<forehead slap> Which do I attend??

vanojr9 · Jan 2nd, 2008, 12:44 PM

I've just started filling in my new date book for 2008 and already I've found a conflict! It turns out that a wedding I've already RSVPed to is on the same date as my brother's high school graduation. Here's the jist:

-Wedding is for good friends, bf is the best man. Date has been set for a year.

-I was just informed of the HS graduation date a few days ago. I know the ceremony will consist of watching my brother among 200 others march on stage and then he'll go to a party afterwards and not be home.

It seems like I should attend the wedding because the graduation ceremony doesn't seem like that big of a deal to me, but I also have a lot of siblings (I've already been to 4 sibling HS graduation ceremonies) and it may just seem like it's not that big a deal because I've seen sooo many of them. It may be a much bigger deal than I'm understanding! Also, my brother did attend my HS graduation ceremony, but he was 8 at the time

Which would you attend?

merika · Jan 2nd, 2008, 12:48 PM

^^Wasn't sure...is this a sibling you are close to? I think for me the wedding would take precedence as you have been invited, RSVP'd etc and you did not know about the graduation then. Will there be other siblings attending his graduation?

Maybe give him and extra-large gift to compensate for your absence???

vanojr9 · Jan 2nd, 2008, 12:52 PM

Thanks, merika! I am relatively close to this sibling despite the age gap. He'll actually be attending college where I'm currently in grad school next year, so I'll be seeing a lot of him soon. I would guess that the two other siblings on that side of the family would be attending the graduation as well, but they are younger than me and don't have the same sort of commitments (one's in college and will just be at home, for example).

Oh, fyi, I will still be attending his graduation party. So I'll be there for the party, just potentially not the ceremony.

keya · Jan 2nd, 2008, 12:53 PM

If I were you I'd talk to your brother and explain the situation to him. If it's a big deal for him that you're present, and it isn't a close friend's wedding, I'd attend my brother's graduation. But maybe it's not a big deal to your brother if you're there or not (as long as he gets a present

), which is why a conversation with him might solve the dilemma for you

berryblondeboys · Jan 2nd, 2008, 12:54 PM

My guess is that your brother will not care at ALL. it's your parents that will make the fuss about you not attending.

is there any way to do both? If not, do the wedding (since BF is in it) and then be sure to REALLY cover your bases with getting parents to understand missing the HS graduation.

vanojr9 · Jan 2nd, 2008, 01:00 PM

thanks again, you guys are completely right - it's my MOM who's miffed about me missing the HS graduation potentially, lol. My brother won't care a bit. I'll talk to him about it and ask him if it's ok that I miss, but it's my mom that I'm going to have to do the real work with!

keya · Jan 2nd, 2008, 01:43 PM

^tell your mom that your brother doesn't mind, and if she still makes a fuss, make your brother tell her as well

Glamorous_girl · Jan 2nd, 2008, 01:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by vanojr9

thanks again, you guys are completely right - it's my MOM who's miffed about me missing the HS graduation potentially, lol. My brother won't care a bit. I'll talk to him about it and ask him if it's ok that I miss, but it's my mom that I'm going to have to do the real work with!

I was just about to say I think you should ask if your brother would even care. I didn't care at all about graduation, only reason I went was because if you didn't attend without a good excuse they would hold your diploma. It was a huge deal to my parents however. Graduation is not really for the graduates. It's more for the family that raised them, IMO. Also I think you should attend the wedding. You are still going to his party so your not missing out on the whole thing.

GUCCI_COOCHIE · Jan 2nd, 2008, 01:57 PM

I think you should attend the wedding, the date has been set for a year! Plus, your bf is the best man! Maybe take your brother out to dinner a few days before/after his graduation + a big grad gift! =) Good luck!

Glamorous_girl · Jan 2nd, 2008, 02:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GUCCI_COOCHIE

I think you should attend the wedding, the date has been set for a year! Plus, your bf is the best man! Maybe take your brother out to dinner a few days before/after his graduation + a big grad gift! =) Good luck!

Yeah, Maybe you should consider who will be more upset by you not showing up. Unless your mom really holds a grudge, I think she will soon get over you missing the graduation. Your friends wedding date has been set for a year and your BF is in it...so I would imagine they and your BF would not get over it as fast.

omgsweet · Jan 2nd, 2008, 03:05 PM

My little sister was almost not able to attend my college graduation. It really upset me, so they did what they could so she was able to come.

I would just tell your brother about the situation and see how he reacts. Boys tend to be more laid back about things like that.

girliceclimber · Jan 2nd, 2008, 05:38 PM

I agree with the advice everyone's already given--definitely talk to your brother and mom first, but it seems like the wedding is the event you should go to.

wordpast · Jan 2nd, 2008, 05:42 PM

I would ask me brother first if he would mind if I skipped the graduation. If he doesn't mind, I would go to the wedding.

caitlin1214 · Jan 2nd, 2008, 07:14 PM

The proper etiquette would be to go the event you replied to first. In this case, it's the wedding.

You are going to his party so it's not like you're not getting the chance to celebrate with him. Talk to him about it, though.

boxermom · Jan 2nd, 2008, 08:00 PM

I'm on board with the majority. keya's reasoning is spot on.

I assume the events are far enough apart, geographically, that you can't make an appearance at both.

