[stacmck]

I'm sure this has been discussed a ton on this subforum, but since the search function is down I'll ask again.

For those of you who have done online dating, after how long did you go from talking online to meeting face-to-face? I've been talking with this guy for a couple weeks through email on Match.com and am wondering when we should consider going out offline? The only other time I went out with someone from online was with a guy I already knew (we went to high school together and were reunited on Myspace). But considering he's marrying someone else now, that didn't work out too well

So when did you make that next step?

[amanda]

I did it for a bit, and it varied a lot. Depends on how comfortable you are with the guy, and how easy it would be to meet up with him. I'd say talk to him on the phone a few times first, it helps you get a better sense of a person.

[Sternchen]

It really depends on how comfortable you are with the guy!

I usually averaged about 2 weeks

[maddog]

2 weeks for me also. I waited for a month only when I was kinda stalling on meeting a guy cuz I was already almost exclusively seeing someone else who was unwilling to admit it. I think it's best to see the guy as soon as it seems safe to do so, cuz so much could be faked online and you could see him in person to find out he's totally different or annoying.

[Pursegrrl]

If I'm interested in a guy I've met online, I don't want to just keep corresponding with email or phone chit chat. So for me two weeks would seem a little long but it's up to your comfort level. For me, if the guy is in my local area I don't want him to just be an email pen pal, if that makes sense. I don't want to just email with someone for a long time because I'm not sure if I want to meet them IRL either. Gosh, I'm not sure I'm saying this very well, but what I mean is that if I haven't met the person IRL and feel comfortable with him then I don't want to keep hiding behind the curtain of email forever.

I have gone on dates where the guy is wonderfully witty and funny in email but a total dud IRL in person. Not saying that's the case every time, but it's good to find out sooner than later.

But given all that, I think the guy needs to take the initiative to say hey let's meet up for coffee/drinks/a quick bite after work or whatever. If he just wants to keep it to online correspondence I just chalk it up to he's not into me or just wants to keep it casual with me as he's dating others IRL.

[vuittonamour]

It depends. I have met and dated a couple guys I met online...2 of them it was a few weeks before we met, another it was probably two months, but that was because everytime he mentioned something about getting together he seemed to lose his cool and then make up some excuse. although we did meet up, he turned out to be a complete asshole later on, so we only lasted about a month. i thought things were going great, we were pretty exclusive only after the one month, and then he broke my heart.

but, i also found the love of my life through a website, although not really a social networking site like myspace or facebook, or match.com or eharmony...it was like a website in which people shared a common interest in something. kinda like tpf but with fitness. he and i exchanged a few messages through that site, went straight to aim, and then he asked if he could hear my voice. he called me a day later. we just hit it off on the phone. when we first started talking he asked me if i knew where this town in new jersey was. i knew the town. it turned out to only be about a half hour from me, and he had a photographer he knew out there and was scheduled to do a shoot with him a couple weeks later. we began planning the weekend nights around us hanging out. he's 5 hours from me, so from there we went a couple weeks without seeing each other, but still talking every day. he came back out to see me first, this time staying at my house. by this point we had established he was my boyfriend and i was his girlfriend.

next it was my turn. i took the train out to his town and met his family.

since then, we've managed to see each other every weekend, and we're six months strong...and will be spending the rest of our lives together. he is truly my soulmate.

[stacmck]

Thanks for the input so far, guys!

In his most recent email he asked me what my plans for this coming week are, so I'm thinking he may be going to ask me out soon

[merika]

^^Good luck!!

[illinirdhd]

When I was online dating, I usually tried to meet ASAP. Like within the week. You can form a real opinion about a person (good or bad) and even grow quite attached to a person via phone and email. I was dating for a great relationship that might lead to marriage, so I wasn't really in the market for a bunch of "just friends" KWIM? If I liked a guy's personality and/or his looks online, I'm meet him within a few days. If the chemistry was there, great! If not, I didn't feel like I was losing a friend.

I learned that after an online dating experience in college. I met the greatest guy, but he lived about 3 hours away, and we were both busy with school and work. We talked online and by phone constantly, and we both grew pretty attached. We finally met after 6 months or so and there was literally NO chemistry between us, as far as I was concerned. I made the best of it, and went back home. The next day, I started getting suicidal phone calls and emails. Not fun. So after that, I never talked to a guy for more than a couple of weeks before meeting IRL.

