Follow up to monitoring teens....story from this weekend

[flashy.stems]

heheh this is funny. i remember getting caught in high school :(
but it sounds like your DS is happy, so thats awesome.

[meganfm]

Originally Posted by Roo

I want to share on this topic too.... A family in my local area has a 15 yo daughter that went missing a month ago. They believe she met someone on myspace- an adult man- and is staying with him somewhere in the local area. The parents had to hire an attorney to subpoena myspace to get their daughter's password info and are still waiting to find out if myspace will release that info. myspace has refused to release it thus far (even after being contacted by law enforcement) even though the daughter is missing and likely under the control of an adult pedophile. Had the parents had a keylogger installed, none of this would be happening.

And that is why young kids shouldn't be allowed on certain sites. The fact that the daughter went missing is horribly tragic and I sincerely hope they are able to find her alive and safe.

But really, why do you NEED a keylogger? I know many parents who simply block/don't allow sites like MySpace or Facebook to be accessed by their kids-they put the computer in a public area of the house (not so the parents can be standing behind you watching, but in a place where the kids know parents CAN walk by and see), and they limit the amount of time allowed on it. I'm with Charles on this-I still think keyloggers are an invasion of privacy-especially if, like in the case of the OP, you aren't telling your son about it.

And hey, didn't we all have those party days in high school? Heck, I even remember a couple of instances where my friends and I drank at school (okay, those were extraneous instances, but I'm trying to point out that these things happen no matter how hard you try to control it). Yeah, we might have woken up feeling like crap the next day-but did it harm us in the long run? A couple of my friend's parents had no problem giving us alcohol in high school-so even though my parents knew we were "supervised", we were still drinking and getting quite rowdy.

Just sayin'.

[omgsweet]

I would never have allowed my child to spend the night without talking to the parents first. So, in this case, you really didn't need the keylogger in order to make sure your son was supervised.

I'm not sure what I will do when my kids start using the internet.

[dallas]

When does the monitoring stop?

[SunnyFreckles]

I am 30. When I was 15, I went out to my first drinking party. We still have no idea who turned us in, but we got caught. At 3 am the cops called my parents to come get me.

My mom later said that she "had a feeling" but let me go anyway.

We were drinking and driving before we got to that house. I could have been in a car accident and killed.

And that was ALL before this new technology. Had she had a way to track my plans (knowing what we were planning) she would not have let me go learn from my mistake the hard way.

I think that NOW...in this time, the internet and cell phones allow for way too much to happen. In our little town of 20,000 we have 15 year olds taking porn-like pics and video and texting it to their trusted friends and boyfriends, just to have the whole school see it within hours. Seriously. There is something very, very wrong with that. It was all stopped because a parent checked their kids' phones and found it.

In addition...when it comes to the fact that there is a way to find that missing girl with our technology and networking sites, well...thats (hopefully) going to lead to a happy ending. What is worse is if it takes even longer to get access to her MySpace and that time ends up causing that teen her life.

What I am trying to say is basically...let them have their freedom but set the expectation that you as a parent are going to BE a parent that tracks their kids' activities. Will they try and hide it? Sure. But if the ability to track is there, and maybe save their LIFE! from something worse down the road...well, I'll be tracking my son. And he'll know it.

[SPOILEDkiwi]

Originally Posted by Roo

I want to share on this topic too.... A family in my local area has a 15 yo daughter that went missing a month ago. They believe she met someone on myspace- an adult man- and is staying with him somewhere in the local area. The parents had to hire an attorney to subpoena myspace to get their daughter's password info and are still waiting to find out if myspace will release that info. myspace has refused to release it thus far (even after being contacted by law enforcement) even though the daughter is missing and likely under the control of an adult pedophile. Had the parents had a keylogger installed, none of this would be happening.

That's terrible! I'm surprised myspace is refusing to release the information. I wasn't aware that they had a choice in the matter if it's a police investigation involving a minor. I thought they always had to cooperate with the police.

[Roo]

Originally Posted by SPOILEDkiwi

That's terrible! I'm surprised myspace is refusing to release the information. I wasn't aware that they had a choice in the matter if it's a police investigation involving a minor. I thought they always had to cooperate with the police.

