Feels like the sky is falling on me.

[orange_angel]

It shouldn't matter at all what he does or don't do, you should know that no matter what you are a wonderful person that deserves to be loved. It's not because of you that he's changed and all that, it's something that has happened to him. That being said, it's still not strange that you miss him, but it's something that you will have to get over, even if it takes time.

[amymarie]

He is unhappy with the relationship, or fed up for some reason. He is stringing you along by acting like a couple but not really a couple. You need to be really careful with this because if you let him string you along, he might find someone new and then just drop you. and it's gonna HURT. I've been there, trust me. I know what it feels like to remember and think about all the nice things he used to say and how he treated you like a princess in the past....and then all of the sudden he doesn't want to TRY anymore. It sucks, but that is life, it happens.

I did what you did for FIVE months and it didn't get any better! I wish I could take back the time I wasted now. Don't waste your time on someone like this. Don't allow someone to treat you this way. Take a break and think about if the relationship can be fixed or not. Make him miss you or appreciate you, and if he still doesn't then, let it go and find someone else that will appreciate you.

[LilGlove]

My best friend is this by-the-book lawyer type who doesn't hold back. Whenever I get off track or she suspects I am acting without integrity she "lunches" me. This amounts to a usually 3 or 4 hour lecture lunch, done with love and the best of intentions. Typically being lunched by her does the trick.

Nordia, if we were in the same city, or heck, the same state, you would be SO lunched by her. You need to be lunched or dinnered by someone.

[shanam]

Originally Posted by nordia5

It's so sad to say, but I really think i'll never be at an official point where I don't want this anymore. I don't know why. I think it's because I'm so comfortable and scared and don't want to see the person that I worked soo hard to keep by myself and make happy for all this time end up with someone else. I honestly think i'm hopeless and a lost cause. Because I read all this advice and then when i'm with him, it all goes on the backburner and I follow my heart and not my mind. I know what I want in a man, and I know this isn't it.. but i've grown to love this person so much that I can't imagine him not in my life anymore.

Your life is a vicious circle that you recognize but for some reason you want to stay stuck in the misery. it might be easier, but it sure as hell is sonot worth what this is doing to your mind. you are so young and you keep putting yourself down over someone who years from now will be a distant memory. everyone here has given you the most sensible and honest advice. one day you will wake up and realize that you do not love this person because you deserve to be treated with love, kindness and respect. i wish you luck and hope that day is soon.

[couture2387]

Nordia, I know how you feel because I was you a couple of years ago. I was with a guy who acted like we were official for a couple of days and then disappear. This lasted for 4 years. Like you, I put up with it and gave him ultimatums ("either we're together or not", "you have to decide what you want", etc). Looking back I'm embarrassed because I'm not a weak person, I'm known for my strong personality, so I'm sure my friends thought I was going crazy. One day I just said "enough". I was going to plan my life around his. I no longer said yes when he asked to go out, instead I spent time with my friends and a couple of months later i met my bf who I've been with for almost 4 years. Is it hard at first? Absolutely. But it does get easier. Will there be times when you wonder what could have been? yes. But chances are that if he hasn't gotten back by now, he won't. You can't sit around waiting because he knows that he has you as his fallback. The fact that he blocked u from his FB speaks volumes. Stop answering his texts and calls and go have dinner with your friends. You said you get social anxiety so stick to places like restaurants, movies, shopping, concerts, etc where you can really focus on having a good time with your friends.

[Jahpson]

I can totally relate to the first post, you just reminded me why I hate my ex again. Sorry I can't help you, but just want you to know that I understand

[ver0nique]

Originally Posted by nordia5

I agree. I do think that's what I've done. Waiting for him to feel sorry and see that he's treating me wrong. When in all actuality he knows what he's doing is wrong. I totally agree and understand what you're saying. And I know that until I walk away, or until he changes(which he probably won't) .. theres really nothing else i can say to anybody.

I hope one day you will come around and realized you can actually let go of this relationship and you can be happy again. Hopefully by then you guys are NOT married with kids which makes the whole thing even more complicated. Take care.

[nordia5]

Sorry I havent commented, for some reason I didn't even notice this whole last page!

