Flirting with married men

MissusB · Jun 26th, 2008, 09:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by boxermom

It is repulsive and wrong on so many levels. MissusB is so right--if they'll do it WITH you, they'll do it TO you. These know-it-all young women need a dose of empathy for the wives. And the men don't need to encourage it either.

I am so with you boxermom! It seems to boil down to grown individuals (men and women) basically seeking to validate/feel good about themselves in a most inappropriate manner!

Have they never heard of volunteer work????? (Other than what they are currently "volunteering", that is!)

LouisLady · Jun 26th, 2008, 09:33 PM

Whenever I have found out a colleage or friend is married, there is a totally new line in between us. I am more careful of the things I would joke, or even the way I would act. I know from my personal experience from work, when I know that a man is married, I really just stay away! It's just a respect thing.

What those girl that do at your work is wrong!

Virgo · Jun 26th, 2008, 10:34 PM

Its not common at my work. I can't believe they can keep a straight face while saying those outrageous things. lol.

Ladybug09 · Jun 27th, 2008, 01:33 AM

It's called disrespectful...These are the type of women who sleep their way to the top or become a trophy wife. Disgusting.

No this is not common behavior among young women, but desperate women.

I agree that BOTH people should be responsible for their actions, but the married person to his/her spouse and the single one to their self, but I think to continuing pursing, dating, going after a married man and you KNOW he is married, whether the rship is supposedly over, almost over, etc, is bad. That person is STILL MARRIED.

And to one of the posters who said who hasn't flirted, etc with a married man, I haven't, and if I ever found out that they were you can believe I would cut them off with a quickness. For example, I had a colleague who decided he wanted to become very flirty with the new girl and I cut him off with a quickness. He knew by my ACTIONS AND MY WORDS that I would not go that route with him.

I take marriage vows VERY SERIOUSLY and I'm not even married. It shows the individuals character to engage in this type of behavior and like someone said, It will come back to get you.

And like the the posted who says below, who wants to share a man, it's not worth your time, integrity, nor respect!

pollinilove · Jun 27th, 2008, 01:41 AM

i would never flirt with a man that had a wife number 1 reason im a baptist sorry i know we cant talk about that subject but thats my reason the bible and second like blanch on the tv show the golden girl said the wife gets all the good gifts out of guilt plus i would not want to share a man

LaurelLee123 · Jun 27th, 2008, 03:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Virgo

Its not common at my work. I can't believe they can keep a straight face while saying those outrageous things. lol.

ITA! That's what I thought. I mean, how do you tell an unattractive man that is your father's age that they look hot? I would just feel so ridiculous.

When I watch these girls at work and their interactions, I truly don't believe that they are trying to actually sleep with these men or actually have an affair with them. I think that they don't find these men attractive. I think it is just mutual ego stroking. But it makes both parties look so silly.

Another inappropriate thing that happens, is that even though most of these girls aren't interested in these older men, occasionally there is one that is interested. And she goes around telling everyone about her crush on this particular married man.

While I do understand (but don't approve) of using sexuality to get a promotion - these girls that are being so flirtatious can not be promoted. It isn't like a corporation where people can climb the latter. You are hired into a position you are trained for and that's it - there is no moving up unless you go back to school and earn an additional degree. So they aren't flirting with older men for their career. It is really just for kicks. And it is nauseating.

Bella · Jun 27th, 2008, 05:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Charles

Girls using their sexuality in the workplace?? Have you been under a rock since....forever?

Little Tiger · Jun 27th, 2008, 08:29 PM

I'm seriously surprised at the comments the original poster said women in her office make!

I think a little bit of flirting in the office is fun and harmless - it can be a brief respite from the monotany of work (yes, I'm away how close that sounds to 'monogamy'..!).

But there's a line, and the women in that office definitely crossed it. The OP also said it was harmless, and the women might feel it to be harmless if they are accustomed to that sort of dialogue socially, or view the men as being out of bounds, so in effect they were testing their 'skills' in a harmless way. It's totally unprofessional though. (Disclaimer: there are some women who act that way towards men and women alike, though in that case you might think they are exhaustingly friendly!)