[amanda]

Originally Posted by illinirdhd

When I was online dating, I usually tried to meet ASAP. Like within the week. You can form a real opinion about a person (good or bad) and even grow quite attached to a person via phone and email. I was dating for a great relationship that might lead to marriage, so I wasn't really in the market for a bunch of "just friends" KWIM? If I liked a guy's personality and/or his looks online, I'm meet him within a few days. If the chemistry was there, great! If not, I didn't feel like I was losing a friend.

I learned that after an online dating experience in college. I met the greatest guy, but he lived about 3 hours away, and we were both busy with school and work. We talked online and by phone constantly, and we both grew pretty attached. We finally met after 6 months or so and there was literally NO chemistry between us, as far as I was concerned. I made the best of it, and went back home. The next day, I started getting suicidal phone calls and emails. Not fun. So after that, I never talked to a guy for more than a couple of weeks before meeting IRL.

I had a similar, although not so extreme, experience. The guy lived in Atlanta, which is about 2 hours from here, so we went a month, maybe a month and a half, before meeting, and were texting and calling and emailing all day by then. We had planned to have him come out and stay overnight at my apartment, because I figured I knew I was going to like him and already knew him pretty well. Well, we showed up, and seemed different immediately. We went out to dinner, and by the time he excused himself to go to the bathroom, I was frantically texting my roommate about what a horrible date I was on - he was rude, loud, annoying, nerdy, a know-it-all, just awful. We went to a bar afterwards because there was a big football game on that I NEEDED to watch, but I only let him buy me one drink. As soon as we got to the car afterwards, I explained to him that things weren't going as either of us had expected, and perhaps we had gotten into things too quickly, and perhaps it wouldn't be appropriate for him to stay the night at my apartment.

i went out with a few guys from online after him, but i didn't let any of them go more than 2 weeks before meeting if i thought i might like him. you can't really know if you like someone unless you know them in person!

[Zophie]

Originally Posted by amanda

you can't really know if you like someone unless you know them in person!

I agree! I've never tried online dating, but I have met people IRL that I met online. They are often not what you would think. And it's for this reason I don't really feel the desire to try online dating. I just don't have time to go through all of that.

[VPT]

I get to know most of my boyfriends offline but I chose to marry a guy I met online!
My hubby and I met using one of the friendfinder.com websites, and as we lived in different countries across the globe, it was difficult to travel to meet. In between the time we met online and the time we first met face to face, I was also dating other guys offline. After emailing for a year he found a job in my country and gave me a surprise visit. He must have liked what he saw so he proposed in 10 months from that date. Rest is sweet history :)

[vuittonamour]

^^^^ awh. and i thought my situation is hard. you guys were like a world apart and me and my baby are only 5 hours.

it's still tough :(

[VPT]

^ LOL yeah it is tough :( but hang in there, absence makes the heart fonder. Hopefully you 2 can find a way to be together forever soon!

As far as the first meeting went, as his luck would have it, I was not at home when he stopped by with a huge bunch of roses. My flat mate related the incident "a handsome hunk from america stopped by with flowers!", as I was spending that weekend at my parents, and at that time out running a marathon with my sister, and didn't bring my cell phone with me!

[LadyLinda]

Hmm... I think I'm a lot older than you, but I just married a man I met online. We met in a shared interest forum, along the lines of vuittonamour, except ours was a fiction writing forum. We hit it off in e-mails, discussing our interests, then went to phone after a few weeks. Loved talking so much we arranged to meet in person a few months later--we both had demanding careers, his as an attorney and me as a writer/mom of four--and there were 1000 miles involved. We met and it was instant WOW for both of us. That's what kept us together for three years, flying every other weekend for visits, until my youngest went off to college and I was free to move those 1000 miles to be near him (easier for me to move my career than for him to move his). We dated in person for a while, and got married last July. Still madly in love.

I met several other men online, and I have a voice men tend to fall in love with on the phone (seriously), so I can second having to meet in person. The chemistry simply may not be there. Only meeting in person will tell that. But be careful. Only meet in person if you've checked the person out and have seriously good vibes over the phone. Meet in a public place (we met at an airport, few places more public than that!). Do consider having a girl friend or someone else at the site should you want to ease yourself out of the meeting. I may have met the love of my life online, but I also met a few seriously scary creeps.