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surferchick2 · Oct 9th, 2009, 02:13 PM

I just read a couple of the previous threads you started. You're BF is a gem. If everything you've said is true, not only does he do alot (even cleans for you?) he seems so dedicated and supportive of you, despite the medical challenges you are facing that effects him tremendously, and that's priceless. There aren't many out there with his patience. Many women with expensive bag collections would love to have a SO or DH who spends the time with them and do the gestures he does. Consider yourself blessed that he's in your life, and don't be so hard on him. He seems to really love you and is trying.

chantal1922 · Oct 9th, 2009, 02:24 PM

Originally Posted by surferchick2

I just read a couple of the previous threads you started. You're BF is a gem. If everything you've said is true, not only does he do alot (even cleans for you?) he seems so dedicated and supportive of you, despite the medical challenges you are facing that effects him tremendously, and that's priceless. There aren't many out there with his patience. Many women with expensive bag collections would love to have a SO or DH who spends the time with them and do the gestures he does. Consider yourself blessed that he's in your life, and don't be so hard on him. He seems to really love you and is trying.

I couldn't agree more! I also read some of your past threads and it seems like your boyfriend is a good guy that is trying hard! Put yourself in his shoes. I hope you realize just how blessed you are before it is too late.

oogiewoogie · Oct 9th, 2009, 02:28 PM

I'm going to say this the nicest way possible:

Have you've ever heard the saying... "You don't know what you had until you lose it?"

At the rate your going, w/ your sense of entitlement and insecurity... I can see why your BF would be upset with you & frankly I don't know how he puts up with your expectations or sense of entitlement.

I can go on.. but the others have already summed it up.

If you expect too much in life (for it to be given or handed to you)... your in for a disappointment. Save up for the Speedy yourself... it'll make it that much more special to you, that you earned it yourself.

karmenzsofia · Oct 9th, 2009, 02:33 PM

Originally Posted by dallas

I have only 3 points to make:

Your boyfriend does not sound selfish, he sounds responsible.

The cost of a gift has nothing to do with how much a person cares.

Your sense of entitlement is astonishing.

Ditto.

I think some people truly lack perspective when it comes to gifts. I also think that there's a lot of using-relationships-for-money-and-gifts going around. And often the giver is as much to blame as the taker.

boelieke · Oct 9th, 2009, 02:38 PM

My boyfriend makes more than triple what your boyfriend makes and is only a few years older (not marries nor living together, just 'dating') and he NEVER buys me anything expensive! I pay half of drinks, food etc when we go out and I never even occured to me that he should buy me things because he makes more money than I do (i'm still a student, and do not work). I'll save for anything nice I want, I have two 500euro purses that I saved for myself, and my monthly allowance is 'only' 150 euros, I just think you should really be thankfull for what you have and not worry that he doesn't buy you anything expensive..

Cornflower Blue · Oct 9th, 2009, 02:43 PM

I'm sorry to say OP, that you come across as 'grasping' and judging another person by what they can or cannot buy you. I'm actually surprised that your BF is still with you tbh and I'll be even more surprised if your relationship makes it to the year mark. At your age I'd have been delighted if a BF of mine had given me a book or something for my birthday. I'd have been thrilled if he cooked for me with no other present apart from that. In fact the best gift I was ever given by a BF had nothing to do with money at all - a small posy of wild flowers that he'd gathered up from the side of the road and tied with grass.

It's the thought that counts, really it is.

chinahopes · Oct 9th, 2009, 03:28 PM

Originally Posted by lightdays

Personally I think if he saved money for two months, he would be able to afford to buy me a $500 purse.

Wow.

Cristina · Oct 9th, 2009, 03:42 PM

Originally Posted by materialgurl

Suck it up and buy this purse yourself.

That's what I was thinking. OP, be a big girl, save your allowance and buy the Speedy yourself.

Hally · Oct 9th, 2009, 03:50 PM

Op, don't use your diagnosis as an excuse for poor behaviour. Get help and work really hard on changing your maladaptive thinking. This forum may not be the best place for you if you get this skewed idea that everyone deserves and/or needs expensive bags to be happy.