This whole thing that we've been going through just makes me realize how the number one thing I have to work on is not being so dependent on him, or anyone. I was always known for being independent and always being mature and always having what I want. Now it's like i'm just a little baby and I need him all the time. There are some things that I know are my fault in the relationship. He blocked me from his FB because I would question things, he doesn't like my "nagging" ... but I believe that grown people can make up and move on. I believe that if you love someone and in one breath (recently..like today) can talk about "when we have kids", "when we have an apartment" ... and then in the next breath say "i don't want you in my life".. and then in the next breath say "i didn't mean that, you just made me mad" ...
i feel like no matter how mad you get a person, you never say things that you don't mean. i understand how easy it is to blurt things out ... but now with my already instilled insecurities, i'm wondering "did he really mean that?" it's just a horrible, horrible cycle. I definitely need to work on regaining my power and happiness back. I can be such a fun and funny person when we're okay. But when we aren't on good terms, i'm succhh a miserable bitch. Honestly.

I want to thank you guys sooooooooo much for all the comments said thus far, really. Trust me, I KNOW that i'm so stubborn and naive about this situation and you guys are truly giving me great advice. And it's up to me to make the choice. I don't know what i'm waiting for. I don't know if i'm waiting to hurt this last time. I don't know what my tolerance is. But I know that whenever this stops, i'm going to be a better person because of it. I'm going to know what mistakes to not make. I'm going to know what to put up with. As of right now i'm not gonna lie .. i'm still twisted up in this. baby steps .. =/

[amymarie]

Originally Posted by nordia5

Sorry I havent commented, for some reason I didn't even notice this whole last page! This whole thing that we've been going through just makes me realize how the number one thing I have to work on is not being so dependent on him, or anyone. I was always known for being independent and always being mature and always having what I want. Now it's like i'm just a little baby and I need him all the time. There are some things that I know are my fault in the relationship. He blocked me from his FB because I would question things, he doesn't like my "nagging" ... but I believe that grown people can make up and move on. I believe that if you love someone and in one breath (recently..like today) can talk about "when we have kids", "when we have an apartment" ... and then in the next breath say "i don't want you in my life".. and then in the next breath say "i didn't mean that, you just made me mad" ... i feel like no matter how mad you get a person, you never say things that you don't mean. i understand how easy it is to blurt things out ... but now with my already instilled insecurities, i'm wondering "did he really mean that?" it's just a horrible, horrible cycle. I definitely need to work on regaining my power and happiness back. I can be such a fun and funny person when we're okay. But when we aren't on good terms, i'm succhh a miserable bitch. Honestly. I want to thank you guys sooooooooo much for all the comments said thus far, really. Trust me, I KNOW that i'm so stubborn and naive about this situation and you guys are truly giving me great advice. And it's up to me to make the choice. I don't know what i'm waiting for. I don't know if i'm waiting to hurt this last time. I don't know what my tolerance is. But I know that whenever this stops, i'm going to be a better person because of it. I'm going to know what mistakes to not make. I'm going to know what to put up with. As of right now i'm not gonna lie .. i'm still twisted up in this. baby steps .. =/

It's ok, I was stubborn about my situation that was similar to yours as well... but there will come a point where enough is enough for you. No matter what people try to tell you, sometimes we don't get it and just have to learn the hard way. Wish you the best.

[nordia5]

Soo.. words can't really express how I feel at the moment. Not even necessarily having to do with the situation that this thread started about.
I don't know if it's due to the fact that I'm getting my period soon, or whatever the case ... but I'm feeling extremely lonely and vulnerable. My only semblance of a social life outside of this boy .. was basically my only friend. Now this said friend turns 21 tomorrow. And I turn 21 in January. And she said to me that basically she's not going to be hanging out with me that much .. because she's going to be going to places where it's only 21 and older. Now, some people might say no big deal. But to me I felt like I was being abandoned and left alone all over again. I only just got my feet wet with going out and actually feeling like I had at least one friend. And me and 'my ex/workinprogress' still talk, so I texted him today about it because I was feeling down like I really had nobody all over again. He barely writes anything. Ok.. so later on in the day i'm like "you're acting funny today...barely talking to me unless i talk to you" .. he said 'because you keep talking to me about depressing shit" ... I was like .. ok, so when someone is down or depressed, you ignore them because you don't want to hear it?
All I need is one good friend, that's all. One friend I don't have to feel like i'm hasseling or one friend that wouldnt just come out and say because I can't go where they go, they can't hang out with me. I feel like such an emotionally needy person, because I am. I have no one on my team that can just cheer me up, or go shopping with me, or have lunch with me. I tried, I tried to just get out there and start hanging out like I used to ... and I liked it. But it just frustrates me that the people my age are really only caring about themselves, drinking, and partying. Maybe i'm just too deep and needy for anyone. I've been by myself for so long, with someone who didn't really care about my feelings or emotions being the closest person to me. I honestly feel like the past 6 months or so have been possibly the worst time in my life thus far. Counseling is too much money, and I felt that the people that I talked to about my problems would tell me basically the same things a counselor would. I really really feel that I am a depressed person that puts up a front most of the time. It's like i'm good Monday through Wednesday, and come Thursday through Sunday, i'm lonely because the 'ex' is out with his friends. I'm making myself go crazy and I just sit and think bad scenarios and just want to cry about them. And then the ex tells me I'm "crazy" .. and I hate that more than ANYTHING. It's like how can you basically use what I talk to you about, against me? I'm not crazy, I just never felt like this and don't know how to handle it. I don't want people to think i'm crazy.

