mind me asking?

[SeriouslyChic]

Originally Posted by brick78

Long story. But the straw that broke the camels back. She had her third baby. My sister and I went over to bring her some gifts along with my kids. daughter was 10 son 7. She also had a 2 year old. Well i was holding the new baby and my son was next to me on the couch playing with the 2 year old. She made a move and fell. So she screamed and cried we made sure she was ok. In the midst of her patting her she said, "yeah _____ tried to kill you" (talking about my son)...well for him the word kill was big. His feelings were hurt and he sd he was ready to go. I knew what was wrong. So he ran out to the car alone and got in which he never does. I told her she should apologize to him because his feelings were hurt. She told me NO, she. Said "I sure am not". I was like WOW. So we left and I was done with her a$$. So months later she contacted me, and I explained I was hurt because he ws hurt. He came home and told me how he felt and he cried. I know my kid....anyway...she sends me a song via email as her "sorry"..I said ok. I will tell him as well. I even took that sorry a$$ "sorry" from her. Anyway...she got drunk about a month ago and stopped by my house for my help. SHe needed to talk as only I could help her at 2am. So I go out to her car and talk to her, blah blah...she calls me on the phone on her way home. We are tlking and she says she cant stand people that cant respect other peoples feelings. That was my moment to chime in. I told her she didnt respect my sons. So you know how they say your drunk mind tells your sober thoughts? Well hers did. She went on to say she didnt mean it when she said sorry, and she still feels the same way she felt the day it happened...THAT WAS IT FOR ME. I told her she was selfish B***CH, F' her, all that good stuff. At this point I am fighting for my sons feelings. I am mad. My whole right side was going numb. I told her I was done, and she hung up. But I decided that I was 100% done being her BFF, because a BFF would not do that. If ever anyone told me I hurt a childs feelings that I "cared" about, even if I didnt its a kid. I would talk to the child because you never know what a kid thinks or how they think. So to dismiss his feelings was enough for me. I see her and I talk to her, but its like hi and bye. Nothing long. She tries to ask for advice over things and I give it, and thats it. she is not in my circle anymore. She is in the square outside. I hate it, but I dont. I am free. FINALLY.

umm... wow. I actually feel really bad for her daughter. She's only 2 and her mother is teaching her how to play the victim. And it sounds like your son punished himself enough that no one really even had to say anything to him. Poor lil guy! That's awful, and I'm sorry you have to go through a "break up" but seriously it sounds like this was coming one way or the other.