Please learn the difference between wants and needs. They are very very different things.

lightdays · Oct 9th, 2009, 03:56 PM

Originally Posted by Hally

Op, don't use your diagnosis as an excuse for poor behaviour. Get help and work really hard on changing your maladaptive thinking. This forum may not be the best place for you if you get this skewed idea that everyone deserves and/or needs expensive bags to be happy.

Please learn the difference between wants and needs. They are very very different things.

I'm NOT using it as an excuse. You don't know how worse or better my illness is. Right now it's a lot better and I am working hard to get better. Don't think I'm not.

juneping · Oct 9th, 2009, 04:00 PM

^^did you talk to your bf??

Hally · Oct 9th, 2009, 04:03 PM

Originally Posted by lightdays

I'm NOT using it as an excuse. You don't know how worse or better my illness is. Right now it's a lot better and I am working hard to get better. Don't think I'm not.

That's good to hear. I have dealt with depression all my life and it is a challenge, so I have a lot of compassion for anyone with bipolar illness.

I work very hard to challenge my own maladaptive thinking and not let my thoughts take over and make me too crazy.

You might want to look into Mindfulness Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. I have found it extremely helpful.

lightdays · Oct 9th, 2009, 04:05 PM

Originally Posted by Cornflower Blue

I'm sorry to say OP, that you come across as 'grasping' and judging another person by what they can or cannot buy you. I'm actually surprised that your BF is still with you tbh and I'll be even more surprised if your relationship makes it to the year mark. At your age I'd have been delighted if a BF of mine had given me a book or something for my birthday. I'd have been thrilled if he cooked for me with no other present apart from that. In fact the best gift I was ever given by a BF had nothing to do with money at all - a small posy of wild flowers that he'd gathered up from the side of the road and tied with grass.

It's the thought that counts, really it is.

It's fine. That's the thing though I'll really like if my boyfriend did more small things for me, but he doesn't. I would like it if my boyfriend did what yours did about the flower thing and he doesn't cook for me either. I guess that's why I want something big instead to make up the small sentimental things he does. I would love it if he could make me something, but he doesn't. Yes the small handmade sentimental things counts the most and to be honest I would love to have that more than expensive things. It's just that he offered to buy me something nice for Christmas and when he cussed at me, I don't appreciate that he did that.

Thanks for all the replies. I appreciate it. It gave me a reality check. I was out of line when I made this thread and I apologize for that. I apologized to my boyfriend last night already before I made this thread. Today I apologized to him again and told him I appreciate what he's done for me and being there for me. He sounded like he forgave me.

lightdays · Oct 9th, 2009, 04:10 PM

Originally Posted by Hally

That's good to hear. I have dealt with depression all my life and it is a challenge, so I have a lot of compassion for anyone with bipolar illness.

I work very hard to challenge my own maladaptive thinking and not let my thoughts take over and make me too crazy.

You might want to look into Mindfulness Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. I have found it extremely helpful.

Thanks for understanding. Yeah it's tough huh? I really hate dealing with it. I've been through many therapists and they've helped me in the past, but my mind seems to "forget" and my habits start all over again. I'm not seeing a therapist right now because it costs too much. I'll inquire mindfulness cognitive behavioral therapy next time though. I'm just a really sensitive person and it doesn't help that my boyfriend loses his temper for other things. :/ He gets mad sometimes when I ask him to repeat what he says because my hearing isn't the best. I know he has to put up with me a lot and I feel bad about it, but it's just something I can't control all the time. I'm definitely in the wrong about my actions. I just hope it was a bit easier for me to overcome, but I'm getting there.

juneping · Oct 9th, 2009, 04:11 PM

well...did you do some little things to bright up his days....may be you can start if you have not..
just little notes and stuff.
i really think by the things you've mentioned...he's a genuinely nice guy.
may be try doing nice things to him and not expecting it in return and see how that goes....i think he is worth the try.
GL!!

