Feels like the sky is falling on me.

[amymarie]

simplygm819: wow I read your whole story...and WOW...I went thru the EXACT same thing! Every single thing!!! He said the same thing bout the new girl being "just friends" and not official. It totally sucks that we didn't figure this out til it got too far and hurt so bad. I feel completely stupid and hate him. I wish I did not waste my time sitting there thinking it could get better while his relationship with the new girl was progressing!

To the OP: You have to cut him loose from your life for good or you'll never be happy trust me. If you feel like you don't have anyone to comfort you, then YOU need to find a way to make yourself happy. I don't have that many friends either, but I got thru this myself and found ways to make myself happy...alone...without the ex! Seriously, I've been in your shoes before, you can do it.

[jackie100]

Originally Posted by nordia5

Soo.. words can't really express how I feel at the moment. Not even necessarily having to do with the situation that this thread started about. I don't know if it's due to the fact that I'm getting my period soon, or whatever the case ... but I'm feeling extremely lonely and vulnerable. My only semblance of a social life outside of this boy .. was basically my only friend. Now this said friend turns 21 tomorrow. And I turn 21 in January. And she said to me that basically she's not going to be hanging out with me that much .. because she's going to be going to places where it's only 21 and older. Now, some people might say no big deal. But to me I felt like I was being abandoned and left alone all over again. I only just got my feet wet with going out and actually feeling like I had at least one friend. And me and 'my ex/workinprogress' still talk, so I texted him today about it because I was feeling down like I really had nobody all over again. He barely writes anything. Ok.. so later on in the day i'm like "you're acting funny today...barely talking to me unless i talk to you" .. he said 'because you keep talking to me about depressing shit" ... I was like .. ok, so when someone is down or depressed, you ignore them because you don't want to hear it? All I need is one good friend, that's all. One friend I don't have to feel like i'm hasseling or one friend that wouldnt just come out and say because I can't go where they go, they can't hang out with me. I feel like such an emotionally needy person, because I am. I have no one on my team that can just cheer me up, or go shopping with me, or have lunch with me. I tried, I tried to just get out there and start hanging out like I used to ... and I liked it. But it just frustrates me that the people my age are really only caring about themselves, drinking, and partying. Maybe i'm just too deep and needy for anyone. I've been by myself for so long, with someone who didn't really care about my feelings or emotions being the closest person to me. I honestly feel like the past 6 months or so have been possibly the worst time in my life thus far. Counseling is too much money, and I felt that the people that I talked to about my problems would tell me basically the same things a counselor would. I really really feel that I am a depressed person that puts up a front most of the time. It's like i'm good Monday through Wednesday, and come Thursday through Sunday, i'm lonely because the 'ex' is out with his friends. I'm making myself go crazy and I just sit and think bad scenarios and just want to cry about them. And then the ex tells me I'm "crazy" .. and I hate that more than ANYTHING. It's like how can you basically use what I talk to you about, against me? I'm not crazy, I just never felt like this and don't know how to handle it. I don't want people to think i'm crazy. You guys don't even have to write back, because I'm aware that theres nothing to say. I just wanted to type and let it out. Thanks.

Do you live anywhere near OC? If you do I would be your friend. I basically have no friends either but I'm a strong person and so I learned to do most things alone; shopping, eating, going to the movies, going to the beach etc. I also didn't want to let go of an abusive ex a few years ago (if you search my past topics you will see) because he was my only friend in the world. My self-esteem was so low that many people on TPF thought I was a troll and making it up. No one could believe that I would want to be with a guy who stole money from me, slapped me, etc. I have been alone for the past two years and I've been doing ok. It does get lonely but I am still alive and haven't died yet, I am still trucking on.

