Got in a fight with my bf - refuses to buy anything nice for me.

[juneping]

Originally Posted by mimi14

Material things = love. Please learn this, digest it, understand it, comprehend this idea otherwise you are always going to be upset that the guy you love doesn't reafirm his love for you by buying you the material things you feel you deserve. By the way I'm only a year older than you and the way you have presented yourself here makes me wonder what the world is coming it. At the end of the day it's only a friggin handbag.

Material things = love. is not necessarily all wrong. it's not that cut and dry for me.
if my bf makes decent money and be very stingy towards me...it shows something.
like OP's bf doesn't make a lot of money but still treats her that often...that says a lot about him.
it really depends on the person and circumstances.

[Luccibag]

We havent heard what you intend on giving HIM for Xmas.

[ms-whitney]

she's already said it awhile back, a psp with two games that "aren't very cheap" (her words) and a video card.

first post all i read is me, me, me.

people who expect gifts are the ones who usually don't and if so, its the bare minimal. who wants to give a gift to someone who expects it? i know personally my favorite thing to do is buy something for someone whom i know won't be expecting it but will be astounded by it. i love seeing their reactions.

those who expect it.. not so much..i might get them a gift because its in my nature to celebrate things like birthdays and christmas so it wouldn't be fair to leave them out. but i probably wouldn't put as much thought/$ (yes i admit to this) as i would for someone who didn't demand/expect/play me to get a gift.

[mimi14]

Originally Posted by juneping

Material things = love. is not necessarily all wrong. it's not that cut and dry for me. if my bf makes decent money and be very stingy towards me...it shows something. like OP's bf doesn't make a lot of money but still treats her that often...that says a lot about him. it really depends on the person and circumstances.

You make a valid point however, by "material" I mean something tangible. I don't think love or how much someone loves you should be equated to what they buy for you. For example if the OP's boyfriend bought her a cheaper bag as a gift, knowing that she loved bags and hence wanted to buy her something he knows she likes but is more fitting with his budget, I'm sure she'd probably still be upset because it wasn't a Speedy.

I don' think how much someone makes should matter, the proof is in how they treat you not how much they spend on you [as you so rightly pointed out that the OP's bf doesn't make a lot of money but finds other ways to treat her]. Also just because your partner makes a significant amount of money doesn't mean that he should have to buy you something expensive. He should show you he cares about you, he should treat you to dinner sometimes you should do the same in return, it's all about equality. Money comes and goes, and the emphasis placed on money I feel is sometimes misguided. I mean what happens if you fall in love with a millionaire and he treats you to really expensive material things...and then sudden he loses it all and is dirt poor...what then? Do you cease to love him then? What if your bf is extremely rich and buys you nice things and showers you with material gifts but is a complete douchbag and doesn't treat you well? Does he still love you because he spent a lot of money on you.

I just found it odd the way the OP phrased her original concerns and her subsequent posts. And this post isn't aimed at you personally, it's a general musing coupled with my own personal opinions. Your post just got me thinking.

[shanam]

Originally Posted by dallas

I have only 3 points to make: Your boyfriend does not sound selfish, he sounds responsible. The cost of a gift has nothing to do with how much a person cares. Your sense of entitlement is astonishing.

I couldn't agree more. He's been your BF for 6 months and this is what you expect? You have a lot to learn aout life and I say this only in a helpful way.

[dusty paws]

its the things that can't be bought that really matter.

my bf makes a significant amount of money for being 24 and has he bought me an lv speedy yet? nope. do i really want him to buy me an LV? not really.

instead - its the smaller things that count. nice dinners to ourselves. ice cream in the park or brunch, a walk together or even just watching a movie.

trust me - i understand the lust and wanting of designer items... but it feels that more important when i buy them myself.

/end .02

[Lola]

Originally Posted by Sternchen

LOL...I am literally laughing out loud at this post. OP...you obviously have no concept of money.. I feel bad for your boyfriend.

I second! Ridiculous!

