Girlfriends, is this normal?

Flipper · Jun 15th, 2008, 08:29 PM

Having really only one set of girlfriends in my life (I work in IT, so all my other friends are male) I've gotten so used to how my girlfriends treat me and I'm beginning to wonder, am I just over reacting each time or are they really not "normal"?

This is an example of how they always are with virtually everything. I tried to organise a birthday dinner for one of the girls (the girl whom is most reliable and I get along with the best). I needed to confirm with the other girls to see if they could make it, but from past experience I know even if I call them, they rarely pick up and it can easily take a week before I hear anything and honestly I don't have the patience nor time to constantly call. If I leave SMSes or miss calls, it’s pretty hit and miss that they won't return my calls.

So I leave it to one of the girls to confirm with the others (there are 5 of us, and there seems to be a bit of a divide within the group, me and the bday girl against the 3 others), since she's one of the 3 girls who gets along with the other 2 so well. I ask her to let me know when she's confirmed with the girls and booked the place.

This was over a week ago, 2 hrs before the dinner is suppose to start I've still heard nothing. So I message the girl, and she replies saying one of the other girls wants to spend time with her bf and can't come so the entire dinner has been cancelled. I'm sure she didn't just find out the minute I messaged her, yet I have no idea why she never bothered to let me know earlier. It was a Saturday night after all and knowing earlier would of course allow me to make other plans.

And this is how they always are, they never confirm when I ask them to, tend to cancel dates at the very last minute but I get told off if I don't keep them in the loop with activities I try to conduct within the group. I don't understand why they are like this, we are all now working professionals (I met them in high school) so I'm sure they know how to be reliable at work, so why is it within our friendship group are they so unreliable? Is this normal?

I have tried confronting one of them before, they basically apologised and but within the apology said, “I guess we’re more laid back than you”. It did feel a little like a slap in the face, am I over reacting?

oo0ehxtahcee0oo · Jun 15th, 2008, 09:06 PM

id be upset too. but i think they just dont care to be friends. so, maybe next time just keep them out of the equation. it could have been a great dinner just you and the birthday girl. i mean why invite the other three if you two dont really get along with them in the first place?? and im a little lost why the whole thing was cancelled because one girl couldnt go bc she wante to spend time with her bf.

anyways, i hope you and your friend still do a belated dinner thing. ya know, it'll be nice!! dont let those girls ruin your fun for you two! and im sure your friend would really appreciate it!!

Flipper · Jun 15th, 2008, 09:19 PM

You're right, come to think of it I should have just taken her out myself :)

This might sound silly, but the 3 girls kinda give me an outlet for all things hand bags and fashion related. Plus, they are high school friends so there is this bit of sentimental value to it all. Though in comparison to the frustration they bring, I guess it's not much.

Thanks, I have a bit of a mental block to get over. I'm the sort of person who finds it hard to let go of things I've had for a long time. But I'll work on it.

Purses · Jun 15th, 2008, 09:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Flipper

You're right, come to think of it I should have just taken her out myself :)

This might sound silly, but the 3 girls kinda give me an outlet for all things hand bags and fashion related. Plus, they are high school friends so there is this bit of sentimental value to it all. Though in comparison to the frustration they bring, I guess it's not much.

Thanks, I have a bit of a mental block to get over. I'm the sort of person who finds it hard to let go of things I've had for a long time. But I'll work on it.

I really don't blame you and how awful those other girls are. They are no longer your friends and don't try to make friend at work. It's rare to find a good person at work to continue a relationship in your personal life.

I would move on and make new friend and maintain friendship with the one you consider to have a 'closer' relationship with.

nauticalstar · Jun 15th, 2008, 09:45 PM

I have a lot of friends like this, too. I have come to the conclusion lately that you have to decide either to accept their flakiness and never count on them for anything, or cut them out completely. If you want to stay friends for sentimental reasons it is usually easier to invite them (only to places where there is no strictness to how many people- like at a restaurant) and if they show, they show.

I have one friend I've known forever, but she can't be counted on for ANYTHING. I still like talking to her and hanging out when she and I happen to be on the same wavelength, but I never go to much effort for her. Its always like "Oh I'm going to the museum this weekend. wanna go?" and one time out of 5 she'll say "sure" and actually show up. then occasionally she'll leave me a random message. But its rare.

