Follow up to monitoring teens....story from this weekend

[bagnshoofetish]

Originally Posted by CuTe_ClAsSy

Teenagers should know where to draw the line, and as a parent I think you should trust that you've taught your kids right, and as they grow up they need to make their own choices and know that you can't come in and save them from every mistake they make in life, hopefully with what you have taught them through the years in mind.

they SHOULD know but often won't draw that line depending on which little voice they are listening to at the moment.
I was a teenager in the 70s and it was very liberal then coming right out of the 60s. You don't know what "dumb" is unless you lived in that era! But the reality is, every generation of teens are basically the same - you are not a kid and not an adult yet so there is a lot of confusion and boundary testing going on. the only difference is the pop culture and fashion. You still have a lot of maturing/life experience to go through - parenting doesn't end when you reach your teens, heck it never ends. you don't ever just sit back and hope everything you taught sunk in and your kids will make only the best decisions based on what they have been taught. no sir. I wished my mom and dad were more involved with my life growing up. I don't think enough questions were asked. there was snooping but it was done in the wrong way IMO so I can see where you are coming from on that point - it also made me want to just clam up entirely. but my point is that yes, teens can be "not stupid" but just lack the experience to know better. so maybe its an attitude thing that needs to be readjusted. parents try to guide you not because you are stupid but because they have done dumbass things too that didn't seem like dumbass things until they were able to look back at it and see it more clearly.
and no, I do not have kids. I am 46 and have nieces and nephews who are teens and adults and can clearly see how I would have parented them based on my personal experience as a teen.

[Cornflower Blue]

I'm 44 and all I know is that I was waaay far more sneaky than twinkle.tinks DS when I was a teenager (by the sounds of it anyway).

But I have to say that I think twinkle.tink handled this situation admirably. I think it was pitched just right imo.

[Roo]

Originally Posted by natalie78

And we both know that it's different standard all together for step-parents.

Don't even get me started

[raspberrycobble]

I'm fifteen, and my parents give me a lot of freedom. I know that they have NEVER gone through any of my online accounts or my phone and that they never will, because we have such a close relationship they I tell them everything and they are never out of the loop. My mommy (yes, I refer to her as my mommy when I'm talking to other people >.>) has an open policy about drinking and pot- make good choices BEFORE you participate in an activity. I've never gotten drunk and have no interest in getting drunk, and I am very anti-drug, so pot is not a problem. My friends are mostly on the more rebellious side of teenagers (a few of them had a sexcapade with a random gang they met at a park in the middle of the night) and even though my mommy knows everything that they have done, she still lets me hang out with them because she trusts my judgment. I've never had a curfew, as long as she knows who I'm with or where, and her only rule about going out late is that she has contact info. My mommy knows every single thing that my friends have done (though we have a kind of informal confidentiality agreement) and even if she knows I am going to a party where there will be drugs and alcohol, she lets me go but tells me to call her if there is a problem and to get the numbers of the neighbors.
Though my daddy sometimes will come into my room and look at what I am doing on the computer, both my parents trust me internet-wise to use common sense.

Recently, a couple of my friends got busted for drinking, smoking weed, the car sexcapade, and some other stuff. Their parents gave them a lot of freedom, yet they abused it. And once they had abused it, their parents DID go through their texts and email, and did not give them very much privacy just in case they ran away (these girls are known for dramatically running away to another friend's house for a night), and I can't say I blame them. These girls now always complain they their parents don't trust or respect them, though you get the respect you earn.

[SunnyFreckles]

I have been following the heck out of this thread. I have a 7 year old boy and will be dealing with this here in a few years...so everyones perspectives (positive and negative) have been VERY helpful!

I have a friend who has a 14 year old daughter. She read her texts the other night and discovered that she and her boyfriend are very close to having sex. They are getting naked together, etc... She has used that knowledge as a way to get her daughter educated...and fast. Of course she doesn't want her lil' girl to start having sex, but she DOES want her to be safe...if she's going to do it.

Point being...it is all in what you do with the information that you find. I think that at some point any parent has to be able to arm themselves in case something goes wrong. I refer back to the text messages in my previous posts...there are teen girls sending sex pics AND VIDEO!!! of themselves trusting the receivers of their messages just to have them sent across have our lil' ol' town! Seriously...!

Forget the sex messages...what about those girls who go MISSING??? We have to face it. The world we live in NOW is very gross and rawnchy and BAD things happen. Look at that gang rape in California last weekend. Kids stood there and TOOK PICS AND VIDEO on their phones. They didn't call 911.

I am terrified being a parent in this day and age. Downright terrified.

Thank you for a great thread. This is been a fabulous thread to talk about these issues and I am so thankful (again) to have tPF here to give great input on a real life issue!