You guys don't even have to write back, because I'm aware that theres nothing to say. I just wanted to type and let it out. Thanks.

[nordia5]

^.. i just realized that was my 1,000th post. =[
of course, it was about something depressing.

[camilliepoo]

Nordia, my heart goes out to you. I hope things improve soon because you deserve much better.

[simplygm819]

Originally Posted by amymarie

He is unhappy with the relationship, or fed up for some reason. He is stringing you along by acting like a couple but not really a couple. You need to be really careful with this because if you let him string you along, he might find someone new and then just drop you. and it's gonna HURT. I've been there, trust me. I know what it feels like to remember and think about all the nice things he used to say and how he treated you like a princess in the past....and then all of the sudden he doesn't want to TRY anymore. It sucks, but that is life, it happens. I did what you did for FIVE months and it didn't get any better! I wish I could take back the time I wasted now. Don't waste your time on someone like this. Don't allow someone to treat you this way. Take a break and think about if the relationship can be fixed or not. Make him miss you or appreciate you, and if he still doesn't then, let it go and find someone else that will appreciate you.

Honey, I'm literally tearing as I read this because I went through the exact same thing with a guy I dated for 9 years and amymarie, what you said, really hit home. I let him string me along for 2 years. That's TWO YEARS of my life I will never get back. And trust me in the end, which is still very recent in my mind, it hurt..like a big B*TCH. It was exactly like you said, him texting all these nice things, wanting to know what I was up to, asking to hang out. It was as if nothing changed, everything was the "same" just without the title..but yet I knew everything had changed. It was unhealthy, the way the relationship was turning into. I knew what we were doing was wrong and especially what he was doing but yet I let him do it anyways and I followed along. It was almost as if I put down all my self worth and I did have alot of options, so many that I can basically drive myself crazy trying to pick one, but I had to stick with HIM. No matter how much I tried to get away and do my own things, meet new people, etc..I always found myself running back to him, time after time. To make a long story short because it does still very much hurt thinking about it..this went on for 2 years. I was driven by his empty sweet talk and need to still go out and do things together, even though by that time god knows how many other girls he was doing the same with. None of his friends were even aware of my little existence in his life after we broke up 2 years ago and he denied that we even spoke/hung out at all even though we did..too often for our own good. He had basically moved on, to a point where I was just being dragged along..and I allowed this, willingly and shamefully. He would ask all his other female friends to accompany him when he goes to hang out with friends, celebrate his birthday, etc but yet he claims that he cannot ask me because it would be "awkward" especially since they'll ask questions, whereas he expects me to invite him along when I hang out with my friends. As if THAT wouldn't be awkward? It's awkward because he made it so. It was like soon as we broke up, he broadcast to the entire world, whereas I only told a few close friends and even so, I let them know that we still spoke. It angers me to think about things like this, the way in which he handled this situation, the way he treated me, but yet again, I allowed it. I willingly let myself be strung along.

