Formerly-wealthy wife left with only the few clothes + things she had with her.

[domlee]

So is the first post...a "real" post? Or a "story" based on the lives of individuals such as Ruth Madoff, etc.?

Just wondering what is the intention of the very first post.

If the intention was to talk about whether husbands/wives should have separate bank accounts...we already have threads about that. And if it was to talk about the Madoff situation, I believe we have a thread about that too.

So....???

[PurseAddict79]

print*model, Congratulations on being married for 26 years...

[Litigatrix]

Well at least she's rid of her useless husband, to look on the bright side.

[DiorDeVille]

Originally Posted by domlee

So is the first post...a "real" post? Or a "story" based on the lives of individuals such as Ruth Madoff, etc.? Just wondering what is the intention of the very first post. If the intention was to talk about whether husbands/wives should have separate bank accounts...we already have threads about that. And if it was to talk about the Madoff situation, I believe we have a thread about that too. So....???

This was my first thought too. I agree with Roo that the story reminds me of Madoff. I also think that the poster who brought up the likelihood that any personal funds of the wife would be used to pay the debts made a very good point.

The reality is that every woman needs to have the capacity to support herself in a pinch - training, skills, contacts, something. A secret savings account won't always cut it.

It's a tough row to hoe, since being a "good" wife who frees her husband up to pursue this kind of life/career is also a full-time occupation many times and it doesn't pay retirement or pad out a resume very well if things go wrong.

[DiorDeVille]

Originally Posted by miss_sigh_gone

Sounds like Sis got a rude awakening... BTW: I hate people sugar-coat things but saying that the woman was "dependent" on the man...as if she was such a fragile little flower that needed to be taken care of--the proper term for these women who live off their hard-working, successful husbands is "LEECH".

As a single person working full-time+, I can tell you that the spouses of the married people I know are working behind the scenes to help their husbands (or rarely, wives') careers. Usually, spouses are purchasing the clothing, buying groceries, handling social arrangements and responding to invitations, engaging in some networking for their spouses, etc. As someone who is doing it all on my own, it is TOUGH to find enough hours in the day outside of work to get everything done. The guys I'm working with go home to healthy meals, new clothes every few months, ironed and pressed laundry, wrapped gifts for their evening events, etc. I'm up until the wee hours of the morning at least 2 nights a week trying to get these things done during my sparse time at home.

All to say - the spouses play a huge, invisible part in their partners' success. They are hardly leaches.

[yeliab]

Originally Posted by DiorDeVille

As a single person working full-time+, I can tell you that the spouses of the married people I know are working behind the scenes to help their husbands (or rarely, wives') careers. Usually, spouses are purchasing the clothing, buying groceries, handling social arrangements and responding to invitations, engaging in some networking for their spouses, etc. As someone who is doing it all on my own, it is TOUGH to find enough hours in the day outside of work to get everything done. The guys I'm working with go home to healthy meals, new clothes every few months, ironed and pressed laundry, wrapped gifts for their evening events, etc. I'm up until the wee hours of the morning at least 2 nights a week trying to get these things done during my sparse time at home. All to say - the spouses play a huge, invisible part in their partners' success. They are hardly leaches.

[print*model]

Originally Posted by PurseAddict79

print*model, Congratulations on being married for 26 years...

Thanks so much!

[Allisonfaye]

Originally Posted by miss_sigh_gone

Sounds like Sis got a rude awakening... BTW: I hate people sugar-coat things but saying that the woman was "dependent" on the man...as if she was such a fragile little flower that needed to be taken care of--the proper term for these women who live off their hard-working, successful husbands is "LEECH".

I guess I am a leech because I am a SAHM and I don't have any income.

[Allisonfaye]

Originally Posted by Roo

Ok, I may get flamed for this but here goes..... I immediately thought of Ruth Madoff when I read this... I guess what comes into my mind is that how could she "not know" what was going on? Also, men with nasty streaks like this one suddenly don't snap, in my experience. It's usually a pattern of behavior. Men like this are control freaks. I am not trying to blame this woman in a direct sense, so please don't read this the wrong way. However, some women make deals in their own heads about marriages like this and sometimes it's a gamble that does not pay off.

I agree. This guy was not an ideal husband and then one day, he turned violent. There is more to this story.