Purses · Jun 15th, 2008, 09:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nauticalstar

I have a lot of friends like this, too. I have come to the conclusion lately that you have to decide either to accept their flakiness and never count on them for anything, or cut them out completely. If you want to stay friends for sentimental reasons it is usually easier to invite them (only to places where there is no strictness to how many people- like at a restaurant) and if they show, they show.

I have one friend I've known forever, but she can't be counted on for ANYTHING. I still like talking to her and hanging out when she and I happen to be on the same wavelength, but I never go to much effort for her. Its always like "Oh I'm going to the museum this weekend. wanna go?" and one time out of 5 she'll say "sure" and actually show up. then occasionally she'll leave me a random message. But its rare.

Yes, I agree with you and had similar experiences. Maybe it is important to make sure your life is full and happy, they way you want it. If anything extra happens in your life, accept it and enjoy it when good times roll.

lovinalotofbags · Jun 15th, 2008, 10:00 PM

You should have just gone out with your BF. Stop trying with the other girls, apparently, you are not a priority. They could have just messaged you if they had other plans. Put you energy elsewhere.

amber11 · Jun 16th, 2008, 01:12 AM

yea i have some friends like this too, its super annoying and sometimes i wonder why i even make the effort anymore, i figure i just pick a time and whoever can make it then thats that'll be it, but i'v but just don't hold your breath for them, i'v realized doing this just wastes your time and sets you up for disappointment- try to find some friends that make you the priority you deserve to be

QueenOfDa702 · Jun 16th, 2008, 01:22 AM

Thats the exact reason why I dont have many friends, they are so unreliable and flaky, I just dont have time for it. Im one of those people you have 3 chances with, you strike out 3 times, dont expect to ever hear from me again.

You have to learn to just go about your business with or without the others. If I invite 12 people, and non of them come through, then damnit, Im going by myself! F-em! Dont rely on them to be there for a dinner(or anything else) when you invite them, just expect them to say no(or not show up at the last minute) and go by yourself(or with your one friend).

mellecyn · Jun 16th, 2008, 06:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nauticalstar

I have a lot of friends like this, too. I have come to the conclusion lately that you have to decide either to accept their flakiness and never count on them for anything, or cut them out completely. If you want to stay friends for sentimental reasons it is usually easier to invite them (only to places where there is no strictness to how many people- like at a restaurant) and if they show, they show.

I have one friend I've known forever, but she can't be counted on for ANYTHING. I still like talking to her and hanging out when she and I happen to be on the same wavelength, but I never go to much effort for her. Its always like "Oh I'm going to the museum this weekend. wanna go?" and one time out of 5 she'll say "sure" and actually show up. then occasionally she'll leave me a random message. But its rare.

I agree !!! Girls are like that....I am also fed up with most of mine cancelling every plan because xyz. So I still love them but I make other friends too who are willing to put in more efforts in getting together or partying and going out !!

There is just 1 I cut out, she was ALWAYS very late or cancelling plans, to the point where it would never take place !! Or maybe 1 out of 10 times, my other friends still made efforts, but me not she didn´t show enough respect to use my time on her.

Purses · Jun 16th, 2008, 08:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by QueenOfDa702

Thats the exact reason why I dont have many friends, they are so unreliable and flaky, I just dont have time for it. Im one of those people you have 3 chances with, you strike out 3 times, dont expect to ever hear from me again.

You have to learn to just go about your business with or without the others. If I invite 12 people, and non of them come through, then damnit, Im going by myself! F-em! Dont rely on them to be there for a dinner(or anything else) when you invite them, just expect them to say no(or not show up at the last minute) and go by yourself(or with your one friend).

Yes, I agree with you on that.

Flipper · Jun 17th, 2008, 02:43 AM

Thanks guys, you've given me a lot to think about~ I wish I knew you all offline, then I'd never have any unreliable friends :)

GirlFriday · Jun 17th, 2008, 04:31 AM

I've had so many friendships like that and it's so frustrating. If they're unreliable to hang out with I just won't hang out with them anymore...it's not worth the effort. When I see them, they're nice to talk to, but if they ever want to hang out anymore they have to make all the effort. If I've been burned a few times by them, I stop trying. I like friends that I can rely on, and it's sad that those people are harder to find. I guess it's frustrating because I was always taught to be reliable, on-time and considerate. If you say you're going to do something, then do it. There are some unforseen circumstances that can happen, but when someone's always bailing on plans, it's very rude. It's like they're saying their time is more valuable than yours.