There are also some women who are trying to find their feet at work and feel that is the easiest way to do it, and that's a total pain for all around.

LaurelLee is right, there is usually one young women for whom it isn't just banter.

It's also up to the men to make it clear what's acceptable, I don't believe in the view that men are simpletons led astray by a tight fitting pencil skirt.

Personally I am just not attracted to men much younger than me, but I was attracted to someone much older (married) than me once at work - we occassionally emailed each other on a 'joke' level, which was very funny and made work much more interesting. But we never said anything risqué.

I do feel a bit guilty about it, I know I did wrong in having a crush on him - we never quantifiably crossed the line, but we had a 'bond' - but, in actual fact, I took my lead from him and he loved his family and didn't want to do anything to hurt them (I was a mixed up singleton at the time, but also didn't try to initiate anything).

dknigh21 · Jun 28th, 2008, 10:39 AM

This might get me a bit bashed, but I will admit to being a big flirt. Even at work. I flirt with pretty much everyone, men and women if they are cool about it. I think maybe half of them are married. But it's fun and harmless. We both know that nothing is going to come of it; it's just some fun and flattery for the both of us. Although I will say that the women in the OP's story went to a little overboard IMO. There's no reason to hang all over someone or to invite your boss clubbing. I work retail, so it is also a nice break for all of us from the customers who tend to be more than a bit irritable during the summer months. I guess I just look at is all fun, no foul. But I'm also not trying to use it to get ahead or steal anyone's SO. Since as stated, I flirt with everyone.

I just think that it is up to the person who is married to discourage any flirting. That is the person who has taken vows. The single person is free to flirt with whomever they wish. The married person is responsible for their SO's feelings and wishes. If they encourage the flirting, that sends a signal to flirter that it is fine and acceptable.

Charles · Jun 30th, 2008, 11:45 PM

I just wanted to clear something up. Obviously, I'm a guy, and I've had a few girls flirt with me in the workplace. A few of you are blaming the guy saying that he should say something. Ok, what is he supposed to say? Say he's a happily married man, then have the woman say that she wasn't flirting and say something to HR about him making assumptions about her behavior? It's not always as easy as it seems...especially in the workplace. Instead, I'd just shrug it off and move to the next topic. We're not dumb (usually), so we can tell when a girl is kissing ass. We usually just let it slide and move on. This is the workplace, so we have to see them daily. It's just easier to laugh it off than to cause a stir.

QueenOfDa702 · Jun 30th, 2008, 11:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Charles

Girls using their sexuality in the workplace?? Have you been under a rock since....forever?

Seriously! Girls are scandalous ho's and will do anything to get their slutty faces into a higher position. Even if favoritism isnt their intentions, girls think its FUNNY and CUTE to flirt with married/taken men. They are SCANDALOUS and they sicken me.

Rant over.

Jun 26th, 2008, 09:33 PM	#47
LouisLady Member Location: south CA	Whenever I have found out a colleage or friend is married, there is a totally new line in between us. I am more careful of the things I would joke, or even the way I would act. I know from my personal experience from work, when I know that a man is married, I really just stay away! It's just a respect thing. What those girl that do at your work is wrong! __________________ I want a YSL DOWNTOWN!

Jun 26th, 2008, 10:34 PM	#48
Virgo Member	Its not common at my work. I can't believe they can keep a straight face while saying those outrageous things. lol. __________________ Virgo

Jun 27th, 2008, 01:33 AM	#49
Ladybug09 So Sweet! Location: Born in the USA	It's called disrespectful...These are the type of women who sleep their way to the top or become a trophy wife. Disgusting. No this is not common behavior among young women, but desperate women. I agree that BOTH people should be responsible for their actions, but the married person to his/her spouse and the single one to their self, but I think to continuing pursing, dating, going after a married man and you KNOW he is married, whether the rship is supposedly over, almost over, etc, is bad. That person is STILL MARRIED. And to one of the posters who said who hasn't flirted, etc with a married man, I haven't, and if I ever found out that they were you can believe I would cut them off with a quickness. For example, I had a colleague who decided he wanted to become very flirty with the new girl and I cut him off with a quickness. He knew by my ACTIONS AND MY WORDS that I would not go that route with him. I take marriage vows VERY SERIOUSLY and I'm not even married. It shows the individuals character to engage in this type of behavior and like someone said, It will come back to get you. And like the the posted who says below, who wants to share a man, it's not worth your time, integrity, nor respect! __________________ Ladybug Last edited by Ladybug09; Jun 27th, 2008 at 01:55 AM.

