Got in a fight with my bf - refuses to buy anything nice for me.

[Sternchen]

Your boyfriend doesn't HAVE to buy you anything and I think it's pretty freaking disgusting that you expect him to buy you something "nice". Get a grip.

[cheburashka]

Originally Posted by Sternchen

Your boyfriend doesn't HAVE to buy you anything and I think it's pretty freaking disgusting that you expect him to buy you something "nice". Get a grip.

Seriously, I have a feeling an 18 year old girl posted this with a sense of self entitlment.

[materialgurl]

Originally Posted by cheburashka

Seriously, I have a feeling an 18 year old girl posted this with a sense of self entitlment.

She said she's 21..

And by "making a little bit over $1000" do you mean like $1100.. because I am the same age as your bf and I make 3.5-4 times that and I am still struggling some months.

[Sternchen]

People like this make me embarassed to be in this age-group (20-25, I am 24)...

[lightdays]

Originally Posted by materialgurl

She said she's 21.. And by "making a little bit over $1000" do you mean like $1100.. because I am the same age as your bf and I make 3.5 times that and I am still struggling some months.

More like $1,295. I am sorry if I sound ungrateful and selfish in this post. He just got really pissed at me when I nicely asked what he does with his money. He said none of your f*cking business. And this is how it instigated the fight. He cusses at me a lot when he's mad and I have a hard time accepting this. I don't appreciate it. I guess I just want him to do nice things for me to patch that up.

[Sternchen]

It isn't any of your business! You're probably bugging him to buy you a louis vuitton when he just doesn't have the money for it!

Do you then try and turn around the fight and make him look like the bad guy? That's what I'm thinking after reading "I don't appreciate it."

You don't seem to appreciate anything he does for you.

[Brasilian_Babe]

Maybe he has a hardtime accepting the fact that you expect him to buy you a $500 bag when he only makes $1,295. And if you nag him every second day about it then it wouldn't surprise me if he didn't appreciate that either hence his frustration.

[lightdays]

He could at least answer nicely instead of getting pissy and cussing at me like that. He gets annoyed when I purchase expensive things for myself and this is why I kind of avoid telling him. It's also none of his business, but I don't get pissed off like that if he asks.

[Sternchen]

I don't think you get it.

[lightdays]

Probably not at the moment since I'm in a bad state of mind right now. I do get where you're coming from and I appreciate for him putting up with my depression and bipolar and the other stuff he's done for me, but he said it's taken him on a toll. He said it stresses him out.

[Sternchen]

Are you being treated for your illness? If not I think that would be the first step in the right direction. You need to realize that the money he earns is HIS and he doesn't have to buy you anything, treat you to dinner, etc etc etc. You don't have any right to question where he spends his money either. I'm going to chock your situation up to you being young, inexperienced and spoiled.

Really...will you enjoy the bag (if he gets it for you) when you know that he only got it to basically stop your complaining and nagging?

Relationships aren't about gift-giving or who spends the most money. The thing that matters most is that you two care about eachother and show that...

[lightdays]

I am getting treatment for my illness. It's a lot better than before when I started out untreated. I am young and inexperienced with money. I'm ashamed to admit I never worked before and overall I just feel bad about making this post now. I don't know if I would say he spoils me per say, but he's there for me emotionally very often. I wouldn't enjoy it if he did it because I nagged so I'm leaving the situation as it is. You're right though about us showing that we care about each other and we do do that. I guess sometimes I want more. I hate to admit that I do get jealous often and envious of other people. Sometimes I make a positives list for myself of the positives that's happened to me and I should probably start doing that again. I guess it makes me feel better when I ask other people for reassurance that I got it as well as most people and that I don't have it as bad. I have a really generous friend that's influenced my thinking a lot and I don't think it helps me all the time because I started expecting more from people after I knew him.

[lilflobowl]

Ok, I totally cannot empathise with the OP on this.

Firstly, if you want the Speedy so much, save up for it yourself.
Secondly, the fact that he gives you gifts in itself is a good gesture. Being given gifts is a privilege, not an entitlement.
Thirdly, I don't feel it's right that you post exactly how much your BF is earning in the forum. I'm sure he wouldn't like it as well.
Fourthly, he's worked hard to earn the money. How he spends it is up to him; saving up for an emergency is NOT being stingy, it's being wise & practical. There are very few 23 year olds like that & it's a very good habit to develop.
Fifthly, it seems that you really need to get your illness under control. You must realise that you shouldn't be comparing yourself to others. It'll only fuel your illness & make things worse.

[nataliam1976]

Originally Posted by lightdays

I am getting treatment for my illness. It's a lot better than before when I started out untreated. I am young and inexperienced with money. I'm ashamed to admit I never worked before and overall I just feel bad about making this post now. I don't know if I would say he spoils me per say, but he's there for me emotionally very often. I wouldn't enjoy it if he did it because I nagged so I'm leaving the situation as it is. You're right though about us showing that we care about each other and we do do that. I guess sometimes I want more. I hate to admit that I do get jealous often and envious of other people. Sometimes I make a positives list for myself of the positives that's happened to me and I should probably start doing that again. I guess it makes me feel better when I ask other people for reassurance that I got it as well as most people and that I don't have it as bad. I have a really generous friend that's influenced my thinking a lot and I don't think it helps me all the time because I started expecting more from people after I knew him.

He is mature and responsible with money despite his young age, he saves up for emergency, he is there for you emotionally when you need him, he deals with your illness and issues that stem from it such as irrational jealousy. You say you want more - what do you mean by that? If you are talking material things, get a job and earn to buy it yourself. Or leave him and find a richer boyfriend, because he doesnt deserve the treatment he is getting from you. If this influences you so badly ( and it looks like it does) stop fueling those emotions by visiting designer forums.

Nothing in life is guaranteed and no relationship is the same. Stop comparing yourself to other people and if you want something, achieve or get it yourself, dont count on others.


Material gifts are in no way a measure of a relationship, please bear that in mind.

[juneping]

Your bf is being responsible.
He loves you a lot. He pays 95% of the time you guys are out that really speaks volumn to me. Everyone has diff concept about money. He also deals with your insecurity and other emotional issues. You have a good man don't let this gift ruin your r/s.
Pick your battle, and apologize to him on this one.

Even if he had the money but if his value doesn't see spending 500 on a purse Make sense to him then he might just didnt want to buy you one..kwim? And it doesn't mean he doesn't love you.
My bf also doesn't buy me nice things bc to him that is a waste of money. But he takes me out and cares a lot about me. That matters instead of nice things. I just save money and buy me nice things which he still thinks I m crazy but he never critizes.