rubylola · Jun 17th, 2008, 06:53 AM

No- I don't think it is normal for three people to cancel someone else's b'day meal at very short notice because one of them wanted to spend time with her bf (and how exactly does this make the other two unavailable?). It is incredibly rude and disrespectful. These girls aren't friends. I wouldn't accept any of my friends behaving like that, and likewise I would never in a million years treat a friend like that myself.

gina8521 · Jun 17th, 2008, 07:03 AM

I agree, the other 3 girls are obviously not "real" friends. I would put your efforts into the friendship with the birthday girl that you cared enough about to try to make a special dinner for her birthday.
The other 3, if you still want to have contact with them, can be moved to the "casual" friend group, meaning, don't COUNT on them for anything, but if some activity happens to fall in to place without you having to organize it all, go have fun with them.
Friends are a relationship like any other, it takes work from all involved to stay connected, & these 3 girls don't want to put in the effort to keep a strong friendship with you. Find better friends, my friend :)

Jun 15th, 2008, 08:29 PM	#1
Flipper eXmotion Location: Melbourne, Australia	Girlfriends, is this normal? Having really only one set of girlfriends in my life (I work in IT, so all my other friends are male) I've gotten so used to how my girlfriends treat me and I'm beginning to wonder, am I just over reacting each time or are they really not "normal"? This is an example of how they always are with virtually everything. I tried to organise a birthday dinner for one of the girls (the girl whom is most reliable and I get along with the best). I needed to confirm with the other girls to see if they could make it, but from past experience I know even if I call them, they rarely pick up and it can easily take a week before I hear anything and honestly I don't have the patience nor time to constantly call. If I leave SMSes or miss calls, it’s pretty hit and miss that they won't return my calls. So I leave it to one of the girls to confirm with the others (there are 5 of us, and there seems to be a bit of a divide within the group, me and the bday girl against the 3 others), since she's one of the 3 girls who gets along with the other 2 so well. I ask her to let me know when she's confirmed with the girls and booked the place. This was over a week ago, 2 hrs before the dinner is suppose to start I've still heard nothing. So I message the girl, and she replies saying one of the other girls wants to spend time with her bf and can't come so the entire dinner has been cancelled. I'm sure she didn't just find out the minute I messaged her, yet I have no idea why she never bothered to let me know earlier. It was a Saturday night after all and knowing earlier would of course allow me to make other plans. And this is how they always are, they never confirm when I ask them to, tend to cancel dates at the very last minute but I get told off if I don't keep them in the loop with activities I try to conduct within the group. I don't understand why they are like this, we are all now working professionals (I met them in high school) so I'm sure they know how to be reliable at work, so why is it within our friendship group are they so unreliable? Is this normal? I have tried confronting one of them before, they basically apologised and but within the apology said, “I guess we’re more laid back than you”. It did feel a little like a slap in the face, am I over reacting? __________________ ~ http://www.waterscape.cc \| flipper's weblog ~ Always dreaming of the next bag...

Jun 15th, 2008, 09:06 PM	#2
oo0ehxtahcee0oo ☺Livin the good life Location: ♥In my DF's arms♥	id be upset too. but i think they just dont care to be friends. so, maybe next time just keep them out of the equation. it could have been a great dinner just you and the birthday girl. i mean why invite the other three if you two dont really get along with them in the first place?? and im a little lost why the whole thing was cancelled because one girl couldnt go bc she wante to spend time with her bf. anyways, i hope you and your friend still do a belated dinner thing. ya know, it'll be nice!! dont let those girls ruin your fun for you two! and im sure your friend would really appreciate it!! __________________ [Click photo to read thread!] My blog site has great FREE goodies!! (updated 11/26) www,dearmissie.blogspot.com We did it!! New Crafts Subforum celebration here!!

Jun 15th, 2008, 09:19 PM	#3
Flipper eXmotion Location: Melbourne, Australia	You're right, come to think of it I should have just taken her out myself :) This might sound silly, but the 3 girls kinda give me an outlet for all things hand bags and fashion related. Plus, they are high school friends so there is this bit of sentimental value to it all. Though in comparison to the frustration they bring, I guess it's not much. Thanks, I have a bit of a mental block to get over. I'm the sort of person who finds it hard to let go of things I've had for a long time. But I'll work on it. __________________ ~ http://www.waterscape.cc \| flipper's weblog ~ Always dreaming of the next bag...

