fight with boyfriend- am i overreacting?

amber11 · Jun 17th, 2008, 01:04 AM

So heres my dilemna- i asked my boyfriend to accompany me to a wedding (he is already going to one other one with me this summer) and he will NOT go, he said he absolutely can't stand the two getting married and neither of us have talked to them since highschool so he doesn't understand why either of us need to go in the first place. i explained to him that weddings and funerals are just things you have to go to but he refuses even after i explained to him that i would have to go alone and that it would mean alot if he would go with me... anyways we've been going out for 3 years and i just figure that by now theres just certain things you just do as couples, and that he would understand that? anyways please tell me if i'm overeacting, any advice would be welcomed! thanks so much!

Vinyl · Jun 17th, 2008, 01:14 AM

Well... if he really can't stand the people that are getting married, I wouldn't make him go. He just wouldn't enjoy it anyways. I'd rather people attend my wedding because they genuinely want to, not because they were coerced to. Plus, he is already going to another wedding with you. If you realllllly, really want to go to the wedding, perhaps take someone else w/you?

Lyanna Stark · Jun 17th, 2008, 01:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by amber11

So heres my dilemna- i asked my boyfriend to accompany me to a wedding (he is already going to one other one with me this summer) and he will NOT go, he said he absolutely can't stand the two getting married and neither of us have talked to them since highschool so he doesn't understand why either of us need to go in the first place. i explained to him that weddings and funerals are just things you have to go to but he refuses even after i explained to him that i would have to go alone and that it would mean alot if he would go with me... anyways we've been going out for 3 years and i just figure that by now theres just certain things you just do as couples, and that he would understand that? anyways please tell me if i'm overeacting, any advice would be welcomed! thanks so much!

I don't understand too why he has to go too. In my book weddings and funerals are obligatory for SOs to attend only if they are by family and close relatives/BFFs. Normal friends and aquaintances, nah, don't force him, especially as he don't like the people involved.

Megs · Jun 17th, 2008, 01:23 AM

I wouldn't be too mad at this. If he is not close with them and does not feel he needs to be part of their day, then it makes sense. But it also makes sense that you would like him to be there with you. Are you set on going? Would you go alone?

amber11 · Jun 17th, 2008, 01:29 AM

yea i guess i was just always told that if they extended the invitation towards you you should attend but i can see if i can nail down another friend to go before i send in my r.s.v.p. thanks ladies for your input! i think it came down more to the fact that i just want somebody there with me that will keep me company and make it fun since i'm not particularly close to the bride and groom either

VPT · Jun 17th, 2008, 01:44 AM

Another vote for I don't think he should go. Because when the priest/pastor/whatever says "and who should be against their union let them now speak" I am pretty sure your boyfriends arms will go up high. I don't think you will have the stomach to face the consequences, will you?

paintednightsky · Jun 17th, 2008, 02:19 AM

I agree with the girls. If you aren't particulary close to the couple or care to go, why bother? Since he doesn't really know them, he wouldn't enjoy it and he isn't obligated to go. They probably wouldn't notice him not being there or you for that matter if you wouldn't enjoy going. It is not a close family event where his actions would matter. I wouldn't drag him into it and hopefully you can have your friend accompany you. Definitely not worth a fight.

illinirdhd · Jun 17th, 2008, 02:51 AM

OK, speaking as a recent bride... if either or both of you really don't want to go, then don't go. The bride and groom shouldn't have to spend money to feed and entertain anyone who doesn't want to be there in the first place. Send a nice card with your regrets, and maybe a gift, but stay home. If you want to go, then go alone, but don't make BF go with you.

Also, guys aren't really that into going to weddings, as a general rule. One wedding this summer is probably more than enough for your BF. Don't torture him with another.

amber11 · Jun 17th, 2008, 06:21 AM

you girls are amazing thanks for the other perspective on this i really appreciate it! and good point form the recent bride!

helium · Jun 17th, 2008, 06:43 AM

Nup. He shouldn't go. In fact, i'm not even sure why you're going if you haven't talked to them since high school but i'm not judging you.

I definitely don't agree with you on the 'some things you do as couples' comment. It doesn't really matter how long you've been together, if he's uncomfortable with something then you shouldn't make him do it. It's not about what you feel is a 'couple' thing to do or not, it's really about respecting his feelings too.

I hope you get it sorted out.

Glamfoxx · Jun 17th, 2008, 07:07 AM

If you aren't close to the two getting married then I wouldn't push the issue.

queenvictoria2 · Jun 17th, 2008, 08:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by helium

Nup. He shouldn't go. In fact, i'm not even sure why you're going if you haven't talked to them since high school but i'm not judging you.

I definitely don't agree with you on the 'some things you do as couples' comment. It doesn't really matter how long you've been together, if he's uncomfortable with something then you shouldn't make him do it. It's not about what you feel is a 'couple' thing to do or not, it's really about respecting his feelings too.

I hope you get it sorted out.

I agree

boxermom · Jun 17th, 2008, 10:58 AM

Just because you get an invitation doesn't mean you have to attend every wedding, graduation, shower, etc. If you're not close to the couple, it isn't necessary. If he can't stand them, he's honestly in the right about this specific situation.

Good luck.

ChristyR143 · Jun 17th, 2008, 12:05 PM

I agree with the others....if he can't stand the people, then why should he go? And what's more, if you aren't particularly close with either one of them, I don't see why you should go either. I have never been one to buy into that whole 'just because you get invited means you have to go' mentality. I also do not attend funerals unless the person who died is someone who was close to me, or is the family member of someone who is close to me. In other words, there has to be a mutual connection of someone that is close to me. Not everyone agrees with this point of view (my mil especially) but that's just the way I roll.

bagnshoofetish · Jun 17th, 2008, 12:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by illinirdhd

OK, speaking as a recent bride... if either or both of you really don't want to go, then don't go. The bride and groom shouldn't have to spend money to feed and entertain anyone who doesn't want to be there in the first place. Send a nice card with your regrets, and maybe a gift, but stay home. If you want to go, then go alone, but don't make BF go with you.