[nordia5]

Some things happened tonight. Found out some things. Basically, if I don't get an apology from him and the change that i'm looking for, then i'm through. it's just too much and no matter how wrong he is, i'm "always wrong" .. i dont even want to talk about some of the things that went down tonight, because it really doesn't matter. it just boils down to the fact that this guy only cares about himself. and not even in a good way either. because he has nothing and apparently wants nothing. he doesn't care about anyones feelings .. whatsoever. and it just boggles my mind how someone can treat a person the way he treats me and say the things that he says to me. like i personally would NEVER do or say some of the things that are said to me. i cried tonight, and i can't do it anymore. i'm a great person. it took me a VERY long time to realize this. i still have this little inkling of hope that he's apologize and he'll come around. but in all actuality ... i can't trust him at all. he even said to me "if you don't believe me, i'm not going to try to prove anything to you. i shouldn't have to prove anything to you because you should believe me" .. fast forward to the next day ... i find out that he blatantly and purposely lied to me about something that i had asked him about. it had me so mad you guys, i probably would have gotten into an accident if i hadnt sat for a minute. his excuse? "i lied because you'd get mad" ... ?!?!?! why are you doing something that i'd get mad over?!?! then he says "well you shouldnt be mad" .. then i said if it was the other way around, would it be okay? he goes silent.

he doesn't care about me or my feelings in this relationship, and it's blatantly clear. unless he can change for me, which i doubt he will.. i'm done with this. i'll be in college at least in about a month, so it can help me get my mind off him ... if he doesn't come around in that amount of time. (which is really what i hope for, but i know that's a far reach). i love him, but he doesnt love me.


i'm heartbroken. and i'll never EVER forgive him. no matter if we never talk again, or if he becomes the best person ever and we make it work and live happily ever after. i will never forgive him for this period in my life where i've felt so betrayed and unloved by this one person.

[Coco Belle]

Nordia, the guy you are dating is a narcissist. A narcissist is sort of like a mild psychopath. Sounds weird, but it's a well-documented personality disorder.

Here's more information on relationships with narcissists: Relationships with Abusive Narcissists

I disagree with some of what this guy says--he says that Ns choose "victimmy" people as partners. I don't think they do; it's their behaviour that brings out "victimhood" in their partners.

And here's an article about how to end a relationship with a narcissist.
How to End Relationship with a Narcissist

Please understand, you're in a lot of danger. The longer you stay, the longer it will take you to recover. These weird little incidents that you're obsessing about? He wants you to do that. He wants you not to see the wood for the trees. You're completely under his spell.

If you stay with him, you need to understand RIGHT NOW that any kids you have will suffer MORE HORRIBLY THAN YOU CAN EVER IMAGINE. They will end up on drugs, running away from home, messed up beyond repair. They will hate you for ever allowing them to be born. I know--my father is a narcissist.

He will isolate you from your family.

He will isolate you from friends, and the opportunities to make friends--except for those friends he wants to sleep with. He'll let you keep those.

He'll tell you you're crazy. One day, you'll start believing it, and then a little while after that you really *will* go crazy.

He will crush you completely, in ways that even now you can't imagine.

GET OUT. GET OUT NOW. RUN. HE'S DANGEROUS. WOMEN WHO STAY IN RELATIONSHIPS WITH NARCISSISTS END UP IN MENTAL HOSPITALS AND MORGUES. HE *WILL* DRIVE YOU INSANE EVENTUALLY.

I'm really sorry if this sounds harsh. I'm not trying to be harsh towards you, but it seems like there's no other way. My mother married my dad when she was 19, and 35 years later, she's a shadow of a person. You are in deep trouble and you must cease all contact with this guy immediately. If you can't do it yourself, get your parents to isolate you.

Also: you know him apologising to you for stuff? That's a lie. He only apologises to you to get you to quit hassling him. He's a good actor. Remember that.

He's got a sweet deal with you right now. Don't let it carry on.

[Ellie Mae]

I am going to really go out on a limb here, and may well get my face chewed off, but I cannot help but question that it may be time for some tough love...

Nordia5....
Darlin.. I have read every post you have written on this thread. And I keep reading the same thing... "I need, I need, I need, I need... poor me".