[~Fabulousity~]

Originally Posted by DiorDeVille

As a single person working full-time+, I can tell you that the spouses of the married people I know are working behind the scenes to help their husbands (or rarely, wives') careers. Usually, spouses are purchasing the clothing, buying groceries, handling social arrangements and responding to invitations, engaging in some networking for their spouses, etc. As someone who is doing it all on my own, it is TOUGH to find enough hours in the day outside of work to get everything done. The guys I'm working with go home to healthy meals, new clothes every few months, ironed and pressed laundry, wrapped gifts for their evening events, etc. I'm up until the wee hours of the morning at least 2 nights a week trying to get these things done during my sparse time at home. All to say - the spouses play a huge, invisible part in their partners' success. They are hardly leaches.

I agree! Just because someone does not work outside the home that does not mean they dont "work".

[Jahpson]

Originally Posted by caxe

This is why women shouldn't depend on the men in their lives. Always have something for yourself, and a Plan A, Plan B, whatever. If I'd been her, I might have been depositing money into my bank accounts instead of buying purses, shoes, and material stuff, but that's just me. This is a heads up, though, because things like this happen to women all the time on a smaller scale, of course. Women end up single and have nothing, but they were comfortable during their marriage, like in a Tyler Perry movie or something. It's sad.

you aint neva lied. Keep that stash no matter how happy you guys are.

Also finish your education. That is the most important thing that you can get that can NEVER be taken away!! darn, now I sound like my mom

[lvgirlymom]

Originally Posted by simplygm819

I believe marriage should never be about money, in the sense that you're marrying a certain someone just because they have lots of it, but that's about it. When you're married, shouldn't you be able to share/combine everything? Otherwise what is the point of marriage? I just feel IMO if one is unable to do that, then the relationship/marriage lacks trust and without trust there is nothing. However, I do understand that things DO happen in life so for some to put aside money of their own really isn't too unreasonable. In any case, it's very unfortunate the woman in this story had to go through so much but if she is doing everything in her power to make her life easier than even more props for her!!

This.

[Angelfangs]

I hope she filed charges on her husband for assault. That's a sad situation.

[PurseAddict79]

^^ I understand where people are coming from when they say that everything should be combined. I agree, to an extent. I think there should be a joint account for paying things like the mortgage and other household expenses. But I also believe in independence. I am a firm believer that in a marriage, there should be separate savings accounts. That way, there are no questions asked if I buy a $1k bag, for example, because it was from my savings account... ditto for his $600 golf clubs.

Just because two people get married doesn't mean they have to morph into one person in all aspects.

And separate accounts isn't indicitive of a lack of trust. While couples may agree on many things, perhaps their spending values and habits differ. Wife may be a saver, and hubby a spender or vice versa. In cases like this, separate accounts may eliminate needless arguments.

[merika]

Originally Posted by ProfNot

Truth! Mum told me this weekend about her friend's sister. I've met Mum's friend and she is a nice, honest woman. Let's call friend's sister Sis. Sis and husband had been married for years, were deeply in love, and very happy. Suddenly he wanted them to move (not travel) to a distant country right away but wouldn't tell her why he was so adamant about it. Sis's family is in North America so she wanted to stay. After a few days of fighting, he hit her. Hard. Sis left and stayed away until his zillion cell phone calls, texts, and messages stopped. She didn't answer her phone at all, fearing it was him calling from another number. Took around a week for the cell phone to go silent. She thought his temper had finally calmed down. When she went back home the police were waiting for her. She had no idea what was going on. He had embezzled millions from his company and had fled the country. Upon going inside the house, she discovered he was so angry with her he trashed their $million+ home including all furniture, walls, appliances, clothes - everything. Hang onto your heart - he even trashed her beloved her shoes and purses! He took all their money and expensive jewelry with him. And he drained their bank accounts. All she had left was her car, what she wore, and the few things she had with her. He had a well-paying big-company top-level job so she didn't work. Not only did she have no money, she didn't even have a job. The police froze the credit cards. The company wants her to pay back the embezzeled funds. Husband is still on the run abroad - probably hidden by family. My mom's friend is paying for a good attorney for Sis. Several months later later - Sis has started a tiny company and is now making $7K a month by working a million hours a week. So she will be OK. She doesn't know if she can keep the damaged house, thou. She's fighting for it. She may have to declare bankruptcy to keep it. (If you happen to know who this woman is, please don't post about it. Media has been driving her crazy and she is still grieving the loss of the love of her life.) Best of good luck to this brave woman!

I don't quite get this story. It seems kind of disjointed and some of the actions and their consequences -legal and otherwise - don't make sense to me.

And the point of this story is......?