Here's more info (sorry for the thread hijack TT)

http://www.king5.com/localnews/stori...2482edfd5.html

Search for missing girl hits online roadblock

10:44 PM PDT on Friday, October 23, 2009

By ELISA HAHN / KING 5 News

Parents helpless in locating runaway teen

REDMOND, Wash. - Jamie Stevens has been missing for more than a month. The teenager's parents believe answers to her whereabouts are online. Police believe her e-mail and Myspace accounts could help solve the case, but they've hit an online roadblock.

"She walked off without a nickel in her pocket, no ID, no purse, no nothing and that was the last time I saw her," said Jamie's mother, Judy Stevens.

Jamie is a bright Redmond High School sophomore, with shining artistic talent. But like many teenagers, Jamie and her parents weren't seeing eye to eye. Then she disappeared a month ago.

"She was very angry. We had caught her in a couple lies a week before and we talked to her about it and she had been upset for a few days," says Judy Stevens.

The troubled teen didn't call home, but she at least communicated through e-mail.

"People started getting e-mails from her, we soon found out she was going to libraries e-mailing or getting online," said her mother.

On September 29, Jamie e-mailed her mom agreeing it was time to come home. But then something happened. On her Myspace page, her mood shifted to "guilty." Her parents heard she had met an adult male over the Internet.

"We've been able to piece together some things that did happen. We know on that particular night she stayed with an older person in Lynnwood and the next day she logged in and said 'guilty,'" said her father, Jim Stevens.

Because Jamie's Myspace and e-mail are password protected, neither her parents or police can access her accounts. The Stevens have hired an attorney and they say a special FBI task force called "Innocence Lost" is helping with the case.

Myspace says the Electronic Communications Privacy Act keeps them from divulging account information, even for a juvenile, unless there is evidence of foul play.

"What kind of falls through the cracks are these missing person cases, where person is clearly missing, but we don't know a crime has been committed," said Sgt. John Urquhart, with the King County Sheriff's Office.

With no new word from Jamie for weeks, the search for her is stalled. But her parents haven't given up.

"We're not sure she's making all of her own decisions right now," says Jim Stevens.

[LeeMiller]

Wow, that's crazy. I'm 100% pro-monitoring, but wouldn't tell my kids I was monitoring them. Ok future kids. The way the world is now is nothing like when I grew up -- there is so much more information/temptation/danger. And I'm only in my 30s. Frankly I would have gotten into worlds more of trouble in today's world then I actually did back then.

[valjo]

Originally Posted by dallas

When does the monitoring stop?

Alot of arguments have been made for monitoring for protection but personally I think it really depends on the person. Kids who want to do 'bad stuff' will do it at college if they can't do it at home. One of my closest friends was monitored by her parents while at home and she went to university, bought weed and alcohol and got sexually assaulted while drunk/high in her first month of school. I really don't understand the children who connect with strangers on myspace. They are exceptional cases IMO. I mean, what kids don't know the dangers of online predators?

I know this topic was discussed earlier because a woman was hurt by what her daughter was saying to her friends. Teenagers are brutally hard on their parents and WILL say nasty things they don't mean. IMO keylogger is causing her to stress over something that just happens during the teenage phase.

[twinkle.tink]

Originally Posted by Roo

Here's more info (sorry for the thread hijack TT) http://www.king5.com/localnews/stori...2482edfd5.html Search for missing girl hits online roadblock 10:44 PM PDT on Friday, October 23, 2009 By ELISA HAHN / KING 5 News Parents helpless in locating runaway teen REDMOND, Wash. - Jamie Stevens has been missing for more than a month. The teenager's parents believe answers to her whereabouts are online. Police believe her e-mail and Myspace accounts could help solve the case, but they've hit an online roadblock. "She walked off without a nickel in her pocket, no ID, no purse, no nothing and that was the last time I saw her," said Jamie's mother, Judy Stevens. Jamie is a bright Redmond High School sophomore, with shining artistic talent. But like many teenagers, Jamie and her parents weren't seeing eye to eye. Then she disappeared a month ago. "She was very angry. We had caught her in a couple lies a week before and we talked to her about it and she had been upset for a few days," says Judy Stevens. The troubled teen didn't call home, but she at least communicated through e-mail. "People started getting e-mails from her, we soon found out she was going to libraries e-mailing or getting online," said her mother. On September 29, Jamie e-mailed her mom agreeing it was time to come home. But then something happened. On her Myspace page, her mood shifted to "guilty." Her parents heard she had met an adult male over the Internet. "We've been able to piece together some things that did happen. We know on that particular night she stayed with an older person in Lynnwood and the next day she logged in and said 'guilty,'" said her father, Jim Stevens. Because Jamie's Myspace and e-mail are password protected, neither her parents or police can access her accounts. The Stevens have hired an attorney and they say a special FBI task force called "Innocence Lost" is helping with the case. Myspace says the Electronic Communications Privacy Act keeps them from divulging account information, even for a juvenile, unless there is evidence of foul play. "What kind of falls through the cracks are these missing person cases, where person is clearly missing, but we don't know a crime has been committed," said Sgt. John Urquhart, with the King County Sheriff's Office. With no new word from Jamie for weeks, the search for her is stalled. But her parents haven't given up. "We're not sure she's making all of her own decisions right now," says Jim Stevens.