Jun 28th, 2008, 10:39 AM	#54
dknigh21 Member	This might get me a bit bashed, but I will admit to being a big flirt. Even at work. I flirt with pretty much everyone, men and women if they are cool about it. I think maybe half of them are married. But it's fun and harmless. We both know that nothing is going to come of it; it's just some fun and flattery for the both of us. Although I will say that the women in the OP's story went to a little overboard IMO. There's no reason to hang all over someone or to invite your boss clubbing. I work retail, so it is also a nice break for all of us from the customers who tend to be more than a bit irritable during the summer months. I guess I just look at is all fun, no foul. But I'm also not trying to use it to get ahead or steal anyone's SO. Since as stated, I flirt with everyone. I just think that it is up to the person who is married to discourage any flirting. That is the person who has taken vows. The single person is free to flirt with whomever they wish. The married person is responsible for their SO's feelings and wishes. If they encourage the flirting, that sends a signal to flirter that it is fine and acceptable. __________________ On a ban until I loose 20 lbs.

Jun 27th, 2008, 01:41 AM	#50
pollinilove Member Location: nc 30 min from va border	i would never flirt with a man that had a wife number 1 reason im a baptist sorry i know we cant talk about that subject but thats my reason the bible and second like blanch on the tv show the golden girl said the wife gets all the good gifts out of guilt plus i would not want to share a man

Jun 27th, 2008, 08:29 PM	#53
Little Tiger Member	I'm seriously surprised at the comments the original poster said women in her office make! I think a little bit of flirting in the office is fun and harmless - it can be a brief respite from the monotany of work (yes, I'm away how close that sounds to 'monogamy'..!). But there's a line, and the women in that office definitely crossed it. The OP also said it was harmless, and the women might feel it to be harmless if they are accustomed to that sort of dialogue socially, or view the men as being out of bounds, so in effect they were testing their 'skills' in a harmless way. It's totally unprofessional though. (Disclaimer: there are some women who act that way towards men and women alike, though in that case you might think they are exhaustingly friendly!) There are also some women who are trying to find their feet at work and feel that is the easiest way to do it, and that's a total pain for all around. LaurelLee is right, there is usually one young women for whom it isn't just banter. It's also up to the men to make it clear what's acceptable, I don't believe in the view that men are simpletons led astray by a tight fitting pencil skirt. Personally I am just not attracted to men much younger than me, but I was attracted to someone much older (married) than me once at work - we occassionally emailed each other on a 'joke' level, which was very funny and made work much more interesting. But we never said anything risqué. I do feel a bit guilty about it, I know I did wrong in having a crush on him - we never quantifiably crossed the line, but we had a 'bond' - but, in actual fact, I took my lead from him and he loved his family and didn't want to do anything to hurt them (I was a mixed up singleton at the time, but also didn't try to initiate anything).

Jun 30th, 2008, 11:45 PM	#55
Charles Sucks at budgeting Location: Jacksonville, Fl	I just wanted to clear something up. Obviously, I'm a guy, and I've had a few girls flirt with me in the workplace. A few of you are blaming the guy saying that he should say something. Ok, what is he supposed to say? Say he's a happily married man, then have the woman say that she wasn't flirting and say something to HR about him making assumptions about her behavior? It's not always as easy as it seems...especially in the workplace. Instead, I'd just shrug it off and move to the next topic. We're not dumb (usually), so we can tell when a girl is kissing ass. We usually just let it slide and move on. This is the workplace, so we have to see them daily. It's just easier to laugh it off than to cause a stir.