You are not a victim in this situation. You are a VOLUNTEER. This man has already told you that he cannot make you happy and YOU have to change. You are trying to depend on him for every emotional need in your life... and he has told you that he CANNOT and WILL NOT fulfill that. Period.
And yet, you go on, and on, and on. You have become dependant on this man for your daily existence. And quite honestly, he's running from you because you are drowning him in your misery. Your dependency is strangling him.
I am not trying to be mean to you Nordia5... but he's told you NO, he's told you that YOU have to make YOU happy, and he's told you that YOU have to change. And until you DO, he does not want to be with you. Yet, you keep on, and on, and on... doing the same things over and over again and expecting a different result. Not going to happen. He cannot make you happy. He cannot make you secure about yourself. He cannot give you self-esteem. YOU are going to have to do that FOR yourself.
I wonder about your now 21-year old friend telling you that she is now going to be "doing other things". Is it really that she's turned 21 so now she's going to spend all her time in the clubs.. where you cannot go? Or are you drowning her in your misery also and she simply cannot deal with it any more?
Your behavior is dependant, needy, clingy, self-suffering, nagging, self-pitying.
Nordia5, I think you are running people away with your dependency. You are expecting others to make your life happy. And they CAN'T. You need to stand on your own 2 feet and take care of your own life and stop expecting ANYONE ELSE to take care of you, to make you happy, etc.
YOU have put yourself in this situation that you are in AND brought your life to the point where it is now. And you are expecting other people to "fix it" for you. They can't. You need to stop being dependent upon others and ONLY be dependent on Nordia.
Do you understand what I mean??

[birkinbag]

Nordia, you need to let this guy go. Stop making excuses. You don't need a guy in your life to make you happy. You are still young and there are plenty of fish in the sea. Cut your losses and run now before you get even more hurt. I was in a relationship that made me so depressed and it took me years to get over it. But I'm better now and a stronger person and have learned so much from it. I know that I can be happy single and I don't need a man in my life to make me happy. I know never to put myself in that situation again and if I ever were in that situation, I know to leave and have. I don't want to see that happen to you. It's going to be tough after you leave but you'll be better off in the long run. Partners are supposed to complement each other, not one person gives while the other takes. You deserve better than him.

[miu2]

Originally Posted by Ellie Mae

I am going to really go out on a limb here, and may well get my face chewed off, but I cannot help but question that it may be time for some tough love... Nordia5.... Darlin.. I have read every post you have written on this thread. And I keep reading the same thing... "I need, I need, I need, I need... poor me". You are not a victim in this situation. You are a VOLUNTEER. This man has already told you that he cannot make you happy and YOU have to change. You are trying to depend on him for every emotional need in your life... and he has told you that he CANNOT and WILL NOT fulfill that. Period. And yet, you go on, and on, and on. You have become dependant on this man for your daily existence. And quite honestly, he's running from you because you are drowning him in your misery. Your dependency is strangling him. I am not trying to be mean to you Nordia5... but he's told you NO, he's told you that YOU have to make YOU happy, and he's told you that YOU have to change. And until you DO, he does not want to be with you. Yet, you keep on, and on, and on... doing the same things over and over again and expecting a different result. Not going to happen. He cannot make you happy. He cannot make you secure about yourself. He cannot give you self-esteem. YOU are going to have to do that FOR yourself. I wonder about your now 21-year old friend telling you that she is now going to be "doing other things". Is it really that she's turned 21 so now she's going to spend all her time in the clubs.. where you cannot go? Or are you drowning her in your misery also and she simply cannot deal with it any more? Your behavior is dependant, needy, clingy, self-suffering, nagging, self-pitying. Nordia5, I think you are running people away with your dependency. You are expecting others to make your life happy. And they CAN'T. You need to stand on your own 2 feet and take care of your own life and stop expecting ANYONE ELSE to take care of you, to make you happy, etc. YOU have put yourself in this situation that you are in AND brought your life to the point where it is now. And you are expecting other people to "fix it" for you. They can't. You need to stop being dependent upon others and ONLY be dependent on Nordia. Do you understand what I mean??

Thank God someone else has said exactly what I feel. Nordia, please listen to what Ellie Mae has written. Sounds to me like you are so dependent on others that you drive them away. I seriously think that you need to get some therapy/counseling for your insecurities and dependency issues.

