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turboflgrl · Sep 19th, 2009, 04:39 AM

Originally Posted by juneping

i think i heard it somewhere that most marriage failed due to money issue. with the way your parents and your bf's parents are doing separate accounts which put the money out of the problem area. may be that's why the marriage work...??
my parents are not financially independent. and they've been together for 46-47 years.
i see both sides point of view.
with the separate accounts - it just make the couple don't touch the touchy issue which never create any conflicts about money.
i agree the women should put aside some money for herself just in case. but i would feel weird that if i have no clue what's in my husband's personal account.
my friend is getting married and she has no idea how much her future DH makes. personally i would not feel comfortable about that.
i just think money is such a touchy subject...if two don't feel the same then it's going to be a problem. regardless separate or combined accounts.

Totally see your POV. In the case of my parents as well as my bf's, the wife and husband know what's going on in eachother's accounts, they just aren't "joint" if that makes sense.

I don't know if I could deal with not knowing my financial situation with my future DH though.. that would drive me crazy! I like to live my life to a budget and in that situation, I wouldn't even be able to form one if we shared bills (mortgage, electric, water, phone, internet, etc etc etc).

Money is definitely an extremely touchy subject. The way I see it, both parties should be open to discussion and honest about their financial situation with their partner, but should not be required to have joint accounts in order to prove their trust.

juneping · Sep 19th, 2009, 12:12 PM

^^totally agree about open discussion and not be required to have joint accounts in order to prove their trust

JNH14 · Sep 19th, 2009, 07:44 PM

We've been married 28 years and we each contribute to the bills and savings. What's left over is ours. I keep money in savings and in a safety deposit box. It would go to my sons if I die...he has plenty on his own!

It's worked well for us!

SweetOnPurses · Sep 27th, 2009, 02:37 AM

she's lucky to have such great life.

Originally Posted by ProfNot

No flaming intended Roo but you would be shocked at how sheltered from the real world many of these rich women are.

Think Birdie in Mad Men or the women in Mona Lisa Smile (except Julia R of course).

There are women today who really are that naive and smart at the same time. I've met many of them through volunteer work and alumnae events.

There's a retired couple who live near me. (This is just one of their several houses.)

Wife and man both came from very modest backgrounds and married after college. Now they are rich. All because the man worked his way up the corporate ladder to the top position of a huge company. She stayed home to raise the children, freeing him to be as ambitious as he wished. And making his home a sanctuary of peace to come home to. (She's always telling me to relax even though I am rarely stressed. I think she says it out of habit.)

He is an extremely nice man but I would bet on him every time if someone opposed him on something important to him, like his volunteer project.

Each time I run into her, I am shocked at how naive she is about many, many things. Ex - Wanting to be helpful, she has offered me what she things are good suggestions but they are really completely nuts. (Meeting my well off clients in a run down coffee shop owned by someone she likes until my office/studio space got set up. She thought that was a good idea for me.)

It's obvious her husband protected her and his young children from the nasty, greedy people in his/our world.

She only has very nice people in her home. She only meets nice friends at the symphony, etc. She meets polite people at lovely fundraiser events.

Some of the now-adult children are in big business and doing well.

But the wife still looks at the world through rose-colored glasses as my great-grandmum would say.

She lives in a rose-colored bubble.

SweetOnPurses · Sep 27th, 2009, 02:39 AM

My Dh and I have our own account. If we where to have joint account i don't think i'll marriage will last. It just works best for us. Like you say everyone is different!

Originally Posted by print*model

I've been married for almost 26 years and we've had joint accounts the entire duration of our marriage. There is no "his" or "hers" when it comes to money in our home. It's "ours". And it has never been an issue. Ever. Would you like to know why it's never been an issue? Because I would have never married a man who would have MADE it an issue. I'm not saying that it's wrong to have separate accounts if that is what works for you. I know couples that have separate finances and very happy marriages. I think people should do whatever works for them in that regard.

As for "Sis" - I agree with Roo.

amber11 · Sep 27th, 2009, 11:20 PM

i'm very glad you shared this story, it has turned up so many interesting opinions andim learning about how i might wanta set up my accounts for when i'm married....

i think the one joint account that contributes to the family and big household items/cars is the way to go with two separate accounts for each person on the side for smaller luxury items that your spouse has no interest in..

my parents have a rule that anything over x amount of dollars needs to be discussed but they are both very involved with the finances and know how much is coming in so they know how much they can spend or not... and they have multiple accounts set up for car bills or house bills or our college funds and investments.. i think thats the way to go it makes your priorities nicely laid out in front of you...

