Getting flack from family (again!!) b/c of my employer... anyone help?

[MissLianne]

Originally Posted by lilac0485

What if your parents met your boss and the wife? Would that help?

I was thinking of that too before I shook my head for being CRAZY.

I'm an ADULT... have my parents met any of my previous employers? No! Have I met theres? No! Dbf has met my boss and wife- and thinks they are great nice people (and has told dm and df that).

This isn't parent teacher interviews. I just think that would be akward and unecessary.

[MissLianne]

Originally Posted by plain jane doe

You can make your own decisions about where you live regardless of your parents opinions or what everyone else is doing. Maybe your fun money would be better put toward rent since your boss and his wife already splurge on you anyway?

I def agree! I just dont like to put myself in financial situations that I'm not comfortable with.

I live in a suburban area where it's all private homes... Renting houses in my area is about $3000+. Basement rentals are about $1500! IMHO not worth it! We both live at home with our parents. Dbf would rather stick it out live at home rent free (save $) and move when we have a little nest egg ready. Poor guy is my sounding board these days

If I moved out of the area and into the city- then I would be paying a lot as well. I would also be far from job (which is 5 minutes near my home). This would be out of the question for dbf bc he also works 5 minutes from his home (and we live in the same area... 5 mins apart).

I'm just going to take on my last year of school.... save $ and put a nice down payment next summer!

[gina2328]

That's interesting about being Italian and you feel that is a reason not to move out. I am Italian-American and my parents were both born in Italy. They did not want me to move out but when I did they got over it.

Also, out relationship improved a hundredfold after I moved out. My Mother was way, way too much into my business when I lived at home, I wish I had moved out much sooner. My advice to you is to move out, really look hard to find a cheap place, and you can still save. Buy fewer bags.

Sounds like your finding reasons not to move out. Maybe you can find a roommate, find an apartment, flat, etc.

[cutiepie21]

Originally Posted by gina2328

That's interesting about being Italian and you feel that is a reason not to move out. I am Italian-American and my parents were both born in Italy. They did not want me to move out but when I did they got over it. Also, out relationship improved a hundredfold after I moved out. My Mother was way, way too much into my business when I lived at home, I wish I had moved out much sooner. My advice to you is to move out, really look hard to find a cheap place, and you can still save. Buy fewer bags. Sounds like your finding reasons not to move out. Maybe you can find a roommate, find an apartment, flat, etc.

ITA! It sounds like you have a good paying job with lots of security. Definitely no reason why you shouldn't be living on your own. Especially with the bonuses you get- put those aside for rent, instead of bags! Good luck and let us know how it turns out!

[dusty paws]

...can your boss talk to my boss? haha!

good for you though!
what they don't know can't hurt 'em.

[Rhose]

I stand by my original advice. Your reasons for living at home are even less compelling than I thought they'd be.

By focusing only on this particular issue with your boss you're not seeing the forest for the trees. Your parents aren't listening to your adult reasoning because they don't see you as an adult. That's never going to change until you move out and support yourself completely.

And plenty of young Italians get out and make their own way in the world young. Like my sister's boyfriend, my best friend, her brother... By "strong cultural reasons" I meant if you have to stay at home to look after elderly family members or you will be permanently disowned or something. Not just because it's comfy and convenient for the child to stay, and the parents like keeping an eye on them.

[Starlett309]

I think you simply have to refuse to discuss it. If they bring it up, do not respond and walk away. Your problem is that you are engaging with them. Clearly they have their own warped ideas about what is gong on....they need to understand that at 24 with your own job and own money, it's none of their business what gifts you receive or what you buy.

[Gimmethebag]

My father is Sicilian and he looked forward to the day I moved out.

He still calls me all the time, we don't have to live together to have that Italian family dynamic. I go home about once a month (I live three states away).

You need to realize that while you see yourself as an adult, your parents will not view you that way until you move out. And honestly, they probably would want you to be paying your own way over buying stuff.