Jun 15th, 2008, 10:00 PM	#7
lovinalotofbags In for the long haul Location: South Carolina	You should have just gone out with your BF. Stop trying with the other girls, apparently, you are not a priority. They could have just messaged you if they had other plans. Put you energy elsewhere. __________________ Always forgive your enemies. Nothing annoys them so much.

Jun 16th, 2008, 01:22 AM	#9
QueenOfDa702 Misunderestimated. Location: I've gone RAOKing crazy!	Thats the exact reason why I dont have many friends, they are so unreliable and flaky, I just dont have time for it. Im one of those people you have 3 chances with, you strike out 3 times, dont expect to ever hear from me again. You have to learn to just go about your business with or without the others. If I invite 12 people, and non of them come through, then damnit, Im going by myself! F-em! Dont rely on them to be there for a dinner(or anything else) when you invite them, just expect them to say no(or not show up at the last minute) and go by yourself(or with your one friend). __________________ ~Valeen~ Happy Holidays to all my tPF friends! Click HERE to visit MySpace Please help get justice for Karley! http://forum.purseblog.com/animalici...ey-385571.html

Jun 15th, 2008, 09:45 PM	#5
nauticalstar Member	I have a lot of friends like this, too. I have come to the conclusion lately that you have to decide either to accept their flakiness and never count on them for anything, or cut them out completely. If you want to stay friends for sentimental reasons it is usually easier to invite them (only to places where there is no strictness to how many people- like at a restaurant) and if they show, they show. I have one friend I've known forever, but she can't be counted on for ANYTHING. I still like talking to her and hanging out when she and I happen to be on the same wavelength, but I never go to much effort for her. Its always like "Oh I'm going to the museum this weekend. wanna go?" and one time out of 5 she'll say "sure" and actually show up. then occasionally she'll leave me a random message. But its rare.

Jun 16th, 2008, 01:12 AM	#8
amber11 Member	yea i have some friends like this too, its super annoying and sometimes i wonder why i even make the effort anymore, i figure i just pick a time and whoever can make it then thats that'll be it, but i'v but just don't hold your breath for them, i'v realized doing this just wastes your time and sets you up for disappointment- try to find some friends that make you the priority you deserve to be

Jun 17th, 2008, 02:43 AM	#12
Flipper eXmotion Location: Melbourne, Australia	Thanks guys, you've given me a lot to think about~ I wish I knew you all offline, then I'd never have any unreliable friends :) __________________ ~ http://www.waterscape.cc \| flipper's weblog ~ Always dreaming of the next bag...

Jun 17th, 2008, 04:31 AM	#13
GirlFriday Member	I've had so many friendships like that and it's so frustrating. If they're unreliable to hang out with I just won't hang out with them anymore...it's not worth the effort. When I see them, they're nice to talk to, but if they ever want to hang out anymore they have to make all the effort. If I've been burned a few times by them, I stop trying. I like friends that I can rely on, and it's sad that those people are harder to find. I guess it's frustrating because I was always taught to be reliable, on-time and considerate. If you say you're going to do something, then do it. There are some unforseen circumstances that can happen, but when someone's always bailing on plans, it's very rude. It's like they're saying their time is more valuable than yours.

Jun 17th, 2008, 06:53 AM	#14
rubylola Member	No- I don't think it is normal for three people to cancel someone else's b'day meal at very short notice because one of them wanted to spend time with her bf (and how exactly does this make the other two unavailable?). It is incredibly rude and disrespectful. These girls aren't friends. I wouldn't accept any of my friends behaving like that, and likewise I would never in a million years treat a friend like that myself.

Jun 17th, 2008, 07:03 AM	#15
gina8521 Member Location: Las Vegas	I agree, the other 3 girls are obviously not "real" friends. I would put your efforts into the friendship with the birthday girl that you cared enough about to try to make a special dinner for her birthday. The other 3, if you still want to have contact with them, can be moved to the "casual" friend group, meaning, don't COUNT on them for anything, but if some activity happens to fall in to place without you having to organize it all, go have fun with them. Friends are a relationship like any other, it takes work from all involved to stay connected, & these 3 girls don't want to put in the effort to keep a strong friendship with you. Find better friends, my friend :)