Feels like the sky is falling on me.

[miu2]

Originally Posted by nordia5

he's lied. he blamed ME for my insecurities, when i had every reason to think them. he lied to my face about the same things OVER and OVER until i found proof. It's not that i'm insecure. and if i am, it seems as though i have every right to be. i just miss the things we used to do and what he used to be like. if im clingy, i'm clinging on to something that's not there anymore. you guys are like telling me its my fault. basically what he's been telling me the whole time.

Nordia, you really need to re-read your post here (especially the red highlighted part). WHY would anyone want to be with someone who has done this to them??? You've pretty much described a person that most women would have dumped a long time ago, instead you are clinging on to a person that no longer exists. By the way, being insecure is not a "right", it's a choice. You are choosing to hang on to person that you cannot trust (and therefore makes you feel insecure). Again, may I ask how old you are?

[cafire]

Originally Posted by nordia5

he's lied. he blamed ME for my insecurities, when i had every reason to think them. he lied to my face about the same things OVER and OVER until i found proof. It's not that i'm insecure. and if i am, it seems as though i have every right to be. i just miss the things we used to do and what he used to be like. if im clingy, i'm clinging on to something that's not there anymore. you guys are like telling me its my fault. basically what he's been telling me the whole time.

No one is arguing that he is NOT a jerk - that he is NOT mistreating you. We all believe that he IS a jerk who IS mistreating you.

BUT - It IS your fault that you are CONTINUING TO LET HIM DO THIS TO YOU. No one can mistreat you WITHOUT YOUR CONSENT in being there.

It is frustrating to hear the same complaints from you when you are so unwilling to walk away from this abuser.

I have empathized with your situation - I have been in your situation. But nothing you are complaining about is NEW here - he is continuing to act the same way he always has.

What else can we say to get you to realize you have to leave? As I said before, only you know how much you are willing to take. But it is starting to sound like a broken record and only YOU can help yourself by walking away.

[nova_girl]

I feel like I'm in a similar situation as you and have debated whether or not to respond to this thread or start my own. I don't really have anything to add to this one and feel like if I were to start my own thread people would tell me the same things they're telling you, and to be honest I'm not sure if I'm ready to hear that. It's really hard to walk away even if we know it might be the best thing to do and I hope everything works out for you

[bernz84]

What I'm going to say is probably going to sound pretty mean, but anyway...

You've been having issues with this guy since March. Other posters--including myself--have offered you advice on how to deal with him. It is almost August. I don't understand why you are letting him run the show in your "relationship," nor do I understand why you continue to see this guy. I have been following your thread, but I didn't reply because it seemed like you didn't take what we said seriously last spring. It looks like you're not the same at the moment. You say you are trying and you are giving him ultimatums, but yet YOU are still complaining about him...and it's been 2 months! By now you could've taken up a new hobby or focus on what you'll do when you go to college this fall.

A lot of us get where you are coming from, and yes, it hurts when someone falls out of love with you. And a lot of us agree that this guy is a douche and treats you like garbage. Big surprise. Yet it is YOU that continues to stay and cling on to what was once there. This guy treats you like crap because you don't have any respect for yourself; he probably would if you completely cut off contact with him, but you don't.

You are only 21; you have your life ahead of you. I don't know you, but I'm sure you are a bright, attractive young woman. If you continue to determine your happiness on other people (especially MEN), you will always be disappointed. My ex is just like that, which is why he has difficulty in relationships and is an alcoholic...he depends on other people to make him happy because he's not happy with himself. Either take the advice written here seriously and leave the guy or just stop talking about him before everyone goes down your throat with advice you don't want to hear.

[simplygm819]

Originally Posted by miu2

Thank God someone else has said exactly what I feel. Nordia, please listen to what Ellie Mae has written. Sounds to me like you are so dependent on others that you drive them away. I seriously think that you need to get some therapy/counseling for your insecurities and dependency issues.

I totally agree too! Sweetie, have you decided to turn a blind eye on our previous posts telling you of our stories when we were in your exact, same position as you are now and how badly hurt we were when things got to a point where there is absolutely no hope? It is nothing we are proud of but we share with you because we don't want you to end up like us but the way things are sounding, it seems as though that's exactly where you are headed..complete heartbreak, unless you LET GO. This is not healthy AT ALL. You are young, as I mentioned, your life is just starting. Why are and must you waste it on a guy who obviously doesn't care about and respect you anymore? 2 years is not a short time, we understand, nor is a tremendously LONG time either..but whatever the case is, it's always hard coming out of a relationship, no matter how long, especially in the case when one of you wants out and one still wants in. In this situation, clearly, you are the one still hanging on. You are still letting him hurt you, time after time again. WHY?? Do you not see what he's doing? He's playing on your emotions, your self esteem, self worth, BREAKING YOU DOWN. Don't let him do this to you! When the guy I dated for 9 years and I broke up, it seemed like the end of the world. I did the same as you and clung on..and it got to a point where I had to realize that I was clinging on to him not because I still love him (which I did), but more out of the fact that I "depended" on him for so long that I felt lost thinking about the life ahead without him. And he took advantage of this, doing what your ex is doing to you now. Really, think about heeding our warnings. Think about what you will do when he finds the next girl..and really drops you for good. When he stops talking to and seeing you..how are you going to deal with that?

For the last time, live for yourself. It always feels like the world's coming to an end when someone you thought would always be around leaves, but you know what, endings bring new and better beginnings.

If you keep on doing this, you are only looking to be 10x more hurt later on than you are now. There is only so much everyone else can say. He's not the only one who's hurting you. YOU'RE the one who's hurting yourself by letting him.