Also, guys aren't really that into going to weddings, as a general rule. One wedding this summer is probably more than enough for your BF. Don't torture him with another.

ditto.

Jun 17th, 2008, 01:04 AM	#1
amber11 Member	fight with boyfriend- am i overreacting? So heres my dilemna- i asked my boyfriend to accompany me to a wedding (he is already going to one other one with me this summer) and he will NOT go, he said he absolutely can't stand the two getting married and neither of us have talked to them since highschool so he doesn't understand why either of us need to go in the first place. i explained to him that weddings and funerals are just things you have to go to but he refuses even after i explained to him that i would have to go alone and that it would mean alot if he would go with me... anyways we've been going out for 3 years and i just figure that by now theres just certain things you just do as couples, and that he would understand that? anyways please tell me if i'm overeacting, any advice would be welcomed! thanks so much!

Jun 17th, 2008, 01:14 AM	#2
Vinyl Miu Miu lovin'! Location: Honolulu/Boston	Well... if he really can't stand the people that are getting married, I wouldn't make him go. He just wouldn't enjoy it anyways. I'd rather people attend my wedding because they genuinely want to, not because they were coerced to. Plus, he is already going to another wedding with you. If you realllllly, really want to go to the wedding, perhaps take someone else w/you? __________________ wanting a miu miu bow satchel in alluminio badly.

Jun 17th, 2008, 01:44 AM	#6
VPT i ♥ blood oranges Location: Singapore / Vancouver	Another vote for I don't think he should go. Because when the priest/pastor/whatever says "and who should be against their union let them now speak" I am pretty sure your boyfriends arms will go up high. I don't think you will have the stomach to face the consequences, will you? __________________

Jun 17th, 2008, 02:19 AM	#7
paintednightsky Member	I agree with the girls. If you aren't particulary close to the couple or care to go, why bother? Since he doesn't really know them, he wouldn't enjoy it and he isn't obligated to go. They probably wouldn't notice him not being there or you for that matter if you wouldn't enjoy going. It is not a close family event where his actions would matter. I wouldn't drag him into it and hopefully you can have your friend accompany you. Definitely not worth a fight. __________________ Waiting For Tano Grape Minilisa Wishlist RM BBW or Violet, Kooba Smooth Black Sienna, Ignes Chiara/Ormala My Bag Collection http://forum.purseblog.com/your-bag-...on-293432.html

Jun 17th, 2008, 02:51 AM	#8
illinirdhd Sofa King Hooked Location: Las Vegas, NV	OK, speaking as a recent bride... if either or both of you really don't want to go, then don't go. The bride and groom shouldn't have to spend money to feed and entertain anyone who doesn't want to be there in the first place. Send a nice card with your regrets, and maybe a gift, but stay home. If you want to go, then go alone, but don't make BF go with you. Also, guys aren't really that into going to weddings, as a general rule. One wedding this summer is probably more than enough for your BF. Don't torture him with another. __________________

Jun 17th, 2008, 01:23 AM	#4
Megs	I wouldn't be too mad at this. If he is not close with them and does not feel he needs to be part of their day, then it makes sense. But it also makes sense that you would like him to be there with you. Are you set on going? Would you go alone? __________________ Enter our fabulous November giveaway sponsored by Adriana Castro!!!! Check out our latest press, Purse Blog in the Miami Herald!

Jun 17th, 2008, 01:29 AM	#5
amber11 Member	yea i guess i was just always told that if they extended the invitation towards you you should attend but i can see if i can nail down another friend to go before i send in my r.s.v.p. thanks ladies for your input! i think it came down more to the fact that i just want somebody there with me that will keep me company and make it fun since i'm not particularly close to the bride and groom either

Jun 17th, 2008, 06:21 AM	#9
amber11 Member	you girls are amazing thanks for the other perspective on this i really appreciate it! and good point form the recent bride!

Jun 17th, 2008, 06:43 AM	#10
helium Member	Nup. He shouldn't go. In fact, i'm not even sure why you're going if you haven't talked to them since high school but i'm not judging you. I definitely don't agree with you on the 'some things you do as couples' comment. It doesn't really matter how long you've been together, if he's uncomfortable with something then you shouldn't make him do it. It's not about what you feel is a 'couple' thing to do or not, it's really about respecting his feelings too. I hope you get it sorted out.

Jun 17th, 2008, 07:07 AM	#11
Glamfoxx Member	If you aren't close to the two getting married then I wouldn't push the issue.

Jun 17th, 2008, 10:58 AM	#13
boxermom Member Location: North Carolina	Just because you get an invitation doesn't mean you have to attend every wedding, graduation, shower, etc. If you're not close to the couple, it isn't necessary. If he can't stand them, he's honestly in the right about this specific situation. Good luck.

Jun 17th, 2008, 12:05 PM	#14
ChristyR143 But it was on sale!! Location: Texas	I agree with the others....if he can't stand the people, then why should he go? And what's more, if you aren't particularly close with either one of them, I don't see why you should go either. I have never been one to buy into that whole 'just because you get invited means you have to go' mentality. I also do not attend funerals unless the person who died is someone who was close to me, or is the family member of someone who is close to me. In other words, there has to be a mutual connection of someone that is close to me. Not everyone agrees with this point of view (my mil especially) but that's just the way I roll. __________________