[miu2]

Originally Posted by Coco Belle

Nordia, the guy you are dating is a narcissist. A narcissist is sort of like a mild psychopath. Sounds weird, but it's a well-documented personality disorder. Here's more information on relationships with narcissists: Relationships with Abusive Narcissists I disagree with some of what this guy says--he says that Ns choose "victimmy" people as partners. I don't think they do; it's their behaviour that brings out "victimhood" in their partners. And here's an article about how to end a relationship with a narcissist. How to End Relationship with a Narcissist Please understand, you're in a lot of danger. The longer you stay, the longer it will take you to recover. These weird little incidents that you're obsessing about? He wants you to do that. He wants you not to see the wood for the trees. You're completely under his spell. If you stay with him, you need to understand RIGHT NOW that any kids you have will suffer MORE HORRIBLY THAN YOU CAN EVER IMAGINE. They will end up on drugs, running away from home, messed up beyond repair. They will hate you for ever allowing them to be born. I know--my father is a narcissist. He will isolate you from your family. He will isolate you from friends, and the opportunities to make friends--except for those friends he wants to sleep with. He'll let you keep those. He'll tell you you're crazy. One day, you'll start believing it, and then a little while after that you really *will* go crazy. He will crush you completely, in ways that even now you can't imagine. GET OUT. GET OUT NOW. RUN. HE'S DANGEROUS. WOMEN WHO STAY IN RELATIONSHIPS WITH NARCISSISTS END UP IN MENTAL HOSPITALS AND MORGUES. HE *WILL* DRIVE YOU INSANE EVENTUALLY. I'm really sorry if this sounds harsh. I'm not trying to be harsh towards you, but it seems like there's no other way. My mother married my dad when she was 19, and 35 years later, she's a shadow of a person. You are in deep trouble and you must cease all contact with this guy immediately. If you can't do it yourself, get your parents to isolate you. Also: you know him apologising to you for stuff? That's a lie. He only apologises to you to get you to quit hassling him. He's a good actor. Remember that. He's got a sweet deal with you right now. Don't let it carry on.

I'm sorry, but I have to disagree with your evaluation that her ex is narcissitic. Sounds to me like he is just sick and tired of someone who is so clingy and dependent upon him. Seems to me that she has a self-esteem problem and he is just afraid that she may do something drastic if he really cuts her loose. OP will never gain respect until she shows some respect for herself.

[nordia5]

he's lied. he blamed ME for my insecurities, when i had every reason to think them. he lied to my face about the same things OVER and OVER until i found proof. It's not that i'm insecure. and if i am, it seems as though i have every right to be. i just miss the things we used to do and what he used to be like. if im clingy, i'm clinging on to something that's not there anymore. you guys are like telling me its my fault. basically what he's been telling me the whole time.

[mrsklem14]

nordiaaaaaaaaaa why are you not over this child yet???????? move your life forward, not backwards! He's history!

[Ellie Mae]

Originally Posted by nordia5

he's lied. he blamed ME for my insecurities, when i had every reason to think them. he lied to my face about the same things OVER and OVER until i found proof. It's not that i'm insecure. and if i am, it seems as though i have every right to be. i just miss the things we used to do and what he used to be like. if im clingy, i'm clinging on to something that's not there anymore. you guys are like telling me its my fault. basically what he's been telling me the whole time.

He told you why he lied to you... to stop you from being mad at him - so what was it that he did that he could not tell you that he had done?

And WHY do you think your insecurities are HIS fault?

And WHY does his behavior give you every right to feel insecure??

And WHY are you clinging to something that you know is not there?

Nordia.. you are making a CHOICE to "cling to something that is not there anymore". That is your choice. And if that is the choice you make, then, yes, your unhappiness right now is your own fault. You have CHOICES. YOU are in control of YOUR life.

[amymarie]

Originally Posted by nordia5

i love him, but he doesnt love me. i will never forgive him for this period in my life where i've felt so betrayed and unloved by this one person.

You won't forgive him then whats the point of staying. Move on and love YOURSELF. find someone who WILL love you!

[Ellie Mae]

Originally Posted by nordia5

he's lied. he blamed ME for my insecurities, when i had every reason to think them. he lied to my face about the same things OVER and OVER until i found proof. It's not that i'm insecure. and if i am, it seems as though i have every right to be. i just miss the things we used to do and what he used to be like. if im clingy, i'm clinging on to something that's not there anymore. you guys are like telling me its my fault. basically what he's been telling me the whole time.