Originally Posted by bernz84

Either take the advice written here seriously and leave the guy or just stop talking about him before everyone goes down your throat with advice you don't want to hear.

Agreed!

[redney]

Originally Posted by cafire

No one is arguing that he is NOT a jerk - that he is NOT mistreating you. We all believe that he IS a jerk who IS mistreating you. BUT - It IS your fault that you are CONTINUING TO LET HIM DO THIS TO YOU. No one can mistreat you WITHOUT YOUR CONSENT in being there. It is frustrating to hear the same complaints from you when you are so unwilling to walk away from this abuser. I have empathized with your situation - I have been in your situation. But nothing you are complaining about is NEW here - he is continuing to act the same way he always has. What else can we say to get you to realize you have to leave? As I said before, only you know how much you are willing to take. But it is starting to sound like a broken record and only YOU can help yourself by walking away.

OP, remember you cannot change someone else's behavior; the only thing you can change is your reaction to it.

Walk away from this guy once and for all.

[miu2]

Looks like OP went MIA.........

[ChaiLatte]

Originally Posted by nordia5

he's lied. he blamed ME for my insecurities, when i had every reason to think them. he lied to my face about the same things OVER and OVER until i found proof. It's not that i'm insecure. and if i am, it seems as though i have every right to be. i just miss the things we used to do and what he used to be like. if im clingy, i'm clinging on to something that's not there anymore. you guys are like telling me its my fault. basically what he's been telling me the whole time.

There are different types of insecurities and its okay to have them. It seems like you are in denial that you are insecure and afraid of being alone. Your brain is telling you that you love this person from the good memories that you had with him, and you want things to go back to the way there were. Can you honestly say that you still love him, or is it that you need him because he is the only person you have in your life you are comfortable with? Truly ask yourself why you are with him. Your situation is difficult because you said that him and his friends were the only people you hung out with. If need be, try and slowly and ween yourself off seeing and talking to him. Don't call him for 2 days, and keep increasing it. You may feel alone but stop thinking about the past, think about the future and how much better it would be if you werent in this unhealthy relationship. Who knows what opportunities you missed out on and who you could have met while you were still hanging on to him. This isnt about him anymore, it is about you.

Do you have any family members you can confide in? You need some kind of support. Its great that you are going to college. Many colleges have a counseling center so check that out if yours has one. You need to get yourself out of the bad environment and meet new people. Even though he hurt you really bad you can take what happened as a good thing. You now realize that he is a liar, doesnt love you, and never will. Use the way he has treated you as a motivation to focus on college, get good grades and make a better life for yourself. Its hard being positive but you have to try. Whats done is done so you can sit around all day and wallow in the past, or you can move on. Things come to you when you least expect it, so focus on something else in the meantime.

[gina2328]

I read your first post. xxx You are xxx and xxxe and definitely driving this guy crazy. It has gotten to the point now where he does not want to be with you. Leave him alone and find something to focus on, some interests and hobbies and something to do. Leave him alone. You need to fix yourself before you can have a healthy relationship with anyone.

xxxx

removed comments

[camilliepoo]

Nordia, I agree with what bernz84 said. I know that the advice on this thread has definitely become pretty harsh and i know that if i were you i would feel hurt, ashamed, embarassed, sad, angry, etc. I'm sorry if any of us made you feel that way, but we are really do sympathize with you and are concerned and worried about you. We don't want you to feel any worse about yourself than you already do. Please, please, please follow our advice. We care about you. We want you to be happy and strong and indepedent. Cut him out of your life now. We know this is easier said than done but it HAS to be done. Good luck! Keep us updated.

Originally Posted by bernz84

What I'm going to say is probably going to sound pretty mean, but anyway... You've been having issues with this guy since March. Other posters--including myself--have offered you advice on how to deal with him. It is almost August. I don't understand why you are letting him run the show in your "relationship," nor do I understand why you continue to see this guy. I have been following your thread, but I didn't reply because it seemed like you didn't take what we said seriously last spring. It looks like you're not the same at the moment. You say you are trying and you are giving him ultimatums, but yet YOU are still complaining about him...and it's been 2 months! By now you could've taken up a new hobby or focus on what you'll do when you go to college this fall. A lot of us get where you are coming from, and yes, it hurts when someone falls out of love with you. And a lot of us agree that this guy is a douche and treats you like garbage. Big surprise. Yet it is YOU that continues to stay and cling on to what was once there. This guy treats you like crap because you don't have any respect for yourself; he probably would if you completely cut off contact with him, but you don't. You are only 21; you have your life ahead of you. I don't know you, but I'm sure you are a bright, attractive young woman. If you continue to determine your happiness on other people (especially MEN), you will always be disappointed. My ex is just like that, which is why he has difficulty in relationships and is an alcoholic...he depends on other people to make him happy because he's not happy with himself. Either take the advice written here seriously and leave the guy or just stop talking about him before everyone goes down your throat with advice you don't want to hear.

[camilliepoo]

Miu2, I think your assessment could be correct or cocobelle's or both. However, let's just try to word things just a little more kindly? I know we are all frustrated that Nordia hasn't followed our advice, but please please let's not make her feel worse. I'm glad we are being firm but let's not use words that I'm sure her ex has used: "sick and tired" "clingy" etc.

Originally Posted by miu2

I'm sorry, but I have to disagree with your evaluation that her ex is narcissitic. Sounds to me like he is just sick and tired of someone who is so clingy and dependent upon him. Seems to me that she has a self-esteem problem and he is just afraid that she may do something drastic if he really cuts her loose. OP will never gain respect until she shows some respect for herself.

[Roo]

The OP has asked that this thread be closed.