[mrsklem14]

Wait... are you seriously, like SERIOUSLY getting upset over gifts??? What do they mean to you?? Like say your boyfriend bought you the nicest prettiest whatever bag in history, would that make you love him more? If so, you've got a LOT of learning to do! How would you feel if he bought you flowers, with a special card, that cost maybe $10 dollars? Don't you think that has more meaning to it?? Idk, I've never expected gifts, that means that I wouldn't appreciate the little gestures of them coming up with it themselves.

[lorihmatthews]

I am quite a bit older than the OP, but suffice it to say that both DH and I make over six figures annually EACH and he has never spent more than $500 on me for a birthday or Christmas.

OP, you're in a totally different financial situation and it does not allow for a Speedy.

[NYCBelle]

I think OP is very insecure...there's another different post by her saying that she's jealous about her boyfriend's ex and that she feels like he treated the ex better...

[chantal1922]

Wow I just read through this thread! OP I am glad you are getting help with your illness. I wish you the best with that. As others have said $1000 a month is not a lot of money! It sounds like he is trying to be responsible with his money by putting some away in savings. I believe you said it would be nice if he got you something nice every 2 months or so. I don't want to sound mean but if you want the speedy or other nice things every 2 months buy it your damn self! This man is working hard to survive and still manages to take you out to dinners and such and you are complaining about him not buying you a purse. Girl get a grip on reality! He also does not have to tell you what he spends his money on. It is HIS money. You guys are not married! Also don't compare yourself to others on this forum. It is easy to get caught up with all the reveals. I suggest you save up your allowance to buy what you want and stop nagging you boyfriend.

[PurseAddict79]

Your sense of entitlement is scary.

Your dbf only makes $1,300 a month. Do you realize how little that is? Of course you don't because you've never had a job and your parents are still supporting you.

With an attitude like that, a designer bag should be the least of your worries.

Grow up, get out in the real world and see how many designer bags you can afford on $3,000 a month, let alone $1,300.

Good luck keeping your dbf, or any man for that matter, with this attitude. If I were in a relationship where I was expected to put my SO's wants before my needs, well, that relationship would be over quicker than I could go to the ATM.

[youngandclassy]

wow i cant beleive your boyfriend puts up with you, honestly. if i were to bug my boyfriend to buy me designer purses and getting mad about him wanting to save money instead of spending it on me i dont think id be around for very long. my boyfriend makes about 5x as much as yours and ive never received a designer ANYTHING from him. do i care? no i dont because its the little things he does for me that i appreciate. cooking dinner, driving me home from work, surprising me with small little things here and there. neither of us expect gifts from one another, and when it does happen, it makes it even more special. please appreciate your boyfriend and what he does for you, he sounds like hes trying to make you happy. i think he deserves an apology.

[spoiled_brat]

If I made a bit over 1K a month I'd be living on the streets

I make several times that and can not afford any designer purses

I don't want to be too harsh on the OP because I know she suffers from certain illnesses but at the same time wow... I don't know what else to say

[juneping]

Originally Posted by mimi14

You make a valid point however, by "material" I mean something tangible. I don't think love or how much someone loves you should be equated to what they buy for you. For example if the OP's boyfriend bought her a cheaper bag as a gift, knowing that she loved bags and hence wanted to buy her something he knows she likes but is more fitting with his budget, I'm sure she'd probably still be upset because it wasn't a Speedy. I don' think how much someone makes should matter, the proof is in how they treat you not how much they spend on you [as you so rightly pointed out that the OP's bf doesn't make a lot of money but finds other ways to treat her]. Also just because your partner makes a significant amount of money doesn't mean that he should have to buy you something expensive. He should show you he cares about you, he should treat you to dinner sometimes you should do the same in return, it's all about equality. Money comes and goes, and the emphasis placed on money I feel is sometimes misguided. I mean what happens if you fall in love with a millionaire and he treats you to really expensive material things...and then sudden he loses it all and is dirt poor...what then? Do you cease to love him then? What if your bf is extremely rich and buys you nice things and showers you with material gifts but is a complete douchbag and doesn't treat you well? Does he still love you because he spent a lot of money on you. I just found it odd the way the OP phrased her original concerns and her subsequent posts. And this post isn't aimed at you personally, it's a general musing coupled with my own personal opinions. Your post just got me thinking.

i think we agree with each other....just i was being very brief...too brief...