It doesn't really hit you that hard especially when he's still in your life (textng, talking, etc) because you feel like he's still there and you feel as long as he's there, there is still hope. That's exactly how I felt..before I found out he's been seeing some girl and as much as he claims they're only friends and not "official" I knew he was just bullsh*ting me. "friends" don't go roadtripping alone and hold hands and do everything together. And if it wasn't "official" then it won't be long before it was. He hinted that we shouldn't see and talk to each other anymore which was expected because obviously him and the other girl has gotten to a point where he felt like he was ready to move on and focus on her, give her a fair shot..and that I ws holding him back. And yet even at this point he was still feeding me bs, saying that I was the most important girl in his life and will always remain that way. After so long I was just so sick and tired of hearing his sugarcoated bull..I didn't care anymore..and yet I did. It hurt, because I know it wasn't true. I WAS the most important girl in his life, now the other girl is making her way as his main priority and I was just standing in the shadows all this time. I felt like such a f*cking fool for even putting myself in that position for so long. It wasn't as if I didn't have options. I did, I met alot of great guys who truly cared and wanted to see/make me happy, but yet I was always thinking about HIM..no matter how much I knew it was long over..and we could've just stayed "friends" if we left it at that. But because we kept on dragging ourselves along for so long, the relationship has been damaged beyond repair and I hated him. I truly felt hatred towards him. Think about it..what will happen when he meets the next girl? He will drop you..he CAN or MIGHT tell you that he'll always be there for you..but think about it! Will he really?? Esp. when the relationship with the new girl deepens? You will only be bringing so much hurt and pain to yourself in the long run. Cut him loose. It'll be hard but there ARE awesome guys out there..maybe even in front of you, but you just don't see him because you're blinded by "love" for your ex. Be strong..please don't waste any more time on him and a relationship that will never be again. There is much, much more to life. Only when you let go can you truly find yourself and happiness again.

[simplygm819]

Originally Posted by nordia5

Sorry I havent commented, for some reason I didn't even notice this whole last page! This whole thing that we've been going through just makes me realize how the number one thing I have to work on is not being so dependent on him, or anyone. I was always known for being independent and always being mature and always having what I want. Now it's like i'm just a little baby and I need him all the time. There are some things that I know are my fault in the relationship. He blocked me from his FB because I would question things, he doesn't like my "nagging" ... but I believe that grown people can make up and move on. I believe that if you love someone and in one breath (recently..like today) can talk about "when we have kids", "when we have an apartment" ... and then in the next breath say "i don't want you in my life".. and then in the next breath say "i didn't mean that, you just made me mad" ... i feel like no matter how mad you get a person, you never say things that you don't mean. i understand how easy it is to blurt things out ... but now with my already instilled insecurities, i'm wondering "did he really mean that?" it's just a horrible, horrible cycle. I definitely need to work on regaining my power and happiness back. I can be such a fun and funny person when we're okay. But when we aren't on good terms, i'm succhh a miserable bitch. Honestly. I want to thank you guys sooooooooo much for all the comments said thus far, really. Trust me, I KNOW that i'm so stubborn and naive about this situation and you guys are truly giving me great advice. And it's up to me to make the choice. I don't know what i'm waiting for. I don't know if i'm waiting to hurt this last time. I don't know what my tolerance is. But I know that whenever this stops, i'm going to be a better person because of it. I'm going to know what mistakes to not make. I'm going to know what to put up with. As of right now i'm not gonna lie .. i'm still twisted up in this. baby steps .. =/

Sweetie, I know where you're coming from. I've been in YOUR shoes myself..the EXACT same position. All the things you mentioned. You're not stubborn nor naive..you're just temporarily lost and clouded in your judgment. You're 21, why..your life is just BEGINNING! You will meet better guys..ones more deserving of you and just dying to put you as their number one priority. Don't make excuses for the way he's treating you by saying that he's only that way because of whatever you said or did. It's NOT!! He's intentionally or unintentionally (whatever the case is) knowing your weakness, that you're always around, and using it against you. Don't let him do this to you. Pick yourself up, let him know that you refuse to let him waste your time anymore. Really, you deserve that much more! I know everyone else is telling you to move on, and I know it's easier said than done..and I know deep in your heart you are still using whatever "bond" you still have with him as a means of making it easier for you to get through the days, knowing he's still "there" more or less. But you know what..everyone is RIGHT! You have to move on..and not slowly, no baby steps. BACK AWAY, stop texting him, talking to him..fight the urge. You probably think it's easy for me to say because I'm not the one going through this but I AM. As mentioned in my previous post, I have gone through it and is still going through it. The longer you let this drag on, the more it will hurt. You think it hurts now, IT WILL HURT 10x more in the long run. I KNOW. Please keep us updated. We do hope that you will be strong and please, live for yourself, not HIM but yourself.

[simplygm819]

Originally Posted by amymarie

It's ok, I was stubborn about my situation that was similar to yours as well... but there will come a point where enough is enough for you. No matter what people try to tell you, sometimes we don't get it and just have to learn the hard way. Wish you the best.

Very true..I learned the hard way and there's no taking back the time, energy, youth and tears I wasted dwelling on something with no happily ever after, but in time you will learn to slowly let it go. I did and I found myself the absolute, most awesome guy alive and can't be happier now. Wish you the very best!