Chanel Belle · Sep 28th, 2009, 12:54 AM

I might be slammed for this, but I've never understood why women opt to become housewives after marriage

. Having to depend on someone for money is risky.

DiorDeVille · Sep 28th, 2009, 01:33 AM

^^^ The Atlantic Magazine has a number of incredible columnists (mostly working mothers) who have discussed this very intelligently. Here are a couple of quick posts to get you started:

http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200807/working-moms

and

http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/192609/women-education (a bit drier)

helpchow · Sep 28th, 2009, 01:38 AM

^ I can understand why a woman would want to be a housewife after marriage. It seems to take alot of energy and nurture to raise a family, to take care of the household, bills etc. All these things free the spouse to go out and conquer the business world without worrying about such spouse's homelife being intact. I know many professional women who practiced for a few years, but became stay-at-home moms once they had children. Although it's not for me, I can understand the reasoning behind it.

Jahpson · Sep 28th, 2009, 09:46 AM

Originally Posted by Chanel Belle

I might be slammed for this, but I've never understood why women opt to become housewives after marriage

. Having to depend on someone for money is risky.

this process has been going on for generations. I see nothing wrong with it.

I think today, however there are ways for a housewife (or in some cases househusband) to protect themselves in case things happen. Sometimes children are the reasons to stay home. Having two working parents and kids sometimes isn't the best arrangement

closeted · Sep 29th, 2009, 02:58 AM

Here's my arrangement. Though we do consider everything we have as ours,we had a prenup and hence are financially independent from one another. We both work and have both private ( daily spending) and joint accounts which we both contribute to ( investments and savings).

We have several reasons to have a prenup, in the future, we want to open our own business which might be joined or not and we come from families with assets ( assets=tax=legal matters/inheritance). Even before we got married, we are aware of what each other have ( since we do our taxes together).

In our daily lives, we don't really pay attention to who pays for what, I'd say we pay mostly 50-50 for things ( never really keep tabs). Any major purchases we discuss and paid by our joint accounts.

For now, I plan to continue working after we have children, though things may change. We talked abt this before and he leaves it up to me wether or not I want to continue working, and also, that it wouldn't affect our financial arrangements ( that is though legally we have seperate assets and money, we consider my money is his and his money is mine and are to be manage responsibly by both of us)

amber11 · Sep 29th, 2009, 02:58 AM

i dont get the notion of how housewives are dependent on their husbands? i think the husbands are just as dependent upon them... being a housewife is a job, in ranges in many different ways obviously but many of them act as a personal chef, housekeeper, personal assistant so even though they may not be bringing home a tangible paycheck like their husband they are contributing just as much to the marriage and work load

closeted · Sep 29th, 2009, 03:16 AM

I agree, I imagine being a 24-7 housewife/mom is gonna be as mentally draining and challenging, if not worse than my current job, which is why my husband and I had the arrangement that should I decided to be a full time mom and housewife, what money we have is to be manage by both of us and not just him giving me allowances.

DiorDeVille · Sep 29th, 2009, 07:27 PM

Originally Posted by amber11

i dont get the notion of how housewives are dependent on their husbands? i think the husbands are just as dependent upon them... being a housewife is a job, in ranges in many different ways obviously but many of them act as a personal chef, housekeeper, personal assistant so even though they may not be bringing home a tangible paycheck like their husband they are contributing just as much to the marriage and work load

Yep, and divorce courts typically recognize the value of what you've described via "alimony." Unfortunately, there are a lot of people out there who don't see the value of it. Usually, they are people who have someone doing the homemaking for them while they're out, from what I've seen.

bagnshoofetish · Sep 29th, 2009, 08:10 PM

wow.
what an ass.
If I were her, I would hire a private detective to hunt him down and make him pay what he owes the company.
Then I would change my name and move from that house of horrible memories and start a new life free and clear of that loser.
what the hell is wrong with some people? that guy is going down in flames one way or another. with or without her help.
I hope she stays strong and goes on with her life. the fact that she has a successful business on her own speaks volumes of her integrity and character. shes a survivor.

Sep 19th, 2009, 12:12 PM	#62
juneping couch potato-ing Joined: Jun 2007 Location: NYC Posts: 4,355	^^totally agree about open discussion and not be required to have joint accounts in order to prove their trust
	__________________ wish list: purse ban until the cc is paid off $10200 paid off...$3300 to go .....oh..i can't wait...