I don't get the excuses for not renting either. You rent until you find a house you want to live in for 20 years. Right now we rent a 1 bedroom loft apartment... We would never BUY a 1 bedroom condo because it wouldn't "grow" with us. And sometimes renting is the cheapest way to enter the market... We pay $1300 to live in a luxury building in the best area in our city. A condo would be about $300,000 plus property taxes plus HOA fees. Plus mortgage insurance.

[MissLianne]

Thank You everybody!
I REALLY want to move out. You got no idea. I guess (for me) its a big financial plunge. I start my last year of university in September (I graduate in April 2010). Depending on my school schedule I would only be able to work 20-25 hrs a week (thankfully my employer is willing to keep me)

I COULD do more hours- but since is the last year of my business degree with exceptionally challenging courses. I rather do well... PASS then look forward to moving out next April when I could put in 40+ hours a week.

*sigh*
...Light at the end of the tunnel I guess. 8 months left.

[Rhose]

Moving out usually does mean a steep (and hopefully temporary) drop in your standard of living. It's just the way it is for most people. The flip side is that you very rapidly develop a level of resourcefulness and adaptability you never knew you had in you. This helps you to no end in the long run. If you have a plan and that's the best for you right now, then great. I can see now you're not going to leave home until you graduate.

I'm sure you can look forward to a more sane relationship with your parents too. From what I can tell about you I have no idea why they wouldn't have a bit more faith in you; child or not, adult or not. Perhaps they sense you getting ready to pull away into life without them. My mother had a M-A-J-O-R freakout/midlife crisis/lord-knows-what when my little brother moved out (he was the last one). Irrational behaviour was the order of the day, every day. That's a whole other thread though. Anyway, good luck and roll on April!

[gacats]

I think it's time for you to move out on your own even though your parents don't agree with renting. It's time for you to live your own life.

[ProfNot]

I think part of what may be going on is that until recently (like 10-15 years ago) professors were badly paid.

There was simply no money in the family for even small luxuries.

I think your parents have just been living in a college-culture world for so long they don't get the big money part of your world. If they watch silly TV, that would make their perception of reality even stranger. I imagine your life scares them.

Parents worry. They can't help it. I think it is more about that than not trusting you. I think your smart parents are just clueless about your glamorous life so they are scared for you.

Watch the movie "My Big Fat Greek Wedding." I bet you are going through something similar! And it will make you laugh at how silly your parents are being.

I agree with others - I think it would be great if your boss + wife met your parents. When b+w glow about you, your parents can't help but be proud. And reassured.

Good luck!

[ShopGirl647]

Can I be in your shoes for one day??? j/k

Sorry no advice to give cuz I was pretty rebellious with my parents but in a good way. If I didn't become rebellious, I would've ended up being very dependent on my parents, still live at home and that was what they wanted me to do - so it would make them feel they are still important to their kids. I think parents get scared when they realize their kids are growing up and becoming more independent. I would never do that to my own kids because making your own money and venturing out in the world is all a part of growing up. Hope it works out with u and your parents!!!

[Pursegrrl]

Originally Posted by Rhose

Moving out usually does mean a steep (and hopefully temporary) drop in your standard of living. It's just the way it is for most people. The flip side is that you very rapidly develop a level of resourcefulness and adaptability you never knew you had in you. This helps you to no end in the long run. If you have a plan and that's the best for you right now, then great. I can see now you're not going to leave home until you graduate. I'm sure you can look forward to a more sane relationship with your parents too. From what I can tell about you I have no idea why they wouldn't have a bit more faith in you; child or not, adult or not. Perhaps they sense you getting ready to pull away into life without them. My mother had a M-A-J-O-R freakout/midlife crisis/lord-knows-what when my little brother moved out (he was the last one). Irrational behaviour was the order of the day, every day. That's a whole other thread though. Anyway, good luck and roll on April!

Preach it, Rhose!

[Rocket80]

If you can afford to leave why the hell live at home....especially with overbearing parents like that.