No worries, all adding to the topic :)

[twinkle.tink]

Originally Posted by omgsweet

I would never have allowed my child to spend the night without talking to the parents first. So, in this case, you really didn't need the keylogger in order to make sure your son was supervised. I'm not sure what I will do when my kids start using the internet.

There is a group of 4 of them that have been friends since 1 st grade, so obviously, we know them and their parents well. Almost every weekend at least one of them is here or DS is there, we (the parents) continually talk. So sometimes we may not speak right away about spending the night, sometimes we do. Which is why my son didn't think it was odd that I called and asked to speak to the parents.

[juneping]

OMG...the story roo posted was very disturbing. can't believe they are not releasing the info to locate the girl. can the law makers do something?????
i am not a parent but i feel if i ever find some way to monitor my child(ren)....i'll never let them know how i watch them...i just feel parents somehow have to be technology savvy to be able to keep their children safe.

[Aslan]

Trust me, I hear you and understand your concerns, as a parent myself.

Originally Posted by twinkle.tink

It really is a catch 22, let's face it if you tell them, they will just find another way, use a friends computer, etc.

This is the dilemma we always face when we tell our children not to do something. If we say, no smoking pot, they can always go to a friend's house and do it. All you can do is take a "my house, my rules" stance (with internet activity, etc.), and let it go. It's scary to be a parent these days, I know...I just do not want to set the stage for issues of mutual mistrust and deception. From someone who is both a mom and was a teenager only a few year ago...once those issues crop up, they last in the relationship long after the teenage years are gone.

[twinkle.tink]

Originally Posted by Aslan

Trust me, I hear you and understand your concerns, as a parent myself. This is the dilemma we always face when we tell our children not to do something. If we say, no smoking pot, they can always go to a friend's house and do it. All you can do is take a "my house, my rules" stance (with internet activity, etc.), and let it go. It's scary to be a parent these days, I know...I just do not want to set the stage for issues of mutual mistrust and deception. From someone who is both a mom and was a teenager only a few year ago...once those issues crop up, they last in the relationship long after the teenage years are gone.

I don't agree with that at all. Being a parent is much more than "my house, my rules"...no drugs, including pot...means no drugs, not just at my house. That's why we know his friends and their parents and monitor him.

I also don't think it sets up mutual mistrust at all, at least not in my house. My oldest son is now 21 (well in 2 weeks) and we have a great relationship. He knows now what I did to watch him, and that I do it to the almost 16 year old. DS21 has half sister who is 17 and a drug user and has run away 3 times, her mom kicked her out when she was 15 and she went to live with my ex, who did no better with her. When she was moving in with my ex, my son was telling me how horrible she was, he was 19 then. At that time he called me from college and told me how glad he was he had myself and DH for parents, and even though he thought we were pains at times, he could now she why. He said he was amazed how many kids at school were 'idiots' (his word) and couldn't help but wonder what kind of parents they had. I was so proud of him, I even made a post about it here.

[Aslan]

Originally Posted by twinkle.tink

I don't agree with that at all. Being a parent is much more than "my house, my rules"...no drugs, including pot...means no drugs, not just at my house. That's why we know his friends and their parents and monitor him.

I think you misunderstood me. I don't mean that I tell my son that it's okay to break my rules outside of my house. The point is that I give him a charge as a child in my house, a charge to obey me, inside my home and out. The problem is that you can't stop your kids from doing something when you are not around. It's just an inherent problem with children, they are autonomous beings. That's my response to: "he'll just use a friend's computer." That's just like me saying, I'm not going to tell my son not smoke pot, I'll just set up a camera in his room because if I tell him that, he'll just go to a friend's house and do it.

And as for the mutual mistrust, I've had it happen in my relationship with my mother and am seeing my sister go through it, so to me, it's very real.