Oct 9th, 2009, 02:28 PM	#63
oogiewoogie is eNjoyin Life :) Joined: Mar 2007 Location: Beachy SoCAL...♥ Posts: 4,123	I'm going to say this the nicest way possible: Have you've ever heard the saying... "You don't know what you had until you lose it?" At the rate your going, w/ your sense of entitlement and insecurity... I can see why your BF would be upset with you & frankly I don't know how he puts up with your expectations or sense of entitlement. I can go on.. but the others have already summed it up. If you expect too much in life (for it to be given or handed to you)... your in for a disappointment. Save up for the Speedy yourself... it'll make it that much more special to you, that you earned it yourself.
	__________________ " Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else" -

Oct 9th, 2009, 02:38 PM	#65
boelieke Member Joined: Aug 2007 Location: Europe-Belgium Posts: 128	My boyfriend makes more than triple what your boyfriend makes and is only a few years older (not marries nor living together, just 'dating') and he NEVER buys me anything expensive! I pay half of drinks, food etc when we go out and I never even occured to me that he should buy me things because he makes more money than I do (i'm still a student, and do not work). I'll save for anything nice I want, I have two 500euro purses that I saved for myself, and my monthly allowance is 'only' 150 euros, I just think you should really be thankfull for what you have and not worry that he doesn't buy you anything expensive..
	__________________ vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv shopstory.blogspot.com

Oct 9th, 2009, 02:43 PM	#66
Cornflower Blue Member Joined: Feb 2008 Posts: 4,332	I'm sorry to say OP, that you come across as 'grasping' and judging another person by what they can or cannot buy you. I'm actually surprised that your BF is still with you tbh and I'll be even more surprised if your relationship makes it to the year mark. At your age I'd have been delighted if a BF of mine had given me a book or something for my birthday. I'd have been thrilled if he cooked for me with no other present apart from that. In fact the best gift I was ever given by a BF had nothing to do with money at all - a small posy of wild flowers that he'd gathered up from the side of the road and tied with grass. It's the thought that counts, really it is.
Cornflower Blue Member Joined: Feb 2008 Posts: 4,332

Oct 9th, 2009, 03:50 PM	#69
Hally Member Joined: Jan 2009 Posts: 378	Op, don't use your diagnosis as an excuse for poor behaviour. Get help and work really hard on changing your maladaptive thinking. This forum may not be the best place for you if you get this skewed idea that everyone deserves and/or needs expensive bags to be happy. Please learn the difference between wants and needs. They are very very different things.
Hally Member Joined: Jan 2009 Posts: 378	__________________

Oct 9th, 2009, 04:00 PM	#71
juneping couch potato-ing Joined: Jun 2007 Location: NYC Posts: 4,354	^^did you talk to your bf??
	__________________ wish list: purse ban until the cc is paid off $10200 paid off...$3300 to go .....oh..i can't wait...

Oct 9th, 2009, 02:13 PM	#61
surferchick2 Member Joined: Jan 2006 Location: Fidalgo Island Posts: 2,122	I just read a couple of the previous threads you started. You're BF is a gem. If everything you've said is true, not only does he do alot (even cleans for you?) he seems so dedicated and supportive of you, despite the medical challenges you are facing that effects him tremendously, and that's priceless. There aren't many out there with his patience. Many women with expensive bag collections would love to have a SO or DH who spends the time with them and do the gestures he does. Consider yourself blessed that he's in your life, and don't be so hard on him. He seems to really love you and is trying.

Oct 9th, 2009, 04:11 PM	#75
juneping couch potato-ing Joined: Jun 2007 Location: NYC Posts: 4,354	well...did you do some little things to bright up his days....may be you can start if you have not.. just little notes and stuff. i really think by the things you've mentioned...he's a genuinely nice guy. may be try doing nice things to him and not expecting it in return and see how that goes....i think he is worth the try. GL!!
	__________________ wish list: purse ban until the cc is paid off $10200 paid off...$3300 to go .....oh..i can't wait...

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