Nordia.. never mind the questions I asked, as truthfully, the answers may be too personal and more than you want to tell here, my apologies, please disregard.

Bolded statements above... I am not picking on you, I am trying to help you see a different point of view. Per the statements above, YOU are still blaming HIM... for your unhappiness, for your insecurities. And this is what I was referring to earlier... you are DEPENDING upon him to make you feel secure, to make you happy, to fulfill your "needs". In your mind, he caused your insecurities, you have every right to feel like this, and he should fix it.

That is not a healthy relationship, hon, and honestly, most people will run from that type responsibility and that type dependancy. Because it's overwhelming and they know they cannot live up to it.
Can you see what I mean??

[miu2]

Originally Posted by Ellie Mae

Nordia.. never mind the questions I asked, as truthfully, the answers may be too personal and more than you want to tell here, my apologies, please disregard. Bolded statements above... I am not picking on you, I am trying to help you see a different point of view. Per the statements above, YOU are still blaming HIM... for your unhappiness, for your insecurities. And this is what I was referring to earlier... you are DEPENDING upon him to make you feel secure, to make you happy, to fulfill your "needs". In your mind, he caused your insecurities, you have every right to feel like this, and he should fix it. That is not a healthy relationship, hon, and honestly, most people will run from that type responsibility and that type dependancy. Because it's overwhelming and they know they cannot live up to it. Can you see what I mean??

Nordia, listen to what Ellie Mae is saying here. It makes total sense. You need to quit blaming others for your feelings of insecurity. Only you are responsible for your own happiness and in the long run, you can only depend upon yourself for happiness. By the way, how old are you?

[Coco Belle]

Originally Posted by Ellie Mae

I am going to really go out on a limb here, and may well get my face chewed off, but I cannot help but question that it may be time for some tough love... Nordia5.... Darlin.. I have read every post you have written on this thread. And I keep reading the same thing... "I need, I need, I need, I need... poor me". You are not a victim in this situation. You are a VOLUNTEER. This man has already told you that he cannot make you happy and YOU have to change. You are trying to depend on him for every emotional need in your life... and he has told you that he CANNOT and WILL NOT fulfill that. Period. And yet, you go on, and on, and on. You have become dependant on this man for your daily existence. And quite honestly, he's running from you because you are drowning him in your misery. Your dependency is strangling him. I am not trying to be mean to you Nordia5... but he's told you NO, he's told you that YOU have to make YOU happy, and he's told you that YOU have to change. And until you DO, he does not want to be with you. Yet, you keep on, and on, and on... doing the same things over and over again and expecting a different result. Not going to happen. He cannot make you happy. He cannot make you secure about yourself. He cannot give you self-esteem. YOU are going to have to do that FOR yourself. I wonder about your now 21-year old friend telling you that she is now going to be "doing other things". Is it really that she's turned 21 so now she's going to spend all her time in the clubs.. where you cannot go? Or are you drowning her in your misery also and she simply cannot deal with it any more? Your behavior is dependant, needy, clingy, self-suffering, nagging, self-pitying. Nordia5, I think you are running people away with your dependency. You are expecting others to make your life happy. And they CAN'T. You need to stand on your own 2 feet and take care of your own life and stop expecting ANYONE ELSE to take care of you, to make you happy, etc. YOU have put yourself in this situation that you are in AND brought your life to the point where it is now. And you are expecting other people to "fix it" for you. They can't. You need to stop being dependent upon others and ONLY be dependent on Nordia. Do you understand what I mean??

Nordia, I could definitely be wrong in saying your ex is a narcissist. Maybe he is just a normal guy, and you're the one with the biggest problem.

So, basically, what I'm saying is-- either I'm right, or Ellie Mae here is right. (Or, perhaps, we're both right, and y'all are just playing off each other).

No matter who's right, the answer is still the same. GET OUT. STOP CONTACTING HIM. STOP TAKING HIS CALLS. GET TO A THERAPIST.