Jan 2nd, 2008, 12:44 PM	#1
vanojr9 Member	<forehead slap> Which do I attend?? I've just started filling in my new date book for 2008 and already I've found a conflict! It turns out that a wedding I've already RSVPed to is on the same date as my brother's high school graduation. Here's the jist: -Wedding is for good friends, bf is the best man. Date has been set for a year. -I was just informed of the HS graduation date a few days ago. I know the ceremony will consist of watching my brother among 200 others march on stage and then he'll go to a party afterwards and not be home. It seems like I should attend the wedding because the graduation ceremony doesn't seem like that big of a deal to me, but I also have a lot of siblings (I've already been to 4 sibling HS graduation ceremonies) and it may just seem like it's not that big a deal because I've seen sooo many of them. It may be a much bigger deal than I'm understanding! Also, my brother did attend my HS graduation ceremony, but he was 8 at the time Which would you attend? __________________

Jan 2nd, 2008, 12:48 PM	#2
merika Just me Location: In front of a computer	Re: <forehead slap> Which do I attend?? ^^Wasn't sure...is this a sibling you are close to? I think for me the wedding would take precedence as you have been invited, RSVP'd etc and you did not know about the graduation then. Will there be other siblings attending his graduation? Maybe give him and extra-large gift to compensate for your absence??? __________________ I will also gladly authenticate your chocolates for you.

Jan 2nd, 2008, 12:52 PM	#3
vanojr9 Member	Re: <forehead slap> Which do I attend?? Thanks, merika! I am relatively close to this sibling despite the age gap. He'll actually be attending college where I'm currently in grad school next year, so I'll be seeing a lot of him soon. I would guess that the two other siblings on that side of the family would be attending the graduation as well, but they are younger than me and don't have the same sort of commitments (one's in college and will just be at home, for example). Oh, fyi, I will still be attending his graduation party. So I'll be there for the party, just potentially not the ceremony. __________________ Last edited by vanojr9; Jan 2nd, 2008 at 12:54 PM.

Jan 2nd, 2008, 12:53 PM	#4
keya Member	Re: <forehead slap> Which do I attend?? If I were you I'd talk to your brother and explain the situation to him. If it's a big deal for him that you're present, and it isn't a close friend's wedding, I'd attend my brother's graduation. But maybe it's not a big deal to your brother if you're there or not (as long as he gets a present ), which is why a conversation with him might solve the dilemma for you

Jan 2nd, 2008, 12:54 PM	#5
berryblondeboys Member Location: VA (DC Burbs)	Re: <forehead slap> Which do I attend?? My guess is that your brother will not care at ALL. it's your parents that will make the fuss about you not attending. is there any way to do both? If not, do the wedding (since BF is in it) and then be sure to REALLY cover your bases with getting parents to understand missing the HS graduation.

Jan 2nd, 2008, 01:00 PM	#6
vanojr9 Member	Re: <forehead slap> Which do I attend?? thanks again, you guys are completely right - it's my MOM who's miffed about me missing the HS graduation potentially, lol. My brother won't care a bit. I'll talk to him about it and ask him if it's ok that I miss, but it's my mom that I'm going to have to do the real work with! __________________

Jan 2nd, 2008, 01:43 PM	#7
keya Member	Re: <forehead slap> Which do I attend?? ^tell your mom that your brother doesn't mind, and if she still makes a fuss, make your brother tell her as well

Jan 2nd, 2008, 01:57 PM	#9
GUCCI_COOCHIE 90 day ban! 6/1-8/31 Location: OC.	Re: <forehead slap> Which do I attend?? I think you should attend the wedding, the date has been set for a year! Plus, your bf is the best man! Maybe take your brother out to dinner a few days before/after his graduation + a big grad gift! =) Good luck! __________________ *CURRENTLY ON A 90-day BAN! http://90dayshoppingrehab.blogspot.com/

Jan 2nd, 2008, 03:05 PM	#11
omgsweet omg...cute bag!! Location: Scottsdale, Az	Re: <forehead slap> Which do I attend?? My little sister was almost not able to attend my college graduation. It really upset me, so they did what they could so she was able to come. I would just tell your brother about the situation and see how he reacts. Boys tend to be more laid back about things like that.

Jan 2nd, 2008, 05:38 PM	#12
girliceclimber Member Location: Los Angeles	Re: <forehead slap> Which do I attend?? I agree with the advice everyone's already given--definitely talk to your brother and mom first, but it seems like the wedding is the event you should go to.

Jan 2nd, 2008, 05:42 PM	#13
wordpast Member Location: Never Never Land	Re: <forehead slap> Which do I attend?? I would ask me brother first if he would mind if I skipped the graduation. If he doesn't mind, I would go to the wedding. __________________

Jan 2nd, 2008, 07:14 PM	#14
caitlin1214 Santa Baby Location: Toronto, Canada (Eh?)	Re: <forehead slap> Which do I attend?? The proper etiquette would be to go the event you replied to first. In this case, it's the wedding. You are going to his party so it's not like you're not getting the chance to celebrate with him. Talk to him about it, though. __________________ And this above all: to thine ownself be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man. Polonius, Hamlet Act I, sc iii

Jan 2nd, 2008, 08:00 PM	#15
boxermom Member Location: North Carolina	Re: <forehead slap> Which do I attend?? I'm on board with the majority. keya's reasoning is spot on. I assume the events are far enough apart, geographically, that you can't make an appearance at both.