Sep 19th, 2009, 07:44 PM	#63
JNH14 Midlife...no crisis! Joined: Nov 2006 Location: Somewhere South... Posts: 2,429	We've been married 28 years and we each contribute to the bills and savings. What's left over is ours. I keep money in savings and in a safety deposit box. It would go to my sons if I die...he has plenty on his own! It's worked well for us!
	__________________ "Things turn out best for the people who make the best of the way things turn out". John Wooden

Sep 27th, 2009, 11:20 PM	#66
amber11 Member Joined: Feb 2008 Posts: 711	i'm very glad you shared this story, it has turned up so many interesting opinions andim learning about how i might wanta set up my accounts for when i'm married.... i think the one joint account that contributes to the family and big household items/cars is the way to go with two separate accounts for each person on the side for smaller luxury items that your spouse has no interest in.. my parents have a rule that anything over x amount of dollars needs to be discussed but they are both very involved with the finances and know how much is coming in so they know how much they can spend or not... and they have multiple accounts set up for car bills or house bills or our college funds and investments.. i think thats the way to go it makes your priorities nicely laid out in front of you...
amber11 Member Joined: Feb 2008 Posts: 711

Sep 28th, 2009, 12:54 AM	#67
Chanel Belle Member Joined: Nov 2008 Posts: 232	I might be slammed for this, but I've never understood why women opt to become housewives after marriage . Having to depend on someone for money is risky.
Chanel Belle Member Joined: Nov 2008 Posts: 232

Sep 28th, 2009, 01:33 AM	#68
DiorDeVille Member Joined: Apr 2006 Location: U.S. Posts: 615	^^^ The Atlantic Magazine has a number of incredible columnists (mostly working mothers) who have discussed this very intelligently. Here are a couple of quick posts to get you started: http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200807/working-moms and http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/192609/women-education (a bit drier)
	Last edited by DiorDeVille; Sep 28th, 2009 at 01:59 AM.

Sep 28th, 2009, 01:38 AM	#69
helpchow Member Joined: Mar 2008 Posts: 188	^ I can understand why a woman would want to be a housewife after marriage. It seems to take alot of energy and nurture to raise a family, to take care of the household, bills etc. All these things free the spouse to go out and conquer the business world without worrying about such spouse's homelife being intact. I know many professional women who practiced for a few years, but became stay-at-home moms once they had children. Although it's not for me, I can understand the reasoning behind it.
helpchow Member Joined: Mar 2008 Posts: 188

Sep 29th, 2009, 02:58 AM	#71
closeted Member Joined: Feb 2009 Posts: 35	Here's my arrangement. Though we do consider everything we have as ours,we had a prenup and hence are financially independent from one another. We both work and have both private ( daily spending) and joint accounts which we both contribute to ( investments and savings). We have several reasons to have a prenup, in the future, we want to open our own business which might be joined or not and we come from families with assets ( assets=tax=legal matters/inheritance). Even before we got married, we are aware of what each other have ( since we do our taxes together). In our daily lives, we don't really pay attention to who pays for what, I'd say we pay mostly 50-50 for things ( never really keep tabs). Any major purchases we discuss and paid by our joint accounts. For now, I plan to continue working after we have children, though things may change. We talked abt this before and he leaves it up to me wether or not I want to continue working, and also, that it wouldn't affect our financial arrangements ( that is though legally we have seperate assets and money, we consider my money is his and his money is mine and are to be manage responsibly by both of us)
closeted Member Joined: Feb 2009 Posts: 35

Sep 29th, 2009, 03:16 AM	#73
closeted Member Joined: Feb 2009 Posts: 35	I agree, I imagine being a 24-7 housewife/mom is gonna be as mentally draining and challenging, if not worse than my current job, which is why my husband and I had the arrangement that should I decided to be a full time mom and housewife, what money we have is to be manage by both of us and not just him giving me allowances.
closeted Member Joined: Feb 2009 Posts: 35

Sep 29th, 2009, 08:10 PM	#75
bagnshoofetish keep smiling.... Joined: Feb 2006 Posts: 20,383	wow. what an ass. If I were her, I would hire a private detective to hunt him down and make him pay what he owes the company. Then I would change my name and move from that house of horrible memories and start a new life free and clear of that loser. what the hell is wrong with some people? that guy is going down in flames one way or another. with or without her help. I hope she stays strong and goes on with her life. the fact that she has a successful business on her own speaks volumes of her integrity and character. shes a survivor.
	__________________

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